She has always been utterly beautiful in your eyes, but you think that you find her the most beautiful in the earliest of mornings.

This morning is no exception.

Your music video had been a long, arduous task to film that, while fun, had still been incredibly tiring – you’d been filming into the bright hours of the morning light – but for some reason, she’s still there, still with you, still dabbing at your soaked face with a towel.

And she looks beautiful under the growing sunlight, the orange painting her hair beautiful colors, milk and honey and sweet as sugar as she smiles at you, dazzling in the morning glory.

She tells you that you worked hard, and your heart swells to twice the size.

“You shouldn’t have stayed for so long,” you say later, when you’re both seated in the back seats of the van. Her head is on your shoulder and you reach over to push away a strand of hair that had fallen across her face. You smile at her fondly as she mumbles something incoherently, pushes closer to you despite the heat of the summer air.

“Look at you, Jungeunie,” you murmur under your breath such that only the younger blonde can hear you. “Twenty-five straight hours awake, of course you’re all tired out! And you have school in a few hours—”

“I’ll be fine,” she says, her mumbling more intelligible now, and she forces herself to pry her eyes open just wide enough to stare at you meaningfully, like you’ve just finished conquering the world instead of getting drenched for a music video shoot. “I will, unnie, really. Besides, I couldn’t leave you by yourself.”

“You could have,” you argue half-heartedly, because you’ve actually never been so thankful for Jungeun’s constant presence that’s somehow managed to remain unchanging during this whole, sped-up process. Still, “I’m a dependable unnie, aren’t I?”

“You are,” Jungeun chuckles, closing her eyes once more. She takes your hand within her own. “But sometimes I just want to be around you just because I can. Because even the most dependable unnies can use some help sometimes, right?”

You let yourself close your eyes with a soft smile on your lips, and you rest your head on Jungeun’s, breathe into her familiar scent, allow yourself to revel in the way she lets out the most content of sighs as she snuggles closer to you.

“Yeah,” you hum gently. “I guess you’re right, Jungeunie.”

--

She races back to the dorm on the day that Singing in the Rain is supposed to drop, bursts in through the door, loud and rambunctious and excited like how she’d burst into your life.

You’re already on the couch with Haseul and Kahei, the only other girls who didn’t have school (you’d gotten texts from Heejin, Hyunjin, and Yeojin saying that they’d be watching from the train ride home), but even Haseul and Vivi, two of your closest friends, had known better to leave the space to your left empty, because that’s how it’s always been— Jungeun to your left, always to your left.

And she squeezes your hand as the four of you watch your music video together, pulls your intertwined hands to her chest and you can feel the pounding of her heart beneath the back of your palm, pressed so close to her skin. You almost contemplate doing the same to her, although you decide against it because you’re not sure you want Jungeun to know how much of an effect she has on you just yet.

For a brief moment, you look up from the video to meet her eyes, and they’re soft, soft, soft.

(Jungeun also makes you feel soft, soft, soft, but you can’t let her know that yet.)

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispers after it’s all over and Haseul and Kahei have gone to the kitchen to take out their celebratory batch of cookies they’d made for you. “You’re really, really beautiful.”

You blush at her words and duck your head to hide your face in the crook of her neck, and she laughs but calls you beautiful again, the sound filling up the spaces around you and the galaxy that falls in between.

She keeps calling you beautiful, but all you can think about is her smile from that early morning.

--

It’s late August when you, Jungeun, and Yerim fly out to Los Angeles, and Jungeun nudges you right as the plane’s engine starts rumbling, jolting you awake from where you had been slowly drifting off to sleep.

“Jinsoul-unnie?”

“Mmhm?”

“Oh no, sorry. Did I wake you up?”

You shake your head.

“No, I wasn’t asleep, no worries.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” you stifle a yawn, and if Jungeun notices, she doesn’t say anything.

“Unnie…”

“Yeah?”

“Hold my hand?”

“Always.”

You think it’s adorable, how she grips onto your hand like you’re the only thing anchoring her down to earth as she stares out the window in awe at the clouds that float beside you, the landscape that fades into the ocean below.

--

Jungeun cries after your Sweet Crazy Love goodbye stage, long after you've all left the broadcasting station and you’re back at the dorm. Yerim has already told the two of you a sleepy goodnight, and you’re about to tell Jungeun the same, when you turn to your right and you see unmistakable tears in her eyes.

Immediately, you're cradling her in your arms, asking “what's wrong?” in a hushed tone, squeezing her waist as you try to comfort her the best that you can.

“I don't know,” she whimpers, almost looking mad at herself for crying. She glares at the space behind your head, trying to fight her inner demons, rubbing at her eyes furiously with balled fists.

You smile gently and shake your head, taking her hands within yours and lowering them.

“Don't rub at them,” you murmur, absently thinking about how the other girl's much be asleep right now. “Your eyes will get even more red and you'll look like a red panda.” You deliberately pause, pretending to be thinking. “But then again, Haseul would love you, so maybe I should let you.”

You're proud of the little watery giggle your quip elicits, and Jungeun leans in to bury her head into your shoulder.

“Unnie, it's late and you’re tired. You should go to bed, I'll be alright.”

You hum in acknowledgement.

“As if, Kim Jungeun.” You chuckle under your breath, a hand slipping back around her waist while the other tangles itself into her long blonde locks, brushing out the knots. “I'm going to stay right here with you.”

“Unnie—”

“You can’t change my mind, Jungeun-ah.”

“I’m sorry about this, unnie. You won’t have to do this for me again.”

There’s something akin to frustration simmering in the fires that are Jungeun’s eyes, and though the flames are low, you see that they’re burning hot, glimmering in her own version of stubborn determination.

“I don’t mind staying with you,” you say in an offhanded manner, hoping that you don’t seem like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill; that you’re not making the issue seem larger than it really is. “I like being around you, Jungeun.”

“I know, unnie,” she says quietly. “But still.”

The flames flare up again, and the most you can do is hope that she doesn’t burn so bright that she accidentally burns out.

