It took two hours for Baekhyun to get back to his consciousness.  His mind seemed to detach itself from his body.  It was all like living up his nightmare...  a nightmare he had never happened before in his life, not even once.

           He was not sure how he could get to the hospital where the caller informed him to go to.  He did not even remember the reason he was ‘summoned’ there, to the empty horrifying coroner room. But he recognized the person who had been waiting for him there.  Alone, dressed in a dark brown long coat.

That person looked at him in instant once he pushed the door.

           “Baekhyun-ssi?  I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,”  Baekhyun heard the young man sobbed as he embraced him tightly.

           He was still muted...  speechless, his mind was in an overdrive state.  After a while, the young man released him, and he looked into the face of the handsome boy, there were tears in his eyes as Baekhyun called his name, “Chanyeol-ssi?”  His voice, a whisper.  “How—  why—“  Why was Chanyeol there?  With him?  Why was he there??

           “I—  I was around the area, driving my car—  when—  when—“  Chanyeol tried to speak in the midst of his cry, “when I saw a lot of people gathered around—  I thought—  maybe some accident happened, so I stopped to see whether I could be any help.  You know my father is a doctor—“  he took a deep breath, “but I never thought— I  never thought it was—  it was Sehun-ssi.”

Baekhyun felt his heart falling fast.

            “I’m sorry, I really am. I wanted to call you, but they said—  they did that.”  Chanyeol sobbed harder.  "And I wasn't sure, I could— I could break the news to you."

            Baekhyun felt he was going to faint any time now, but he had to hold on.  He had to know—

            “What happened?”  He breathed hard, tears pooling fast in his eyes.  “I don’t understand—“

            “They said, his motorcycle slipped, because of the slippery road.  He lost control and—  and he fell headfirst.”  Chanyeol wiped at his eyes.  “I’m afraid it was a fatal impact—“

No.

           Baekhyun felt a rush of panic wash over him like a tidal wave, still trying to sort out the words. “No!  That can’t be...  are you sure it was him??  Are you sure there isn’t some mistake??!” 

           Chanyeol nodded his head fervently, there was no word said, yet tears running down his face heavily. 

           “But he always wears his helmet!!  He’s always cares about the safety—“

           “I know, but still—  his neck—  hit the pavement—“  Chanyeol tried to explain.

           “NO!!”  Baekhyun finally snapped at him.  “I don’t believe you!!!  It’s IMPOSSIBLE!!!  He won’t DIE that easily!!!  He won’t— he won’t leave— LEAVE ME!!!”  He sobbed.  “I WANT TO SEE HIM!!”

           Baekhyun pushed Chanyeol away from him, and barged in the coroner room, where he found a paramedic standing there, about to cover—

Sehun!  

Baekhyun gasped.

No. No. No.

           Impossible!!  That was NOT his Sehun.  His Sehun would not sleep there on that cold metal bed, NO!!  His Sehun would get up and run to him, and hug him like he always did every time they found each other.

           The paramedic had covered the lifeless body with a blanket now, ready to take him away to—

          “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??  WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT???”  He screamed at the man.  “TAKE THAT THING OFF HIS FACE!!”

          He ran toward the paramedic, trying to grab at the tarp covering Sehun’s lifeless form, but Chanyeol had reached him and pulled him away. 

          “LET ME GO!!!”  Baekhyun fought him valiantly as Chanyeol held him in his arms.  “LET ME GO!!!  They can’t take him away!!!  They can’t take him away from me!!!”  He sobbed hard.

          “No, Baekhyun-ssi, don’t be like this,” Chanyeol said quietly, “let him—  let him take Sehun-ssi.  There’s nothing else we can do—“

          Chanyeol held him firmly by the arms, but Baekhyun was hysterical.  He was sobbing and clawing at Chanyeol, and trying desperately to get away.

