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Things in the office are finally looking up with the arrival of three new recruits, fresh out of police academy and eager to prove they know what they're doing.

But when they're assigned to a priority case alongside Seoul's "top" detectives, they soon realise that nothing is ever as straightforward as it seems around Korea's finest fools, and maybe it's not them that need to prove they know what they're doing at all.

 

Rated T for: Language, Mild Violence, Incompetent Detective Work

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▶ Official Spotify Playlist ◀

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Apologies if this feels a little too much like empty filler or isn't the usual standard, I've been really busy lately but I wanted to put something about for y'all 💕 Hope you enjoy! :)

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The Graduate Problem

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They had expected to be met outside but all was quiet and the only thing that kept them company was a dog from down the street yapping its tongue at them.

‘Well,’ Dahyun said, smile on her face. ‘Are you ready?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ said Chaeyoung. They looked at Tzuyu and she just shrugged. The dog yapped. When they looked to Dahyun again she was petting it with a big smile still on her face and telling it what a good boy it was. It just sat there.

‘Dahyun.’

She turned to them.

‘Should we, you know…’

‘What?’

‘Go in?’ Chaeyoung said.

‘I thought we were supposed to wait.’

‘Wait for what?’

‘For someone to show up,’ Tzuyu said, serious as ever. ‘Someone to show us around.’

‘There’s no one here. Unless you wanna talk to the dog.’

‘Dogs don’t talk.’

‘Uh…I mean, you’re not wrong, but still. It was a joke, you know?’

Tzuyu shrugged. They stood a while waiting. In their newly pressed uniforms like local beat cops. Nobody came out. Nobody looked to have been inside the precinct for about a thousand years. They waited half an hour, hands in their pockets, whistling, petting the dog, doing absolutely nothing. Then they went on through the lobby with Dahyun at the lead. There was nobody to check them in and nobody on the first floor and the door to their office was closed and they could see nothing through the rippled glass save the warped outlines of the desks and the rest of the furniture.

‘Do we knock?’ Chaeyoung said, and before she had even finished Dahyun pushed the door open and entered. They followed. They stood at the end of the desks peering about, each expecting to be greeted by a dozen busy detectives all poring over enormous stacks of paper and dogeared folders and on the phones and having no time to do anything. The sort of thing they’d come to expect in training. What they found instead was Jung Wheein asleep at her desk, mouth agape, dribbling on herself, and a half-eaten sandwich on the table beside the coffee that had gone cold. They looked at one another. As if unsure of what to do next. The only sounds accompanying them were the clock going tick-tick-tock on the wall and Wheein snoring rather loudly.

‘What do we do?’ Chaeyoung said.

Dahyun shrugged.

‘Do we…like, go out?’

‘Out where?’

‘I dunno. Back outside.’

‘Why?’

‘She’s asleep. And where is everyone?’

‘How should I know?’

‘We should wait until she wakes up,’ Tzuyu said. They turned to her, Dahyun about to laugh until she saw how serious Tzuyu was. Always the most serious. Always the jokeless top-of-the-class case solver. All through basics, all the way through finals, right up until they’d earned their medals with a quick handshake and a Well done, Good luck. They looked at Wheein again. Perhaps the Good luck had been foreshadowing. Perhaps their S.O had known where they were about to be assigned.

Dahyun coughed into her hand. Wheein never moved. She coughed again louder and a third time and only then did Wheein stir and sit up and wipe her eyes. It took her a good thirty seconds to realise she’d been drooling on herself like an ape in a zoo. She looked at the three of them stood there in the doorway and did a doubletake and sorted through the mess on her table as if they were inspecting her.

‘Oh ,’ she said. ‘Uh…morning. Afternoon. , what time is it?’

‘Twelve thirty-four,’ Tzuyu said.

‘Right. , yeah. Are you sure?’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘Damn. I thought it was ten.’

The three of them shared a glance. Wheein pushed her chair back and leant under her desk and took her bag and set it on the table. ‘You must be the newbies,’ she said. ‘Fresh outta police academy. Am I right? Or are you, like, I dunno…from downstairs? Or janitors? I mean, not that there’s much to clean up around here or anything, you know. Do we even have janitors?’

Tzuyu clicked her heels together and stood as straight as she could and gave a military salute. ‘Chou Tzuyu, ma’am,’ she said. They looked at her and deciding it best to follow did the same.

‘Kim Dahyun, ma’am.’

‘Son Chaeyoung, ma’am.’

She waved them down rather nonchalantly and said, ‘You don’t need to do that. The whole saluting and ma’am , I mean. Just call me Wheein, if you call me anything at all. You want something to eat?’

They just stood there, nervous and a little confused. The clock tick-tick-tocking. Wheein opened her bag and took out a plastic container and peeled away the lid. There were two sandwiches and an apple and a candy bar inside. She held up the sandwich and waved it about. ‘Chicken,’ she said. ‘Good, old-fashioned, hearty. Can’t go wrong with a basic chicken sandwich, you know? You want some?’

‘No ma’am,’ they all said, and if she had been any more awake she would’ve laughed. Instead she shrugged and tore away the cellophane from the sandwich and ate it in two whole bites. They just stood there, hands clasped behind their backs like soldiers, not saying a word while she ate. She finished the sandwich and ate the apple. It took her a good few minutes. Then she took the other sandwich and ate that and then the candy bar and washed it down with a mouthful of cold coffee with a grimace.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I was so ing hungry, I swear. Anyway. What are your names? No, wait. . We’ve done that part. I’m Wheein. No. We’ve done that too. . Sorry, I’m a bit tired. Got, uh…a lot of work to do. Uh huh. Right. Where to start? Oh, yeah. Do you have any questions? Any at all. Or…most.’

‘Where is everyone else?’ Tzuyu said, looking about.

Wheein made a wide gesture to the empty room. ‘You’re looking at ‘em,’ she said. ‘Well, not everyone, but the others are on their way.’

‘The others,’ Dahyun said. ‘Will we get to meet Kang Seulgi?’

‘That you will. Why, you a fan or something?’

‘Yes ma’am,’ she said with a beaming smile. ‘I mean, sorry, but…yes ma’am.’

‘Huh. I didn’t expect that.’

‘Everybody knows about her in the academy.’

‘Is that right.’

‘Yes ma’am. She’s all they talk about.’

‘What do they say exactly?’

‘They talk about how she saved Korea single-handedly from the biggest theft of the past hundred years.’

‘Single-handedly, huh?’

‘And how she’s accounted for more high-profile arrests in the past three months than any other detective in Seoul’s history.’

‘Well,’ Wheein said. ‘Is that all they tell you?’

‘Oh, no, ma’am. They tell us all sorts. Like-’

‘Tell me later.’

Dahyun hung her head apologetically and tried to wipe the smile off her face with no success. ‘Sorry ma’am,’ she said.