--

In terms of Jungeun, nothing new develops for a few months— the remaining members of your twelve-person family are completed, and you love them all with every ounce of your being. You absolutely adore Chaewon and Hyejoo, the latest and final additions to LOONA’s maknae line, while Jiwoo is the smiley, bubbly presence that Yerim has always needed to match her own infectious positivity. Meanwhile, you’d taken a liking to Sooyoung from the very start, finding solace in the your other 97-liner friend and her blatant honesty.

You don’t notice anything outside of the ordinary until you realize that you haven’t hung out with Jungeun in a few days— a rarity, considering how close the two of you are.

You make a mental note of this as you exit your large shared bedroom and walk down the dorm hallway to the kitchen, where you run into a yawning Jiwoo pouring herself some tea.

“Early morning, huh?” You say with a small chuckle as Jiwoo turns to greet you, only for her greeting to dissolve into yet another wide yawn. She nods blearily, rubbing at her sleepy, half-closed eyes, looking like she wants nothing more than to slip into her warm, comfortable bed. “Today’s another recording day?”

“Yup,” Jiwoo mumbles, taking a sip of her tea in an attempt to wake herself up. “We’re doing a remix section of the Love4eva breakdown though, so we’re trying to squeeze in an early practice to work on the dance a bit.”

“That’s the one with the choreography that Sooyoung made?”

“That’s the one.” Jiwoo nods, and though her eyes still remain clouded with sleep, you can see the pride that shines there. “She worked so hard on it, so Chaewon, Hyejoo, and I all really want to get it right for her.”

“I’m sure you’ll do it justice,” you say soothingly, and Jiwoo shoots you an appreciative smile. “By the way, do you know where—”

“Jungeun’s in the living room,” Jiwoo answers with a giggle, and you flush with embarrassment. You really shouldn’t be, considering how Jiwoo is Jungeun’s best friend and she’s been supportive in telling you you’re good for her since the day you first became acquainted with her. “I think she’s watching another dance practice video.”

“Got it,” you give Jiwoo a thumbs up. “Thank you, Jiwooming!”

“No problem!”

Sure enough, you find Jungeun seated on the couch, a tablet in her lap, earphones plugged in. Jiwoo had been right— she’s watching yet another dance practice.

You plant yourself on the spot next to her.

“Jungeunie!”

“Oh, hi, Jinsoul-unnie.”

You try to ignore the disinterest in her tone, playing it off as concentration.

“I was planning on going out for lunch later and then getting ice cream at our favorite place since the weather has gotten nicer. Do you want to come with? I’ll pay and stuff.”

“I can’t. I was asked by BBC to think up some choreography for Uncover, since they want us to be able to perform another B-side during our first fanevent as a complete group. They asked me to practice a bit and then meet with them on what can be fixed.”

“Oh… are you doing it by yourself? Shouldn’t someone be helping you?”

Jungeun shrugs, not looking away from the tablet screen.

“I don’t think anyone needs anything more on their plates.”

“Is that so…?” You trail off, frowning. “Are you sure you’re okay with doing it all on your own?”

“I’ll be fine, unnie.”

“…If you say so. I guess I’ll leave you to it.”

“Okay, unnie.”

You stand up from the couch, eyes darting around the living as if you’re trying to find an excuse not to leave. You find nothing, and with one final glance at Jungeun, who no longer acknowledges your presence in the room, you take a few tentative steps to leave.

You have to resist the urge to push back a strand of blonde hair that had fallen across her face.

--

She has always been utterly beautiful in your eyes, but you think that you find her the most beautiful in the earliest of mornings.

This morning is no exception.

You still find her beautiful this morning. And the next. And the one after that. And so forth.

She will always be beautiful in your eyes, even as you sit at the kitchen table in the mornings only to watch Jungeun step out the door. And maybe it’s just your imagination, but you swear you see her stride further and further away from the dorm each day, even if she is only going to the Blockberry Creative practice rooms to entangle herself in yet another day of practice.

Like a sailboat lost at sea, you watch her bob up and down, further and further away, out on that treacherous, monstrous sea of stars.

(Shine shine shine, but not so bright that you fade away too fast, you pretty little thing).

--

If you had to choose the one single aspect of LOONA’s given concept that you absolutely love, it’s the assigned colors.

You still remember the way your heart fluttered the moment you were told that your color was to be the cool, deep blue to Jungeun’s fiery, passionate red. You were opposites, two sides of the same coin and yet you weren’t so different after all. You and Jungeun – Jinsoul and Kim Lip – were meant to be complements who made up for what the other lacked. And for the most part, you did.

The two of you were always praised for your teamwork, after all. The way your voices blended together is nothing short of magical, the producer had said after the final recording session for your duet, Love Letter— the B-side that still remains your favorite song to this very day.

You and Jungeun had had so much fun on that day, recording in the booth together as you’d sit next to each other, practically collapsing onto each other as you both would laugh and hide in embarrassment at some of the more “extra” adlibs that had been requested of each of you.

And yet for some reason, you found yourself unable to find the same enthusiasm, the same excitement this time around.

You’re recording verses for LOONA’s debut album with none other than Jungeun herself, situated on the other end of the same bench as you as you test out intonation, but somehow you’ve never felt further apart. The gap between you and her feels something more than just physical, maybe even on a metaphysical level, but it’s like you can feel the red-and-blue-intertwined strings of fate between the two of you feel strained and tugged, waning at the binds and fraying at the edges.

It’s only been a week or so since you’ve realized you’ve been without her constant presence, but you somehow feel that much emptier.

But you also feel angrier.

She finishes recording her lines before you – you’ve still got a whole lot more adlibs to finish and the director has given you a break for him to discuss content with a few higher ups – and she exists the studio almost hesitantly.

She casts you a glance.

You don’t expect much.

“Do you want some water, unnie?”

You’re too angry, too annoyed, too easily riled. You want to snap at her, tell her about how angry you’re feeling, how you wish she could just tell you that she doesn’t want to be around you anymore, that she no longer cares for you as a friend.

But you know that if you ask that of her and she tells you your worst fears, you know that you will be broken, and you’re not sure you have the strength to fix yourself up after that.

“No, I’m good,” you whisper, even though your throat is dry and scratchy from all your singing. You force down a cough. “I’m fine, Jungeun. You can head home now.”

Brushing her off will have to do instead.

“…Okay.”

And just like that, she’s gone, and you’re left alone.

