Jeongyeon and Sana were meant to be…apart from the start.

Jeongyeon was mature, funny at times but had goals in life while Sana was childish, whiny and just wanted to have fun all the time.

At first they clicked. Two opposites personalities attracted each other, it was a breath of fresh new air for the both of them. Jeongyeon had fun treating Sana like a baby and Sana had immediately relied on Jeongyeon, she was trusty-worthy.

It was fun at first but soon their differences collided.

It began with small things like how Jeongyeon liked coffees and watching early morning news while Sana wanted to cuddle and eat breakfast on the way to work. It was cute at first, Jeongyeon liked spooning Sana, and she was too adorable to be ignored. But Sana wanted more and more time to cuddle with her that Jeongyeon being late at work has become a new routine for the older woman.

Then it escalated quickly with how Jeongyeon always complained that Sana always wanted to eat take-outs because she was too busy with her work to cook for her girlfriend. Jeongyeon offered to cook for them but Sana insisted she doesn’t want to make it harder for the older woman as she was already the one who does household chores for them. Jeongyeon found out later on that Sana didn’t want to eat anything she made because it was ‘horrible’, Sana blurted it out when they fought for the hundredth time.

Of course, Sana wasn’t the only one who had ‘problems’. Jeongyeon did lead her and made her point of view in life better. But the older woman always had high expectations of her to do a great job at work so she can be promoted. Jeongyeon was already making plans for them too specifically for their future together. She always wanted everything to go according to her plans. Like buy a house when Sana just wanted to live in an apartment, adopt kids when Sana only wanted just her, she doesn’t even know if she wanted to get married even though she loved the taller girl so much, the marriage concept was just not her thing.

But of course, they tried, they loved each other. So they always tried to meet in-between and make amends whenever they wanted different things and fight. It was all good, they kiss and make-up. But when fights become a routine it gets tiring especially when Sana just wanted to avoid it and forgive each other easily while Jeongyeon would always insist they discuss their feelings and their problems. Sana didn’t like it. Didn’t like how Jeongyeon would always complain on how she never makes decisions in life and just relied on her, didn’t like how Jeongyeon forgot her promise that she would take care of her and do her best to make their life together happy. But Jeongyeon did try her best, she really tried but Sana was just too stubborn. She didn’t know how to make the younger girl agree with her sometimes. But if you had to ask Sana the older woman was just too hard-headed and always wanted to get her way.

So just like any other day, they fought again.

Sana collapse on the ground in the kitchen counter, crying and scared that Jeongyeon shouted at her. But Jeongyeon didn’t want to shout but Sana didn’t want to talk also, so it was frustrating for the older woman. The younger girl just wanted to kiss and make up already because it was their special night. And Jeongyeon shouldn’t have been the one who’s angry because it was her fault that she forgot about their anniversary. But she was tired of work, tired of Sana also because she never wanted to talk it out, tired to understand why Sana always just forgives her. It was just too much for her, she didn’t like how the girl never did her part on arguing, always just surrender immediately.

And Jeongyeon couldn’t take it anymore.

“Let’s break up.” Her voice was shaky and she regretted the moment she said it.

Sana looks up to her immediately and got up to hug the girl as she opens her arm, “No. No. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don’t say it.”

Jeongyeon moved away and dodged the hug but she did want to hug the girl and feel her embrace. She just didn’t know why she avoided it. Maybe because it would remind her of how the girl always gets home late while she sleeps alone on their bed.

Tears starts falling from both of them. Sana started sobbing knowing Jeongyeon was serious this time, it feels real this time. Jeongyeon’s anger immediately dissipates the moment her girlfriend breaks down, crying in pain because of her so she kneeled down and hugged her. The younger was shaking and holding unto Jeongyeon’s coat so tight already.

“Please don’t leave me. I’ll try. I’ll do better. I'll make us work” She tried to talk in-between her sobs. It was hard but she had to say it, she loved Jeongyeon and she can’t live a life without her.

Jeongyeon rubs her back, cries even more because the girl who always smiles and laughs and brings joy to her life is now vulnerable and its all because of her. Because she always wanted Sana to be like her and now she realizes that the girl will never be like her, that’s who she is and that’s what she always liked about her. So even though it will hurt them, she needs to do this, she can’t force Sana to be like her.

In her shaky voice as she chokes on her words she says, “I don’t want to force you to become someone else anymore. It’s not who you are. You’re fun, full of laughter and happiness and I don’t want to take it away from you. “

“No, no. You’re wrong, I’m happy. I’m happy because of you. That’s why I’ll try this time, I promise just please don’t leave me. I can’t be without you. You’re my happiness.”

“No, Sana you’re not happy anymore. We always fight and I always see you cry. I don’t want to see you like that anymore. I don’t want to hurt the woman I love anymore.”

Jeongyeon tried to let go but Sana held her tighter, forced her to a hug.

“I won’t let you go.”

But Jeongyeon is stronger, she always has been, be it mentally or physically.

She was able to push Sana away from her.

“I love you but you’re no longer happy with me. I'm sorry.” She caresses Sana’s face and the latter closes her eyes and leans closer to her touch. She wants to always feel her touch, the touch that always make her feel secure and loved but now it feels different, it feels cold and it feels like it would disappear the moment she opens her eyes.

And it did. Jeongyeon withdrew her hand and was just now looking at her, teary-eyed as well.

She is just as scared and devastated like her so Sana doesn’t understand why she wants to leave. She doesn't understand why Jeongyeon doesn't want to wait anymore like the times she was stuck at work and the older girl would watch a movie while she waits for her. 

She thought she understand her, she was really trying her best to be a better person for the older girl. But why? Why does she not understand everything she does is for Jeongyeon?

“I’ll sleep at Mina’s tonight and get my things tomorrow.” Jeongyeon spoke as she tries to supress her tears but she couldn’t hide away her love, her pain. It was always just on the surface of her heart, it was always occupying her mind. So she let if flow.

She then kisses Sana’s forehead one last time, longer this time, harder, pressing her lips to say goodbye. She never wants to say goodbye with words. Selfish as it may seem, she doesn’t want her love out of her life, not completely but they needed to be apart if that’s what it takes for them to be happy again.