A/N sorry this is such a mess as in a weird mash up of angsts then weirdly not angst at the end but nonetheless i hope you guys like this and that it’ll be something to distract from the craziness that’s been happening. It’s not fully edited which is why it flows kinda weird but oh wellllll :) wanted to get this out so I can try writing other stuff 

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Chanwoo can’t sleep. There’s a weird feeling that seems as if there’s a hand gripping, squeezing his insides. Twisting and turning left and right he groans in frustration, unable to find a comfortable spot to sleep in. He sits up suddenly, blinking his eyes to get used to the darkness. 

The weird pain in his chest still hasn’t left. It’s strange because he knows that he isn’t sick; he doesn’t have a sore throat, or a cold or a headache, but in a similar way he feels drained. Tired in a way that only be compared to fatigue, a bone aching weariness that empties his soul. It might be something to do with the reason of why he’s awake too early in the morning, the reason why his limbs feel so heavy and his heart’s pounding too quick.

He debates on whether to wake up someone else, Yunhyeong or Bi, just to check with someone, to get answers on why he feels so empty. He knows the gnawing feeling won’t go away by itself, won’t leave him in peace. Instead it’ll plague him until he’s woken in the morning and drained until he’s just left as a shell. Suddenly the itch to find a member; not even to talk to, but to just see, to know he isn’t alone flares up. He wants company.

But Bi has been so stressed with composing and the upcoming comeback that he can’t bear adding more burden to the weight on the leader’s shoulders. Despite Bi always encouraging Chanwoo and the others to confide in him their problems, Chanwoo wants to help him too by sorting things out himself. The leader’s role may be to take care of the members but for Chanwoo, part of his job as a member is to make the leader’s job as easy as it can be. 

On the other hand Yunhyeong is one of his closest members and already is a confidante to many of Chanwoo’s secrets. But Chanwoo can see Yunhyeong’s smile weaken whenever Chanwoo confides to him some of his deepest thoughts, his fears, his worries... He understands. In a way listening to the outpouring of other people’s deepest feelings can make you see them in a different light, their perception of you changes. Suddenly they have to be cautious and handle the raw emotions that’s spoken delicately, fragile as if a violin string. His voice will be tremulous, the words flittering around, but the thought and emotions being them powerful and heartfelt. So although Yunhyeong has provided an ear and shoulder to lean on, the after effects are unmistakeable. The burden of caring for another is palpable and Chanwoo doesn’t feel like doing that to his hyung right now no matter how much he needs it.

For a second he considers whether to forget about the whole issue, just return back to bed and try to go back to sleep and pretend that everything is alright. If he believes it enough it’ll come true right? But the niggling feeling is still there as thoughts collide in his head and he knows that pushing away the issue doesn’t mean it’ll disappear. It’ll teeter on the the edge of his mind, lurking there only to come back and haunt him when he’s feeling at his lowest.

He decides to visit the others on the level below. 

It’s a rash decision, not thought out properly, but in this moment what he needs is action, something to keep him busy and away from the incessant buzzing in his head. As he takes the elevator, walks through the silent halls and enters into the lower level unit he already knows that he will probably decide not to wake anyone up. Because he doesn’t want to be annoying. Because he doesn’t want to feel the questioning gazes that he has no answer to. And perphaps most of all he doesn’t want to learn that’s there nothing to be done, doesn’t want to hear that it’s all him, the strange feelings, that the dark thoughts are something he can’t get away from. Because he needs to get away from them, and if he can’t do it mentally, he’ll do it physically as best as he can. So he roams around mindlessly trying to clear his mind in hopes of finding peace.

Perhaps unsurprisingly when he becomes aware of his surroundings he finds himself outside a very familiar door, the door to Jinhwan’s room. The elder has always been a comforting presence, and despite his short stature he gave him stability like a hand on the shoulder providing him strength while guiding him through troubles.