‘Stop with the ma’am . I’m not your grandmother.’

‘Yes ma- I mean…yes Wheein.’

‘See? Was that so hard? Now, any more questions?’

‘Forgive me ma’am,’ said Tzuzu, ‘but we were told we would be meeting with the Superintendent. Are you…?’

‘The Superintendent?’

‘Superintendent Chae.’

‘Oh, . That’s, uh…well, I mean I guess that makes sense, but are you really sure you wanna do that?’

They looked at one another. Tzuyu nodded. Wheein shot her a glance that said: It’s your ing funeral. She pushed her chair away from the desk and wiped her hands on her jeans and motioned for them to follow. The blinds on Hongki’s office were still closed. So that all they could see was the darkness and nothing beyond, a sort of ominous presence in the very corner of the room, a kind of miniature Hell, guarded by its favourite demon.

Wheein put a hand on the doorknob and turned to them.

‘You sure you want to do this?’ she said. They said nothing and she took that for a response in and of itself.

‘Just so you know, he might be dead. I mean, not dead, but…you know. Not good. I don’t really check up on him anymore. Haven’t seen him in three days. Which I suppose says a lot about how this department is run, really. Whatever. You ready?’

They nodded reluctantly. She knocked and waited and knocked again. He told her to enter and she did.

Whatever they had expected from what Wheein had told them, it wasn’t that. There were watermelons splayed out on top of the walnut desk and watermelons on the windowsill behind him and more watermelons decapitated and chopped and diced and bleeding from the shelves and the cabinets and one on the floor by their feet and seeds scattered like shrapnel all over the room. No light from the windows. It stank of watermelon and nothing else. Hongki was sat behind his desk with his bad leg stretched out in the cast and a samurai sword on the edge of the table in front of him. They all stood there looking at him. The newbies not quite sure what to make of it. Wheein’s face saying: Yep. That’s Chae Hongki, alright.

He pushed his chair back with a wince and stood very slowly and with great care not to clip his leg on the end of the table.

‘Sir,’ Wheein said.

‘Wheein.’

‘This your new hobby, sir? Watermelon, uh…actually, I don’t really know how to describe it.’

‘It’s stress relief,’ he said, his face unreadable. ‘It’s what I do now. Chop up watermelons and pretend they’re my enemies. Pretend they’re the s who did this to my ing leg. You understand me, Jung?’

‘Yes sir.’

He picked up the samurai sword and waved it about in the air. It made a swift swoosh sound with each faux cut. ‘This,’ he said. ‘You see this?’

‘Yes sir.’

‘It’s a sword, Wheein.’

‘Yes sir. It is.’

‘It cuts through anything. But especially watermelons. It’s good at cutting watermelons. The best.’

‘Uh, yes sir.’

‘I can cut three watermelons in ten seconds now. Straight down the middle, smooth cut, one and done. Swoosh! Just like that, you see?’

‘Yes sir.’

‘You want a try?’

‘Uh…no sir.’

He looked at her a moment. Then he put the samurai sword back on the table and straightened his tie and said, ‘These the new recruits?’

‘Yes sir.’

‘Huh.’

‘Sir, they’re-’

They were interrupted by the sound of the office door opening behind them. They all turned. The woman in the doorway was tall and striking and wore a smile on her face that evaporated almost immediately once she saw the watermelons and the burnt incense sticks on the windowsill and the samurai sword on the table. She looked at the three of them and then nodded to Wheein.

‘Joy,’ said Wheein.

‘Uh, yeah.’

‘Why are you here?’

‘You don’t know?’

Wheein shook her head. They looked at Hongki as if it would explain everything but it did not. He was watching the new recruits. They eyed him with a sort of strange caution, as if still unsure of what exactly to do. As if they had not expected it at all. Like an animal in an exhibit. Or a fossil in a glass jar.

‘You’re late,’ Hongki said to Joy. She nodded in apology.

‘I was busy.’

‘Busy.’

‘Is this, uh…I mean. I mean, like-’

‘Yeah, they’re watermelons. You got a problem with that?’

‘No. I mean…uh, well. No. I just don’t know what to say.’

‘Good. Don’t say anything, then.’

He swung the chair around and opened the second door and procured a folder of documents and tossed them to Wheein. The three newbies stood in the doorway with their hands folded in front of them like garden ornaments, very still, Tzuyu concentrating far too hard. Wheein opened the folder and skimmed the first two pages and passed it to Tzuyu.

‘You read it?’ Hongki said.

‘Yes sir.’

‘You want me to go over it? Because I can’t be bothered.’

‘Uh, whatever, sir.’

He looked at her suspiciously. Then he nodded to Joy.

‘The guy we’re taking down is a big-time drug runner,’ Joy said. ‘We don’t know much about him, just he’s moving a lot of weight and he needs stopping. And he uses an old garbage truck as a cover to move stuff from one location to another. He lives in a little place on his own in Itaewon. That’s about it. We don’t even have a photo.’

‘How do you know him, then?’

‘He’s a regular.’

‘Uh huh,’ Wheein said. ‘Bet he is.’

‘What?’

‘Didn’t say anything. Hey, come to think of it – why are you here anyway?’

‘What?’

‘You don’t even work for us. What is it with people who don’t work with us now working with us? You, Irene, that other one with the weird clothes and . I swear we’ve got more civilians than actual detectives nowadays. Well, not anymore, I guess. Right, girls?’

‘Yes ma’am,’ Tzuyu said with a salute, and Wheein laughed.

‘I’m here because I get paid for it,’ Joy said.

‘By who?’

‘The department.’

‘Our department?’

‘Which other department?’

‘Is that right?’ Wheein said. Hongki shrugged. As if to say: I don’t even care anymore. Dahyun and Chaeyoung read through the folder and read it a second time and passed it to Tzuyu and she read it and made mental notes of every key point while Wheein watched them with her arms folded and a smirk on her lips.

‘They’re eager,’ Joy said.

‘Uh huh.’

‘Have they met Pinky and Perky yet?’

‘Nope. Thankfully.’

‘Where are they?’

‘On their way.’

Hongki pushed his chair back from the desk. The samurai sword sat glinting in the faint windowlight like a metal smile. ‘You finished yapping?’ he said.

‘Uh, yes sir. I think.’

‘You know what you’re doing?’

‘I’m sure we’ll figure it out.’

‘That’s what I like to here. Now get the out of my office.’

‘Yes sir. Don’t need to tell me twice.’

Dahyun looked at her with an expression that said: We didn’t even introduce ourselves! But Wheein shooed them out of the office and closed the door behind her and that was that. They were quiet a long time. Just stood about awkwardly in the aisle between the empty desks. Tzuyu rigid and attentive, Dahyun and Chaeyoung not really knowing what to do. A sort of fresh giddiness to them. Joy folded her arms and unfolded them again.

