In reality I did it to myself. I looked over at Irene, such an innocent smile graced on her face, and all I could do is gulp at her question. ‘To spend Christmas with a boyfriend next year. And you?’ It repeated over and over in my mind as I gazed at the tree that we just decorated.

“I wish… to not spend Christmas with you…” I whispered. Even as I said it, I felt my heart crack with every syllable. I almost hoped for a face of hurt or disappointment when I actually did turn to see her. All she did was scoff and shove me a bit.

“Prankster.” Irene muttered. I closed my eyes as she walked back to the kitchen, shuffling around. “You don’t have the spiced rum!” I heard her exclaim. Swallowing the knot in my throat, I gave her a hum in acknowledgement. “Any chance you could go grab some?” I turned and saw her giving me a cheshire smile as she leaned over the counter top that divided the kitchen and living room.

“We just got back,” I reminded her. Her smile turned, her pout setting in an effort to convince me. I could feel my heart quickening, my stomach doing flips, and in the end I surrendered.

***

It wasn’t so bad outside. I shivered because I was cold and not nervous. I could think of what I wanted and not feel guilty, and best of all, I could cry and have no one question why my tears were falling.

“Why are you crying?”

I stand corrected. I turned around and was met with a tall woman, a look of concern etched on her face. “Uhh…” Seriously? Uhh? Think Wendy! “I...have allergies?”

I was met with a laugh, “To what? Snow? Maybe it's good that I found you outside then!” The confused look I gave her only made her smile wider, “I am Park Sooyoung! Irene unnie’s coworker? I needed to give her this wardrobe for Wednesday’s photoshoot. Boss Lady says it was important.” I gave her a quick nod. “I realized that she might be staying with you when she wasn’t home...but I didn’t know where you live, however it seems she isn’t with...you?”

“She’s at my house. I just came to pick up some spiced rum.”

“Oh I see, do you mind if I tag along? I might genuinely get fired if I don’t hand her this by tonight and I happen to like being paid. If it makes it less awkward I’ve heard so much about you.” I looked her over a bit. She seemed kind enough. She saw me cry already so she is essentially in a higher standing than the rest of my inner circle. I smiled at her and motioned for her to follow me. Surprisingly enough, she looped her arm with mine and got us moving along. “So, did Unnie tell you about me too?”   

***

We entered the door to my home chatting away. It turns out that Joy, Sooyoung’s preferred name, was a model alongside Irene. She was trying to break into the acting scene as well. Irene and her were both signed exclusively to partner in Blanc and Eclare, and she was around two years younger than me.

“You took forever! I almos-Sooyoung?” Joy and I turned to look at Irene with smiles.

“She and I ran into each other outside,” I informed her.

“I had to give you these, outfits from the Boss.” She handed over the hangers to Irene who took them to her room. “Wan Unnie was kind enough to ask me to join you for dinner this year!” Irene popped back out of the room, a confused expression all over her beautiful face.

“Wan? As in…?”

“I told her my name was Seungwan.” I told her with a shrug. I took Joy to the table and sat her at the head of the table. “Is Seul coming?” Irene muttered a simple ‘later’ and sat down in front of me. “So what do you like to eat Joy?”

“I am pretty open to all cuisine unnie. I am excited for your cider though!” She had an enormous smile on her face as she said that.

“She makes it for me every year.” Irene said stoically. Joy kept her smile and she peered over to see what Irene was doing.

“I left everything pretty much ready. Unnie is bringing Yoona unnie’s noodles, and she made cupcakes. Seul said that she would bring the rest of the alcohol selection. How about you go change Joohyun?”

“Oh! Wan unnie! You can teach me how to make the cream!” I gave her a nod and began to bring out the ingredients for the cinnamon whipped cream. I set her up with the basics, telling her that I tend to use this as a chance to work out my forearms. I began whipping it up, before the cream becomes fully whipped she stops me. “Can I try?” I give a nod and hand the bowl over to her. She begins to move the whisk back and forth, not getting much air into the mixture.

“No, no,” I laugh, “Like this.” I wrap my hand around her from behind and begin to show her the motions, she begins to nod and increasing the speed on her own. I let her go and lean back to the side before I hear Irene.

“Enjoying yourself?” she says staring at me from across the island. I look over and she has her christmas dress on and the portable speaker in her hand. I  give her a pointed look before she motions me over. “I’m cold.” I get close enough to where she meets me and wraps her arms around my waist, snuggling into me.

“I’ll turn on the oven soon enough. I needed it a little cooler for the cream.” I wrap my arms around her too. I glance over to the fire place and begin contemplating turning it on for her. It would be a nice backdrop for movies later. The sound of water drags me out of my thoughts, and Irene’s arms, and right back into the kitchen. “You didn’t have to do that Joy.” She gives me nod and brushes me off. She walks by Irene slowly, asking if she could use the washroom. “Down the hallway, middle door on the left.” Once again Irene and I were left alone, now with Christmas music playing all around.

