Woohyun didn’t realize it at first. He thoroughly enjoyed the moment. Even though the walls surrounding him were filthy and germ-filled, everything felt nice. But when the auburn-dyed haired guy stood up from between his legs and said the words, he was instantly brought back down to earth, splashed with cold water. Figuratively speaking, of course, though the guy could easily do that since they were still in the club’s restroom.

“I think you should sort it out with this ‘sunggyu’ guy. No one appreciates someone who screamed other people’s name when getting his off.”

Woohyun was left there in the small cubicle even before he could return the favor. Numb and guilty, he recalled the event again, trying to remember when the name slipped off of his mouth as he fixed his clothes. But the moment that he ‘enjoyed’ became a blur and meaningless. He didn’t even remember the auburn guy’s name and how they ended up in that filthy place.

Well, Woohyun. It was only two months after his breakup from a 9-year relationship. He just needed more time to erase the name completely from his life.

***

He didn’t hate his ex, no. How could he hate him when the breakup happened because of his own wish? They broke up because woohyun craved for being free again. Nine years were a long period of time. When someone praised and wished for their long-last relationship, he felt nothing but terrified. Afraid of what, he couldn’t tell. Was it commitment? But sunggyu was not the marriage kind of guy. Gay marriage was still illegal anyway. He didn’t need to worry that sunggyu would pop that question anytime. Even then, a nine year relationship was still a commitment, a full-time commitment. They lived together, being domestic like an old married couple, arguing over tv channels, and sometimes sharing underwear. They were too comfortable with each other that they did not even find other people attractive.

It was a comfortable life. So what was so wrong with that? until now, woohyun still couldn’t justify his reason to break up. He called it breakup, sunggyu called it break time. Like the guy was sure woohyun would come back to him someday.

Woohyun wanted freedom. He needed the single life that most people seemed to evade or brood over. After he had tasted it, he would come back because no other place was better than beside the older guy.

That was what sunggyu interpreted, the reason of his departure. That guy’s overconfident sometimes annoyed him to hell that he desired to prove him wrong. He could move on with his life, taste the single life that he had missed for nine years, and if he found someone new who made him willing to shed his solo days, he would accept them. When that time happened, he was certain he would be ready for commitment.

He just needed time.

***

“this can’t work.”

“what can’t work?”

“you and i. at least not until you stop calling me with your ex’s name.”

***

“I told you I don’t like strawberry.”

“…since when?”

“since forever. Are you mistaking me with someone, woohyun?”

***

“no,  not like that.”

“like this?”

“no! why can’t you understand what I like and don’t?”

“wow, relax, nam. I just met you hours ago. How can I know that?”

***

His casual hookups always ended terrible.

It had been 8 months. He had lived his life freely for that long. He had met new people and not seen sunggyu again since 5 months ago. Yet, old habits died hard.

He was mentally and ually frustrated.

Were people always this hard to move on?

With sunggyu was his first breakup. He heard stories from the internet how breakups could inspire composers to write sad songs, but he gained nothing from his own. not even that freaking freedom life. His timid self required a company even when going to the nearest restaurant. He said that he longed for that single life, but he was too dependent. He hated the loneliness. There was no one listening to his rants over petty things happened at work, laughing at his stupidity, and judging his poor decisions.

How long did it take for him to completely over sunggyu?

***

“it’s ok. You can abandon me and leave.”

“I’m sor-“

“don’t be sorry. You can go wherever you want but you’ll realize later that your place is here. My love wins.”

“…are you quoting a song…?”

***

Woohyun might have always made poor decisions.

He broke down crying a second after he was safe in the privacy of his flat. His cats ran away instantly from the door way. The crying sound was pitiful and a bit scary. His neighbors on his left and right perhaps could hear it but he couldn’t careless. He cried, and cried, and cried until he passed out from exhaustion. When he woke up, still at the front door with his back leaned on the shoe rack, the skin around his eyes were puffy and sensitive. One of his cats pawed his trouser, asking for food and attention. Seeing the adorable being, he teared up again. The cat’s eyes were too similar to his ex’s so that the events happened prior played again like a rewind cassette.

Sunggyu smooching a girl he didn’t know, sunggyu showing affection in public, sunggyu doing something that they never did because of the social stigma.

Wasn’t the breakup for his own good? But sunggyu seemed like the one who enjoyed it. sunggyu, his ex, who was implicitly promised to reserve his place for one day he did comeback. Well, it looked like not everyone had it hard to move on. It had already been almost a year, who knew since when the older entered a new relationship.

So what would woohyun do? Did he want to return and win him back?

Damn, he did that and he would be the epitome of that .

It was over. It was a breakup, not a break time indeed. All this time he refused to comeback due to his dignity, to prove sunggyu wrong. He took so much time thinking that someone better would come sooner, but who was he kidding when he couldn’t even stop his brain from mistaking those people to sunggyu and keep comparing them. When he really finally woke up from his slumber, stopped his journey and took a chance to look at things he left behind, it was late. Now he was stuck in the middle of the intersection, too risky to go left, too timid to turn right.