‘You want to tell me what the all that’s about?’ she said.

‘All what?’

‘The watermelons. And the ing sword.’

‘It’s just Hongki,’ said Wheein.

‘Just Hongki?’

‘It’s what he does. Why are you here, anyway?’

‘I’ve already told you that.’

‘, yeah. You hungry?’

‘No.’

‘You’re grumpy today.’

‘I’m just busy.’

Wheein nodded at nobody. ‘So,’ she said, ‘what are we actually doing?’

‘It says in that folder.’

‘Yeah, but I didn’t actually read it. I just said I did.’

‘Uh huh. Well.’

Wheein clicked a couple times in the air. ‘Tzuyu,’ she said.

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘You read it, right?’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘What are we doing?’

‘Ma’am?’

‘What are we supposed to be doing.’

Tzuyu looked at the other two but they were looking at Wheein. She coughed into her hand and stood to attention and Wheein had to stifle a little giggle. ‘The suspect in question is one Jang Minchul,’ she said. ‘Twenty-seven years old, previous convictions for driving while intoxicated and assault. He lives alone in an apartment on Daeyong road in Itaewon. We’re supposed to tail him until we find something linking him to any sort of illegal operations.’

‘And a garbage truck.’

‘Ma’am?’

‘Something about a garbage truck, right? Unless I was mishearing.’

‘Uh, yes, ma’am. The intelligence says that it’s suspected he uses an old garbage truck as a cover for his operations.’

‘Man,’ Wheein said. She turned to Dahyun and Chaeyoung. ‘You hear this ? We already know everything! I guess it kinda puts into perspective how ed our department is that we haven’t arrested him already. Seriously. Anyway. Thank you, uh…Tzuyu? Tzuyu.’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘Thank you, Tzuyu.’

‘Ma’am.’

Wheein looked at her watch. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘Come on.’

None of them asked where they were going. She led them out through the lobby and into the street and there they stood in the cold, waiting, not knowing what they were waiting for, Joy picking her nails, Tzuyu standing to attention, Dahyun and Chaeyoung sharing nervous glances every now and again.

‘Man,’ Wheein said, ‘I’m so ing hungry. What’s wrong with me? I’ve just eaten and everything. Maybe it’s a side effect of boredom or something. Probably. I dunno.’

‘Excuse me, ma’am,’ said Dahyun.

‘Uh huh.’

‘Can I ask a question?’

‘You just did.’

‘What?’

‘You just- Never mind. Go on.’

‘What are we wai-’

Wheein held up a finger and she stopped. ‘Listen,’ she said. They did. Cars in the distance. The wind. Someone laughing on the next street. And then:

‘WARNING. WARNING. THIS VEHICLE CONTAINS RADIOACTIVE CHEMICALS. PLEASE CLEAR THE ROAD. WARNING. WARNING.’

‘You hear that?’ Wheein said.

‘Yes ma’am.’

It was coming closer. They could hear it maybe three or four blocks away. When they turned at the sound of wheelspin to the end of the street they saw only an enormous white Transit van coming toward the precinct and a big speaker on the roof saying WARNING, WARNING, again and again. It parked up two spots down and Wheein started laughing. Dahyun and Chaeyoung looked at one another. As if to say: What the is this?

The driver cut the engine and the noise died immediately. Two women opened the doors and stepped out and down onto the sidewalk and Dahyun had to stifle an excited little squeal the moment she saw Kang Seulgi, white suit-clad, white loafers, pastel pink shirt, hair tied back. She said something to the other woman and turned and saw them there and dusted herself down and coughed awkwardly into her hand.

‘Uh, sorry about that,’ she said. ‘Wendy blew the fuse and now it won’t stop unless you turn the engine off. So…yeah.’

‘Where is she?’ Wheein said.

‘In the back, trying to fix it.’

‘Trying.’

Seulgi shrugged. She nodded to Joy and Joy nodded back and then she turned to the other three and gave them a little nod as well. Tzuyu saluted.

‘Oh ,’ Irene said. ‘Is this, uh, you know. The new recruits?’

‘Yeah,’ Wheein said.

‘Sweet. Eyes front, soldiers.’

They saluted her and she laughed. Seulgi gave her a look that said: Not now, please.

‘You going to introduce us?’

‘,’ Wheein said. ‘Sure. This is Tzuyu.’

She gave a salute again.

‘This is Dahyun.’

She made a little wave and checked herself and then Chaeyoung did the same.

‘Dahyun, Chaeyoung, Tzuyu – this is-’

‘Kang Seulgi,’ Dahyun said, smiling. ‘We know. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I mean, an honour. An honour to meet you at last. A real honour.’

She held out her hand and Seulgi stepped forward and shook it reluctantly.

‘A real honour.’

‘I’m Irene, by the way. In case, you know…you cared at all.’

They saluted to her again and she waved them off.

‘They all speak of you at the academy,’ Chaeyoung said to Seulgi.

‘Speak about me?’

‘Yes ma’am. They all talk about how you’re a model officer.’

Irene snorted.

‘They say you’re the best officer in the city,’ Dahyun said. ‘And that your track record speaks for itself.’

‘Don’t inflate her ego anymore.’

Seulgi glared at her and she shot a teasing little air kiss. She turned to Wheein, stood with her hands in her pockets, half asleep. ‘What are we doing?’ she said.

‘You don’t know?’

‘No.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘What?’

‘I didn’t read it.’

‘Then what are we going to do?’

‘Tzuyu.’

‘Yes ma’am,’ said Tzuyu.

‘Tell em.’

When she had finished they stood a moment nodding to themselves and rather impressed and then Irene said, ‘I like her. Why can’t you ever be this organised?’

‘I’m always this organised,’ Seulgi said. ‘We would’ve never found that painting if I wasn’t organised.’

‘Well why didn’t you know what we were doing today?’

‘Everyone has off days. How’s Hongki?’

‘How should I know?’

‘I wasn’t talking to you.’

‘Me?’ Wheein said.

Seulgi nodded.

‘Dunno. Well, I mean…I do. Just, you can never really know with Hongki.’

‘He’s got quite a few reasons to be angry,’ Irene said with a smirk. ‘Quite a few.’

‘You can say that again.’

‘He’s got quite a few reasons to be angry.’

‘Come on,’ Seulgi said. ‘Let’s get going.’

‘Already?’

‘What?’

‘I’m hungry.’

Wheein made a face that said: Me too!

‘Can we grab something to eat on the way, at least?’

‘Sure,’ Seulgi said. ‘Whatever.’

‘What about them?’

She looked at the three of them – silent, expectant, rather nervous. And at Joy just picking her nails. ‘You three can come,’ she said. ‘Joy, you can go home. Or go wherever.’

‘Fine by me,’ Joy said. ‘Sure you don’t need me?’