          “Let me go!!  Please...  I have to go to my Sehun—  I have to—  I have to—“  He was gasping for air, and choking on sobs, as Chanyeol comforted him and held him in his arms.  “That’s NOT Sehun—  he can’t be—  he can’t—  oh God—  no—“  Then he felt so weak.  He sank slowly toward the icy floor, and Chanyeol followed him, still embracing him.

          “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  I understand how you must feel.”  Chanyeol whispered in his ear.

          No.

          There was no way Chanyeol could know, but Baekhyun could not speak.  His mind was swirling incoherently, and he really felt faint.   Sensing his weak condition, Chanyeol helped him to a seat, outside the coroner room.

          “Take a deep breath, please, Baekhyun-ssi,” he said once he seated the poor boy on an empty chair, “would you like a glass of water?”

          Baekhyun shook his head silently as tears streamed down his face.  “What should I do now?”  His voice ragged.  “Where—  where are they taking him?”  He finally managed to ask out, thinking of Sehun lying alone somewhere.  He wanted to hold Sehun in his arms, or perhaps—  if possible, die with him.   He could not think anymore, he could not live...  anymore.

           “We—“  Chanyeol swallowed.  “We should make arrangements for him, and do anything we can to help.  I heard that the police officer had contacted Sehun’s family, and maybe we—  you could inform his friends—“

           Friends.

           Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut.  Sehun supposed to enter his college life in three days time, a new life was waiting for him, new adventures and new friends, but now—  they were all vanished!

           They stayed in silence for another half an hour, staring at each other not knowing what to say or do.  Chanyeol took Baekhyun in his arms finally, and they started to sob again.  How could this happen??  He could not believe this. He would never be able to believe this.  They sat there that way for hours, and Baekhyun did not say anything to Chanyeol.  He knew Chanyeol would try to ease his mind, his feeling, but there was nothing to comfort him, to soften the blow.  When the sun came up, he felt as though the end of the world had come.

           It seemed particularly offensive that it was another brilliantly sunny day.  He could not imagine a world without Sehun in it.  A life that did not include his Sehun.  Only hours before, he dreamed that Sehun had walked into their apartment in his dark jacket, and now—

Like another dream, he was gone.

           How he wished that was not true.  How he wished it was a lie, a cruel prank, someone, or Sehun himself had played on him, that any minute, Sehun would walk in the door, with his usual beam, and laugh at him. 

           Tears falling freely from his eyes again while he thought of this.  An evil fate had taken his Sehun from him.  It was so unfair that Sehun had been killed, and it was not a fault of his own!!  He had not been careless or irresponsible, had never been drunk, or speeding, had done nothing to deserve what happened to him.  Sehun had been the perfect boyfriend, the perfect son in his family, his hero and best friend, and now he was gone??? 

           An officer found them, and talked to him, “are you Baekhyun-ssi?”

Baekhyun looked at the man weakly and nodded.

           “I’m the one who called you.  I’m very sorry for your loss.”  His voice apologetic.  “We’re fortunate we found your friend’s cellphone still working after the accident, so we could contact you and give you the news.”

Fortunate?  Baekhyun stared at the officer in agony.

           “For now,” the man put out a bag and offered it to Baekhyun, “I’d like to return your friend’s belongings to you.  You can either pass them to his family, or—“

           “I understand.”  Baekhyun muttered.  “Thank you so much, Sir.  I really appreciate it.”  He bowed his head.

The officer smiled and then left them, after telling him again how sorry he was. 

           It was after six in the morning by then.  Baekhyun stared blankly at the black cellphone in his hand that he retrieved from the bag the officer gave him.  He recognized it as Sehun’s.  A little tap revealed his picture with Sehun as the screen lock’s wallpaper.  He took a deep breath looking at it.  He felt a gentle squeeze on his shoulder a second later. 

“I’m getting you some drink,” Chanyeol said.

           He wanted to refuse, but Chanyeol had stood up and walked away.   He sighed.  He supposed to be grateful to have someone like Chanyeol at this kind of moment, still—

           Someone called to Sehun’s number in a sudden.  Baekhyun read the caller ID’s name — Kim Suho?  The name did ring a bell.  He heard that name before from Sehun, but his mind could not recall it at the moment. 