--

It just feels so wrong.

You’re awkward with her, and it just feels so wrong.

The choreographer even calls you out on it, and you can’t even explain why you’re feeling this way, just a simple what’s going on because you genuinely do not know, especially when you’re put on the spot in front of the rest of your members.

They all look at you and Jungeun with a mix of curiosity and worry. It doesn’t help that you’re currently in the center position with Jungeun and Yerim, surrounded by the girls from the other subunits.

Why should this portion be awkward? You’re with the two girls you’ve spent the most time with by far, the two girls who you have experienced actual promotion with. You’re supposed to be comfortable, hell, even past comfortable.

Hell, you’re in love with Jungeun, for ’s sake. The two of you used to cling to each other like lifelines at one point.

Used to being the keywords, because Jungeun hasn’t made skin-to-skin contact with you in nearly two weeks. Have you somehow forgotten her touch in such a short period of time?

No, it couldn’t be. Because just now, you’d shivered just by Jungeun brushing a hand across your bare arm.

Everyone’s still waiting for an explanation, even if you don’t have one.

Thankfully, Jungeun does.

“Sorry, we’ve just been incredibly tired lately,” Jungeun apologizes genuinely, sparing you a glance that last no more than half-a-heartbeat. You try not to think of the way you see her discreetly swallow. “Jinsoul-unnie has been helping me out with some choreography for one of our B-sides, that’s all.”

Ten minutes later and you’re still shocked that she covered for you.

An hour later and you’re trying to catch Jungeun before she leaves.

“Jungeun!” You call, chasing after her down the hallway. “Jungeun!”

You see her pause, albeit reluctantly.

“Yes, Jinsoul-unnie?”

“I— just, thank you for covering and making an excuse for me.”

Jungeun doesn’t meet your gaze, and your heart sinks as she chooses to focus on anything and everything but your form, standing right in front of her.

“Of course, Jinsoul-unnie. It was only right.” What does she mean by that? “Is that all?”

“Um, yeah,” you nod meekly, stepping aside to let her pass. “I’ll… see you back at the dorm?”

She nods, and for a brief second, you wonder if she’s going to reply.

Then she’s turning on her heels, and once again, she’s gone.

--

You don’t expect Sooyoung of all people to be the one who finally gets you to move into action, but when you look back after it all happens, you suppose that it only makes sense that it’s your same-aged friend who somehow addresses the churning in your stomach.

On the contrary, you’d been planning on keeping it all holed up for much longer. Maybe if you’d laid low and stayed quiet, everything would just blow over (you don’t know why you’d ever thought this; you know how stubborn Jungeun is).

Talking with Sooyoung is like plunging your face into a bucket of ice cold water— much colder than the water you were drenched in for your music video filming, but a good wake-up call nonetheless.

The two of you are alone in the dorm for the first time since before YYXY’s promotions started. The other girls had wanted to go shopping, but someone needed to stay home to prepare dinner. Sooyoung had volunteered, and both Jiwoo and Jungeun had originally opted to stay and help as well before Haseul pointed out that both girls had been complaining about the dorm’s lack of snacks and therefore had to come choose them themselves.

You still remember the way Jungeun’s eyes had shifted to look at your relaxed form sitting on the couch, uncertain, before you’d shrugged, playing it cool, pretending that everything’s okay.

“I’ll stay and help Sooyoung,” you’d said, acting like you hadn’t seen the relief that flashed in Jungeun’s eyes. You hadn’t really expected much less.

You aren’t prepared in the slightest when Sooyoung takes a seat on the chair across the room the moment the door closes shut. The two of you are left alone.

Your friend is like a work of art in the way that she crosses her legs, resting her chin on a dainty hand as she scrutinizes you from the expanse of the living room. She her head curiously, yet knowingly, as if she understands something that you don’t (and she probably does).

“Jungeun’s been acting rather strange recently,” she comments out of the blue.

You try not to show your shock, pray that your widened eyes don’t give it away.

“Has she?” You try to come off as nonchalant.

Sooyoung nods, appearing far more aloof than you’ve ever been able to in your whole lifetime.

“Yeah, she has. She’s always been into cleaning and practicing, but these days, that’s all she does if we’re not bringing her with us somewhere.”

“Is that so…”

“I think you know so, Jung Jinsoul,” Sooyoung hums, and you do your best not to flinch at the full-name card. “I think you know better than anyone else, because you’ve been acting strange too. You’ve never even touched the Uncover choreography, have you?”

You stay quiet, your gaze shifting everywhere but Sooyoung. Then, you shake your head.

“Have you tried talking to her?” Sooyoung asks.

You shrug. No point in denying it anymore.

“Sort of?”

“So you haven’t.”

“‘Sort of’ doesn’t mean ‘no.’”

“Sure. Anyway, I think you should talk to her about not overworking herself and whatnot. She’s always listened to you best.”

“I don’t know about that. She seems to have taken a liking to you recently,” you mutter, turning away from Sooyoung, staring out the window as the white clouds above roll by. “Jungeun listens to you well, Sooyoung-ah, plus you’re another member of the leader line.”

You don't even have to look behind you to know that Sooyoung is frowning. Unlike what people may assume, Sooyoung is easy to read. Much like the well-worn pages of a detailed, engaging novel, Sooyoung’s features contain more than enough information for you to tell what she's feeling. And also like a book you've read countless times, usually, you can predict what will happen.

“What does me being one of the leaders have to do with you talking to Jungeun?” Sooyoung questions, as straightforward as ever, though you can hear a little thorn of hurt from where she'd been pricked. You mentally wince, because despite Sooyoung’s constant bravado, you know how easily she turns genuinely apologetic, and you feel bad for accidentally guilting her. “Jinsoul, you know that the so-called ‘Leader Line’ is just a superficial title given to us by the company as an easy explanation for our nearly-nonexistent roles, and that the kids really love you and follow you well—”

“I know, HaSoo,” You look over your shoulder, shooting her what you hope is a reassuring smile, and your friend immediately shuts . “And don't worry, I'm not feeling frustrated about anything like that— I'm satisfied with my place on this team, no worries there. I'm sorry for giving you the wrong impression.”