‘We’ll manage.’

‘Uh huh.’

She gave a little wave while they squeezed into the cabin of the van and then turned and disappeared up the street. They watched her go. Silent and packed into the interior. There were three seats and six of them and none of the three of the recruits had noticed Wendy at all, skulking in the back like a goblin, poring over a handful of red and checkered fuses and humming quietly to herself.

‘What’s that smell?’ Chaeyoung said.

‘Probably the weed,’ said Irene.

‘What?’

‘Or the cookies. They’re homebaked. And they’re ing delicious. You want one?’

‘ is illegal,’ Tzuyu said.

‘Who are you, the cops or something? Actually…yeah, never mind.’

‘Can I have a cookie?’ Dahyun said.

Irene beamed at her. She shifted them aside and jumped into the back and took a tray of chocolate chip cookies from the left and offered them up. Dahyun and Chaeyoung took one, Tzuyu said no thank you. Wheein took six.

‘Who’s that?’ Dahyun said, chewing. Wendy seemed not to even notice them.

‘Oh, that’s just Wendy. Yeah, you get used to her. Say hi.’

Wendy gave a little peace sign and they did the same back, as if unsure of how to properly respond.

‘You gonna start this thing or what, babe?’

‘Give it a minute,’ Seulgi said. ‘Wendy.’

‘Yo, man.’

‘Have you fixed it yet?’

‘Dunno,’ Wendy said.

‘How can you not know?’

‘It’s tricky work, man. Real tricky back here. Old designs and . Yeah.’

‘Can I start the van?’

‘Well it won’t kill you, if that’s what you’re scared of.’

‘It wasn’t. But whatever.’

Irene finished one of the cookies and set the tray back down again. ‘You might wanna hold your ears for this one,’ she said, and they did. Like kids unsure of how to proceed. Seulgi started the van with a grimace and the enormous V12 spluttered into life and choked and coughed and the entire van shuddered but there was no obnoxious siren call warning them of radioactive chemicals.

‘Huh,’ Wendy said. ‘I’ll be honest with ya, man – I didn’t expect that.’

‘What did you expect?’

‘Well…actually, best to ignore it.’

‘Off we go,’ Irene said with a smile. They drove in silence, a misfit band of seven. Dahyun and Chaeyoung sharing glances that asked one another what was going on with increasing urgency and Tzuyu thinking how strange it was that their police-issued vehicle was a Ford Transit van and Irene scoffing down the cookies and Wheein half asleep in the passenger’s seat. When they pulled up across the street from the apartment building that belonged to Jang Minchul it had just gone three in the afternoon and the sky lay gunmetal gray and faintly lit like confetti in the dappled yawn of the day. Seulgi cut the van’s engine and sat peering across the street at absolutely nothing. Nothing moved for a long time. None of them made any sound. Not until Irene offered them the last of the cookies and they politely declined.

‘So,’ she said, sitting forward, ‘what exactly have you heard about the oh-so-famous Kang Seulgi at police academy?’

‘All sorts,’ Dahyun said. She was the smiliest of the three. That much was apparent.

‘Do they tell you the truth?’

‘The truth?’

‘Do you they tell you about how many Ferraris she’s crashed?’

‘They don’t need to hear this,’ Seulgi said, reading over the documents Tzuyu had given her.

‘It’s two. The answer’s two. And one of them I bought! ing ridiculous.’

‘They didn’t tell us that part,’ Chaeyoung said.

‘Not surprising. What about how many times she’s driven off a bridge?’

‘Uh, no.’

‘I think that’s two as well. Or is it three now? I honestly can’t even remember. Maybe that’s an after effect of dying.’

Dahyun and Chaeyoung looked at one another again.

‘Yeah,’ Irene said. ‘I died. But you get over it, y’know? Just one of those things. Don’t be afraid to die a couple times doing this. It’s tricky work.’

‘Ignore her,’ Seulgi said. ‘She’s not even a police officer.’

‘So? I do my job better than you do.’

‘That’s a lie and you know it.’

‘How many cufflinks have I eaten?’

‘Cufflinks?’ Dahyun said.

‘Oh, don’t get me started on the cufflinks.’

They gave her a look that told her to continue and much to Seulgi’s chagrin she did.

‘So we were at this restaurant for this undercover sting, right? And Seulgi gets sat down and she has these special cufflinks, courtesy of our good buddy Wendy back there.’

‘Groovy,’ Wendy said.

‘Uh huh, totally groovy. Thse cufflinks had a little recorder inside of them. Short range, low signal, whatever. So we could catch them saying, y’know…criminal . Except Seulgi, being Seulgi, drops hers in her food. So to cover for this massive -up, she eats them.’

‘She…eats them?’

‘Uh huh. You heard that right. She eats them.’

‘The cufflinks?’

‘The cufflinks. Just wolfs ‘em down like they’re nothing. Isn’t that right, babe?’

‘She’s exaggerating,’ Seulgi said, pretending to read the case files.

‘Guessing they missed that part out of the Kang Seulgi Celebration. Or whatever you call it. I hope you don’t actually call it that. Kinda creepy. Honestly, it’s a miracle she’s out of jail. She’s broken the law more times than the guys she busts.’

‘That’s just not true.’

Irene turned to them again. ‘You should hear about the time she beat up an innocent man in a nightclub bathroom,’ she said. ‘Crazy . Just straight punched his lights out.’

‘I thought he was someone else.’

‘Yeah, well…he wasn’t. Poor guy. Or what about the guy you kidnapped that one time?’

‘We kidnapped. We.’

‘Sure.’

‘And you stripped him ing .’

Irene giggled. They looked at her for an explanation and she just shrugged.

‘Or what about the Mexicans in the park?’

‘Irene.’

‘She shot, like, three Mexicans in broad daylight.’

‘They weren’t real Mexicans.’

‘She still shot them. And then one of them turned out to be her own bo-’

‘Irene. That’s enough.’

Wheein sat up in her seat. Her face made a shape they had never quite seen before. A sort of enormous O. ‘You were going to say boss, weren’t you?’ she said, and Irene shrugged again. ‘You were. You were gonna say it.’

‘Wheein,’ said Seulgi.

‘Oh my God,’ Wheein said, laughing. ‘You did, didn’t you?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Holy .’

‘Wheein.’

‘I can’t believe it.’

‘Wheein-’

‘You shot him.’

‘Wheein.’

‘You shot Hong-’

‘WARNING. WARNING. THIS VEHICLE CONTAINS DANGEROUS RADIOACTIVE CHEMICALS. PLEASE CLEAR THE ROAD. WARNING. WARNING. THIS VEHICLE CONTAINS DANGEROUS-’

Seulgi thumbed the button on the dashboard a second time and it shut off immediately. They all glared at her, Irene wincing, Wendy with an unlit joint in her hand.

