One

Black hair, brown eyes, his glare. I know that it’s you. Wind blows, crack voice. I remember you and I’ll always do. Every day, every minute you’re running on my mind. Can you tell me how can I end this? Because I’m finding it interesting and I don’t even want to end it.

I’m brushing my hair; time check it’s already 6:00 in the morning. I open up my window at my room, and the beauty of sunrise surprised me. Splendid sunrise, do you ever feel like you can look at it for hours by listening some music that you can relate with? I take a deep breath and smile. It’s a new day again and I would love to begin this day while appreciating how gorgeous the sunrise is. I go down stairs and my mother is cooking our meal. She looks beautiful wearing her apron and her messy tie hair. “hey mom” I wrap my arms around her and that’s how I greet her every single morning. And then suddenly my little sister joined us for being clingy and sweet in a Monday morning. “ugh, I hate dramatic queens” Ali teased us. She’s my little sister, I grabbed some bread and I already leave our house. I’m walking in the street, I love to do this kind of stuff even for other’s it’s too minimal and nothing to love about. But for me, these little thing makes my heart so happy and excited at the same time. I don’t know but for me this is normal. Our University is half way near and I’m too early for the class. My turn of being junior college is about to end and summer is about to come, I remember when I was in freshmen and I’m so worried what might happen to me in college but now, I’m doing good. Time really flies so fast and I didn’t notice that I only have 1 week being a junior and I have 2 years left in college and after that I’ll be officially not a student anymore. “Hey Renée” I look back, and I saw Steph. My best friend. We’ve been friends when we we’re on 6^th grade. We’ve became best friends because as I remember, I punched a boy who named Marco Ortega because Steph was a coward to fight that bully and after that he treasured me as his super hero. Honestly, we never had a dull moment after that incident we decided that the two of us should be best friends forever. We could talk for hours or even a whole day without pausing every single minute. I guess that’s a best friend thing. I sat beside him, and as usual he’s looking at me from head to toe and his eyes would like to say that hey I’m judging you right now. ‘What’s now with the look?” I ask him and I push my one’s bottom lip as an expression of petulant annoyance and rolled my eyes. Steph and I are loyal to each other. His secrets are my secret and my secret is his. He’s my only best friend. But sometimes, I’m having thoughts like I felt somethings missing inside of me. I’ve never been close to someone before, I mean like Steph but yeah I do have close friends but not every time because I know those close friends has already circle of friends. Actually, I’m good at conversations my friends love to talk to me, they said that I’m a good talker and also a listener. I’m flattered. Steph is the only one who keeps on telling me that everybody is belong in this crappy society and in this world where full of judgement. To get my point, I never had a girl best friend and it’s bothering me. Every girl in our class or in our block has already a friend that got their back every time and any time. So, I can’t even join them because I know they already have a strong bond since then. But it’s not like I’m betraying Steph or I don’t want him anymore or I want somebody replace him as my best friend. Come on, I can’t do that and I would never do that. He’s part of my life since then and I don’t know what to do without him. Steph and I will be best friends forever until our last breath.

“Nothing, I just wondering if you really meant what you said last night. But I hope you can get into that club. Because I know you’re more desperate at this time” He said. And he gives me a different kind of expression like he’s teasing me to give up. “I’ve work hard. I had enough I know I can take and make it. And besides I’m perfectly fit on that club.” ---

“Okay, I just zip my mouth” he said and he acts literally like he’s zipping his rough mouth.

Steph trying to tell me that I should accept what might happen because I might end up crying again. Since freshmen I really want to join Literature club. But, they said that only seniors can get on that club. There’s no freshmen, sophomore either junior can join because they have some strict requirements, rules and regulations that implementing on that club and now that I’m turning in Senior year I will do my best to get there. I know Steph just trying to protect me by doing mean things. I want to do something that I love and I’m passionate about. No one can stop me from that. I really love to join on that club because I’m a poetry lover. I love writing poetry, poem’s, story line and more. It’s because I do love imagining things and to write what’s inside my head imagines. And how they playing inside my head. I love how people can relate on it. How they enjoy reading it. I can feel that I’m not alone because I know I’m not the only one who can feel that way. You just don’t know; even we’re different. We can relate to each other’s feeling because we have connections. The ring bells, Steph and I change directions because we’re not in the same department. I decided to took College of Arts and Science while Steph chose College of Music. He loves music so much, who’s not? Everybody does. Right?

