Jungeun wakes up on Monday feeling even worse than the previous morning. Is it even realistic for a hangover to last over two days? Cause that’s what she’s feeling right now.

She can feel the pounding in her head and her eyes hurt from the barely existing sunlight that sneaks through her window. is dry and for a second she considers skipping school for the day, but the idea of having to later catch up with the missed classes make her head hurt even more, and so that option is instantly forgotten.

She checks her phone, to her disappointment she finds nothing new on it. No text from Jisung, not even Sooyoung. It’s been like this since the party, barely talking with any of the two on Sunday. The abysmal silence from those two made Jungeun question if she had done something she didn’t remember, but when she asked Sooyoung about it she assured her it’s nothing, that she’s just tired and needs a day all to relax.  It didn’t convince Jungeun though, she still feels weird about the whole thing.

It’s the same with Jisung. Jungeun could practically remember the entire thing that had gone down, even if it feels like a foggy memory from some past dream. Jiwoo had laughed at her when she described it as an “out of body experience”. There are, though, some parts she doesn’t remember. For example, her heart had almost dropped out of her chest when she woke up the morning after the party to a bunch of texts from a concerned Jisung. She opened the conversation and noticed a couple of messages she didn’t remember sending. They were barely readable, but she could make up some phrases along the lines of ‘I need to tell you something very important’ and ‘I can’t do this anymore’.

Jisung had called her multiple times after that and texted her even more. As soon as she saw all that Jungeun had rushed to explain to him that it was nothing, that she had been drunk and saying nonsense. Jisung kept insisting on it, though, not buying that excuse. After a while, he had hesitantly let Jungeun get away with it, but then things felt awkward for the rest of the day.

Jungeun can only sigh as she gets ready for school. She tries to convince herself that not skipping is for the best, otherwise she would just stay home and overthink even more than she already has. She’d rather just avoid her emotional turmoil getting the best out of her and let school be her torturer for the day.

*

It is only once Jungeun is in her fifth class of the day that she confirms that something is definitely…off with Sooyoung.

The other girl had been ignoring her the entire day. They don’t even share that many classes, but the absence of Sooyoung is still evident. She hadn’t stopped in Jungeun’s locker during the morning like she usually does, and whenever they passed each other in the hallways, Sooyoung wouldn’t even acknowledge Jungeun, not spare her a glance, or a simple greeting smile.

This is now beyond Jungeun overthinking and overanalyzing the behavior of others like she usually does. It’s clear that something’s wrong with Sooyoung and that something has to do with Jungeun, otherwise, she wouldn’t be avoiding her so adamantly.

When she enters the classroom, Jungeun sees Jiwoo excitedly waving at her as if they hadn’t seen each other in years, when in reality they had shared a class only two periods ago. She sits in their usual spot, which happens to be only two sits behind Sooyoung’s.

The first minutes of the class go by quietly, and sleep would have taken over Jungeun if it wasn’t for the staring. She can’t help but get lost in the almost perfect view she has of Sooyoung. She notices the girl being exceptionally quiet, keeping her head down for such a long time that Jungeun starts thinking she may have fallen asleep but then she shifts and, with her head still down, she angles her view towards Jungeun. Sooyoung’s entire body jolts when she notices Jungeun staring back, she quickly stands straight, her back looking stiff at a ninety-degree angle and with all her attention directed towards the teacher. Jungeun quietly giggles at the sudden reaction and shakes her head dismissively when Jiwoo looks at her questioningly.

Through the rest of the class, she can feel Sooyoung stealing glances at her.

Sooyoung tries to do it as secretively as possible but it’s hard given their positions. Sooyoung even amazes herself with her lack of smoothness, it’s double the challenge to find a way to look behind her while also making sure that Jungeun doesn’t notice. She is aware of how much she’s failing; she notices Jungeun staring back at her, the questioning look on her face and the soft smile on her lips.

The latter, the smile, is a new one. Before this class Jungeun had been frowning all day long, looking upset and the farthest away from smiling. Sooyoung doesn’t feel that far from that mood herself. In fact, she’s been in that exact same mood since the day before, which she hates...So much.

There’s nothing that she dislikes more than not being in control of her feelings, of being subject of something that she isn’t dictating. That lack of authority drives her crazy and so naturally, she deals with it in the most rational and healthy way possible: Ignoring it, ignoring the thing that’s bothering her as a whole. Ignore her feelings and everything surrounding them, Jungeun included.

Sooyoung can’t explain what it is about Jungeun, but she also refuses to look for an explanation. Exploring all those feelings and thoughts that she had not anticipated is something she has no intentions of doing. She just knows that Jungeun makes her confused, and happy…and mad for not only being the one that Sooyoung wants to spend all her time with but also for being the only person that Sooyoung can think about. Suddenly everything she does reminds her of the girl and she finds it ridiculous.