“My nose is cold,” she says with a pout. I roll my eyes and turn the oven on to heat everything and warm up the apartment a little. She stills give me a pout and I sigh and open my arms again. With a smile, Irene crashes into me, snuggling in more and more. It wasn’t until her nose touches my neck that I exclaim aloud. “What?” she says with a smirk, “I told you I was cold!” She moves up a little and puts it at my nose, I can feel the top of her nose meet the bottom of my lip as I gulp. Her brown eyes are looking straight into mine, and right now, I remember why I love her the way I do.

It was the sound of doors opening that broke us up. Seulgi walks in the front, and Joy exits the washroom, while I snap my head away from Irene’s. Her grasp on my waist however, only tightens more. I look at Joy with widened eyes as Irene only snuggles back into my neck.

“Wow, getting it on already?” The smirking Seulgi says. “Honeys’ at least let me take my coat off first.” Her eyes shift to Joy before they widened. “Oh my gosh! Sweeties we have to end things, the woman of my dreams is here!” She saunters over to Joy and grabs her hand. “Kang Seulgi, artist extraordinaire.” Before Joy could even open Seulgi stops her. “Angel, I know who you are.”

“That’s a relief, after Wan unnie looked at me like a commoner I was starting to think I needed to get surgery.”

“Wan? Unnie?” Seulgi questioned. Irene turned around in my arms, gliding her hands around my arms as if to keep them there.

“I was surprised too.” Seulgi just gave her a scoff before turning back to Joy.

“I’m only kidding, my name is Seulgi though, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too!” They shook hands before Seulgi invited her to help with the table set up. Before Irene could turn herself back towards me, we heard a series of loud knocks on the door. The muffled voices gave nothing away until I heard the familiar laughter of Taeyeon. Irene walked out of my arms and went to open the door. A gasp left my mouth at the sight of Yeri, my evil younger sister, with my older sister and her girlfriend behind her.

“Yeri? Isn’t this a surprise!” Irene said. Yeri hugged her tightly, allowing Taeyeon and Tiffany to walk inside the house. “Unnies, how are you both?”

“Good Joohyun,” Tiffany replied as she received her hug from Irene, Taeyeon had a her arm slung around my neck, “Yeri surprised us in California and so we extended the gift to Korea.”

“Thanks for the warning,” I said with a grumble. Suddenly Yeri rushed into me, giving me a hug, and allowing Taeyeon to wrap herself around both of us.

“Quit whining Seungwan, how often to you get the three Kim sisters in one house!” Taeyeon said.

“Four times in the summer, and for three holidays!” Yeri said. Everyone let go of me as they laughed at Yeri’s reply. “Unnie, I brought gifts from England! I even got you and Irene unnie couples mugs!”

“You should wait until Irene gets a boyfriend before you go and buy her couples items Yeri,” I said looking towards Irene. Her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes staring directly back into mine.

“Now why would I do that? I figure one day you two will get your heads out of-”

“-Okay!” Tiffany interrupted. “I’ll go put the gifts under the tree, Tae go help bring out the food.”  Taeyeon nodded as she dragged Yeri along with her. Irene gave a huff before she shoved her finger into my chest.

“What is your issue Wendy,” she whispered yelled. I gave her a confused look which made her even angrier. “First you flirt with Joy, then I catch you wrapping your arms around her, and now you tell Yeri that there is no point in her giving us her gift! Just what has crawled into your head?”

“I really don’t know why you are upset…” I whispered to her. This answer did not soothe her. She gave a quick look to the kitchen before she pressed herself against me. Before I knew it I felt two lips on mine, it lasted maybe a second before she pulled back a centimeter. She was still staring at me, a blush on her cheeks, a slight smile on her face, but an ever present glare in her eyes.

“I said I wanted a boyfriend because of your stupid name, but Yeri is right, we both need to stop having our heads up in the clouds and be honest.” She took two steps back, creating enough distance for me to remember how to breathe.

“I..I..don’t think she meant clouds…” I stammered. My response seemed to amuse her, putting a smirk on her very gorgeous face.

“Well I would say ,” she said approaching me slowly. She was pressed against me once again, “But we both know that I claimed that since I met you.” She gave me another kiss, a longer one that was only broken up by my shock at her hand grabbing my . “Shh.” She said softly as she walked into the dining room to take her seat.

***

The night consisted of a lot of introductions and catch ups with my siblings. Joy brought up some embarrassing work stories and Irene gave a few of our embarrassing moments as well. Taeyeon and Tiffany talked about moving back to Korea, and Yeri discussed school finishing. Seulgi whispered various details to Joy when something was said that she may not understand. We were well into post dessert conversation, a couple of hard ciders had been had, but nothing to bad.

