The next morning, Seungwan realized for the first time in her life that the negative side effects of alcohol were an essential part of the experience. Sure, the headaches and nausea were never pleasant, but there was a sense of safety in blacking out. The assurance that, once you’d reached a certain point of ridiculous intoxicated behaviour, your brain would carefully tuck away your actions in a corner of your memory that you’d never be able to access again.

It allowed for a certain deniability. If you didn’t remember it and nobody involved mentioned it, you could almost pretend it had never happened. When everything remained carved in your memory with perfect clarity, then you couldn’t help but face what you’d become. The terrible things you’d said and done.

“Are you certain you’re not angry with me?”, the princess asked in a whisper. Seungwan suppressed the urge to groan. That was another benefit of hangovers. All the groaning could be attributed to the way the sunlight hit Seungwan’s eyes and made her want to vomit, instead of the truth, which was much trickier.

“I’m absolutely certain. I’m not angry. There is no reason for me to be angry”, she enunciated carefully, trying not to let her impatience show. She should be glad that this was what Joohyun focused on, rather than her sleepily slurred confession of love, which the princess had clearly dismissed as drunken nonsense, but it was frustratingly difficult to convince Joohyun she wasn’t angry with her when it must be obvious that she was angry with something. But how could she explain that she was just mad at herself?

Joohyun looked around the room, brow furrowing at the way her ladies in waiting sat in the corners, busying themselves and pretending not to care about the princess’s hushed conversation. She’d wanted to dismiss them, but Seungwan knew that the final bandit attack would come any day, now that the prince had arrived. Lady Kim had to be in the room with Joohyun at all times, or they’d risk her being taken away on the one occasion when a bandit attack was supposed to fail.

And it did help that the presence of gossiping women in the room kept Joohyun from talking about anything too personal. It was a relief for Seungwan to know that she wouldn’t have to worry with setting boundaries after that lip-touching incident in her room. She knew very well that she would have done nothing to stop Joohyun, had she decided to take her exploration further, and she simply couldn’t let anything happen with the princess.

“Then why were you doing those things with captain Kang at the feast?”, Joohyun pushed, suddenly avoiding eye contact. Her words caught Seungwan completely by surprise, a dozen questions of her own springing to mind.

“What things?”, she asked in a hushed voice. She’d been a little drunk, but she wasn’t aware that she’d embarrassed herself so obviously that even the princess would notice.

“Laughing and winking at her and touching her arm”, Joohyun enumerated reluctantly, voice so quiet that Seungwan could barely hear her. Her hands had abandoned Seungwan’s and were busy squeezing each other in her lap.

Was Joohyun jealous? Had Seungwan accidentally made the princess jealous? And did Joohyun think it had been on purpose? That Seungwan had been upset by the princess’s absence and turned to the nearest attentive woman? All these thoughts raced through her mind before she realized something else entirely.

“You noticed that? Weren’t you supposed to be paying attention to the prince?” The thought was as pleasing as it was disheartening. Seungwan couldn’t help but bask in the knowledge that Joohyun had had her eyes on her, even when they were apart, but she knew this was a line of thought she shouldn’t follow.

Joohyun waved away the question without hesitation. “Oh, he’s very boring. By the time he gets to the middle of a story, I already know how it’s going to end” Despite her best efforts, Seungwan couldn’t help the foolish grin that sprang to her face. It felt, in way, like Joohyun had chosen her over the prince. Even if it couldn’t last, it still left a warm feeling inside her chest.

“You didn’t answer my question”, Joohyun stated after a moment of silence. “About captain Kang”, she added helpfully, still refusing to look Seungwan in the eye.

“Oh” She really hadn’t. And Joohyun really did want to know. “I’m just a friendly drunk. It didn’t mean anything”, she admitted awkwardly. The way Joohyun’s face lit up in response filled her with equal parts glee and ominous concern. Should the conversation be heading this way? Should she be encouraging Joohyun?

“I thought about that day. When I watched over you as you slept” She shouldn’t, she definitely shouldn’t be encouraging her. Joohyun’s face was flushed and yet she showed no intention of stopping without voicing whatever it was she’d thought about, and the worst part was that Seungwan’s heart began to beat violently in her chest, just as invested in hearing what came next.

“I wanted something and I didn’t know what but now I do”, the princess carried on. Seungwan felt herself sink into her seat in the hopes that she could burrow through the floor and right out of this conversation, at least until she felt a little more composed. “I want to kiss you”, Joohyun concluded in the lowest voice, nearly whispering in Seungwan’s ear, and she couldn’t help the violent shudder that the words elicited.

Joohyun spoke so boldly, like she didn’t even consider the possibility of rejection. Then again, as a princess, she probably wouldn’t have had much experience with the concept. Or maybe she’d just taken Seungwan’s confession a bit more seriously than she’d thought. The fact that she knew her feelings were reciprocated made things very different and very difficult. How was Seungwan supposed to keep the princess away like this?