In the end, Baekhyun decided to answer the call.

           “Sehun-ssi?”  Baekhyun heard someone calling the name,  “I’m sorry to bother you this early, but I need to ask you a favor.  Can you come earlier to work later?  One of our friends is getting sick, so we’re in need of more help.”

           Baekhyun felt he wanted to choke out.  He remembered now.  Kim Suho was his Sehun’s senior colleague, the friendly barista that often helped his Sehun in his workplace.  How could he explain?  How could he deliver the news that—

           “Suho-ssi?”  He finally managed, even with his hoarse voice, “it’s—  it’s me, Baekhyun.”  He hoped Sehun had ever mentioned him to Suho.

           “Ah, Baekhyun-ssi?  I’m sorry I didn’t know it was you.  I apologize if I disturb both—“

           “No, no, Suho-ssi, it’s—  it’s alright.  It’s just that—“  Baekhyun paused to take a deep breath.  It was so difficult, he was not sure he could handle this.  “It’s just maybe—  Sehun would not be able to come to your place anymore...  ever.”

           A moment of silence.  He could picture Suho’s confused face as the man heard him.  “I don’t quite understand—“

           “Sehun—“  Baekhyun breathed hard, he could feel his eyes were wet once more, “Sehun is killed in an accident.”

And he broke.

***

           Sehun’s family came an hour later, along with Baekhyun’s as well.  The mothers were hugging each other and crying, while Baekhyun himself—  he had already run out of tears.  Chanyeol did stay with him until his parents brought him home from the hospital.  They put him back to his old bedroom in his parents house, hoping their son would feel much better if he stayed with them.

Which unfortunately, not.

           When he was all alone again in his room, he was still crying uncontrollably.  He would cry when someone, his parents talking about his Sehun.  And his parents were hopeless to calm him down, knowing he still refused to believe that Sehun was dead.

           Chanyeol had called him for several times, yet none of the calls he accepted.  But when his mother informed him that Chanyeol called for the sixth time, he felt a pity for Chanyeol and decided to answer him.

“Are you okay?” 

No.  He was not okay.  But he did not know what to feel either.

           “I’ve called the University and informed them.  I’m sure they’re making the announcement soon.”

Still no response from Baekhyun.  He remained silent.

“Can I come over?”

           “I don’t know.”  He managed, his voice soft.  Sehun’s death was unthinkable, unbearable, a shock and grief too great to bear for him, and somehow it felt worse and worse for him. 

           “Let me come over.  I can be there in a few minutes,” Chanyeol said insistently.  He knew how important it was at a time like this, to be surrounded by friends.  And he was certain this was going to be intolerably hard for Baekhyun.

“Thank you, but—“  Baekhyun said, “I need some time alone.” 

“Are you su—“

“Please.”

And no more word from Chanyeol.

           Baekhyun knew he might hurt Chanyeol’s feeling with his ungratefulness, but he just did not care.  Almost immediately he ended the call and went back to his room.

           He went up to his bed, and the rest of the day was a blur of pain.

***

           It was on the news that afternoon, and people started calling and dropping by, visiting him.  Their relationship had been going for two years, and they practically made a lot of friends and family who acknowledged them.  Chanyeol came over to visit him, too, but Baekhyun was still reluctant to meet him. Though finally he did come and greet Chanyeol, he did it for a very short time, for the sake of courtesy.  He looked terrible.  His face was white, he could not stop sobbing whenever he was alone, and the only thing he could say was how he could not live without Sehun, which only mirrored the others’ pain.

           The next day was worse somehow, because with passing hour, it became more real.  They went to the funeral home that night, and it was filled with friends and relatives and other people.  There had been a moment of silence for Sehun, and everyone in the auditorium had cried for all of them.  And Baekhyun had never been in so much pain in his life. 