“So, you own this whole place?” Joy asked. I gave her a nod. “And you own a bakery?” Once again I gave her nod.

“She owns multiple.” Irene teased. “Taeyeon got the family business in the states, Yeri is working on finishing school in Oxford, and Seungwan here decided to be a business owner.”

“Anywhere I would know?” Joy asked.

“Ever been to Amaryllis?” I asked. Joy’s eyes widened and her jaw slacked open.

“YOU ARE THE OWNER OF THE BEST SHOP TO GRACE SEOUL?”

“I have one here, five in Canada, and ten in the US. We are actually trying to expand. We just bought three in Korean and one in each asian country east of Turkey.” Joy was immobile at this point. “I have some red velvet cake in the kitchen if you’d like some.” She stormed off into the kitchen before anyone could even stop her. Irene and I both laughed at her moans and groans when she finally reached the cake. Irene turned to look at me, smile dying down as she I met her gaze.

“You know Wan-ah, you have been so off as of late. It’s nice to see you so…”

“Joyful?” Joy said as she sat back down. She passed a slice of cake to each of us, giving herself the largest piece. Irene gave her a pointed look before she began eating her dessert. Everyone else took a slice as well. After my suggestion to move everything over to the living room and switching to pajamas, everyone was back and seated before for the fireplace.

“Yeah, there is Taeyeon who is the eldest,” I said as Taeyeon raised her hand to wave, “ and then our baby is Yeri, or Katy, who has been in Oxford.” Joy gives me a nod and shoves another forkful in.

“You can call me either, I just use Katy when i’m there because it is so much easier than having them guess how to say Yeri.”

“Fany and I travel in out of Korea, mostly for business but we have currently stayed in Los Angeles when Tiffany’s big role was given to her. I could work from anywhere and I didn’t want to be apart.” Taeyeon explained.

“That’s funny, the only Tiffany I know of that left Seoul for LA was Tiffany Hwang. She got the role in some movie about spies right?”

“That would be Tiffany, yes.” I confirmed. I heard Joy’s fork fall onto the plate at this new revelation. Irene’s snickers were barely audible but I gave her a sly smile nonetheless.

“Guilty!” Tiffany said with her infamous eye smile. I think it's the lack of heavy makeup that makes it harder for me to look like...well me.”

“But-Bu- That would make you Kim Taeyeon. You owns like five major airlines!” Joy exclaimed. All Irene and I could do was chuckle at her shocked expression. “Taeny are like CONSTANTLY in the media!”

“Don’t we know it.” Taeyeon muttered.

“Tae and I actually met when we were kids, we have been inseparable since. My dad is actually their partner in different accounts. Getting together was honestly a bigger headache than we thought it would be.”  

“Just a headache?” I said, “I covered for both of you so many times!” They both gave a laugh and scooted closer together. “Honestly, it was only because I ended up in Seoul that I got away from constantly hiding them. And then they came here to hide out again!”

“Yeah but I would say we worked out to your favor.” Tiffany gave me a knowing smile before she looked over to Irene. “Wouldn’t you say Joohyun?”

With a smug nod in response, I scooted closer to Irene. I placed a blanket on both of us, mirroring Tiffany and Taeyeon.

“So if you are her sister, and they ARE always in the media, why aren’t you?”

“I would say it’s the last name? I was adopted when I was 3 by Mom and  Dad in Canada. Mom had been there for fertility and found out that she couldn’t have more children due to scarring from a previous accident. Tae was wondering the halls and found me in the ICU. Turns out that my birth family perished in some sort of freak accident and I was the only one left. When I woke up I was met with a 7 year old asking me multiple questions about why in a bed like her mommy’s. Or at least that is what i’ve been told. Tae kept visiting me everyday for two weeks while I recovered. Mom and Dad said that the minute they found out that I had no one left they filed for adoption. I use Son to throw people off, but is actually my birth family’s name.” I felt a warm hand brush me. Irene scooted in even closer if that was possible.

“Yeah, I picked out a pretty good sibling though,” Taeyeon said shooting me a smile.

“Don’t worry, I actually did the same for Yeri. Her family also perished, but she was born in an emergency delivery. I had been living with my new family for a year and we were at the hospital for files. I heard a baby crying and I followed the sound. When they found me, I had little Yeri’s hand clasped around my finger. And all I said was “Mom, Dad, Tae, look! Sister!” I said and pointed to the baby. Turns out I thought she was ours when her all the sign said Baby Kim. And now we have baby Katy.” We all turned to look at Yeri, fast asleep on the sofa opposite of an equally passed out Seulgi, all cuddled up in the blanket.

