"Have you ever heard of Hanahaki?"

It was a time of tiredness during the break. The dance studio in the basement that they use if senior groups use the upstairs ones has begun to feel lonely and stuffy for a variety of reasons which are not only because of the lack of windows. It was almost dawn and Donghyuck should have been comfortably tucked in his bed, because that's how the government rules for everyone his age. But his best friend was still moving with rhythm wearing a sweaty t-shirt and eyes staring at the reflection of the mirror in front of him, music still filled the dull, quiet room.

"hey!" Donghyuck kept trying to rob the other person's attention.

"huh?" the said one turned around after Donghyuck threw him a towel, crumbs and a shoe repeatedly.

"Hanahaki! Have you ever heard that?"

Donghyuck could heard a grunt in a form of small whispers. Donghyuck didn't care. Skip.

"Hana- what? What is that?"

Mark pressed the off button on the music device at the end of the room before stepped casually towards Donghyuck, rubbed his wet neck with a towel that Donghyuck had thrown away. The sight bothered Donghyuck for some reasons.

"Geez, for someone who is very fond of reading fiction books, you really are unexpectedly far behind"

"You stop my practice just to make fun of me?"

A pause before Donghyuck packed his things and began to walk towards the exit. Leaving the ignored Mark few steps behind.

"what the- hey! hana- what?"

"If you're curious, just google it!"

Donghyuck stand at the exit and Mark was still busy collecting his belongings "Hahhh ~ come on! Manager-hyung just texted me that he will arrive soon. He asks us to get ready." Donghyuck's tired button seems to be clicked on. He no longer wanted to make a 3 am in-depth conversation and chose to close the day normally.

Normally. To indoctrinate himself with statements that convinced him that the shock that always appeared when he saw passionate Mark when the latter doing his music or the feeling of anxiety when Mark smiled or burst out laughing around him was just the effect of his unstable days. The phenomenon of transition from adolescence to adulthood since next year he will be 20 years old is the cause.

...

It was amazing. Mark is amazing. To be honest of all the songs on the album they are promoting, Donghyuck really likes 'My Van'. How did he and Taeyong interpret their exhausted times into a series of words? Pitched them with tempo that fits perfectly with Donghyuck's tastes. Donghyuck is also of course good at arranging words in other contexts. Not in a series of poems or lyrics, he is more expert in contexts such as rhetoric or sarcasm. He doesn't feel bad for that. But because of that difference the admiration for Mark now exceeds to the level where he himself can’t tolerate.

Everyone loves Mark. He agreed.

He didn't find any reason for someone to hate Mark. So he doesn't hate Mark. Of course. It's just that his younger self has too much ego which makes him unwilling to admit that Mark does have everything much more than everything Donghyuck has in him. He blamed it because of his innate nature as the first child. And Mark with all his naivety came to him with all the energy, big grin and innocent kindness. It and hurts young Donghyuck's pride a little. He will become the evil one if he continues to respond to Mark with his true nature while Mark remains with all his tolerance.

Everyone admired Mark. He is too.

The nature of his hard work is limitless. Donghyuck never understood how he managed all the emotions inside him. There had never been a cry of anger from his voice, only the shout of a spirit burner or a thunderous laugh if it was about a scream that might come out of him. It is impossible for a human to be like that, to be anger-less. Mark Lee who is always around him lives an impossible life even though they breathe the same air. Of course it provoked Donghyuck who didn't like anything hidden to bring out anything that Mark never showed.

It works. No need for various tricks for that. All the tricks that Donghyuck had tried before and failed were only able to get Mark to the point of almost giving up but never inducted to throw any anger.

Until that summer night.

Donghyuck was very stuffy with the room he shared with Mark which always empty and quiet. He was literally lonely.

Not without reason Mark throws a tantrum. Not in a reasonable form of anger of course. There were no loud shouts nor harsh words. Only silent action. It brought a more terrible effect than a loud anger. Mark ignored several specific people for five days straight. The cause? Donghyuck cleaned their room and moved Mark's personal belongings. Mark didn’t believe it when Donghyuck pointed out the location of the diary-like books he had tidied on the end of the shelf without ever read them in the process. For god’s sake Donghyuck is no longer a kid who thinks it's funny to know personal things to proceed it as a black mail jokes. But it turns out that the older one still thinks he is still that kind of person he was. A day later Jaehyun arrived and the room was no longer he shared with Mark.