That night at the party, it all became too much for Sooyoung. Seeing Jungeun like that had made her feel so much for her in so many ways that she never had before, and it scares her. It scares her to somehow feel too close for comfort with the person that she’s been feeling the most comfortable with in the last couple of weeks; what that signifies and what that would do to her, to them.

And so now, she finds herself in the middle of a classroom doing a ty job at channeling all those feelings. She tries her best to distance herself from Jungeun, she just needs some time to think, to sort her thoughts out, but it’s just so hard to do. Jungeun is always there, anywhere she looks Jungeun is there, asking Sooyoung to give her all her attention, begging to be looked at and every time it gets harder to not give in.

Eventually, she stops fighting it. She’s bored in class and decides to peek; just a little bit. Clearly, ignoring Jungeun is only making her become even more self-aware of the other girl’s every move, so the damage has already been done. She goes for it and wonders what Jungeun is doing and- whoop there it is, Jungeun’s looking right back at her. She’s noticed the staring. Sooyoung can hear an alarm going off in her head, screaming to abort mission. She feels that thing that her stomach and heart do every time she looks at Jungeun and she hates it, she hates it because she’s been missing it all day.

She forces herself to look away, it’s evidently hard and she can feel her cheeks heating up from embarrassment as she tries to pretend the weight of Jungeun’s stare at the back of her head isn’t there.

As Sooyoung’s eyes accidentally meet Jungeun’s for the god-knows-what-time during that last hour, Sooyoung swears that this is the longest class she’s ever been in and she’s not even sure if she hates it or loves it.

*

“What’s with you two?” The voice of Jiwoo snaps Jungeun out of the Sooyoung induced trance she’s been in through most of the class.

“What?” Jungeun asks flatly, trying to disguise her surprise.

Jiwoo glances over Jungeun’s shoulder, Jungeun doesn’t have to follow her line of sight to know she’s directing it towards Sooyoung, “Sooyoung and you…You’ve been stealing glances at each other throughout the entire class.”

The callout catches Jungeun off-guard, for the last hour she had forgotten there are other people around her other than Sooyoung that were able to watch their interactions.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about” She tries to say nonchalantly as she pretends to write notes in her notebook, action which would have been more convincing had she not been holding the pen upside down.

Jiwoo quirks an eyebrow, “You really think I wasn’t noticing? Pretty sure the entire class has.”

Jungeun ignores the feeling of her cheeks burning up and prays that Jiwoo doesn’t notice her ears turning red. That’s something the shorter girl is always teasing her about, which only results in the red becoming even more evident and Jiwoo not letting Jungeun live.

“So, what is it?!” Jiwoo insists, “I noticed you haven’t talked all day too.”

Jungeun feels her face going warmer and squints her eyes at Jiwoo, questioning her sudden observant nature.

Jiwoo shrugs, “What?! You’re my best friend, of course, I pay attention to you.”

Even in this situation, Jungeun is able to appreciate Jiwoo’s protective side. She’s always been a person with a strong thoughtful and attentive side, thing which Jungeun has learned to appreciate more and more as they grow older. 

Every time Jiwoo acts like that, Jungeun is reminded of how when they were younger Jiwoo would always burst into tears whenever Jungeun did. The shorter girl had no reason to cry other than feeling sad over seeing her friend cry. One time she even teared up cause Jungeun’s eyes had gone watery after yawning. It’s a characteristic that has always been in Jiwoo, it just…matured with her.

Jungeun sighs loudly, “Honestly, I don’t even know.”

Jiwoo tilts her head to the side, confused at the answer.

“She’s being ignoring me since the party.” Jungeun explains, “This is like, the first interaction we’ve had all day.”

“Did something happen at the party?”

“Nothing that I haven’t told you.”

“Hm,” Jiwoo looks pensive as she eyes Sooyoung, “That’s weird.”

Jungeun nods in agreement, “I asked her already, but she assured me nothing is wrong.”

“Well, I assure you that’s a big fat lie,” Jiwoo says matter-of-factly.

Jungeun huffs. She knows Jiwoo is most likely right and it annoys her to not be able to think of a possible answer for Sooyoung’s behavior, to have Sooyoung deny it just like that and to not be able to fully rely on her memory; her entire recollection of their evening being foggy with the effect of alcohol.

“You should confront her again,” Jiwoo proposes, thoughtfully, “In person.”

For some reason the idea makes Jungeun nervous.