           “Baekhyun-ssi,” someone addressed him.  Truth to be told, he really did not want to talk with anyone now.  It would only hurt his heart more every time he accepted someone’s condolences, yet he looked at the man who called him and nodded.

           “I am Suho.  Sehun and I worked at the same place.”  Suho hoped Baekhyun would recognize him. "We've never met before—" And too bad, they had to meet in such a terrible condition.

           Suho?  Ah, yes.  “I remember you, Sehun shared a lot about you.”  He managed.  “Thank you for coming, and thank you—“  he breathed, “for everything you’ve done for him—  he told me, you’d helped him a lot.”

           “I’m really sorry.”  Baekhyun could see Suho was crying, too.  “He’s like a brother to me. He— “  It was still impossible to absorb what had just happened.  It was unbelievable.  He could not even imagine it.  “I don’t know what to say.  I—  I just hope you’d be just fine.”

           Fine?  Could Suho not see the devastation on his face?  But then—  “I would.  Thank you for your concern.”

           Suho pulled his hand and held him.  “I just want to say, Sehun loved you very much,” he said, sobbing as he embraced Baekhyun, and he could feel the boy shudder and then stiffen in his arms, but he did not say a word.  And when Suho pulled away to look at him, he could see that Baekhyun was crying, soundlessly, agonised, as broken as he was.  Suho understood it perfectly. 

           The funeral was on the next day, and Baekhyun could not remember how he managed to get there with his parents.  All he could remember were the flowers, the sound of singing in distant somewhere, and looking at his shoes.  He could see Chanyeol and Suho attend the funeral also.  Chanyeol had stood there, looking glazed.  And so was Suho.  Their high school principal came to speak at the funeral for Sehun, and as for him, he was asked to speak also.  But he refused.  His mind was in a total blank, it was most likely he would pass out if he stood there and said things he remembered about Sehun.  Sehun’s younger brother was there, replacing him to say the last word.  He gave a beautiful eulogy about the remarkable boy Sehun was, how kind, how wonderful, and how loved.  But even the words were not enough to dim the pain.  Nothing could soothe the agony they all felt. 

Nothing could change the fact that Sehun was—

Dead.

           And after they left him at the cemetery, it felt like the end of the world to Baekhyun.  Sehun’s family had gone home.  There was nothing to comfort them in any of it, nothing to cling to, or to negotiate or bargain with.   Sehun had been taken from them in the blink of an eye. 

Too fast, too soon, too hard, too sad.

Too overwhelming, too agonising to bear.

           And yet, whether they felt equal to it or not, it had to be borne. They had to live through it, and go on without Sehun. 

There was no other choice.

Baekhyun cried himself to sleep that night.

***

           Sehun had been gone for a month, and when Chanyeol took a good look at Baekhyun in early November, he thought Baekhyun looked worse than he had since a month ago.  Baekhyun had nothing changed.  He was as grief-stricken as he had been in the first few days after Sehun’s death, and he could barely make himself get dressed every day.  When he did, he wore jeans and a sweater with holes in it.  He looked depressed every bit as depressed as he felt.  Chanyeol even offered to pick him up and send him to college, but Baekhyun just shook his head and said he did not want to trouble.

           That was when he started to get stomach pains.  They were fierce and sharp, and he finally mentioned it to Chanyeol one day, and he looked concerned.

           “You’d better go to the doctor right away.”  He was all frightened about Baekhyun now. 

           “I think I’m okay,” Baekhyun said unconvincingly.  “I guess, I’m just thinking of ‘him’ too much.  I—“  He stuttered, “I can’t help it.  I’ve never been anywhere or any time without him.  It’s like losing a big part of myself—“  He breathed, “will I always feel like this?”  Baekhyun felt panicked again.  It was hard to imagine spending the rest of his life in that much pain.  “My mother thinks I should clean out his room in our apartment, and return everything to his family.  I just can’t do that yet.  Maybe I never will.  I go and sit in there sometimes.  It’s as though, if I sit there long enough, and wait for him—“  A lone tear strayed down his cheek, “he’ll—  he’ll come home.”