Quietly, he opens the door and peeks inside. It’s dark but he can see the other is still asleep, quite normal considering it’s hours before the sun will rise. Despite his previous thoughts about not waking up anyone he finds that’s it hard to stick to his resolve when someone is so close. All it would take would be a few gentle shakes, or to call out his hyung’s name for the pressing darkness and silence to be filled with another presence. But upon looking at Jinhwan’s serene face he feels the bubble of guilt rise up again, if he disturbed his peaceful slumber he would just be a nuisance. It’s crazy, Chanwoo must be crazy himself because he’s been jumping between the itching need to have company and the suffocating isolation he puts himself though.

And it’s tearing him apart. Because he does want Jinhwan to help him. But all for what? His selfish need to feel comforted? At moments like these when they were all so busy each opportunity to rest was very important. 

And despite his mind knowing that logically, he doesn’t want to leave the room. Doesn’t want to go back to his own, eerily quiet and lonely. Jinhwan might not be awake but just having him near is comforting to Chanwoo in a way he can’t put into words. 

The strings of his heart tug him so strong that it’s only later that his mind can comprehend his actions. What can he do though? He’s always been someone governed by his base emotions. Which is why he’s already shut the door behind him and standing resolutely in the room despite his previous thoughts. He contemplates on whether he can slip into the other’s bed. After all the elder had a double bed meaning it was large enough, especially considering his (tiny) hyung only occupied a small section of it. Better not though. He needs to put his hyung’s feelings first and something tells him his hyung won’t be pleased to wake up and find an intruder next to him.

 He then eyes the chair. Although it’s not particularly big, certainly not enough for someone as lanky as Chanwoo, he’ll make do, bend himself to fit if he has to because sometimes that’s the only way you can get through life, change yourself to fit everything else. 

So he walks over and sits himself down, throwing his legs over an armrest and sliding down slightly so he can rest his head on the top of the chair. It’s not the most comfortable position but it’s surprising because he feels better here, squished in a chair of his eldest’s hyung’s room rather than his own. 

It doesn’t take long for the sound of Jinhwan’s breathing to lull him to sleep.

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Jinhwan stretches and shuts the blaring alarm off his phone, rolling around a few times before finally bringing himself to sit up. The light is shining through his red curtains giving everything a reddish tint and he basks in the atmosphere, relishing in the new day.

He glances over his room getting his bearings and double takes, this time eyes raking over slower noticing a figure nestled in his chair. His immediate reaction in to throw something and scream, however after a few seconds his sleep addled brain begins to function as he realises the mop of brown hair belongs to not a saesang or stranger but instead his maknae. He lowers the lamp that he had immediately reached for and slowly plugs it back into the socket. 

Despite his acute observation of the unknown person it takes him another few seconds to process the weird scene in front of him. He’s beyond confused. Why in the heck has Chanwoo currently folded himself like an origami in his chair? He walks towards the younger, brow furrowed as he scrutinises the younger who is still peacefully asleep.

“Chanwoo,” he calls out softly as he gently rocks Chanwoo’s shoulder. Chanwoo in response blinks blearily as he awakens and struggles to take in his surroundings, confusion plastered on his face until it all hits him and he’s smiling sheepishly at Jinhwan.

“Morning hyung,” he greets chirpily, and Jinhwan stares dumbly at the maknae who’s acting like creeping into other member’s rooms and camping there is a perfectly normal occurance. 

Still Chanwoo isn’t offering up any information and he needs to make sure that he’s okay so he decides a more direct approach to find out what’s wrong. “Not that this isn’t a pleasant surprise but... what are you doing here?” Jinhwan prods because something is definitely up with the younger, it’s even more obvious as Chanwoo’s eyes flicker away from him and his face turns downcast. 

Chanwoo wrenches his hands and his voice is soft, “Sorry for intruding-“ “No, no,” Jinhwan quickly intercepts, “there’s nothing you need to apologise for I just need to know, are you okay?” In response Chanwoo opens and closes his mouth as if trying to form an answer but unable to find the words to speak them with. He settles for a weird half shrug. Jinhwan can tell that there’s something deeper, an issue permeating under hidden layers that the younger has locked away to others, fortressed by self imposed high walls of fear and uncertainties. But Jinhwan also knows that this is something sensitive and raw, something that should be unstiched only at the right time. It would be no use to rip the bandaid off before the wound had stopped bleeding. So he lets the issue go. Because the reality is that what Jinhwan wants is knowledge but what Chanwoo needs is understanding. An that understanding must come at it’s own time. The best he could do now was to just support him.