‘Why the did you do that?’ Irene said.

Seulgi was blushing. ‘Are you all finished?’ she said.

‘I never said anything!’

‘We’ve got a job to be doing.’

‘Yeah. Sitting here. Until something happens. Jesus, this is boring sometimes. Where’s the shooting? The violence? Where’s the mob ties? Hell, I’d settle for a little bit of drama right about now. Bring Jisoo back or something.’

‘Ma’am,’ said Dahyun.

Seulgi turned to her.

‘Is all of that true?’

‘Most of it. A little bit. She’s exaggerating, of course.’

‘Do things like that happen often?’

‘All of this happened in about two months,’ Irene said.

‘Two months?’

‘That’s forgetting a bunch of stuff as well. Crazy . But don’t worry. You get used to it after a while. Honestly, you do.’

Dahyun and Chaeyoung looked at one another again. Each glance becoming more and more concerned.

‘So,’ Irene said, ‘when this guy turns up – what then?’

‘Dunno,’ Wheein said. ‘Tzuyu.’

‘Yes ma’am?’

‘What do we do when he shows up?’

‘Ma’am?’

‘According to protocol.’

‘We, uh…’ she coughed into her hand. Tried to stand up straight and realised she was sat squashed in the middle seat and stopped herself. ‘We should keep a safe distance and pursue accordingly. When we approach it should be with our badges clearly visible at all times and our batons concealed.’

‘There you go,’ Wheein said. ‘Pass me another cookie?’

‘What the is a baton?’ said Irene.

‘It’s what we’re supposed to be carrying.’

‘But we’re not.’

‘Well. I mean, you’re not wrong. Are you three carrying batons?’

They shook their heads. ‘What do we do then?’ Dahyun said.

‘What we always do,’ Irene said.

‘What’s that?’

‘ knows. Just go with the flow. Am I right, Wendy?’

‘Yeah, man. See where the river takes you.’

‘Totally.’

They sat for a while watching the apartment across the street. Nothing moved. Nothing made any sound save the wind and Wendy tapping away at something in the back like some lunatic scientist. Dahyun and Chaeyoung sat with their hands in their laps doing nothing at all. A couple cars passed. Just after six Wheein woke up and climbed out of the cab and disappeared up the street and came back ten minutes later with a paper bag in one hand. When she climbed in they smelled it before anything else.

‘What’s that?’ Seulgi said.

‘Just some fried chicken.’

‘What?’

Wheein looked at her, mouth already full of chicken, chewing away.

‘You got out to go and get chicken?’

‘Sorry,’ Wheein said. ‘Did you want some?’

‘That’s not the point.’

‘What is the point then?’

Seulgi sighed.

‘It’s actively placing an ongoing operation in jeopardy,’ said Tzuyu.

‘Yeah. It’s that.’

‘It’s just chicken,’ Wheein said with a shrug.

‘That’s not the point either.’

‘Man, these fries are good. You sure you don’t want any?’

Seulgi said nothing. Wheein took a handful of fries and passed them back to Irene and wiped her greasy fingers on the paperwrapper it had come in and sat slowly eating. It stank of chicken grease and ketchup. By seven they had not moved at all. The sky lay void of colour and streetlamps diffused like oil murals in the cold. About half an hour later an enormous grey garbage disposal truck rounded the corner at the far end of the street and they all sat up immediately. All except Wendy in the back.

‘That’s got to be him,’ Dahyun said, eyes wide. Wheein dropped the bag in the footwell and leant forward against the dashboard. They waited. The truck pulled up just outside the apartment and out stepped a wiry looking man in his twenties with a great black moustache and very little hair.

‘What do we do?’ Chaeyoung said. Seulgi watched in silence. He disappeared up into the apartment building and was gone. They waited a couple minutes more. When he came out again he was carrying a black garbage bag and he threw this in the back of the truck and went on inside again. He came out with two more and then a fourth.

‘What’s he doing?’ Dahyun said.

Seulgi opened the glovebox. ‘He’s loading all his stuff into the back,’ she said.

‘What stuff?’

‘Drugs,’ Irene said. ‘Gotta be drugs. That’s what drug dealers sell, so…y’know.’

They waited until he had loaded a dozen bags or so and then he climbed into the cab and started the truck again.

‘What now?’ Dahyun said.

‘We tail him.’

‘Tail him?’

‘To wherever he’s going. And when he gets there, we bust him.’

Wheein whatever grease remained from her fingers and turned to Irene and Wendy in the back. ‘Load up, cowboys,’ she said. She took a pistol from the leather holster under her shirt and held it up in the narrow evening light. It was a smoothbarreled Glock 17. She cocked back the slide and checked to see the round had chambered correctly and then with the safety on put it back in the holster. When they turned to Irene she had a pistol of her own. Seulgi glared at her and she shot that smile of hers, so devious and full of mischief. And oh so inviting.

‘What?’ she said.

‘What are you doing with that?’

‘She said load up.’

‘It was a figure of speech.’

‘No it wasn’t,’ Wheein said. She winked at Irene and Irene winked back. ‘Not much of a gun you’ve got there.’

‘Oh, this?’ Irene shook her head. She peeled the dusty lid away from one of Wendy’s packingcrates and bent over and hauled out an enormous piece none of them had ever seen in real life before. It was a Vietnam-era American-issue M60 machinegun, huge and bronze and beltfed, the chain of bullets rattling like crockery about the floor. It weighed twenty-five pounds and by the time she had rested it in her arms she was already sweating. Dahyun and Chaeyoung just gawped at her.

‘What the is that?’ Seulgi said.

‘It’s my M60.’

‘Where did you get that?’

‘Wendy.’

She turned and Wendy gave a lazy smile and a peace sign. As if to say: Don’t even ask.

And Seulgi did not.

‘This good enough for you?’ Irene said.

Wheein giggled. ‘It’s a bit big,’ she said.

‘It’ll do just fine.’

‘Compensating?’

‘For what?’

‘Dunno. You tell me. It’s your gun.’

‘They used this in the war, y’know?’

‘Which war?’

‘Many of them,’ Irene said, trying to wave the gunbarrel around and succeeding only in dropping it on the floor. ‘What? What’s with your face? Why so glum?’

Tzuyu coughed into her hand again. By the time she spoke Seulgi had started the engine and pulled the van away from the parking space. ‘It’s against standard agency protocol to have a firearm of any kind that isn’t registered,’ she said.

‘Is that right?’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘I don’t work for the agency.’

‘But-’

‘I’m a mercenary.’

‘Yes, but-’

‘Like Rambo.’

‘But protocol-’

‘Like the guy from Predator.’

Tzuyu just looked at her.

‘Not Arnold. The other guy. With one arm.’

‘Ma’am,’ Tzuyu said, turning to Seulgi and being met with only a shrug that meant: You get used to it, don’t worry.

