We are now back at Ljubljana since Seulgi wanted to go back because the first they time we went it was rainy. This time, the weather was great. It’s sunny but not so hot. Just the right amount of sunlight that’s tolerable for the both of us.

Upon our arrival, we went to Vodnik Square because we got hungry during the journey. It’s also the place we went to during our first visit to this city. It’s no secret that Seulgi is a foodie and with every food she bought, she also tried to feed me with her hands which made me a bit flustered.

We walked around the town after. It’s a weekend so it was no surprise to find heaps of tourists and locals roaming around. Afraid to lose each other in the crowd, Seulgi linked arms with me. The younger is normally not one for skinship so I’m always caught off guard whenever she did these things. I won’t say it but, of course, I actually really liked it. It was a reach for me to hide the smile in my face as we listen to the locals busking with our bodies close together.

As the day progresses by, I can’t help but to think this is becoming more like a date. We are now at Butcher’s Bridge where people can hang locks. It’s like the sort of thing Koreans do in Namsan Tower.

We bought one and Seulgi wrote on it. “Seulgi & Joohyun” was written up front. I smiled. I like how our names sounded together.

She’s deciding what to write below it. “How about ‘Forever <3’?” I suggested. I cannot see her expressions because she was looking down but I can see some pink tint coloring her ears so I took it back immediately. She’s fun to tease because she gets easily flustered.  “Just kidding. Write the date!” She nodded then wrote the current date on the lower portion.

Now that I think about it. The whole day has been nothing but perfect. If only this is considered a date, I would’ve called it the best date ever. I feel extra giddy today but then, again, I’m always giddy when I’m with her. She’s just so comfortable and fun to talk to.

This place is known as the bridge of love because you hang the locks with a promise of eternal love.

Eternal love? I keep thinking about that as Seulgi went on to hang our lock. Is there really such thing?

After hanging those, Seulgi saw some boats below the bridge. Turns out we can take a boat ride back to Prešeren Square. I also wanted to try so we decided to go for it. As I wait for the ride, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it and checked the screen. Of course, it’s no other than my parents. I looked at Seulgi. Any minute now it’ll be our turn.

“Take it,” She said. “Let’s just ride the next one.”

I nodded then walked away from the crowd a bit.

-

I walked back to Seulgi with a heavy heart. My conversation with my parents has always been the same. The only difference today is that there’s not enough time left. I knew from the start that all this would be temporary yet I can’t help but still feel sad about it. I know I need to go back but I don’t want to.

We rode the boat. Seulgi went up front to take pictures of the scenery. She’s smiling like an idiot. I will miss her smile that never fails to brighten my day. I will miss her eyes that turn into the most adorable crescents when happy. I will miss those ears that kept peeking out no matter how hard she tried to hide it. I will miss her face that just screams bear in human form. I will miss her voice that lulls me to sleep. I will miss her warmth whenever she’s near.

I followed her and gave her a back hug which surprised her.

I will miss you, Seulgi. So so much.

“U-unnie? What’s wrong?”

“I’m getting motion sickness.” I say as I press my head above her left shoulder.

“Oh. Do you want to stay like this?” She asked me as she placed her hands above mine.

I closed my eyes.

“Yeah.”

For a long long time.

-

I finished up drying my hair. I sat at the couch beside my bed and took my sketchpad. I opened it to view my most recent drawing.

Prešeren Square

In the middle of the square lies Prešeren’s statue. And in his line of sight was his muse, Julija. France Prešeren was a romantic poet from Slovenia who fell in love with Julija Primic. Julija was a daughter of a rich merchant. Because of their difference in social standing, France did not have the courage to express his feelings toward her. Later on, Julija married another man, unaware of Prešeren’s feelings for her.  The poet then met Ana, whom he had a relationship and had kids with, after a year. Despite having a mate and children, Prešeren would still write about one-sided love. On his dying moment, he confessed that he had never forgotten Julija and that he was never truly happy in life.

I can’t help but compare myself to Prešeren. Like his love to his muse, I will also never be able to express my feelings towards Seulgi. It will forever be an unspoken piece of truth I will hide deep within my heart.

Yes, I love her. Very much. Took me some time to admit it after a series of downplaying of my feelings as a mere crush. It’s inevitable since I know we’re both girls which the society and my family will never approve of. Also, because of the fact that she probably doesn’t feel the same.

A few years from now, Seulgi will meet someone and spend the rest of her life with that person. On the other hand, I will marry a man and have his children. And I will live with them until my dying days. Upon my deathbed, like Prešeren, maybe that’s also the time where I can finally say I love Seulgi and no matter what it’s still her. No one else.

People would probably laugh at me now thinking it’s still so early to tell and we don’t know what the future holds. Yet, as early as now, I know that Seulgi will play a really big role in my life. She will be my “The One That Got Away”, my biggest “What If”, my “Julija Primic”, and, lastly, my greatest love.

I turn the page so I could count the remaining sheets.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.