If she was standing right now, she might have been pacing back and forth but she’s not because that would be suspicious so she’s sitting in the middle of the living room with her members watching a movie she doesn’t even know what because she mindlessly agreed when Yerim asked if they could watch that. She’s biting her nails, a habit she does when she’s nervous or anxious.

“You’re going to start bleeding.” Seungwan smiles as she remembers what Joohyun would say if she caught her biting her nails again. She will grab her hand and hold it just to restrain her from doing it again but little did Joohyun know that every time Seungwan looks at her, as if all her anxiety stays at bay and will never reach her.

Seungwan glances at the clock as it blares 12:23 in the morning and she stares at the message Joohyun sent 5 hours ago, a message she sent to all the girls.

From: Lovely Bae Joohyun

Won’t make it to dinner. I’ll be home late.

I’ll wait for you.

I miss you already. Come home soon.

Okay. Be safe.

She sighs as she hovers on the call button, would it be bad for her to call her? She just wanted to know where she is and if she’ll be here soon. She stares at her phone longer and when she finally gathered enough courage to call her, Joohyun walked right into their living room. And Seungwan heart stopped as she looked at her. Joohyun has the most beautiful smile but this one its different and Seungwan heart shatters as she realized that she can never be the person who make her smile like that.

“Looks like someone had a great night?” Seulgi asked and Seungwan almost plead for her to say no. For her to say, she’d rather stay the night watching crappy movie with rest of them. But Joohyun smiles grew bigger (if that’s even possible) and Seungwan heart melts and tears as she does.

“You can say that.” Joohyun answered as her eyes light up. And Seungwan thinks its funny that your stomach hurts when your heart breaks, and it feels as if all the butterflies in just died.

“SPILL!” Both Yerim and Sooyoung insists as they pull Joohyun to sit with them on the bean bags and she can see Seulgi is very eager to hear it all too. So even when she wants to curl up on her bed, she grins as if it doesn’t hurt at all.

She listens and pretends she doesn’t hear her own heart break every second she stays.

I can make you happy too, if you’d let me. She wanted to say. But instead, with the biggest smile she can muster up, she says, “I’m happy you’re happy.”

They retired to their rooms not long after and Seungwan finds herself staring at the ceiling again. She’s tired, beyond exhausted even, but she can’t sleep. She tosses and turn and prays for sleep to claim her but to no avail. So she slips off her bed and grab her cardigan and head out to their dorms rooftop. She doesn’t go here often because the members get worried when she does. Because when she’s here it only means she misses home so much and that she’s sad. But only in this place where she can clear her head. She puts here earphones on and she knows it’s a bad idea to listen to the saddest songs when you’re already upset but it’s the only thing that she has and the only thing that can understand what she truly feels. She looks up at the night sky and tries her hardest for the tears to not fall. But they’re stubborn like she is.

She doesn’t know how long she’d been sitting there but she knows she know she’s been crying for too long because her nose is running and she’s shivering. So she pulls herself up and breathes in and hold it for a little longer before she let’s go. She made up her mind, as long as Joohyun’s happy, then she’s happy. That’s what she wants anyway, for Joohyun to be happy.

She puts her cardigan on the coat rack and went straight to the bathroom to wash her face, hoping her eyes won’t be swollen tomorrow but she knows that going to be impossible with the amount of crying she did. She needs to come up with the most plausible lie or there will be million questions.

She almost got a heart attack when she sees Joohyun sitting on their living room with all the lights turned off.

“U-unnie, it’s late. You should be sleeping.” Seungwan stutters clenching her heart and wishing for it calm down.

“I could say the same for you.” Joohyun says patting the seat beside her. And Seungwan should have not move to sit beside her but her body doesn’t listen, she’s weak for anything Joohyun anyway. So she’ll let this one slide. She can start moving on tomorrow.

“Aren’t you cold?” Seungwan asked as she tries to look for something she can wrap around Joohyun and she misses the pout on Joohyun’s face.

“Are you mad at me?” Joohyun asked all of sudden catching Seungwan off guard.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“If you’re not, then why are you at the deck?” Joohyun asked creases forming on her forehead.

