Life isn’t anything much; it’s colorless and bleak.

Day after day she does the same thing, the same sorts of things she did before; she collects money, watches over the bickering gangsters, intimidates people into submission. Now, that gangster lifestyle seemed to be all that she had. Even going to work at the bar felt tainted and cold.

It’s been a while now, at least a month, maybe two, maybe three. Everything has just blended in together into some monotonous black. She doesn’t keep track of time anymore; it just doesn’t matter. She’s not counting the days she has left, but only because she really doesn’t care.

Perhaps she was being overdramatic. At first, she tried to tell herself such. But then she realized just how serious this was, just how deeply this all had cut.

She had been abandoned again.

“It’s my fault again, isn’t it?” She whispers to the sky.

She thinks about her family, now gone, and can only blame herself for allowing herself to lose Minjoo too.

She kept a picture of her family in the drawer of the nightstand beside her bed. Very frequently she opened the drawer and took a quick peak; it was all she could stand before the emotions became too much. But with Minjoo, all these memories were so fresh, so recently burned into her mind. She couldn’t bring herself to delete the pictures with Minjoo either, so she started the same sort of ritual with those pictures as well.

Looking back, Minjoo liked to take pictures on Chaewon’s phone. She said that she wanted to make sure Chaewon had some on hers too.

She was really precious, huh?

She could barely stand looking at them; it hurt too much.

Minjoo…

Throughout these past weeks, she had seen Minjoo around. She wishes she never did, but evidently the universe hated her and wanted her to see her happy and smiling.

Honestly, it did make her happy; she couldn't deny the fact that Minjoo’s happiness was her happiness as well.

But dang, it really did hurt.

Many times, she’s seen her together with Yujin. They laugh and smile at each other, pushing one another playfully as they walk to some restaurant or cafe or whatever else. Each time she sees them, it’s like a stab to her heart reminding her of how much she didn’t belong with Minjoo. Yujin could provide her with safety and comfort, things she doubts she could ever offer.

It was sad, she knew. She was alone on the swings where she had previously spent time with Minjoo many, many times. What used to be filled with quiet conversation and their feet scuffing against the mulch now only consisted of her breathing and the little squeak of the swing.

“I’m a mess,” she chuckles bitterly. She’s well aware of the tear that slides down her cheek. Chaewon hadn’t cried as much since the initial burst, but being here, this spot… it tore at her.

Thinking back, Minjoo intrigued her from the very beginning. The fire in her eyes as she went to protect her father the first time they had met, the piercing scream and accusations when she woke up in an apartment that wasn’t hers, the willingness to spend time with Chaewon so freely--every moment, even those they spent apart, sparked something inside of her. She never wanted to admit it, but it was definitely something hard to deny. Afterall, she had gotten awfully comfortable with her those last few weeks.

She started it Chaewon smiles sadly.

She hated herself; she hated herself. Everything she’s done, everyone she’s hurt--god, she was just awful. She wishes she could give Minjoo so much more, but she just can’t. She’s tainted, evil, terrible, dangerous.

Although, she admits that she hasn’t been doing as good of a job lately. No one has said anything, but she suspects her father will raise the issue of her recent performance. She’s been slacking off, missing deadlines, refusing to do certain things. When she actually does what she’s supposed to, she’s barely there, not really caring about what’s going on around her.

So yes, she’s been going back to that solely gangster lifestyle, but she hasn’t been doing a very good job of it.

Did she care?

No, no she did not.

But her father did.

No matter. She only had one other thing on her mind these days.

Glancing at her watch, she silently thinks to herself.

Ten more minutes.

She smiles sadly.

This was her final gift.

And she was determined to see it through until the end, no matter the cost.

~~~

“Here,” she says as soon as she enters the room, throwing a file onto the desk in front of the woman sitting there.

“Anything special?” The woman asks as she places a hand over the folder.

Chaewon shrugs and turns back around to head out the door.

“You tell me, Eunbi.”

The woman smiles.

“Roger that.”

