4. In love

Song recommendation: Lay me down by Sam Smith

Kim Yongsun

For the next week, we spent our time travelling around the area, taking in the picturesque landscape and enjoying the delightful fresh air.

'On the first day we went hiking in a famous tourist trail near the area.’ I inscribed in my diary, a worn-out paperback book I'd bought from a children's home flea market back in a small town in Korea.

‘On the second day we went fishing at a nearby lake, enjoying the gentle spring breeze and the small banter we had with a couple of local fishermen.’

'On the third day-’

“Yong? What are you doing, baby?” She nuzzled her sharp nose into the crook of my neck, stopping me mid sentence.

“I’m writing about what we did,” I said, planting a small kiss at the corner of her lips, before she pulled me in for a proper one, her arm wrapped around my waist.

“We've completed almost everything on the list, Yong,” Byul said when she pulled away, “why don't we just take a rest tonight? I'll cook up something and you can take a shower while I'm at it, okay?”

I nodded, before closing the book and went to shower.

The warm water slid down my back, smooth and languid. I shut my eyes as I enjoyed the shower, wanting nothing more than to spend a nice evening with Byul.

-

“Why do I feel like something's about to happen?” Whee In says, her eyes sparkling in suspense.

“Well…”

-

When I got out of the shower, Byul was sitting outside, on the wooden table on our porch, with a pot of stew and a familiar looking red delicacy.

“Byul!” I squealed, “is that tteokbokki?”

She smiled, and I swear her nose grin had never appeared as adorable as it did in that moment.

“I thought you'd miss Korean food so I looked recipes online,” she said, blushing a little at how excited I was, “it might not be as delicious as what we usually have but…”

I attacked her, planting kisses all over her face. “Thank you so much, love. I’m sure it's delicious”

And it was. The best I'd ever had.

When we'd had our fill, Byul wiped with a napkin, before excusing herself to use the bathroom.

I waited for her for five minutes, then five turned in ten, and ten turned to twenty. I grew worried. Did something happen? I rushed into the house, before I was met with the sight of a trail of rose petals leading deeper into the house and up the staircase.

“Byul?” I called out. What the hell was going on?

I followed the trail of petals, which led me to the bedroom we shared, the door to said room shut. “Byul? What's going on?” I asked in bewilderment as I turned the handle to enter the room.

The fragrant scent of lavender filled my senses, and the sight that greeted me rooted me to the spot, all words lost.

Thirty or so scented candles were arranged in a heart on the bed (which was covered with a fire safety blanket- courtesy of Byul's meticulous nature) and flower petals littered every inch of the sheets.

I walked slowly into the room, then noticing a small slip of paper that seemed as if it had been torn from a bigger piece. I picked it up and read it.

‘20. Marry Yongsun and make her happy.’

I felt an overwhelming surge of feelings well up within me, threatening to overflow at any given moment.

Choked up, I noticed that the candles were all different, each with a different scent, representative of different flowers.

But where was Moon Byul Yi? All I wanted then was to run to her and hug her so tight the cracks would disappear, and her whole being would weld together again, whole.

And I heard a flurry of movement behind me, and a familiar voice intone, “I don't know if I'm being selfish by doing this,” at this her voice cracked a little, “but Yong, I need to know.”

She reached out, turning me around to face her. In her hand she held a bouquet of beautiful blue flowers. Going down on one knee she knelt, a beautiful bouquet of flowers in one hand, and every inch of her face bore a look of solemn sincerity. “Will you marry me?”

(I let my dams overflow.)

“Of course I bloody will.”

-

This time I break the story instead, no longer able to hold back the tears. “I loved her so, so much,” I sob, “and I still do.”

Immediately Whee In and Hyejin are by my side, a comforting hand on my back. “Unnie…” Whee In says, hesitating, “she loved you very much too.”

I pull in a few shuddering breaths, before I continue, “On hindsight I realised that the flower she presented me with was a bunch of forget-me-nots,” I chuckle bitterly, “she was trying her best to comfort me when the person aching the most inside was herself.”

And I didn't see it then, but she was so afraid that she would be forgotten.

Never, I think, never.