“Okay…” Sooyoung nods carefully, taking her time comprehending your words. You watch her silently. “So… what's the problem then, Jinsoul?”

You let out a curt laugh, turning back to your position looking out the window. Outside, a flock of geese fly across the cityscape in the shape of a V. You wonder what it's like to fly so continuously like that—you can only imagine that it's tiring.

“The problem,” you say slowly, deliberately taking the time to chew on your own words, not sure of them, not sure if you want to say them because if you do, they'll become that much more real. But then again, you don't have much more to lose, anyway.

“The problem is that I'm pretty sure Jungeun is avoiding me,” you finally manage to choke out with a halfhearted chuckle. “At least, she has been over these past two weeks. Which is why it's probably better for you to stage the intervention, Sooyoung. Jungeun listens to you well anyway—”

“She follows me well,” Sooyoung corrects, like the words have two different meanings. You struggle to keep up with her for a moment, not wanting to admit that she's right. “She follows me well, Jinsoul, but she doesn't listen to me— I don't think she ever really has. Not about stuff like this, and… You know how stubborn she is.”

“Tell me about it,” You laugh even though you actually feel like crying.

From the reflection in the window, you see Sooyoung's frown turn into a soft, affectionate smile.

“She listens to you, though,” your friend continues, and you turn around to face her in confusion. A gentle laugh falls from Sooyoung’s lips, and she stands from her chair, joining you on the couch as you prop up an elbow on the armrest. “I’m serious, Soul. There’s no one Jungeun listens to better than you. You… I guess you wouldn’t, but you really don’t see the look she gets in her eyes when she gazes at you as you speak. It’s like she’s entranced or something… it’s mildly concerning,” Sooyoung jokes, and you hit her lightly with a pillow. “But that’s really not the biggest of our problems right now, is it?”

You sigh, an amused smile hiding how utterly terrified you actually are at the prospect of confronting Jungeun about everything and more.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to be the one to talk to her?” You ask weakly, for the final time. You can’t help yourself; you’re too used to running away from your problems, you’ve never been on the other end before.

“Absolutely,” Sooyoung asserts before shrugging. “I mean, I'm not the one in love with Jungeun.”

You can’t help but break out into a coughing fit at that statement, absolutely caught of guard. The coughing fades into a glare that you shoot Sooyoung’s way, your friend laughing as hard as humanly possible at your reaction.

“Your face!” Sooyoung laughs, shaking her head in amusement before rising up once more. She offers you a hand and you take it, allowing her to pull you to your feet. She wipes away at the tears that had unknowingly pooled at the corners of your eyes with her thumbs. “C’mon, let’s go fix up dinner before the rest of the starving girls get home. I’ll even let you choose what we make.”

Although you know that Sooyoung likes to downplay her chivalries, you’re still grateful for her comforting presence.

“Thank you, HaSoo. You’re the best, really.”

You pretend not to see the tinge of pink that taints Sooyoung’s cheeks as she flips her hair in an attempt to mask her embarrassment.

“I know. But I won’t take your compliment as genuine unless your name is Kim Jiwoo.”

She tosses you the other apron, and you catch it with ease.

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Shut it, Souljin.”

--

Dinner is as chaotic and comedic as you’d hoped it would be— it’s the first time in a long while that all twelve of you have had a genuine home-cooked meal together, since you’re pretty sure that the last one was a celebratory dinner that Sooyoung and Kahei had teamed up on to commemorate Hyejoo’s official addition to the group.

You’re not sure how, but somehow the maknae line ends up in a competition to see who can steal each others chopsticks, and what starts out as Hyunjin stealing Heejin’s pair leads to Heejin stealing Chaewon’s, to which Chaewon takes Yerim’s who in turn steals Hyejoo’s, which starts an all-out war that ends with Yeojin somehow not having chopsticks at all (how the maknaes had somehow performed magic to make Yeojin’s chopsticks disappear, you’ll never know).

All of you had laughed when Haseul had rolled her eyes, scooching her chair closer to Yeojin and spooning rice into the younger girl’s mouth for her.

“You really are Haseul’s child,” Hyunjin snickers, only to duck a second later to avoid being hit by a spoon hurled her way.

Meanwhile, you feel someone poking your arm, and you turn to your left, only to find Chaewon nudging you with her pointer finger, a spark of mischief in her eyes.

“Me too! Me too, unnie!” The younger blonde opens wide, motioning for you to feed her, and you giggle, swiftly picking up a small cutlet of the chicken you know Chaewon loves so much, depositing it into with ease.

“Is it good?” You ask her playfully, closing when she opens it mid-chew to respond. “Unnie helped make it, so it better be!”

Chaewon beams at you as she chews her food, eyes turning into perfect crescent moons, and she shoots you a thumbs up.

“The best! You’re the best, Jinsoul-unnie!”

She launches at you into a hug, and no, this isn’t strange at all, that’s not what you’re thinking at all. But you laugh nonetheless, because strange or not, Chaewon always seems to know how to cheer people up. One of the quieter members of the group, you’ve always found her endearing and much smarter than most give her credit for.

And if there’s something Chaewon is good at, it’s getting a reaction from the right people when it matters.

You feel a curious pair of eyes on you, and it all makes sense; leave it to Chaewon.

You decide to ride along with the waves.

“If Haseul gets Yeojin, I’m claiming Chaewon as my child!” You announce loudly. Chaewon squeals in delight, and you burst out into a giggling fit with the younger blonde.

From across the dinner table, Jungeun looks at the two of you with a furrowed brow. You don’t meet her stare, not yet.

“Yah, Jinsoul!” Sooyoung calls. “Are you stealing one of my children?!”

“Chaewon’s mine now!” You stick your tongue out at Sooyoung, pulling Chaewon to sit in your lap, and she reclines into your taller form with ease. “I’ve come to the YYXY realm to steal her away!”

And then the words tumble from Jungeun’s lips like a waterfall—there’s no stopping them.

“I thought Yerim was our child, unnie.”

Your gaze finally snaps to meet Jungeun’s, and what you find is a girl who knows that she fell into a trap. With wide eyes she stutters, stumbles around, trying to find the train of thought that had fled so rapidly in the wake of what had meant to be your harmless joke.

