Breaking: former roommate of Jungwoo Kim, Hwanhee Lee, commits suicide

Just this morning at 2 a.m., emergency medical services received a call from senior Jinhwan Kim over the intentional self-poisoning of his roommate Hwanhee Lee. Lee was the former roommate of computer science student Jungwoo Kim, who committed suicide just weeks ago. After the incident, he moved in with Jinhwan Kim in his off-campus apartment.

We express our sincerest condolences to Lee’s family and friends.

Gyuri can feel his pain, and it affects her too. Jinhwan’s sobs rack his fragile frame, and Gyuri can’t help the tears welling in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, over and over. “I’m so sorry…”

But it’s too late. Hwanhee is dead, and there’s no bringing him back. Gyuri knows Jinhwan blames her, and to an extent, she blames herself too. She should have been more careful, shouldn’t have forced him, shouldn’t have been seen. Hell, she shouldn’t have done this stupid in the first place.

But she did it. She did it, and she will continue to do it. She has to, so Jungkook won’t.

***

She never knew what Jungkook saw in her. She didn’t study well, was kind of a ditz. The only thing she knew - knows - how do well is playing piano.

College was far from home, and Jang Gyuri made friends easily. Yet, in her free time, she found herself in the piano rooms.

It wasn’t like she had nobody to hang out with, but she just couldn’t seem to connect with anything else. Music just understood her, and she understood it too, so she supposes it was a match made in Heaven.

She remembers when they first met. It was a cold, snowy day, and she didn’t want to go home. Her roommate was out, playing pool with some kids whom she’d never bothered talk to. She didn’t have anything else to do, so might as well spend some time with her lifelong companion.

He stumbled into the room when she was halfway through her favorite song. To be honest, she didn’t really hear him, engrossed as she was in the music, but after the last note faded away, the clapping made her spin around on the seat.

She was shocked and embarrassed; a stranger had just intruded upon her privacy, the deepest and rawest parts of her vulnerability. But he was cute, that much she’d admit, with wide, clear eyes and a small dimple in his cheek. He was cute, and his name was Jeon Jungkook.

How did it happen? How did Jungkook fall in love with her? More importantly, how did she fall in love with him? It couldn’t have happened that day, it must of been one of the later days, when he bumped into again - probably on purpose - in the hallways of the college of fine arts. It must have been when he bought her a latte, in apologies for spilling hers when he bumped into her. Or, it could have been when he showed her his work, fairly glowing with excitement and passion. Or maybe it was the first time he filmed her, eyes sparkling in wonder as she turned, skirt swishing, cherry blossoms falling.

Yes, it must have been then, because Gyuri remembers the way his cheeks flushed bright red, the way he lowered his camera, the way he tripped over his words.

Why did he love her? She was no one, and he was perfect. There were dozens of girls vying for his attention, and no one begging for hers. He was smart, popular, good-natured, and she was everything he was not. It was easy to lose interest in her, but she didn’t want him to. She wanted to keep him, his love and admiration, the way he laughed and cried, how he held her when she was sad. Was it wrong, to want to keep that?

Was it wrong, then, when she refused to leave his side at parties? Was it wrong when she answered his phone calls for him? Was it wrong when she pushed away all his female friends? Was it wrong to get angry when he refused to reply to her texts?

No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t wrong - still isn’t wrong - to love him. She just didn’t want to lose him.

So how did she find herself here? How did she find herself confronting an angry Jungkook, accusing her of cheating?

“I saw you with Jinhwan,” he says harshly, cornering her in a dark alleyway after school. “I was there, in the library. You thought I wouldn’t know, huh?” She tries to explain, but he won’t even give her a chance to speak. “You thought you could hide from me, you thought you could just ditch me and two-time, did you?” He moves closer, malice gleaming in his eyes. “Got tired of me, didn’t you? Got tired of me and wanted someone older, someone grieving, you thought you could get close to hi--”

“Shut up!” Gyuri can’t bear to listen to Jungkook talk anymore. It’s all wrong, all wrong, she’s not cheating on him, can’t she have friends? “Shut up, he lost his best friend--”

“And me?” Jungkook hisses, stepping right up to her. “I lost my girlfriend.” His face contorts in anger and betrayal. “How could you?”

“I’m protecting you!” she bursts out, unable to keep the secret any longer. “Jungkook, it’s so ing dangerous--”

He cuts her off with a derisive scoff, suddenly taking a step back. “Oh, sure.” She can tell from the cold look in his eyes that he doesn’t understand. “You’re protecting me. From what? The almighty Lord above?” He reaches a hand into his pocket, and when he retracts it again, Gyuri’s eyes widen in fear.

“Jungkook, no!” The penknife, the very same that killed Myungeun. “I-I swear, I’m doing the right thing, the right thing…” Gyuri feels herself disassociating, her heart sinking into her stomach as she watches Jungkook place the blade on the side of his neck.

“The right thing, huh?” he sneers, pressing it into his flesh. “The right thing, leaving me. Then I’ve lost everything, everyone I’ve ever cared about. I’m a murderer, I deserve to die.”

Gyuri can’t control her body. She doesn’t know why she suddenly charges forward before Jungkook can react, forcing Jungkook’s knife further into his neck. His skin splits, and blood begins to bead on the blade. “W-what are you doing?” he demands, true fear showing in his eyes now.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Gyuri hisses, using all her strength to push Jungkook’s hand into his neck. “You wanted to die, so I’m giving it to you! For free!”

Blood spurts, and Jungkook falls to the ground. Suddenly, Gyuri’s soul comes rushing back into her body, and she shrieks.

“Jungkook!” she screams, desperately throwing the knife aside. “Jungkook, why?” Even now, she’s still pretending, still making up excuses to save herself. “We could have solved the problem! Jungkook!”

The next thing she remembers, she’s sitting in the hospital, watching the doctor shake his head ‘no, he didn’t make it’.

“How did this happen anyway?” he asks gently. Gyuri can only shake her head, a sob rising in her chest. “Threats of suicide turned real?” The doctor sighs and shakes his head slightly. “Some of you young people, you just don’t understand how precious life is.”

And it’s true. If they had known before, they wouldn’t have joked around about it, wouldn’t have murdered Myungeun for just a few IQ points. From the corner of her eye, she can see Jinhwan hurry in.

“How did this happen?” He sounds agonized, tortured, and Gyuri doesn’t have an answer.