Seungwan sighs. Because Joohyun might be the sole reason of her tears but she’ll never be mad at her. She loves her, and nothing will ever change that. She wanted to tell her that there’s no reason for her to be mad but before she can even start a sentence, Joohyun speaks again.

“I can’t sleep and I missed you.” Joohyun says and Seungwan’s heart swells, she hopes Joohyun doesn’t say this not when her in a state where her heart can’t take another beating.

“So I thought I could sleep beside you but you weren’t in your bed and the next place I can think of was the rooftop and there you were, crying.”

“No, I’m not mad at you. I just miss my family.” She said with a small smile hoping that Joohyun doesn’t pry any longer.

“You do know you’re a bad liar, right?” Joohyun spats making Seungwan sigh again.

“Is it because of what I said earlier?” Joohyun asks carefully as if she already knows the answer and Seungwan clenches her first so hard it starts to hurt. She wanted to say no but what’s the point if Joohyun will know it’s a lie.

“What if I said yes, what will you do?” Seungwans sighs again for the umpteenth time that night. She’s exhausted and her heart bleeds, she just wants this to end.

“Then tell me!” Joohyun almost yells. Her brows almost meeting and Seungwan flinches.

“Tell me you want me here!”

“Tell me you want me to hurry home!”

“Tell me you like me!” Joohyun grits her teeth as she softly scolds Seungwan.

“W-what?” Seungwan eyes go comically big as she hears the last words for Joohyun.

“Do you like me, Wan-ah?” The older girl asked a lot softer than the previous tone she used. Seungwan’s breathe hitches. She more than likes her.

“I do. I love you actually.” Seungwan admits so quietly that Joohyun has to strain her ears to hear her.

“Good because I do too.” Joohyun blushes and kisses Seungwan cheeks. And there’s this feeling on Seungwan stomach again but this time it’s a pleasant feeling.

“Now, can we please go to bed because I’m really tired.” Joohyun says as she stands up and walks to her room and Seungwan just stay seated trying to process what just happened. She pinches her cheeks because if this is a dream, it’s a bad one and she’s going to cry. But its not and she smiles to herself. She stands up and heads to her room as well.

“Where are you going?” Joohyun stares at her bewildered.

“Bed?” Seungwan answered because the older girl just said they need to sleep.

“I didn’t stay up and wait for you, for you to not hold me until I fall asleep.” Joohyun said as she rolls her eyes but Seungwan just looks at her dumbfounded.

“Waaan~ please.” Joohyun pouts and holds out her hand for the younger girl to hold and Seungwan shakes her head because she’s always weak for Joohyun and sleeping with Joohyun is never a bad idea.

They were already in bed cuddling, when Seungwan remembered something and immediately removes her hold at Joohyun and sat on the bed. The older girl frowns at the action.

“I don’t get it. You can’t tell me you like me too not just hours after you went out on a date.” Seungwan says crossing her arms as if protecting herself from the impending heartbreak.

“Aish~ next time I text you I’ll be home late. Can you please for the love of god ask me who I am with, what am I doing and what time will I be home!”

“Huh?”

“I was out with my cousin and her fiancé, you dork. Of course, I had a great time. They just retold me how they got engaged and all. It was romantic I was smiling like an idiot until I get home but your misunderstood. You obviously didn’t know I like you and I think I know you like me but I can’t be sure because you never tell me anything anyway but your actions say otherwise but then I see you do the same thing to ever-“

Joohyun didn’t get to finish what she was saying because Seungwan just can’t help but kiss her. It takes two seconds for Joohyun to realized what was happening and a second for her to kiss her back.

“Sorry, I’m an idiot.” Seungwan smiles as they part after the kiss.

“I know.” Joohyun says as she pecks the other girl’s lips.

“But I’m your idiot.” Seungwan grins.

“Yes, only mine.” Joohyun answered and rolls her eyes.

“Can we please sleep now?” Joohyun yawns.

“One more kiss then we can sleep.” Seungwan smiles like the 5 year old that she is. She doesn’t wait for Joohyun to answer and just launches herself to the older girl and Joohyun smiles when she does.

***

Author's note: Is this considered as slowburn? Okay no? my heart was aching so much while writing the first bit but i'm a er for wenrene fluff so yay! tell me what you guys think :)