“That is so cute!” Joy said wiping her tears. She let out a yawn and stretched her limbs. “I should go.”

“Oh no it’s really late. Stay, you can take my room.” I said. Irene was half asleep on my side and gave me a grunt of opposition. “What?” I questioned her. She looked up at me, face filled with sleep, a pout on her lips.

“Sleep with me.” I looked at Irene, thinking she was the one who suggested it. When I realized that it wasn’t her voice, I turned to Joy with my eyebrows raised. “Oh no, not like that. I just feel like there is no reason why we can’t share the bed right? We basically disclosed our entire lives to each other.”

Taeyeon and Tiffany snickered before getting up. “We are taking the our usual room Seungwan,” Taeyeon said.

“I think Yeri is still in love with your couch so she’ll be fine as long as the we keep it warm. Goodnight Wendy! Please make Christmas pancakes to eat while we open gifts okay?” Tiffany followed Taeyeon to their chosen bedroom.

I saw Irene’s frown deepen. I couldn’t exactly tell what I was more shocked by, her reaction or Joy’s suggestion. In the end it was Irene who spoke out first. “She’ll sleep with me.” Joy smirked and nodded.

“You can bunk with me since there are only three rooms.” An awake Seulgi said.  She led her to the guest room, Irene’s technical room, as I followed to give her the proper guide. I gave her a set of sleepwear, showed her the bath, and how the lights worked. I wished them goodnight before I went into my room. Irene sat cross legged, pillows propped up behind her, and a sleepy frown on her face. “Were you going to say yes?”

“What?”

“Were you going to share you bed with her Wan-ah.” Her sleep seem to disappear with every word, replaced with ever growing anger. I gave a shrug, I didn’t know how to explain to her how I was suppose to reject the offer, or that I really didn’t even consider it because of the initial shock. “You can’t! You barely met her! I mean she is nice, and she is my friend, and I am pretty sure she isn’t a murderer or anything but STILL.”

“I don’t see a reason as to why I wouldn’t though? I mean I told her more in the last ten hours than I tell most people. What’s crawled up your Joohyun.” She looked at me like I had gone mental.

“Come here,” she demanded. I timidly walked to where she was. I very slowly crawled into the bed. “Closer.” I scooted a smidge closer before she rolled her eyes and got closer to me. She held my face in her hands, eyes focused on my entire face, traveling slowly. “I can’t believe how dense you are sometimes. I want you to realize something Son Seungwan.” She said my full name. She was upset. I didn’t know why exactly, but at this moment I might be too afraid to find out. “You are going to fall in love one day, you are going to find that person who you think puts every star into the sky. I want you to know that right now, just like last year, and every year since the day we met, I wished more than anything in the world that you would find that in me.”

Oh. My. Gosh. I felt my eyes widen, my heart beat had gone from a lull to a sprint, and my cheeks burned bright red. She looked vulnerable, open, and so cautious. I was stuck between collecting her in my arms and trying to remember how to breathe correctly.

“Every smile, every laugh, every time we were close, I held my breath. Every tear tore my heart apart. I don’t ever wish for a boyfriend Seungwan, I wish for you every Christmas, New Year, and Birthday. If I am not what you want, then that’s fine, I wish you the best of luck with Sooyoung. ” I felt her hands let me go. She shuffled away from me and turned off the light. “Goodnight.”

Before she was even able to settle into bed I turned them back on.

“Hey!” She sat back up, a mixture of anger, sadness, and overall sleepiness covered her expression.

I looked at her calmly, my breathing finally under control. I reached out, pulling her close to me, tightening my arms around her as she stiffened before relaxing. “You put every star, planet, cloud, sun, satellite in the damn sky. You are my world, you have been since the day you shoved that pie in my face. I wished every year that I meant something more to you than just the girl with great cake.” I felt her arms wrap around me, as I maneuvered us to lay down. “I want you, not in a ‘I might tear off your clothes and ravish you’ kind of way, not that I don’t, but in a I want you to only love me the way I love you.”

She looked at me. Irene’s beautiful face, glowing, smiling, loving. She gave me a quick kiss. “I want you too.” I smiled widely and gave her a kiss back, relishing a little longer than she had. She pulled away with another peck on my nose. “I want you, and we can talk about this tomorrow. I am dead tired.” I chuckled and nodded. She relaxed with her arms around me, holding me close. “Goodnight.” she muttered.

“Goodnight,” I replied.

“You’re welcome!” I heard Joy yell out from outside the room. A groan from Irene was met with a laugh from Joy and Seulgi. Rolling my eyes, I waited for everything to quiet down. I looked down at the sleeping Irene and stole a kiss from her before relaxing onto the bed. Her soft grunt made a ghost of a smile cover my face, and her snuggle into me widened it. I held her softly, knowing she’d be there in the morning.