Too late

Taeyong didn't expect to be sent to his hometown for a whole week, before that meeting with the ceo, him being here is a prize but now it feels like he lost every single chance to reach anything close to a prize

he's still wondering If he's out of black on black,if not they won't be sending him to his home right?he knows he's still an nct and he can't be more relived but what if this unit stayed frozen for so long, what if sm didn't debut them this year,what if they are canceled along with him before even starting because anything is possible... 

Taeyong sigh

He's thinking too much again and putting everything that happened with the ceo aside his mind can't accept what the members did. 

The tiredness couldn't wip the events from last night,the members words,their stares,their insensitive statements... 

they assumed without even asking him. 

if they were that upset They should have at least asked him,consult him,tell him what he had done so wrong to get them act this way,going to the CEO office to say that taeyong isn't good enough leader hurt him deeply,he accept criticism but if it was built on something convincing,he has never made one step if the company didn't ask him to,if there is anything the members aren't happy about it should be the company's fault not his.

I have never thought for a second I would say this but... 

I Hate them.....

 Right now I do really hate them... 

They may end me.... 

I Would never do such a thing to them 

But... 

They did it to me.... 

He cries again but he didn't allow his eyes to spill more because he's a man, a strong one and no matter what he can get over it no matter how shattered his whole being is... 

'I will get over it.....' 

'Man up lee taeyong!' 

Taeyong scolded himself,wiping furiously on his puffy,sleepy but still breathtaking eyes.

He refuses to cry over what happened,he needs to forget,just like he used to do when he's hurt or sad,when he used to hear words would bother him for the whole week. 

he will do what he is used to do whenever everything collapse,taeyong grabbed his black leathery back bag,opening the zipper,his trembling hands searched for his headphones and his phone.

His long fingers grabbed them and placed them in his ears, he closed eyes,leaning his temple against the cold window,shutting his brain to the world

thinking is too hard.

.................................................... 

.................................................... 

'Taeyongie?'

Taeil knocked at the door slightly afraid of disturbing the leader's slumber,he's worried about him,he knows taeyong is strong but the look he had in his eyes was different,he looked devastated,taeil hates himself for thinking that taeyong can do this alone,he was never helped,when they used to come back at 1 am,taeyong would enter the dorm looking dead tired at 2 or 3 am,he will be the last one to shower, to sleep,the first one to wake up and he had to wake them all up,he was never angry specially with Mark and donghyuk,because they were the youngest,taeyong would caress their hair softy trying to get them up like a caring parent.

He is mad at himself for never saying thank you. 

Lee taeyong deserves a thank you. 

He deserves more and more..... 

He did so much. 

He is too young for this huge responsibility and he was able to carry it on his own without a word of appreciation or gratitude. 

His heart is heavy, he feels so guilty for not helping him,taeyong is the hyung to all of them,he didn't complain,he didn't ask for help,he just kept his quit aura, taeil hand curled against the door's handle feeling the sudden pain spreading through all his chest,he's taeyong's hyung, he should have done a better job to protect his younger brother, he should have said something when jaehyun act so rude to the poor man who was just trying to save them another speech from the choreographer.

'Tae'

Taeil tried again.

'taeyongah.....' 

Still silent... 

That it he will open it and he will tell taeyong he did great,he will tell him it's not his fault s is being immature, he will tell him his hyung is sorry for ig