Jiwoo, as always, senses it and is quick to reassure Jungeun, “Hey, I’m sure it’s nothing serious. She’s probably just in a mood.”

Jungeun nods. Nothing serious.

She really hopes Jiwoo is right on that one.

*

Jungeun blinks and suddenly the day at school is over and so are her chances of approaching Sooyoung in person any time soon. It happened unintentionally, or so she likes to think. Jungeun got too busy rushing from class to class and practically didn’t see the other girl for the rest of the day after that One class.

Sooyoung has, however, been present in her mind the entire time. Every time Jungeun’s phone buzzed she’d hope it was Sooyoung asking her to meet somewhere in between classes, and every time she got disappointed. So much so that she would not even bother with opening whatever message she had actually received, leaving a ton of unread texts from Jisung. Jungeun hadn’t even become conscious of the fact that she hasn’t talked with the boy the entire day.

As the bell indicating the end of school rings, Jungeun rushes out of the classroom, in hopes of meeting Sooyoung before she leaves the school. She hangs around the hallways for a while, she scans every face, trying to find Sooyoung among the crowd, but nothing comes out of it.

Jungeun sighs defeatedly and starts walking towards the exit, accepting her fate of having to deal with this unspoken strain in their friendship for another day.

As she walks through the school’s front yard Jungeun notices two silhouettes from the corner of her eye that look oddly familiar. She considers the possibility that her mind may be playing tricks on her, making her see Sooyoung everywhere, but as she turns her focus towards them she confirms that she hasn’t gone that insane just yet.

Her breath hitches and she rushes to take cover behind some tree. If it wasn’t for her unexplainable anxiety over the sudden situation, she would have laughed at the cliché aspects of it.

Jungeun observes them from her hiding spot and tries her best to not feel like a total creep. Jisung is awfully close to Sooyoung and it makes Jungeun twist her face in the most uncomfortable way possible. He keeps getting closer to Sooyoung with every passing second; no one should ever be that close in public and ugh, can’t he control himself a little bit?

She notices Sooyoung wearing an uneasy expression on her face and Jungeun almost feels like barging in to scream at the boy for not noticing it, but then she realizes that he just doesn’t know her like she does.

He’s probably too busy thinking Sooyoung’s just nervous around the boy she likes to notice the way her eyes keep distressfully looking anywhere but him, or the way her hands fiddle against her own body, or how she wears a fake closed-mouth smile instead of her usual teeth-flashing charming one that only Jungeun seems to be familiar with.

How dumb can you be? Jungeun thinks to herself over how unaware Jisung is being, but can she really blame him? He practically doesn’t even know the girl standing in front of him. Jungeun shudders and pushes the thought away.

Her back starts cramping from the hunched over and awkward position she’s been standing in for the last few minutes, and before she gets distracted with cursing under her breath about how much her back is hurting, she finds a whole new reason to curse.

She sees Jisung being horrible at personal space once again but this time it goes a bit too far, so far that it almost makes Jungeun choke with her breath and definitely far enough for his lips to touch Sooyoung’s.

Jungeun’s heart speeds up so much that it almost feels like she’s the one getting kissed. She also feels a drop in her stomach that has no end, it’s a feeling of endless falling that makes her feel everything and nothing in those few seconds that she watches them.

Jungeun notices nothing other than Sooyoung’s lips being touched by Jisung’s and completely misses the way Sooyoung practically pushes him away, the perplexed look that takes over her face and how her wandering eyes look towards where Jungeun, who is no longer trying to make herself invisible, stands and successfully spots her.

Sooyoung’s baffled look turns into a troubled one, filled with remorse.

Jungeun rushes to leave the yard, wanting to get as far away as possible.

Everything inside Sooyoung aches, wanting to run after her, explain what just happened but Jisung holds onto her and she can’t move. With her brain being too hazy to think of an excuse to get away from him, she can’t do much other than stare as Jungeun walks away.

*

Jungeun forces herself to take a deep breath, to slow down her pace and to keep the tears behind her eyes.

The last one becomes harder with each step she takes but she refuses to cry in public and she will do everything in her power to avoid that situation...However, that doesn’t seem to be enough cause soon enough she’s sitting down in some bus station with tears rolling down her face.

She feels so stupid and it’s so hard to stop the tears and the feeling of having gotten hit in the stomach. She just wants to disappear and not have to deal with feelings and people and whatever is happening to her.

Being too immersed in her crying Jungeun doesn’t notice Sooyoung running towards her, pays even less attention to when she stood in front of her, saying nothing and trying to catch her breath from all running. Jungeun is also too absent-minded to recall the moment in which Sooyoung took her by the wrist and started dragging her to god knows where.