“Joohyun, please, there’s people”, she pleaded in a muffled squeak, hands squeezing tightly against the edge of her seat. Joohyun’s hand was back on hers, settled lightly over the whitening knuckles, and the touch seemed to burn her, rooting her to the spot as effectively as that cursed flower.

“I’ll dismiss them”, the princess offered, her voice deliciously alluring. She turned to raise an arm, but Seungwan quickly clung to it, pulling it down.

“Absolutely not”, she whispered harshly. She had one job and that was to make sure Joohyun was protected when the bandits came jumping in through the windows. Nothing would come in the way of that, not even silly infatuations and dreams of kissing a princess that wasn’t hers to kiss. “You can’t be alone in your room. It’s not safe”

“I won’t be alone”, Joohyun pointed out with a smirk. Seungwan hated how her insides seemed to liquefy at the princess’s words, wanting nothing more than to eagerly comply. She might have, if she was the one being targeted by bandits, but she couldn’t risk Joohyun’s safety.

“Enough of this, please, Your Highness”, she pleaded, knowing that the formal address would cool Joohyun’s excitement. She patted the princess’s hand to remove any pain that the words might inflict. “Shouldn’t you be worrying about the prince?”

“Oh”, Joohyun said with a small frown. “The prince. I’d forgotten about him” Another jolt of excitement flew through Seungwan, filling her with petty glee that she absolutely should be resisting at least a little.

“You should try to avoid doing that”, Seungwan pointed out playfully, shoving back her unhelpful jealousy. “Now, do you really find him boring?” She’d mostly asked it to change the subject, but it didn’t make the question any less important. Now that Joohyun had met the prince, she needed to determine whether they had any chance of being happy together. Sure, there was this thing with Seungwan, but they both knew it couldn’t go anywhere. Joohyun would marry a prince or nobody at all and Seungwan just had to figure out which was the better option.

Before Joohyun could answer, there was a frightful crash as every window in the room broke into pieces, one bandit jumping in through each opening. The ladies closest to the door rushed out to call the guards while Seungwan instinctively shielded the princess with her body, throwing an arm in front of her own face to protect it from the shower of glass.

Something flashed in the corner of her eye and she turned to find that Lady Kim had ripped off her dress, revealing practical fighting clothes underneath it. She wielded a pair of daggers with confidence and she expertly slashed through the air, catching the bandits’ large swords between the two blades and flipping them off their hands with ease. Soon, all three attackers were backed into a corner by the smirking girl, but that smile was wiped off her face when they jumped out of her reach and straight into the nearest window, already gone by the time Lady Kim stuck her face outside the jagged opening.

It had all happened so fast that Seungwan had barely registered the events. She was jerked back to reality by the sobs that shook the princess’s frame, still surrounded by her protective arms. Drawing her arms back, she winced as she felt the small cuts spread all over her exposed limbs, but her attention returned to Joohyun immediately, eyes sweeping over every inch of unprotected skin for any sign of injuries.

She seemed unharmed, merely shaken by the experience, and Seungwan sighed in relief along with Lady Kim, who had approached them. “Shh, you’re alright”, Seungwan whispered in her most soothing voice, hands rubbing up and down the princess’s arms as their protector moved near the door to communicate their safety to the approaching guards.

Joohyun’s trembling hand rose to rest against Seungwan’s stinging brow and for a second, Seungwan worried about what she might do with Lady Kim still in the room, but the princess only drew her arm back to gaze at the drop of blood that had stained her finger. It took Seungwan a moment to understand that it was her own blood, the realization strangely impersonal. The princess’s eyes grew watery again as she studied her finger, then she broke into fresh tears, drawing Seungwan into a tight hug.

(…)

“You need better protection”, Seungwan insisted with a growing headache, trying to avoid pacing from side to side but finding no other way to deal with the nervous energy running through her body. Why was Joohyun making this so difficult for her?

“I am perfectly fine with the protection I already have. Lady Kim will keep me safe. After all, that is why she was chosen to serve me, isn’t it?”, Joohyun retorted in a tense voice, flippantly dismissing Lady Kim’s shocking reveal. In the aftermath of the attack, all her attention had been devoted to Seungwan’s wounds, and the discovery that her youngest lady in waiting was actually a trained assassin had apparently been silently processed in the back of her mind and easily accepted.

She leaned coolly against the wall of the abandoned corridor that led to the mage’s tower, arms crossed in a defensive posture. Seungwan had brought her here, close enough to the main hall that they wouldn’t be too isolated but far enough from people that she could have an honest argument with the princess. They certainly needed one of those, because she was being unbearably stubborn.

“Lady Kim did keep you safe, and you were still crying with fear. You need guards” She sighed, resisted the urge to move closer as her legs began to bounce, jittery with stress and uncertainty. Joohyun was only doing what she’d done in the original story, after all, but now there was nobody else to force protection on her, the king wary but not yet driven to drastic measures such as locking up his princess where nobody could read her, so Seungwan was doing her best to fulfil that duty herself. Unfortunately, she didn’t have the force of authority on her side, and she grew increasingly doubtful that she could talk Joohyun into anything.