Seulgi followed the truck for fifteen minutes. It seemed to be going around in circles only nobody pointed it out. They crested the top of a hill in the darkness and there was no traffic and the truck stopped and started again and they followed. It was maybe half an hour before any of them spoke.

‘You’re going to run out of fuel,’ Irene said.

‘No I’m not.’

‘Well. Still. This is ing boring. He’s leading you around in circles.’

‘We’re fine.’

‘He is,’ Wheein said. ‘I didn’t wanna be the one to say it, but…he’s leading you around in circles.’

‘What do you expect me to do? Blow our cover?’

‘That’s exactly what I expect you to do,’ Irene said, leaning forward between Dahyun and Tzuyu.

‘Well, we’re not going to.’

‘Babe.’

‘No.’

‘Babe-’

‘Don’t do anything stupid.’

‘I was just going to-’

‘Tzuyu.’

‘Yes ma’am?’ Tzuyu said.

‘What’s the standard protocol for tailing a suspect?’

‘Uh, twenty-five metres of distance at all times, ma’am.’

‘There? See? No ing about.’

Irene shrugged. ‘Vin Diesel never kept twenty-five metres,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘I bet you wouldn’t be this boring if you still had your Ferrari. I kinda miss it, y’know? Seems like you’ve lost your mojo since you lost it.’

‘Since you lost it, you mean.’

‘Whatever. Same difference.’

‘Irene.’

‘ this,’ Irene said. She leant forward and hammered the big red button on the centre console and was immediately accosted by the sound of the robot man warning them of RADIOACTIVE CHEMICALS far too loud. Seulgi turned to her only for a second, long enough only to see that shrug of hers, that dangerously seductive nonchalance. Then the garbage truck lurched a gear and spun off best it could and was thirty metres clear, fifty, at the end of the street and gone. Irene looked at the others. They were all holding their ears except Wheein, slumped laughing in her seat.

‘What did I just tell you?’ Seulgi said.

‘Doesn’t matter now, does it? C’mon, do something! He’s getting away!’

Seulgi sighed. The recruits looked to her for assurance they were going to be okay but instead she hammered the accelerator and the terrible growl of the V12 engine kicked into gear and took them to sixty before they could blink. They rounded the end of the street and narrowly avoided sliding the tail end into a parked sedan and kept on going. The garbage truck was turning again.

‘How the is it so fast?’ Irene said.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Does it have a supercharged engine too?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Did Wendy build that too?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Is it being driven by that Lisa chick?’

‘I don’t- Look. Be quiet.’

Irene turned to Dahyun with a wicked smile. ‘You might wanna hold on to something,’ she said.

‘Hold on to what?’

She was quiet a moment. Just the sound of the wheels and the engine. Then she said, ‘You have a good point. Whatever.’

She flipped the glass case away from the Nitrous button and punched it and was thrown instantly to the floor of the van. They all looked at one another. Time seemed to slow around them in this void. The van jumped away from the tarmac and slid and the tires hissed and the pneumatic howl of the nitrous came like wind and very suddenly they were alongside the garbage truck, wheel for wheel, jostling for control in the empty streets. When it had died away the recruits were holding on to each other like fieldmice, bugeyed and teeth chattering in their skulls. Seulgi cursed. Wheein laughed. Wendy had fallen asleep earlier and now she awoke like something from another era, a relic from some bygone time yawning and stretching and aware of absolutely nothing.

‘Why the did you do that?’ Seulgi said.

‘I love the smell of burning rubber in the morning!’

‘It’s the evening,’ Wheein said.

‘Well. Same , different time. Babe, what’s going on?’

Seulgi ignored her. She swung the steeringwheel violently and they all tipped left and swayed and the van clattered against the truck and spun and they all yelped in surprise. They were going eighty at least and the garbage truck refused to slow. They rounded another corner and began up a steep incline and all Seulgi could make out was the faint silhouette of the city ahead of them like a steel press pockmarked with distant light and there were no cars. The garbage truck gave a sort of hiss and pushed ahead. She slammed the accelerator and they all fell back against their seats again.

‘Wendy!’ she said.

Wendy came forward in her sunglasses and her zebraprint jacket and smelling of weed. ‘Yo,’ she said.

‘Can you do something about this?’

‘Again?’

‘What?’

‘I’m just saying, man. Seems like you’re relying on me more and more.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’m not even supposed to be here, man. You’re not supposed to know my name. You should be using codewords.’

‘Can you please just ing do something?’

‘Ronald Reagan,’ Irene said. Wendy clapped her hands and grinned and disappeared into the back again. She set to sorting through the crates. By the time she’d produced something from one of them they were all watching her like audience members at some school talent show. All but Seulgi, eyes on the road.

‘Is that your magnet gun?’ Irene said.

‘Yeah, man. Mark II.’

‘Magnet gun?’ Dahyun said.

‘Magnet gun.’

‘What does it…what does it do?’

‘It magnetises. We’ve been over this, man. Weren’t you paying attention?’

‘They weren’t here,’ Irene said.

‘Oh. Huh. Guess not. Yeah, whatever. It works, is what it does.’

Seulgi jammed the van forward again. They were almost at the top of the incline. Nothing to greet them. Just parked cars and quiet houses. ‘Wendy,’ she said, voice urgent. ‘Please ing do something?’

‘Hold on,’ Wendy said. She kicked at one of the doors and it went flapping about wildly in the cold and through the gap they saw the street vanish behind them at sixty miles an hour like an apparition.

‘Is that your ing magnet gun?’

‘Yeah, man.’

‘Don’t do that. Please.’

‘You said you wanted help.’

‘Anything but that.’

‘It’s different, man. Trust me on this one. Real groovy . Except it’s only got one charge, so I guess I better make it count, huh?’

They were ahead of the garbage truck already. When Seulgi crested the hill they could see that all that lay beyond was an equally steep decline and a long park wall at the bottom of the street that she knew they would undoubtedly hit if they didn’t stop soon.

‘Wendy,’ she said, but Wendy had already levelled the magnet gun. When she fired they heard a strange alien whir and a great gust of air and Seulgi was on the brakes immediately. They all turned about. The garbage truck had come to a dead stop at the top of the incline. Just there in the road, motionless. They looked at it for only a second and then Seulgi reversed up alongside and parked the van again.

‘Woah,’ Irene said, laughing in disbelief. ‘I’ll be honest, that wasn’t what I expected. I mean, like…I dunno what I expected. But it wasn’t that.’

‘I thought you said it was a magnet gun?’

‘Yeah,’ Wendy said, dropping it on the floor of the van. ‘I guess it’s not really. I just couldn’t think of a better name for it. It’s more of a…stopping gun, I guess? I dunno, man. I don’t name these things. I got it from Gorbachev.’