“I-I—” Jungeun stammers, furtively groping around in the darkness for a semblance of light, of sanity.

You don’t know where the lightswitch is yet yourself, but you have a candle and you’re willing to share it. For now it’s good enough, for the time being until it flickers out.

“Ah, how could I forget!” You say, slapping a hand to your forehead. “Yerim’s already my daughter!”

“How could you forget me, unnie?” Yerim pouts, crossing her arms, completely oblivious to the visual exchange you’d just had with Jungeun. “I was here first!”

“Sorry, Yerim,” you say apologetically, and an idea comes to mind. “Hey, I have some cheesecake from yesterday’s dinner out left in the fridge. Would you like some?”

“Yes!” Yerim cheers, clasping her hands together happily. She jumps up from her seat, ignoring the way Yeojin whines because I want cheesecake too! Yerim-unnie, share please! “You’re awesome, Jinsoul-unnie! Chaewon-unnie can be your second daughter too, yeah? Because I like sharing!”

Chaewon giggles, reaching out to high-five Yerim as she walks past on the way to the fridge, and just like that, all the normal chatter resumes around the table like usual.

Jungeun does look visibly shaken though, and you don’t know how to feel about that.

--

You’re so busy looking over at your fellow blonde Odd Eye Circle member that you don’t even notice Chaewon leaning over to talk into your ear.

“You’re good at acting, unnie,” she whispers, and you resist the urge to tip your head back and laugh, loud and boisterous, because oh, Chaewon, you have no idea. “You should talk to the managers about getting you a role in a drama.”

You raise an eyebrow at that. “Chaewon, did you see my Woomanna?”

She waves you off. “You’re good when it counts.”

“That’s what I thought.” You frown suddenly, because Chaewon’s sudden usage of short, straightforward words sounds eerily familiar. “You’ve been spending too much time with Sooyoung. I might actually steal you away from her now.”

Chaewon only grins, shrugging nonchalantly before her expression turns strikingly somber.

“You should go to sleep early tonight though, unnie,” she tells you solemnly, and you frown.

“What? Why?”

“Isn’t your favorite dongsaeng telling you enough of a reason?”

“Chae.”

Chaewon sighs, suddenly finding the cream wall directly behind your head to be very interesting.

“Jungeun-unnie always wakes up at seven o’clock these days,” Chaewon mumbles, twiddling her fingers anxiously, looking at you in apprehension like she’s afraid you’re suddenly going to back out. “I woke up early once, and I found her crying in the living room. She’s hurting and I don’t know why, unnie, but she also made me promise not to tell you.”

You blink in surprise.

“She did?”

Chaewon nods, briefly checking around to make sure someone is keeping Jungeun occupied before she shrinks further down in guilt.

“I… I wasn’t going to mention it at all, but I needed to tell someone, so I told Hyejoo because I know that I can talk to her about anything— she’s my person, if you know what I mean,” she pauses, looking over her shoulder. You chuckle to yourself as Chaewon catches Hyejoo’s eyes from across the room, and the two girls share a small smile before Chaewon returns to you. “Hyejoo said that she doesn’t like knowing that Jungeun’s hurting on her own, and I don’t either. And Jungeun, well… she listens to you best—”

“So I’ve been told,” you say in dry amusement.

“—so I thought that telling you would be the best thing to do,” she finishes.

You nod slowly. You hadn’t realized that you and Jungeun had ever come off that way before— while you’d long acknowledged your growing feelings for the girl, you’d never even fathomed that maybe, just maybe, Jungeun might see you in a slightly different light than everyone else as well.

“I guess I should be going to bed now, then,” you finally say after a moment’s silence, the busy chatter of the dining room filling up the space that had been left behind.

Immediately, Chaewon brightens, nodding eagerly. She jumps off your lap, letting you stand from your seat.

“Sleep well, unnie,” she tells you genuinely, squeezing your hand in encouragement (you’ll need all that you can get, because you’re pretty sure that nothing can prepare you for this). “I hope things turn out better soon…”

“I hope so too, Chaewonnie,” you say, squeezing her hand back before letting her go, watching Chaewon give you one last final, comforting nod before she dashes over to Hyejoo’s side, and you smile as the taller girl tucks Chaewon into her embrace.

My person, Chaewon had said when describing Hyejoo. You wonder what it’s like, to have a person. Hyejoo is Chaewon’s person, you’re pretty sure Jiwoo is Sooyoung’s person, and that Hyunjin has been Heejin’s person for an eternity and vice versa. That's not even getting started with Haseul and Kahei.

You ask yourself if Jungeun could be your person, though as you think more, you can’t help but ask yourself if maybe she already had been. You think back to your days while filming Singing in the Rain, how she’d remained with you through the entire ordeal, staying up for over 25 hours to keep you company, patting at your legs, and arms, and face with towels to keep you dry.

She’d called you beautiful.

You wonder if you can lose your person. Then you wonder if it’s even possible to get them back.

(Your heart aches, because you hope so with its entirety.)

--

You’d set an alarm for seven o’clock, but for some reason your body shakes you awake at six o’clock.

The sun isn’t even in the sky when you groggily haul yourself out of bed, having given up on getting another hour of sleep.

You scan over the seven other girls sharing the same room as you – they’re all still asleep, Jungeun included – and rightfully so. You’ve all got group practice again later today, which means that you’re all in for a whole new world of vigor. The Line&Up fanmeeting is steadily approaching, and you all want to do your best— it’s only natural that you all put in more work.

(Then you think of Sooyoung, who not only has to practice with the full group but has to lead her subunit as well; of Jiwoo and Chaewon who need to learn the choreography to even more songs; of Hyejoo who went straight from her solo filming, to her subunit and now the full-group. It’s no wonder Jungeun wants to help them).

Nevertheless, you know you’re not getting any more sleep, so you slip out of the large shared room and into the kitchen.

You decide to prepare coffee for yourself; it’s going to be a long day.

Then you pause.

You decide to add enough water in the pot for two.

--

She finds you at 7 o’clock sharp, at the keyboard in the living room, your headphones in as you sink into warm chord progressions and delve into rich melodies that you scribble down onto a scrap piece of paper you found lying around. It’s something like a song, though you’re not sure where it will lead yet.