“Come on then, you must be uncomfortable,” Jinhwan’s voice and arm is gentle as he tugs Chanwoo out of the chair guiding him to his bed. Chanwoo immediately stretches himself out on the bed before bunching the blankets around him to form a cocoon. His sigh of pleasure is audible as he transfers to the soft fluffy bed and relishes in the relief to his aching back.

Jinhwan turns to survey Chanwoo for a few moments who seems perfectly content resting before moving towards his closet and throwing his sweatshirt on. It’s still quite early considering how late some of the others wake up but Jinhwan’s a busy man, has to prepare breakfast and make sure everything’s alright. He’s already formulating a plan in his head for today’s schedule when Chanwoo making a soft noise breaks his concentration. Turning towards the younger he sees Chanwoo lift the blanket up and pat at the space beside him, an invitation for Jinhwan to join, but the latter merely shakes his head, “we need to get up soon, I need to get some stuff ready.”

As his eyes rake over Chanwoo Jinhwan notices the dark rings under his eyes and the fact that despite the younger has just awoken he’s still yawning. “Rest for a little bit, I’ll wake the others up first, I’ll accept you’re offer another time.” Chanwoo merely hums in acceptance while bringing the covers up higher and promptly falling asleep again.

When he exits his room he’s surprised  to see all the other members of his level are already awake, surprising because it’s a few hours before he can even start dragging them out of bed without being threatened or kicked. Even more shocking is the fact that Bi and Yunhyeong are there arms waving around frantically with yelps and the occasional squawks. 

“Jinhwan! I’m glad you’re here! You won’t believe what happened,” Yunhyeong screeches at a pitch that seemed as if he was trying to communicate with dolphins, either that he’s auditioning to steal Jinhwans position in singing the high notes.

“Calm down, What’s the problem?” He questions trying to both placate the members an get an inkling of what exactly has those two acting like headless chickens. 

“Our maknae’s run away,” Bi wails as he clings onto Jinhwan’s arm. Jinhwan stares judgmentally at the melodramatic leader and sweeps around the room to take in the similar wailing yunhyeong, blasé jJunhoe, worried donghyuk and still sleepy Bobby. 

Jinhwan meanwhile is confused because he knows where the maknae is; currently sleeping, in his room.

“Uh what?” 

“Yunhyeong was going to wake him up but he wasn’t in his room and he’s not in the bathroom and the others haven’t seen him at all-“ Hanbin’s jumbled speech trails off, “Wait, have you seen him?” 

 “Well yea, he’s in there,” Jinhwan points to his room. The tense atmosphere dissipates.

“Oh.”

“What why was he with you? How’d you even get him up? Were you bribing him?” Yunhyeong questions suspiciously, arms crossed with something resembling almost a pout.

“No, isn’t it obvious I’m just his favourite hyung,” Jinhwan says with grin which starts another scream fest.

“What? No I am,” Bi states confidently. 

“Please you scold him all the time it’s obviously me the twin as the favourite,” Yunhyeong butts in.

“Hey it’s gotta be me, we’re the maknae line,” Junhoe starts before he’s interrupted by Donghyuk, “please, you guys are the new awkward couple, I’ve been the nicest to him,”

“But did he get any of you a computer?” Bobby pipes up and the others gape that even Bobby is contending for spot as favourite hyung.

“Well I’ll have you know-“

“We had dinner with each other every day for-“

“I roomed with him for-“

“It’s none of you!!!” The room becomes silent as the said subject of their argument had entered the room. “None of you are my favourite! My favourite hyung is the one that would let me sleep but since you’re all noise polluting none of you fit the criterion, so no need to worry about that. I hate you all equally right now.” Chanwoo stares at all the members, “I’m gonna go and get ready now then. Bye, and thanks Jinhwan from letting me use your bed,” he says before leaving to his own room

“See it’s obviously me who’s the favourite.”

“Shut up, he says he hates us all equally.”

“At least it’s equal?”