~~~

“Boss wants you in his office as soon as you get back.”

Chaewon groans and massages her forehead. She was tired of seeing her father. Before, it already shortened her lifespan whenever she had to speak to him, but after this whole mess, she was a billion times more irritated.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“No problem. Good luck,” the girl smiles.

If there was anyone she could potentially get along with, it was this girl. She was the daughter of some other gang member, someone fairly high up, but she wasn’t subject to as crazy of a father as her own (although still pretty bad). Even so, the two could relate on having been forced into this lifestyle that didn’t fit them at all.

“I’m getting grey hair now because of this. I need to find a new job,” Chaewon jokes dryly.

Chaewon appreciates the sound of the girl’s laugh. It was almost contagious even in her state of numbness.

“Oh please, how can it get any better than this?”

“Good point,” Chaewon concedes sarcastically with a wave of her hand.

“By the way, it seems that this meeting is pretty important. I heard some of the other guys whispering about it, and my dad did mention that these were serious matters that needed to be dealt with.”

Chaewon raises an eyebrow at her.

What could it be?

She doesn’t waste any time dwelling on it though.

She just really doesn’t care anymore.

~~~

“What?” She asks with boredom laced in her tone as she shoves open the door without warning.

“You’re late.”

“Why did you call me here?” She asks while sitting lazily in the chair across from her father, pointedly ignoring his (correct) statement.

“You’re out of line, Chaewon,” he says quietly, staring straight at her with no emotion whatsoever.

“Okay?” She says slowly, still looking very bored.

“Stop being such a brat!” He finally snaps, slamming his fist onto the table. Chaewon doesn’t flinch one bit.

“This is your fault,” she reminds him while looking at her fingernails.

“If you hadn’t made me do that, this wouldn’t have happened. You thought I was weak? You thought I couldn’t do my job properly, fulfill my role as the heir to this ing gang? Clearly you didn’t think things through, because here we are.”

She was convinced he was the biggest imbecile alive. This was all his fault, his doing.

“What?” She asks warily, looking at her father standing by the window.

“I have a choice for you to make.”

“You can continue to play these silly games, but I must warn you of the very likely possibility of her getting hurt. You’ve seen my men around, haven’t you? Watching her every move, lurking in every shadow.”

She grits her teeth harshly.

“However, you have the ability to protect her.”

Chaewon knew this would come sooner or later. There was no way her father would ever let any of this slide, ever let her have any happiness in her life. Not if it made her “weak”.

She wishes she knew beforehand when she would last spend time with Minjoo. She had no way to say goodbye now. Her father hadn’t said anything yet, but she knew this was it.

“What is it?”

“You’ve met her father, correct?”

Her heart drops.

“I already know what choice you’ll make, so everything is already in place.”

He checks his watch.

“They’ve already done the work for you. She’ll be home soon, so you better hurry. You only get one shot to save her, Chaewon.”

“Make sure she knows that you did it, because really, you did. You did this to her--you know that, right?”

She wishes that weren’t the truth.

“Remember, dearest daughter of mine? This is your fault.”

“Why did you call me here?” She asks again, glaring at her father with clenched fists.

“We have a reputation to uphold. You understand that, right?”

Suddenly, she feels herself being roughly pulled off of the chair by her arms. The grip on her arms doesn’t loosen one bit.

She’s trapped.

“What’s going on?” She asks with alarm seeping into her voice as she struggles.

“You’re supposed to lead this gang soon, Chaewon, and I need to make sure you’re up for it. I need to make sure you won’t be a disappointment---just as you’ve been recently,” he adds the last part with a shake of his head.

“Take her to the basement. That room. And you know which of our guys I want in charge.”

The guy on her left chuckles a little bit.

“Him? You got it, boss.”

“Wait--” she begs as she keeps trying to pull her arms away. She furiously shakes her head as she aggressively attempts to push her captors away to no avail.

Her father waves his hand towards them and gets up to stand in front of the window.

“Get her out of my sight.”