On another note, maybe in another octave or key entirely, you’ve seen Jungeun on most mornings, yet she’s never looked at you like this.

“Jinsoul-unnie,” Jungeun murmurs, shifting awkwardly on her feet when you notice your presence. Her eyes are rimmed red, and it pains you to see her rubbing at them. “What are you doing up…?”

You shrug.

“Chaewon suggested that I sleep early last night,” you say, seeing no point in lying. “So, I did.”

“Did she now?” Jungeun frowns, not looking angry but rather incredibly exhausted. “I see… Did she tell you anything else?”

You pause.

“She told me that she thinks that Hyejoo is her person.”

Jungeun definitely isn’t expecting that, and you see the way she blinks in surprise at the admission.

“O-oh… That’s really nice, actually.” The blonde girl’s eyes soften. “I’m glad she’s found someone she can be so open with.”

“Me too,” you say quietly. You’d once thought you had someone like that too. “She also told me something else though.”

Jungeun freezes.

“...Did she?”

“She said that you're hurting.”

Your words are blunt, you can virtually see the way they slice through the air relentlessly. You see them cut into Jungeun, see them pry open the gateway to her soul, and for a brief moment, you see a flash of something in her eyes.

It's gone in the next moment, like a of lightning, but just like all those other times, you know what you saw.

You’d never seen her so vulnerable before, even for just a heartbeat.

“I'm fine, unnie,” she tells you, expression the definition of neutral. It's the same tone she uses to reassure the managers that she's okay with staying late after practice to help some of the other girls with choreography, that she's okay with staying a few hours more to work on memorizing the MC script, that she's okay with taking the midnight grocery run because the kids are hungry and, as much as she pretends otherwise, Jungeun loves all of the maknae line with every fiber of her being.

You love how selfless she is, you love how caring she is, how kind, how beautiful, but right now, you hate that tone with every fiber of your being.

But you know better than to get cross with her; you know that she doesn't mean to lie.

“You’re hurting,” You say again softly, the statement echoing through the empty living room, and you might as well have shouted, because Jungeun shakes her head vigorously, her hands coming up to clamp over her ears.

“I'm not!” She shouts this time, furiously denying your words. She doesn't realize you've gently taken her hands in your own, doesn't see how you've lowered them from her ears, doesn't recognize how you've started tracing circles with your thumbs into the back of her palms. “I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! I'm fine, Jinsoul!”

“But you’re not fine,” you insist because you know that it’s true; you know that Jungeun’s been overworking herself, that she’d been tackling on too many responsibilities and not letting any of the other girls help. You know that she’s tired, and homesick, and collapsing under all the expectations resting on her shoulders.

“I see you, Jungeun!” Your voice rises in volume a little, though not loud enough to wake the other girls. “I see you pushing yourself too far, I see you when you’re tired! I see you never say no to any of the company’s requests because you love the girls too much, you don’t want them to overwork themselves, but in the midst of trying to keep them from falling, you’re only drowning yourself!”

“H-how would you know?” She fights back weakly, like she’s already given up already. The thought makes your heart hurt— the Jungeun you knew was stubborn and headstrong. Had so much changed in only two weeks?

But you laugh bitterly.

“Jungeun, just because you’ve been ignoring me doesn’t mean I ever stopped looking at you.”

Jungeun flinches as if she’s just been slapped.

“You’re wrong if you think I ever stopped watching you, unnie,” she whispers, her gaze fixated on everything but you. “I never intended to start doing… whatever it is we’re doing—”

“But you did,” you gasp, and your voice breaks under the weight of all the emotion. The urge to run, the urge to hide is too strong, and you bury your face into your hands, not trusting yourself to stay composed in the face of Jungeun.

“God, Jungeunie,” your voice is nothing but a whisper, and you shut your eyes tight, willing the tears to go away. “One day turned into two, and then two days turned into three, and three into a week and then I had to come to terms with the fact that you weren’t talking to me and it hurt like hell. I thought you hated me, Jungeun.”

“No!” Jungeun hastily exclaims, and you hear rapid footsteps quickly approaching. Suddenly, your hands are being lowered, her palms cupping your cheeks tenderly. And suddenly, right in that moment, she is your Jungeun again as she wipes away your tears, dabbing at the corners of your eyes with her thumbs before caressing your cheeks and looking at you like you’re her Galaxy again.

“Never, unnie, never,” she whispers, planting a swift kiss on your forehead that makes you shiver to the tips of your toes, “I could never hate you. Ever. Not in this lifetime, and not in any other one.” She heaves a deep breath. “God, I just— unnie, I’m so sorry.

“I thought that I could be fine… so long as everyone saw me as strong. But unnie… you've seen right through me from the very beginning,” Jungeun chuckles lowly, sniffling as she grips onto the fabric of your favorite gray hoodie. “You’ve been able to read me like an open book from the very start while others just saw the cover, and I knew I'd fall apart if I stayed too close to you, Jinsoul-unnie. I knew that I’d unravel.”

“There's nothing wrong with unraveling sometimes,” you whisper, tucking Jungeun into your arms and vowing to hold her there for the rest of eternity. You’d choose Jungeun over all the fame and fortune in the world. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling weak.”

“I just— I didn’t want—” Jungeun chokes on her own words, the tears finally spilling over the brim after being dammed back for so long, staining the gray fabric, and you want nothing more than to soak up all of her sadness like a sponge. “I don’t know why I did that— I swear I never meant to stop—”

“Even the most dependable dongsaengs can use some help sometimes, right?” You murmur the words into the crown of her head, and she shudders, shifting closer into you. “I’m always going to be here for you— never forget that.”

“Even if I’m a mess and an awful human being?”

“You’re not awful at all, Jungeun,” you chuckle, squeezing her midriff, and perhaps you’re over the moon at the little giggle that leaves her lips— the first one you’ve heard from her in an eternity.

“But I’m a mess though.”

“Well that’s why I’m here,” you reason, intertwining your hands together. “If you’re a mess, I’ll clean you up. If you unravel, I can stitch you back together. If you’re feeling weak, we can be strong together. Depend on me, Jungeun. I’m here for you.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.” You pause. “The only thing I ask in return is that you do the same for me. I mean, I’m definitely a big mess too, so.”