‘That’s actually quite impressive,’ Irene said.

‘Yeah. Except that’s not all it does, so you might have a problem.’

Seulgi turned to her. She was sweating rather heavily. The newbies watched her much in the way someone observes an animal at a zoo. As if unsure whether she was even real or not. ‘What do you mean, problem?’ she said.

‘Well, it knocks out all the electronics and . Yeah. Like a, uh, short-range EMP. Groovy.’

‘So?’

She pointed to the garbage truck. The wheels moving like train axels ever so slowly. ‘So someone better get in that truck,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘No electronics – no handbrake. So unless you want it to go for a little spooky joyride down that hill…’

‘,’ Seulgi said. ‘Irene.’

‘He’s getting away,’ Dahyun said. They turned to where she was pointing. He stumbled over one of the garden fences and around the side of the house and tried in vain to tamper with the window. Dahyun and Chaeyoung looked at each other. They looked to Tzuyu for answers but she had none. When they looked for Seulgi she was already halfway out the cabin and Wheein and Irene followed without a word.

‘Watch that truck,’ Seulgi said, drawing her weapon.

‘Watch it how?’ said Irene.

‘Put your foot on the brake or something.’

‘Brilliant. Why does it even matter anyway?’

‘I don’t want a truck full of rolling away.’

‘How do you know it’s ?’

‘What?’

‘How do you know it’s .’

‘I- Look. It doesn’t matter what drug it is. Whatever. Just watch the truck. Please.’

‘Sure. You’re the boss.’

‘And less of the sarcasm.’

‘Yes, sweetie,’ Irene said with a grin. She climbed into the cab of the garbage truck and set her foot on the brake pedal and sat there. Seulgi and the others made for the house. When they were by the door Irene called out to them and they stopped and turned to see her hanging awkwardly half out the window, foot still on the pedal. ‘I’ve just realised,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘We know literally nothing about you guys. Apart from, like, your names, I guess. And that you’re police officers.’

The newbies looked at one another.

‘Yeah, I mean…your hobbies and , y’know? What you do to relax, like that. I used to steal paintings to calm down. Get in my own headspace, if you know what I mean. That was before I turned to a life of truth and justice and honour. Totally.’

‘Irene,’ said Seulgi.

‘What?’

‘Now’s not really the time, is it?’

‘Why not?’

‘We’re busy.’

‘You don’t look it.’

Seulgi sighed. She looked to Wheein for reassurance but Wheein was laughing to herself. She cocked back the slide of her pistol and knocked twice on the door and waited. Nothing moved. The three recruits stuck far behind. She reared back and kicked the door twice by the hinges and then with a third kick it splintered and exploded open in a thin plume of dust. She led and Wheein followed, pistols drawn. They found him upstairs in one of the bedrooms. He was sat on the edge of the bed with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. He had a nasty gash above his left eye and it had bled down into his enormous moustache. When he saw them he threw up his hands immediately. As if to say: Ya got me!

Then he said: ‘Ya got me.’

‘Don’t move,’ Seulgi said, and he laughed. The recruits crammed into the room and stood a moment looking about.

‘Dahyun.’

‘Yes ma’am.’

‘Cuff him.’

‘Ma’am?’

‘Put the handcuffs on him.’

‘Right,’ Dahyun said. She took the cuffs from her belt and motioned for him to put his hands behind his back and he did not. Only when Seulgi pointed the gunbarrel at his chest did he move at all.

‘Could you please hold still?’ Dahyun said, and again he did not. When the cuffs were on she wiped her brow and sat back as if it had been some Herculean task.

‘You want to read him his rights?’ Seulgi said, nodding to Wheein.

Wheein shrugged. ‘You have the right to remain silent,’ she said. ‘Yadda yadda, some other stuff. Who even cares?’

‘Excuse me, ma’am,’ said Tzuyu.

‘What?’

‘I believe that proper protocol is to-’

‘Holy .’

They turned to Irene in the doorway, already laughing hysterically.

‘What?’ Wheein said.

‘Babe.’

‘What?’ said Seulgi.

‘Look at his moustache.’

‘What?’

‘Look at it. It’s, like…y’know. Six foot. Or something. I thought you’d find it funny.’

‘Now’s not the time.’

‘God, you’re boring today. Is it because you’re trying to set an example?’

Seulgi gave an embarrassed little shrug.

‘Well,’ Irene said, ‘it’s not really working all that well. Man, this just gets crazier by the day, doesn’t it? What?’

She nodded to Chaeyoung, utterly baffled by everything.

‘What?’

‘Why are you here?’ Chaeyoung said.

‘Oh, you’re getting cheeky already? You know what? I kinda like that.’

‘No, I mean…why you are here? In this room.’

‘I wanted to see this for myself.’

‘Then who’s watching the truck?’

Irene was quiet for a moment. Then she said, ‘Oh . Yeah, I, uh….’

Seulgi just looked at her. She nodded to Wheein to keep an eye on the guy with the enormous moustache and bolted for the door and then so did the newbies and Irene in tow. The truck was already rolling down the hill. Wendy came out the back of the van to see what was going on and laughed at nothing.

‘Wendy,’ said Seulgi.

‘Yo.’

‘Can you do something?’

‘What?’

The truck was about a third of the way down the hill and gaining speed.

‘Can you do something? To the truck!’

‘Like what, man? I’m not a genius. Wait…whatever.’

‘Use your magnet gun or something!’

‘I told you, man. It’s only got one use. Then it’s got to recharge.’

‘Well how long does it take?’

‘To recharge?’

‘Yes, to recharge!’

‘Sixteen hours.’

To this Seulgi said nothing because what was there to say? She stood in the street watching the truck rapidly vanish along the declining horizon with one hand on her hip and the other nursing the headache undoubtedly about to come on. It rolled and rolled. By the time it was almost at the bottom it was doing forty miles an hour. They all braced for impact.

‘Oh ,’ Irene said. It plummeted into the stone wall and went straight through and came to a smoking halt in the field just beyond. They could hear it ring back over the night like gunfire. It smoked silent and bluely in the eye of the moon. Dahyun and Chaeyoung said nothing. Just stood there awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed. They were all silent for a while. Wendy disappeared into the van and closed the doors. Then Irene said: ‘Huh. Look.’

‘What?’

‘It looks fine to me.’

‘What?’ Seulgi said.

‘It looks fine. Just a couple scratches and a broken wall. We can just go and-’

She was stopped by a blinding flash of white light and the smell of gasoline. They saw it before they heard it. Then the sound was everywhere and rapturous and parts of the garbage truck flung like smouldering astral bodies went skittering across the night and they heard it double back again in explosion. They could taste it in the air. The gasoline, the smoke. Each shielding their eyes. It took a good three minutes to subside and it was still smoking when Wheein hauled out their captive a while later. Nobody had made a sound. Irene opened and Seulgi said, ‘Don’t.’