Chanyeol squeezed his hand.

           “I—  I haven’t even changed his sheets.”  Baekhyun chuckled.  “That must sound crazy to you,” he said apologetically.

“I understand.”

           “I just wasn’t prepared for this,” Baekhyun said miserably.  “Maybe I never will be.  It never occurred to me that he could die, that something like this could happen to us.  This happens in the movie.  I never thought it would happen to me—  or to any of us—“

And Chanyeol could only listen.

           Baekhyun had been back in college for two weeks, the stomach pains got worse, but he did not say anything.  Not even to his parents.  He knew he had to be strong —  or at least, to look like it  —  so no one would worry about him.  He did not share it with Chanyeol either.  Or Suho.  He sometimes went to Suho’s cafe, and met the man.  He understood why Sehun liked this man, Suho was indeed a good brother.  But he was in bad shape, too.  And they understood each other well.  Sehun had left them all in sorry shape.

           When Baekhyun lay in bed at night, he would try not to shout in pain.  

And then it all got worse.

           That day, he went to attend his lesson, as usual he would meet Chanyeol in front of the class, when the pain attacked him in a sudden.  He was in so much agony, he could hardly think.  He ignored the terrified look on Chanyeol’s face as he rushed to the toilet, and went in one of the cubicles there.  He could sense Chanyeol was following him since, but the pain was too much, he could not pay any attention to him.  As soon as he entered, he began vomiting, and as he did, he saw bright spots of red.

Blood?

           There was no expert needed to tell him just how bad it was.  He stayed in the toilet for a long time, vomiting and when he finally opened the door, he could hardly stand up.  Chanyeol was already there, waiting for him, and he sobered up quickly when he saw his face.  Baekhyun was no longer even white.  He was green.

“Oh my god!!  Baekhyun-ssi!!  Are you alright??!” 

           Baekhyun dropped on his knees, and staring at him, with one hand clutching Chanyeol’s hand.  

Chanyeol’s face had a look of extreme panic now.  “Bae—“

           “Chanyeol-ssi,” Baekhyun said softly, doubled over with pain.  He could not even get back on his feet by then, and as he looked at Chanyeol, the room whirled around, and his whole body began sliding slowly to the floor completely.

           “Baekhyun-ssi!!!”  Chanyeol quickly dived beside him, as Baekhyun passed out.  Some kids had gathered around, feeling panic to see what was happening as well.   “Someone!!  Call for HELP!!”  Baekhyun heard Chanyeol’s shouting.  He wanted to stop him, to say that he would be just fine eventually, but he could not.  

           Baekhyun looked as though he were dead, and Chanyeol could feel his heart pound as some men rushed in — apparently paramedics from the university — and there he realized as he helped them lifting Baekhyun’s limp body, how much weight the boy had lost. 

            And there, suddenly it occurred to Chanyeol that Baekhyun might— die also—  

No.  No.

           That could not happen.  He could not even conceive of losing him.

           And as Chanyeol spoke to the paramedics, Baekhyun stirred and began vomiting again.   He never fully regained consciousness, but Chanyeol saw bright pools of blood.

“We’ll get an ambulance right away.” 

“What’s wrong??  What’s happening to him??”

            “It could be a number of things,” the paramedics explained, “most likely a bleeding ulcer.  We’ve got to take him to the hospital.  Will you come with us?”  They asked Chanyeol, as they put Baekhyun on a stretcher and covered him.  Even in his unconscious state, Baekhyun was shivering, and slipping rapidly into shock from the blood he had lost.

            Chanyeol nodded his head, climbed into the ambulance with him, thinking when all this misery would finally meet an end.

***

TO BE CONTINUED~

Author's note:

Hello, everyone! How are you? I hope you're still enjoying the story. Thank you so much for subscribing and reading my work! I really appreciate it! I hope I can give you another update very soon! Please drop me a comment if you're available. Thank you so much!!