When Jungeun pulls back from your embrace, she’s smiling. It’s small, and it’s nervous, but it’s a smile nonetheless which means that it’s a start, and that’s more than you could ever ask for.

“Jung Jinsoul, are you asking me to be your person?” Her tone is light and pleasing, albeit a bit raspy, like a warm gust of wind on a midsummer’s day. You think that you could dance on that sound, on her voice, up to the sky and around the sun, she makes you so happy.

And so you grin.

“And if I am, pretty girl?”

“Well,” she loops her arms around your neck, the blush from your statement still dusting her cheeks, and you’re proud of the easy smile that makes its way over her lips, because you made that happen, you made her smile, “Who am I to deny the request of a beautiful lady like yourself?”

“God, I’m so in love with you,” you blurt out, much to your horror a literal heartbeat later when you’ve realized what on earth you just said. You start pulling away from Jungeun – who looks more amused than anything – as you profusely begin a whole string of apologies. “Jungeun, I’m so sorry—”

“Say it again.”

“I— what?”

Jungeun smiles bashfully up at you.

“I liked it a lot, so I wanna hear it again, unnie. Properly this time.”

“I-I can’t just say it on request!” You stammer, almost feeling guilty when Jungeun pouts. It’s not fair how cute she looks, even with red eyes fresh from crying. “I blurted it out spontaneously.”

“But I love you, unnie,” Jungeun smiles, gazing up at you fondly, tugging you back into another hug, her arms resuming their place around your neck. “I’m in love with you too, Jinsoul.”

“Well I—” You blush, turning away, mumbling in embarrassment, “I love you too, Jungeun.”

And you’re not sure how long the two of you sit there, just wrapped in each other’s arms, holding each other tight, making up for all the time you’ve lost, all the time you’ve wasted, but it’s more than enough for now. She loves you, she loves you, she loves you. The words run through your head like you’ve been set aflame.

She has always been utterly beautiful in your eyes, but you think that you find her the most beautiful in the earliest of mornings.

This morning is no exception.

--

Later that day, there's reason to say that both of you are that much happier.

“Okay! I’m taking late-night practice duty, kids!” Sooyoung shouts from the center of the practice room, raising her hand up with a grin on her face. “Anyone want to practice extra hours, kiddos?”

You’d tip your head back and laugh at the many cheers Sooyoung receives if it weren’t for how tired you were. You join in partially out of good spirit, partially because you’re glad to know that Jungeun isn’t the one taking on the duty this time, just as she had many times prior when YYXY had still been more occupied with promotion.

“I’ll pass just this once!” You shout wearily from where you sit, back pressed against the mirror. You press the back of your arm against your forehead, and you wince at how damp it is— you’ve always hated how much you know you sweat. “I think I’ll head back to the dorm, tidy things up a bit, maybe even pick up dinner for the rest of you for when you guys return. Sound good?”

You receive your own chorus of cheers for the girls, Yeojin and Yerim even shouting a whoop of joy while Heejin yells, “You’re the best, Jinsoul-unnie!”

Suddenly, there’s a cool feeling being pressed against your forehead, and you look up to see Jungeun holding an ice-cold water bottle, nearly balancing it on your head. She giggles as you crunch your nose up, purposely tilting it to one side so the bottle tips, falling onto the floor beside you.

“If Sooyoung-unnie has decided to handle this one, I think… I’ll go home with you too, unnie,” Jungeun says, ducking her head in an almost bashful-manner, as if afraid you’d tell her to stay and practice instead. “Besides, you might burn the kitchen down if you don’t have supervision, even if you’re just microwaving the takeout food.”

“Excuse you!” You huff, crossing your arms, although you take Jungeun’s outstretched hand regardless, allowing her to pull you to your feet. You smile at her, and she beams back, still b from the praise you’d received earlier from the choreographer, who’d been more than pleased to see that your chemistry with Jungeun had returned better than ever.

“Let’s head off?” You ask.

Jungeun nods. A second later though, she turns to Sooyoung, who’d started stretching nearby.

“Sooyoung-unnie, are you sure you’re okay with handling this on your own?”

You smile. Of course she's concerned.

“All’s good!” Sooyoung sends a thumbs up. “Besides, I have Jiwoo, and she’s brighter than the sun itself. I think I have more than enough energy to get through another hour of practice with these little rascals.”

Her words conjure insight from Haseul and Kahei.

“Hey!” Haseul pouts, crossing her arms during the same moment Kahei injects indignantly, “I’m older than you, Ha Sooyoung!”

--

Jungeun steps close to you as the both of you walk home to the dorm, your sides pressed flushed against each other.

“I’m glad Sooyoung’s freer schedule-wise these days,” you comment. It’s the truth; while you do know that your group has more than a few highly capable dancers, you must admit that Sooyoung is the best when it comes to choreographing and teaching. “And I’m glad Jiwoo, Chaewon, and Hyejoo are finally getting more leeway as well.

“I am too,” Jungeun agrees. “Y’know, I was doing some thinking, and—”

“Thinking?” You raise an eyebrow. “You?”

“Oh, shut up!” Jungeun laughs, playing shoving you down the sidewalk. “You know what I mean, unnie!”

“I know, I know,” you grin. “Okay, continue.”

Well,” she shrugs. “I was talking to Sooyoung and Hyunjin earlier today about creative choreography, and they told me that they like having their other subunit members give their input on her dances. I… honestly am having trouble when it’s coming to finalizing the Uncover choreography. Perhaps… you and Yerim could help me with it?”

“Of course!” You nod resolutely, touching Jungeun’s arm gently before deciding against better judgement and wringing an arm around Jungeun’s shoulders. “How about we all visit the studio tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan!”

She smiles at you like she had that morning, when things had finally become clear, when you’d taken one step closer. Except this time, her eyes aren’t shining from tears she’d held back, but instead they’re crystal clear, shining because they somehow outshine their bright, bright street lights.

You hope that the two of you can keep smiling like that morning together, for a long, long time.

--

You find yourself overwhelmed and more after the conclusion of the first Line&Up event. You grip onto the banner of your name that the fans had made you, your heart squeezing in all the right ways but it still makes you emotional nonetheless, tears pooling in the corner of your eyes.