‘What?’

‘Just don’t.’

‘I was just going to say: Why the did it explode? It was just drugs. Doesn’t make any sense. That’s not how science works. At least, it shouldn’t be. , I don’t even know anymore. What were we doing again? Oh, right. Drugs. Yeah, . Sorry about that. But I guess a few lucky people are gonna have a great time tonight, if you catch my drift.’

She leered at Seulgi and Seulgi shook her head. ‘Why the did you get out of the truck?’ she said.

‘I was bored.’

‘Do you know what you’ve done?’

‘Me? She’s the one that shot that ing magnet thing at it! I’m innocent! Mostly. God, what a -show. But hey, at least we’re all alive, right?’

‘That’s going to cost a lot in damages.’

‘Well.’

Seulgi looked at her.

‘I’m not paying.’

‘No,’ Seulgi said. ‘Hongki is. You know how mad he is already?’

‘Because you shot him in the leg,’ Wheein said, laughing.

‘No I didn’t.’

‘Sure. If that’s what you want to keep telling everyone.’

‘You shot him in the leg?’ Dahyun said.

‘Ignore her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.’

‘Is that why he was in a cast?’

‘Ignore her.’

‘And why he was chopping up watermelons?’ Chaeyoung said.

‘Yeah,’ said Wheein. ‘He’s gone insane. Or…more insane. Or something.’

‘Man,’ Irene said. ‘Can we get something to eat now? I really want some chicken.’

Wheein pointed to the simmering remains of the garbage truck at the bottom of the hill. ‘What are we going to do about that?’ she said.

‘I’ll call it in,’ said Seulgi.

‘Call it in to who? The only people that work here are us.’

‘I don’t know. . Someone. Jesus, Irene, why’d you do that?’

Irene shrugged. ‘I didn’t think it’d actually…you know. Roll away.’

‘What?’

‘I thought it was a figure of speech.’

‘Why would it be a figure of speech?’

‘That’s what I was thinking! Just sounds dumb, really. Whatever.’

She turned to the others. They were standing there with the fire flickering in their eyes like small doe, almost comically. Like they had come across something quite unbelievable. ‘,’ Irene said. ‘What are your names again? Sorry. I’ve got bad memory. I think it might have something to do with the dying.’

‘Dahyun,’ said Dahyun, without looking away from the carnage at the bottom of the hill.

‘Chaeyoung.’

‘Tzuyu, ma’am.’

Irene nodded to nobody. ‘You want some chicken, Tzuyu?’ she said.

‘Uh…yes ma’am.’

‘Well there you go, babe. You’re outnumbered.’

‘We’ve got work to be doing,’ Seulgi said.

‘Like what? We’ve got this . Well, Wheein does.’

‘Go on,’ Wheein said. ‘I’ll deal with this guy.’

‘See? Knew I could count on you.’

Wheein winked at her.

‘,’ Seulgi said.

‘What now?’

‘You could’ve caused some serious damage. Serious damage.’

‘I didn’t, though.’

‘That’s not the point. What if-’

‘WARNING. WARNING. THIS VEHICLE CONTAINS DANGEROUS RADIOACTIVE CHEMICALS. PLEASE CLEAR THE ROAD. WARNING. WARNING. THIS VEHICLE CONTAINS DANGEROUS RADIOACTIVE CHEMICALS.’

They turned to the van, Dahyun already covering her ears. A moment later Wendy kicked the back doors open and peered half out like a wizened bird on her haunches and held up a hand in apology. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘My bad. I was trying to fiddle with some and I think I must’ve tripped it by accident. This one’s on me.’

‘When will it stop?’ Chaeyoung said, shouting to be heard.

‘Uh…let me see. Three hours?’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, man. Like I said – this one’s on me.’

‘Can’t you turn it off?’ Seulgi said.

‘Uh, no. My bad.’

She sighed. The sort of resignation she had grown accustomed to in recent times. A sort of reluctant acceptance at what they had become. She and Irene climbed into the cab and the others into the back of the van and she started the engine and pulled out into the road. The truck was still smoking quietly. A couple people had come to take pictures of the wreckage.

‘That’s not gonna buff out,’ Irene said, and Seulgi ignored her.

‘Where are we going?’ said Chaeyoung, peering through the windshield.

‘To get something to eat,’ Seulgi said. ‘After I drop Wheein off.’

‘Shouldn’t we file the paperwork for this? And an official report.’

‘We will. Just not now. I don’t want Hongki to see me.’

‘Probably for the best,’ Wheein said. Irene turned to the three of them in the back with an inquisitive smile. ‘So,’ she said, ‘how’d you like your first day?’

‘Would you stop?’ Seulgi said.

‘What? What am I doing now?’

‘Acting like you’re their evaluator or something.’

‘What?’

‘You don’t even work for us.’

‘So? I’m just asking a question. God, you’re grumpy today.’ She turned back to them and said, ‘Was it what you were expecting?’

They all shook their heads.

‘Yeah, sorry about that. Normally it’s a lot more fun than this. Trust me on that.’

‘It’s not supposed to be fun.’

‘Yeah. Well.’

‘More fun?’ Chaeyoung said.

‘Sure.’

‘What do we do now?’

Irene looked at Seulgi for an answer. ‘You report to my desk at nine tomorrow morning,’ Seulgi said. ‘All three of you. That’s if you, you know…still want to work here. And then we worry about the paperwork.’

‘Lame,’ Irene said. ‘Don Johnson never filed case documents. Oh well. Whatever. Hey, question for you three.’

They looked at her.

‘What’s your favourite eighties’ song?’

Tzuyu and Dahyun shrugged. Irene turned to Chaeyoung.

‘C’mon.’

‘Uh, Danger Zone.’

‘By Kenny Loggins?’

Chaeyoung nodded.

‘Huh,’ Irene said. ‘I think we’re gonna get along just fine, you and me. Just fine indeed. Babe. Hey, babe.’

‘What?’ Seulgi said.

‘Can I play-’

‘No.’

‘Please? Just to drown out this ing siren .’

‘No.’

‘Fine.’ She folded her arms and pouted like a child. ‘Suit yourself.’

They were quiet a long time. Just them in silence and the WARNING RADIOACTIVE MATERIALS. The next time anyone spoke it was Dahyun, sitting forward with a sort of nervous smile.

‘You know what?’ she said.

‘What?’

‘I think I could get used to this.’

‘Yeah?’ Irene said.

‘Yeah. It’s not what I expected, but…’

‘But what?’

She smiled again. A great toothy smile at the world. ‘But I think I like it more this way,’ she said. ‘I think it’s more fun.’

‘Oh, believe me,' Irene said with a mischievous grin. 'You’ll have a lot of fun along the way. A whole lot of it.’