I was walking on the hallway, and I’m finding my ALTM32 class. Ever since, this is my whole routine. I do wonder what would be the challenging experience that I can encounter in my life. I’m just your typical kind of girl who study a lot and wants to achieve her dreams and to have a good career in this industry. I want to be successful as I can. 29, 30, 31, 32. “Oh I got it’ I was about to open the room door when someone shouts at me. Even I can hear it, I pretend that I don’t because besides that I’m already late I want to keep my records to be good as I can so I can finally join the club. “I SAID EXCUSE ME” he shouted again but he ends up bumping on me. I’m looking at him and also I’m looking at the frogs who just keeps jumping on my place so I shouted. “What the hell is the frog doing at that storage box?” I shouted

“What the hell my frogs” he shouted too;

I’m so angry right now and I want to vomit right now. Frogs a lot of frogs. They jumped on me. They touched me. They had a skin ship with me. I want to punch this beautiful man who’s standing in front of me. “What was that?” I asked calmly even deep inside I’m so furious.

“Can’t you see? Or you’re just blind? It’s a frog. ing frog. They jumped on you actually. You know I’m supposedly to bring those frogs in our laboratory for experiment thing. But suddenly this freaking push cart or whatever it is and also YOU! came.” He kicked the push cart and I’m so shocked.

“And this ing push cart lose control when I’m trying to go down here because that freaking slide way for the push cart is greasy and I can’t even control this with my own hands and body. And these stupid storage box isn’t sealed. So the frogs jumped away from me and for now I have a guts that I might get zero in this experiment.” The way he talks I know his pissed. And you can feel that, his inner voice acts like a guide that I wronged him through my behavior. He explains everything to me even it’s unnecessary.

“I don’t know, if this is your fault because I shouted and you pretend like you didn’t hear me and now you’re asking like you can’t see. But no, don’t be sorry. If you’re feeling sorry okay? Don’t be sorry just because you pretend that you can’t hear me. It’s okay. Now, I’m going to catch some frogs if I see one” he smiled and walk away from me. “What the hell is that?” I even asked myself.

He’s so sarcastic. Before, I really want to punch his face but now I’m afraid. He’s a psycho, what the hell is wrong with him? I shake my head. My records are great, I’m 30 minutes late in my class because of the frog thing. And now, I just want to get my luck. It’s hard for me to survive college, it’s not like when you we’re on grade school or even in a senior high. College is something you do in your future. Preparation for your future.

Later night, after spending half of my day or let me say whole day in School. I’m walking home, while eating some ice cream. Eating ice cream while witnessing the beautiful sunset is the best thing ever. I love sunrise, I love sunsets too, I also love city lights, I love stars too. And moon also, those pretty thing in this world makes my heart ecstatic. It’s too early to go home, so I’ve decided by myself to pass through at the bridge. The sunset view is the best. While I’m watching here at bridge, I can hear the birds chirping and the sound of the car’s engine revving up. The view is more beautiful because at the down of the bridge it’s a sea. Blue sea, the color of the skies turning into pink, and the sun is slowly hiding at the sea. And also, you can hear the waves. I’m about to go, because darkness is about to come. When someone caught my attention. “Is he going to jump?” The girls at my back notice it too. I know that I should not panic or over react.

But I can’t, and I just can’t watch him to jump and end his life and I’m witnessing right now without doing nothing. And I don’t want this bridge to be remember as a place of suicidal. I ran after him and I hugged the guys leg. He’s standing at the bridge and there’s 99.9 chance that he might fall. ‘What the heck” he said. And it’s frustrating because he’s about to fall. The guy balancing he’s self not to fall. But, I can’t separate my hug from him because he might fall 100%. So We’re both scared. “What the hell are you doing? Why are you hugging me freak?” He shouted.