Added to already bad situation, he was found out meeting his close cousin when they got a schedule in Jeju. Mark thinks he didn't learn from his mistakes. Donghyuck certainly gave a fight to that, because he got a big lesson from all the horrors that happened to him.

When the company suppressed him. A trainee who have always been praised, he was very proud of his voice that they called unique vocal, a voice that was praised by the founder of the company who respected by all. He was able to copy any dance movements directly exemplified by their dance teachers. Become part of their group introduction song. In the end he wasn't debuted. They grounded him for real. The 16-year-old boy tasted real disappointment and fell into a distorted impingement. He was lonely, okay? Also disappointed and lost some confidence. Unfortunately, Mark returned and with warm hands calmed him down. The Mark Lee who always wins with his define hard work that makes him loved. That made Donghyuck even more bloated. He needs anyone he believes supports him who is no Mark. Everything Mark gave him sounded and felt like betrayal at those times.

Then he accepted the offer of a 'fan' near him.

Once again, he got a very early social shock. All of his confidence was stripped off of him along with all the trust in him.

Rumors of him with someone he thought would accompany him for real, spreading. He became a branded cocky rookie. There was no more hope placed upon him. Not from the company, not from the new team members, nor from himself. That was his rock bottom.

Being a natural kindness, it was Mark again who gave him a hug on the shoulder and few cheering words. That was a phrase from the Bible. What Mark told him was an awkward and cliche words but it was effective since that was the only positive thing that Donghyuk heard during that period.

Then for those period Mark kinda like sewing their waist together. Never leave Donghyuck's side.

Always with their beloved, made the attitude of the people around them inevitably back to see Donghyuck as a real existence once more. Not just as a block of their new built dream.

Mark has a really big effect.

To still be kind to someone who messes things up, what kind of big heart and simple nature he has, Donghyuck can never imagine.

He knew that now those who could he love and are in his life were very limited. He knows and that’s why his family and the members are very valuable existence for him. Therefore he wants to drink all those limited loves they give him. His cousin is one of those whom he believes could give him love. He did not want to lose any bits of his very little everything.

"YOU MAKE THIS HARD HYUCK!" Jeno was shocked stepped back in reflex. Understandably, Mark raised his volume, a very new sensation for him, for everyone. "DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR POSITION? AS WHAT ARE YOU NOW !?"

Donghyuck’s voice was not less deafening responding to that, Donghyuck was filled with anger and said words that he could not filter. He was sure what came out of his mouth was a collection of harsh and offensive words. He didn’t remember them anymore. At that time he got wet anger. He wanted to go berserk and cry for real, the fact that Mark no longer trusted him, made him more angry and disappointed.

Mark clenched his teeth and whispered heavily in Donghyuck's ears, hand clenched squeezing Donghyuck's We Young sailor uniform, Donghyuck's back hit the the waiting room hard wall. "Don't repeat the same mistake, Hyuck!"

A terrible thought roared inside Donghyuck's head when he realized that Mark was also a big part that he didn't want to lose. Of course his modified perspective had immediately thought that it was too late.

Then Mark continued his silent action for three days marked.

Again, it was Mark who came to him with a stiff confession. "I should be able to convey it better. I know you love your family and- yeah, please forgive me"

Maybe that's when he hated himself even more and liked Mark more and more.

...

"Hey! I've searched and found out what Hanahaki is." Actually Donghyuck wanted they trip home would be a calm one without any noise other than the sound of the radio. "It's quite interesting even though it doesn't make sense" Mark continued, eliminating Donghyuck's hopes of getting his quiet drive.

"It becomes a fictional disease for a reason hyung" Of course he must answer it in a lazy tone, even though he is the one who started this topic. He was confident that Mark was used to his mood swing. So it's okay.

"Uh-huh. But this is very interesting. It's amazing if they really grew from the seeds of pent-up love. I mean those petals."

The black-haired boy beside him continued to chant about his opinion about his new word while Donghyuck already shifted his focus on the distorted points of light passed through the window of the car and the sound of Mark who’s still on and on, began to become part of the white noises.

What Donghyuck wants from the disease is far different from what Mark captured about it.

As always.

...

It’s a sunny day in the end of winter. The not-so white snows already melted away but the chilly breezes still remain. It’s him and Mark again, in a mini van the smaller one. Kinda feel like a de javu to have them being separated from others, it’s been almost a year since Mark left DREAM.