You feel a hand touch your waist, and Sooyoung is there, unshed tears in her own brown orbs. She opens to say something to you, make comfort or tease you, but suddenly your name is being called and you realize you're expected to speak and a microphone is being raised to your lips.

In the midst of trying to conjure up the words to express yourself, you find yourself mentally dizzying into circles, because it's all so much; your dream coming true with eleven of the best girls in the whole wide world, with the most dedicated fans, and you wonder how you've ever managed to become so blessed.

But then again, you can hardly process anything at all besides the fact that you're trying your hardest to not start sobbing in joy on the spot, so you end up squeaking into the mic.

Ripples of laughter spill through your beloved fans and your beloved members, so you duck your head in embarrassment, though you find yourself glowing with pride nonetheless.

From the other end of the line, Hyunjin shouts “Don't cry!” as Yeojin dashes up to you with a handful of tissues that you take from her gratefully. Sniffling, you pull yourself together enough to stumble through your short speech of thanks, and when you hand the mic away, you meet Jungeun’s eyes.

I’m proud of you, she mouths, the smile gracing her lips fond and loving.

Afterwards, when you’re all herded backstage and the twelve of your cram into that narrow hallway, there are tears all around.

Haseul has Yeojin trapped in a hug, dabbing tissues at the corners of the maknae’s eyes as Vivi watches them fondly. Jungeun has been engulfed in a hug between Heejin and Hyunjin, although the three of them quickly let Yerim as soon as she enters the room. You see Sooyoung and Jiwoo patting a crying Hyejoo, and somehow you manage to sweep Chaewon into your embrace as the smaller girl sobs silent tears of happiness into the black fabric of your shirt.

It isn’t until Hyejoo calls weakly for Chaewon that she shakily lets go of you, and you pat her cheek affectionately before sending her off.

You’re not even alone for a second before there’s nothing but Jungeun.

--

She strides over to you from across the room, takes your wrist and tugs you out of the crowded waiting room. In your flustered state of mind, still reeling from the adrenaline, you fleetingly wonder how Jungeun can manage to think at all right now; you ask yourself why you always are the most affected by these sort of emotional events—

— though you suppose that you’re not complaining when you realize that you’re back in the wings of the now-deserted stage area, the two of you well-hidden by the curtains.

And it’s in this concealed space that you finally find yourself in Jungeun’s arms, her hands on your hips, your arms encircling your waist. And she presses your foreheads together and you close your eyes, breathe in Jungeun’s presence, let her tether you down to reality as you allow her to ground you back to earth once more.

You’re so close to debuting, you realize in that sobering moment. All twelve of you; you and eleven of the most brilliant girls this world (and perhaps YYXY’s world too) has to offer.

So maybe you’re just a bit biased when you say that the girl in front of you, in your hold, is the best girl of them all.

Just like that, you’re back flying, soaring through the clouds once more when Jungeun leans up, pulling you down by the nape of your neck as she chases your joy with her own, capturing your smile with her red, red lips, melding the two of you together in a breathtaking first kiss.

(Breathtaking, yet she fills your lungs up with the sweetest air you’ve ever tasted.)

--

Kissing Jungeun is kind of, sort of, maybe, addicting— after you’ve experienced it once, you just have to do it again. And again. And again. Repeatedly. And not necessarily all at once.

But she’s soft. Everything about Jungeun is soft— once upon a time, you’d thought it was mostly her eyes, but oh, how blind you’d been! Her eyes, her touch, her hands, her warmth, her lips, her kiss, her love.

Kim Jungeun is soft, soft, soft, and she makes you feel soft, soft, soft.

--

You’ve never been overly fond of the heat, but you think that it’s not so bad when you’re standing in it with Jungeun, decked out in her t-shirt and short shorts, waiting for her turn to film her solo part.

You’re on the rooftop set for Hi High, the song set to be your debut single. You’d arrived at the break of dawn with Kahei, Heejin, and Jungeun, although, much to your immense jealousy, Kahei had already finished and left, while Heejin had been taken separately to film her part. Jungeun is next in line, but you’re scheduled to be the absolute last, filmed in a slightly different location as well.

“So Lippie and Heejin should wait for me,” you state to the LOONA TV cameraman, who grins behind the lens at the way Jungeun turns to you with a teasing smile on her face.

“Eh?”

“Because I’m the last.”

“Eh?”

“Hey!” You whine through your teeth, tapping her arm insistently. “Wait for me!”

“Eh?”

You resist the urge to groan, although you can tell by the silly grin that’s spread across Jungeun’s lips that she knows exactly what she’s doing.

The camera goes away five minutes later, the cameraman heading over to take a few shots of Heejin, and you let out a dramatic sigh that Jungeun laughs at. You pout, draping yourself over Jungeun’s body, your arms encircling her waist, your hands intertwining like they’ve been made for each other.

“So I suppose you don’t have to wait for me,” you say softly. burying your face in her hair in its beautiful silvery color that reminds you of starlight. “You should go home and get more sleep, Jungeunie.”

Jungeun shakes her head in amused disbelief, her grin softening into an affectionate smile.

“Of course I’m going to wait for you, silly!” She bites her lip, suddenly turning bashful. “I love you, unnie. I would wait until the ends of the earth for you.”

“I—” You flush, already knowing what you’re about to do is stupid and reckless but at this point, you really couldn’t care less. “ C’mere, you.”

And Jungeun lets you tug her away, and you basically break out into a sprint to find a place where there are no staff or other residents.

You find your safe haven behind a neighboring rooftop, away from prying eyes.

And it’s then and there that you push Jungeun against the wall, dip your head in, and silence her soft giggles with a kiss that makes your insides turn into a pile of mush, makes your heart leap out of your chest and dance in circles around you, makes your soul soar to the heavens and beyond, up to the starlight that reminds you of Jungeun’s gorgeous hair.

“I love you,” you mumble against her lips.

“I love you too,” she murmurs back, hands tightening against your arms as you lean in to seal your happiness with your kiss, mold your lips against her gentle smile.

She has always been utterly beautiful in your eyes, but you think that you find her the most beautiful in the earliest of mornings.

This morning is no exception.

 

End.