I remember someone with the word ‘freak’ and those shouts. Is this the guy who I bumped earlier? I look up and I saw his angry face. I’m about to remove my hug from him and he’s going to fall and the audience around us is shouting it’s so intense. And suddenly we fell. I fell from the floor and he fell from me and there’s a car.

I woke up at my room and it seems like nothing’s happened. My mom keeps shouting down stairs, so I decided to look what’s happening to her. “Oh you’re now awake Renee” she’s busy with packing her things and I’m so confused right now. I grabbed some nachos in dining table and I’m watching her being busy with her stuff. “What’s with her?” I ask Ali. She gives me a confused look too. And I got tired so I just open the television and lay down at the sofa but mom throw pillow at my head. I look at her, “Renee, stop acting like a child. Grow up, Ali needs a big sister and she needs someone who’s matured enough to know what are the responsibilities”

“What? Why? She’s not a kid anymore”

“Stop! She’s only 15 and I’m not here for a couple weeks, I need to visit your Aunties in province because something came up. And we need to fix it as a sibling” I just nod at her and after a while she leaves us alone. I look at Ali, “I know you’re such a good kiddo. I trust you my little bean” I said and we hugged each other. Couple days passed by, and today is the last day of my junior year. Steph and I have plans to go and grab some dinner at my house to celebrate that we’re now done in junior year. “See you later Steph 6:00pm. No late!” I said and we said good bye to each other. He just waved at me, so I’m alone again. Sometimes I do feel like lonely, but sometimes not. Maybe because, life is like that. At the end of the day you’ll be lonely because you only have in this world is yourself. I know I have my mom, Ali and Steph and my other close friends. But they might leave me, like Dad. But I’m not blaming him because he leaves us so quickly. Maybe God had plans. And I respect that plan. But you know there’s still something in your heart that maybe if he could stay just a little bit longer my life would be different. But still I’m so thankful that I had a father like him because even though I feel this loneliness and it’s devouring through my soul, I’m still looking for the positive side and that’s what I learnt from him.

Thoughts are keep knocking on my mind. I want something new, I want my life be interesting. Maybe I want someone in my life but it’s impossible to have one. I’m too plain, to be like. And I’m not the type of girl that every guy wants. Maybe, they like me at first but in the end they’ll find me boring and leave after that knowing. That’s the sad truth but all I need is to accept that. When I’m sad or feeling lonely or happy or excited or whatever feelings that I am feeling. I kept going on the bridge to watch the beautiful view. So right now, I’m standing here at the bridge and watching the sea and the birds that flying. “It’s you” someone talked behind my back, the wind is too strong. And it’s too cold, same as my hands. I can feel the awkwardness between the two of us. All I can hear is the birds chirping and the vehicles it’s like the other day. ‘Are you following me?” I asked. He gives me a soft laugh; I don’t know but my ing eyes furtive glancing at his direction. “In your dreams” he said and his eyes become serious again. His black hair suits at him. His brown eyes are too serious but he looks good when his being serious. His glare is too annoying but you would love to see it. He stands beside me; we’re now looking at the same view. Breathing in the same air. And the sunset is about to come. “What’s your problem and why did you attempt to end your life in this bridge?” I abruptly asked an appropriate question. I know that it might offend him but my mouth doesn’t have any control. “Ah- I’m so- “I was about to cut my question but suddenly he talked.

He sighs, “Sometimes you really want to end it if you can’t take it anymore”

“Life, Your Destiny and the things that will might necessarily happen to you in a particular thing in the future is very confusing. Even though you did your best and protect yourself if it’s your future it will come” he added, he looks at me. And then he gives me a soft and weak smile. I’m so speechless, and he walks away from me. And I remain standing here at the bridge. ALONE.

I can see his sadness in his eyes, his lips are kissable and it’s very red like cherries. My eyes are focused on his back it’s too y, I don’t know. But my heart is being soft on him. I know his kind of irritating, arrogant and unpredictable person. You can’t even think what’s on his mind, obviously, he’s the type of person who’s hard to approach but that attitude is a bit interesting. I found that his eyes are very beautiful even though it’s full of pain and sadness. The way he looked at me. The glanced that he gave to me, you know that he hates me, because I’m the reason why he got zero in his experiment. He’s the frog guy!