Haechan once again did a pretty good job when they were promoting the last album while Donghyuck still come whenever the job-mode switched off it’s a good thing that Lee SoMan himself gave him another name. It gives him an optional self, another person to show the world, to be professional for the job. Donghyck kinda thankful for that because Haechan can smiling fine. But Haechan is heavy sometimes, it’s tired him no less for wearing the name but it also gives him a sort of safe feelings as if he’s wearing it as an armor. There’s just few places that make Donghyuck feel safe enough to put Haechan off. Being alone with Mark is one of them.

“you’ll be excited when you listen to the demo I swear!” Donghyuck began to think that Mark has some prescribed drugs that keep him energized. They literally fresh outta Incheon imigration clearance. Just landed from the tropical country wit two hours time difference, seven hours flight and he ain’t even feel any jetlag.

“here!” Mark lent him his phone. The screen displayed a sheet of arranged sentences with an old fashioned font in green ink.

The .

It’s a song. A love song nonetheless.

Written on the very top ‘untold flowers’

A song about someone who built a flower garden inside them. With many colors the petals become a collage of a loved one. Real love never happened because the words that should have spoken were replaced with petals that flew from their mouth.

A song about one-sided love that doesn't have time to be conveyed. But stupidly and resignedly enjoyed by the sufferer. Because love is love. And that is real. The flower field they built was flourishing because it always showered by the sunlight from the one they loved. The one who become the sun in his heart. The sun will shine basking the flowers in them with sunrays every time the beloved smiles or laughs happily even without knowing that they are loved.

A song that ends with someone who presents a perfect bouquet of flowers when they can no longer breathe with themselves that has been filled with unbroken flower petals.

Hanahaki. The song is about hanahaki. Donghyuck’s no more surprised. He know that his best friend is a hard worker genius who can turn little things into some big ones. He just turned Donghyuck’s early morning’s rant in to a song.

"How did you create psychopathic lyrics like this?" Donghyuck's hand raised the phone with his brow raised.

Donghyuck's question was only responded with a strong "hey !!" before they both off the car and went inside the building.

Sometimes Donghyuck is amazed by the miracle that allows him and Mark to living a life near each other.

Really, from a fictional word, Mark can make a complete song with poetic words strung together in such a way. Then the song created in just a few hours has been approved not only by one producer but many. Judging by the rushed time that pushed to them to do the project. Usually only if the project promising enough or there’s many producers handling it, that unscheduled ones could emerged.

"Have others done their part? Or we are the first?"

"No, this will be only me and you! They agreed this will be a station"

"What? Why?"

"well, because I thought this would match your voice and I submitted this song as a set with your voice"

"You shouldn't do whatever you want, what if they don't want to accept anything you make anymore?"

"but I can't imagine anyone else to sing this song"

"You mean only my voice is psycho enough for this psychopath song?"

"hahaha maybe. But I think only your voice has wide enough range that can cover these turmoil melodies. I tone the music with your base tone too, so well-"

"You're a psycho"

He already installed a filter inside his mind. All praises given to him will automatically be detected as lies by now. All that are just lies, because nothing of him is worthy of praises. He saw that this filter was also attached to Taeyoung, he imitated it and started wearing it too. Now he is comfortable using it all the time.

Somehow the filter he put on kind of malfunctioned when it comes to Mark. Hes brain always want to takes all those kind words from Mark as honesty.

Shortly after he entered the small soundproof chamber he actually had to activate his working mode as usual. Because this is work of course. He should have changed to Haechan.

But Donghyuck was still there standing still with earphones covering his ears tight. The voice of the demo singer sounded so dreamy yet so haunting at the same time, singing poetic lyrics about someone who is literally dying of falling in love.

Hanahaki in Donghyuck's mind is not a beautiful love story that Mark wants to convey in a song. The imaginary disease is just a utopia that Donghyuck wants it to grow in him. Because if it's real then the flowers will grow in him by now.

At least the flower is beautiful, at least something beautiful could be in him. At least the feeling of tightness in his chest every time he sees his best friend smiles sincerely at him or the breathless moments when the songwriter touches him a little too close would be caused by a pile of petals popping on his chest not just because his ingrown delusional love.

At least if it’s the Hanahaki, the stems of flowers that grow in his chest could be removed along with all the feelings that cause it to grow and he could keep them as a souvenir to laugh at later. Instead of the useless feeling that continue to grow and became more suffocating without growing anything beautiful from it.

Lee Donghyuck failed to turn into Haechan when the producer told him to began singing the parts.

He sang a beautified one-sided love song.

Swallowing raw his flowerless unrequited love.