“I was afraid for you, not me”, the princess riposted. “You were hurt” Even in the middle of the heated argument, Joohyun’s eyes glittered with unshed tears at the memory, a softened gaze falling on Seungwan and doing nothing to help her concentration.

“And perhaps I wouldn’t have been if there had been guards there to help Lady Kim”, Seungwan argued, even though she knew no amount of guards could have stopped the window from exploding all over her. Now that she thought about it, they should stop sitting on that window seat.

“This has nothing to do with your safety nor mine”, Joohyun pointed out, some of the tension leaving her, replaced with strange sadness. Her crossed arms loosened and dropped to her sides. “You refuse to be alone with me”

Seungwan bit her lip hard, but she didn’t refute the accusation. Joohyun’s attention had doubled as Seungwan recovered from her very light injuries, and her gentle care was more than she could have resisted on her own. “Those are two different questions. Regardless of… us, you still need guards. This is the third time you’ve nearly been kidnapped. Must it keep happening until the bandits finally succeed?”

“Seungwan”, Joohyun called out simply. She reached her hand forward to grab Seungwan’s arm and bring her closer, reminding Seungwan of exactly why she shouldn’t have brought the princess to an abandoned corridor where nobody could see them. “I don’t want to be surrounded by guards. I just want to be with you”

She pulled her in, wrapping her arms around Seungwan’s waist and burrowing her face in her shoulder. The sudden intimacy cut through Seungwan’s resolve like it was nothing, her heart squeezing painfully as her mind rushed to find some reason to escape the embrace and came up absolutely blank.

“Joohyun, please”, she requested desperately, unable to force her limbs to push the princess away. They couldn’t do this, she knew that very well, if for no other reason than the fact that she didn’t belong in Joohyun’s world and could never offer her the happily ever after that she deserved. “If you get kidnapped, I’ll – It’s only until the wedding”, she offered weakly. She didn’t even know what she’d do if Joohyun did get kidnapped. The fact that she must, to keep the story going, cut at her heart.

“I don’t want it”, Joohyun confessed in a wavering voice. Seungwan thought she meant the guards, but she was startled into silence when Joohyun pulled back and cradled her face in both hands. “I don’t want to marry the prince. I only want you”

Her heart hammered in her chest, her entire body seeming to jerk with each pounding heartbeat. She had to stop this, she knew she did, and still her arms hung uselessly by her sides. “You have a duty”, she mumbled, face frozen in place. Would Joohyun really force her to make the decision for them, when she knew very well that Seungwan couldn’t be more than her lady in waiting? She’d never be her equal, someone she could have.

“I don’t care about my duty”, Joohyun replied easily. She leaned in and finally Seungwan’s body sprang into action, hands landing on the princess’s shoulders to push her back.

“You can’t pretend it isn’t there, Joohyun. You’re the princess, you always will be”, she argued painfully, struggling to pull Joohyun’s hands off her when her own felt leaden and unresponsive. “Only a prince can have you. And you can only have a prince” She felt tears stinging her eyes and it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair at all. If the book really wanted her and Joohyun to fall for each other, couldn’t it have made her the prince? It was cruel to put them in this position, to offer them something they couldn’t have.

“Run with me”, Joohyun offered with wide eyes, hands hanging limply in Seungwan’s grasp once she finally managed to remove them from her face. “I’ll leave my title behind, we’ll be Joohyun and Seungwan, nothing more”

How naïve of the princess, to think for a second that she could outrun them all. The king, the prince, the bandits. “Joohyun”, she whispered sadly, gave in for just a moment, just enough to brush her thumb against Joohyun’s cheek. “You’ll always be my princess. Words won’t change that. Running won’t change that. You know it’s true”

Joohyun jerked away from her so suddenly that her hand rested in mid-air for a moment before she realized the princess had moved. “I won’t marry him. If you won’t come with me, I’ll go alone”, she said with cold finality, a few steps away from Seungwan.

The princess’s eyes landed on hers, waiting for an answer. An apology, another excuse, a change of heart. But Seungwan couldn’t say a word. In another life, she would have given in. In any other world, she would have put the princess’s safety above everything else, unwilling to leave her alone to face the unknown.

But she had a job to do. She had a script to follow. Joohyun had to escape alone, no matter how much it hurt Seungwan or how deeply it severed the bond between them. The prince would save her and she’d realize there was more to him than just boring stories with predictable endings, that he was reliable and charming and worthy of her. Then they’d get married and Seungwan would have a slice of elaborate meat pie at the wedding. Somehow the thought didn’t sound quite as appealing as when she’d first arrived in this world.

She let her eyes drop to the floor, kept them there as Joohyun’s steps echoed all the way down the corridor, leading her out of Seungwan’s sight.