The cat pawing at his leg suddenly ran away again. It always hid in the deepest corner of his flat everytime someone came even when the person hadn’t rung a bell or entered the doorlock code. It always surprised woohyun, alarmed as if his guests were robbers or serial killers.

It’s instinct was correct as ever. Someone was behind the door, ringing his doorbell twice. Woohyun, sitting pathetically close to the entryway, looked up to the screen to see who was coming. He saw a very familiar face there. Very painfully familiar.

Dispite his longer hair, the guy still looked the same as months ago. When woohyun caught sight of him earlier, he couldn’t really examine his face due to the distance and the position he was in. now he was close. He was able see the brown in his narrow eyes through the electronic device. He wished he could screen capture it but the bell rang again, this time longer.

He was torn between answering or keeping his ground and letting the guest thought he was not home. The latter was quite tempting. Sunggyu’s reason to come here might be because he saw woohyun too earlier and he wanted to break off the so called promise. Or sunggyu might want to get his hoodie back woohyun accidentally brought with him when he moved out. He knew that piece of clothing was pretty costly. Only sunggyu would want to waste hard-earned money to expensive things that didn’t look expensive.

“yes, hyung?” he answered after he clicked the receive button.

“hey. You’re home,” came the guy’s voice via the speaker. his smile was restrained, like he regretted to be there.

“yeah.”

“are you not going to let me in? we need to talk.”

“I understand, hyung. We broke up months ago. You can date whoever you—“

“are you really letting me talking to the door?”

Woohyun’s finger itched to unlock the door, seeing sunggyu in full form. But he managed to hold it in. if he let himself saw him, he would need to touch him after that. hug him, beg him to accept him back, ask him to leave the anonymous girl. he couldn’t let that happen. sunggyu didn’t deserve that selfishness twice. Also, his red bloated eyes would give everything away.

“ok, I’ll talk to the door then,” sunggyu continued after realizing woohyun wouldn’t open the door anytime soon. “my friend just told me he saw you see me in that café when i…kissed her.”

“I said I understood.”

“yes, but I want you to not understand. “

“what?”

“Why didn’t you pretend you didn’t see me and do whatever you gotta do, or greet me like an old friend? Haven’t you moved on? Why couldn’t you do that? why did you runaway? Do you still love me? do you want to come back?”

Yes, yes! he wanted to screamed that but he heard his waver voice said, “no.”

He could see something changed in sunggyu’s face. Relief. That shattered his already fragile stupid blood-pumping organ. He needed to runaway just like his cats, but sunggyu talked again.

“you’re lying.” now a big smile spread on his cheeks. The dark brown of his eyes were almost completely covered by his eyelids. “I know your voice when you’re lying. Did new people you meet know that?”

No, they did not. They didn’t even stay for another day, already turned off by his constant slips of sunggyu’s name.

“is there anyone else know you couldn’t sleep on the left side of the bed? That you always forget your laundry in the dryer? That you hide chocolate in your underwear drawer? That you’ll shiver if you’re nudged on a certain place in a certain way?”

“sunggyu, stop! you are in the freaking hallway! People can hear you!” woohyun flushed. One of his neighbors was a fifty-year-old aunt who liked to creep behind her barely opened door, listening to any ruckus. She was probably listening to sunggyu right at this moment for her gossip material later.

“let me in then,” Sunggyu was back to his confident self. “if you don’t want me to your door.”

And woohyun instantly opened the door, revealing sunggyu and all his glory. He could see the older put some volume on his chest. Was it fat? Because woohyun was sure sunggyu would only step into a gym if he got free meals for the rest of his life. But maybe time really could change someone.

Sunggyu entered his flat before he let him in. he suddenly was right in front of his face with still the post-crying face situation. He was bare. If sunggyu could detect his lies just from his voice, now he could see everything he was struggled with for the past month. That he still hadn’t moved on. That sunggyu still owned a large part of his heart.

“the kiss, no, the peck was just an act. She wanted to make her boyfriend, one of my friends, jealous, and I, as the only ‘on-break’ guy was chosen to be her partner in crime. We couldn’t get her boyfriend jealous but I got you instead, so I guess it worked somehow. Now can you just come back and let me kiss the hell out of you this instant?” sunggyu said it in one breath. His eyes lingered on his lips and he unconsciously stepped closer like magnetized. Woohyun needed a few seconds to disgest the information. once it sink it, he told him nothing but “yes… Yes!”

once again, his back leaned on the shoe rack. this time by a totally different cause and one that made him turn red whenever he recalled what had happened in that exact spot. and yes, only sunggyu know how to do it on that certain place in that certain way.

i'm finally able to write a more than 1k fic again. this is an accomplishment ;___;

can anyone guess what infinite song i used in this fic? /eye emoji