∞

I can’t stop running and crying. When I remember her saying that she dated Kai, my heart feels heavy and my chest tightens. It hurts. It really does. Hae Rin is my first love. I never fell for anyone like this before. In fact, I never cried for anyone before. I love Hae Rin with my body and soul. I’ll trade my life for hers. But she’s taken by somebody else.

I stopped running and found myself by the park. I entered it and sat on the swing Hae Rin and I played with when we were still kids. Hae Rin was my best friend that time. We would protect each other from bullies and I remember the one time I punched a kid on the face because he made Hae Rin cry.

The dark gloomy sky suddenly gave camera like flashes and I heard thunder rumbling after a few seconds. Rain started to pour above me and then it soaked me.

“Oppa! Where are you? Oppa!” I saw Hae Rin with an umbrella running here and there looking for me. Find me Hae Rin. Feel my love for you. Don’t find me if you won’t feel anything for me.

I said those cruel words in my head while watching her.

“Oppa!” She saw me. No. Don’t go near me Hae Rin. Please.

“Oppa ... you’re soaking wet. Can we talk about this? Your mom’s worried about you. I’m worried about you.” She said putting an umbrella above me.

“Why won’t you love me?” I asked her desperately holding unto her free hand.

“Oppa you’re being ridiculous. Come on let’s go home. Please.” She won’t even listen to what I’m saying.

“Hear me out. Please. Please.” I begged.

“Oppa … please don’t do this.” She said holding me in her arms.

“Hae Rin! Hae Rin!” It’s Kai looking for us now.

“Stop crying oppa. Please.” She said still holding me.

“Hae Rin! Where are you?” Kai shouted again.

“I’m sorry … umm … Kai! Over here.” Kai saw us both and then she hugged Hae Rin. I can’t bear this scene in front of me.

“I’m going home.” I stood up and ran away again.

“Oppa!” I heard behind me. I didn’t look back. I can’t. Not when she’s with Kai.

∞

THE NEXT DAY

“Lu Han. Wake up already. Your friends are here.” My mom was knocking on my door. I literally did not sleep last night. I ignored my mother and looked at the mirror. I look like now. I don’t feel like going to school.

“Lu Han. Wake up or I’ll break this door to get you!” Mom scares me.

“Coming!” I shouted. I got ready for school and grabbed a slice of bread and got out of the house. I saw Kai and Hae Rin waiting for me.

“Hey.” Said Kai. The two were actually holding each other’s hands. Are they doing this on purpose.

“Next time don’t wait for me.” I walk briskly ahead of them.

I don’t want to find myself hurting and hurting again because the two of them are together. I should stop hanging out with them if I want to find myself alive and normal.

∞

“Hey Lu Han.” I see Se Hun with Hana in front of me.

“Hey.”

“You okay?” Se Hun asked. Obviously, I’m not okay.

“Look, I appreciate the sympathy but I just wanna be alone right now.” Was I too cold? I don’t know anymore.

“Uhh…okay. Let’s go Hana.”

∞

When I arrived at home, I find myself longing for my laptop. I wanted more advice. I’m so desperate and I’m going to do it again.

I typed “Dearloveblogs.com”

I can’t believe I’m visiting this blog again. It sounds so gay.

“Hey … nothing worked out for me. Thanks to your helpful advices I’m now heartbroken.” I typed.

It took only a minute for the owner to reply.

“It’s not my fault if you’re heartbroken. I have my own problems too you know. Don’t blame me.” That was the reply. The person seemed pretty mad.

“Why? Is something bothering you?” I typed.

“My bestfriend confessed his love for me that’s the problem. I can’t love him back because I’m dating with my other friend.” Seems pretty the same in my situation. What a coincidence.

“You won’t believe this but I’m in the same situation now.” I typed.

“Really? That’s odd. I never really imagined.”

“How do you feel about your bestfriend? If it’s not bad to ask. Just curious.” I typed.

“He’s nice and we’ve been friends since we were kids but I’m confused. I dated my other friend but when confessed to me, I was shocked and I can’t explain what I felt at all.”

“Maybe you like him.” I typed.

“I don’t know … I never really thought he’d fall in love with me.”

“Hey wait … are you a girl or a boy?” What a stupid question.

“Girl. LOL.” It’s weird but I think I just heard Hae Rin laughing out loud next door.Maybe she’s with Kai. I hope nothing weird is happening inside that room.

“Oh … I’m a boy.” I replied.

“I see. Well … what about you? What’s your story?”

“It’s complicated. I don’t know if I shocked my bestfriend when I confessed to her. I am planning to leave here because she rejected me. Running away is the best solution for me.”

“Love’s really complicated huh? I understand.”

Oh my God ! I heard next door.

“Wait a sec … something happened. I’ll be right back.”

OH . Why do I feel like this is happening at the same time? I went out of the veranda and jumped over to Hae Rin’s own veranda. I broke inside her room and saw her picking up the fallen books.

“O…oppa … “ I sneak in to her computer and saw my messages. She’s the owner of the blog? All this time I was talking to her?

“You’re that girl?” I asked giving a shock look.

“You’re the guy who was asking advice all this time?” I nodded.

“I…I’m sorry.” I don’t know why I’m apologizing. Maybe it’s because I was too cold for the past few days.

“Y…you don’t have to be sorry.” She said nervously. And then I remembered, He’s nice and we’ve been friends since we were kids but I’m confused. I dated my other friend but when confessed to me, I was shocked and I can’t explain what I felt at all.

She was confused about me. She didn’t know how she felt when I confessed.

“Hae Rin … what did you mean when you said you were confused?” She couldn’t look at me when I asked her that. Could it be that she likes me back and she doesn’t feel it?

“O…oh that. I was just umm – “

“You think you like me but something’s telling you not to?” I asked.

“N…no! I … I don’t think so.” She answered nervously walking backwards.

“Hae Rin … if you were not dating Kai that time when I confessed to you … you would have given me a chance right?” I know I sound so obtrusive but I really want true and direct answers from her.

“Look oppa I – “

“You would give me a chance right?” I said walking towards her. She was stepping backwards at the same time.

“I … I umm … I can’t answer you now.”