Once she finally realizes the situation, Jungeun tries to fight Sooyoung’s hold but the girl is way too strong to even notice Jungeun putting up a fight. She wants to scream, to shout to be left alone, but people are already staring and she would hate for this to become an even bigger scene. Her crying also makes it hard for her to control her voice, and she’s sure that any attempt at talking right now would come out as a garbled mess.

Jungeun just lets Sooyoung drag her and totally doesn’t notice how comforting the warmth of her hand feels against her own skin cause she’s mad and hurt and wants nothing to do with Sooyoung right now.

Jungeun realizes that Sooyoung is taking her back to the now empty school, which offers them the most accessible and private setting in this situation.

The walk to the bus stop had felt awfully long to Jungeun, her heavy steps making it dreadful when in reality it takes them less than five minutes to be back in the building, locked in some classroom where it’s just the two of them.

The atmosphere is uncomfortable and only awkward glances are thrown back and forth as an attempt to deal with it. Jungeun is even self-aware of the breaths she gives.

“I know you saw us.” Sooyoung finally speaks.

Those words somehow manage to trigger all the emotions in Jungeun once again. She feels that emptiness back in her stomach and the return of the necessity to both snap at the girl standing in front of her and lock herself in a room where she can just cry without saying a word to anyone.

Jungeun takes a calming breath, “How could you?”

“He came to see you but-”

“You kissed him.”

“It’s not like that!” Sooyoung defends herself quickly.

“You kissed him!” Jungeun repeats, this time putting more weight in her words.

“He kissed me! And what was I supposed to do?!” Sooyoung replies quickly, “It happened fast, and I’m supposed to like him, remember? That’s what’s expected of me!”

“The one thing I asked you not to do and you just-”

“This is a situation you put me in,” Sooyoung’s tone is different now, “You don’t get to be mad now.”

“You like him,” Jungeun says flatly.

Sooyoung blinks in surprise at that, it takes her a minute to take in what Jungeun had just said, maybe she heard her wrong, or it was worded weirdly. There is no way Jungeun actually thinks that.

“What?” It comes out harshly, barely any trace of concern now.

“That’s what this is about,” Jungeun replies matter-of-factly, “You like him, don’t you?”

Sooyoung sighs, deeply, “Jungeun, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I get it now, that’s why you’ve been ignoring me.”

Now Sooyoung just wants to slap the girl, even if it doesn’t do much to help with the conversation it could still knock some sense into her or something. She’s exasperated now and can do absolutely nothing about it other than take a soothing breath – or many – before talking again, “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Just say it!” Jungeun’s voice raises a little bit this time but sounds even weaker than before, “You like him, and you kissed him because you wanted to.”

“I don’t like Jisung!” Sooyoung protests immediately, “I don’t care about him!”

Jungeun scoffs, and crosses her arms, “Of course you do. Why else would you have agreed to all this, then?”

“It has never been about him, you idiot!” Sooyoung snaps back, and it sounds way more emotional and louder than she had planned, so much that Jungeun takes a step back.

Sooyoung wants to slap the girl even harder now and she can’t help the feeling of deep offense at the accusations. If she really wanted to get with the boy she wouldn’t go through all this trouble, she could have him already if that was her wish but of course it’s not him that Sooyoung wants, of course if having what she wanted was that easy she wouldn’t be doing all this.

Jungeun stays quiet for a minute, noticeably confused at Sooyoung’s response and probably not understanding it, just the same way she has completely misunderstood this entire situation.

Jungeun just shakes her head. Sooyoung hates how vulnerable she looks and for a second forgets about her desire to fight the girl.

“I don’t wanna talk to you right now,” Jungeun murmurs, much calmer than before, she sounds exhausted.

“Jungeun–”

But before Sooyoung can do anything to stop her, she’s already walking towards the door. It takes everything in Sooyoung to not follow her, to not grab her again and force her to stay in that room, to talk things out and lock her in till everything’s okay again.

She just wants them to be okay.

*

It would be a lie to say that Jungeun hadn’t spent the last three hours replaying her conversation with Sooyoung, but then it would also be pathetic to admit that she had. So, Jungeun is in quite a pickle, to put it nicely.

She didn’t mean to snap like that, she barely ever does. She often prides herself on the outstanding control she has over her feelings. Always in tune with them and allowing herself to listen to her own thoughts and understand them. However, most times aren’t as complicated as this situation is. Most times her own feelings aren’t so confusing and contradicting and filled with teen angst. She is used to stand in black and white, not in gray areas that leave her feeling things she doesn’t understand. Things like being mad at your friend for kissing the boy you like and not you.

It makes her head hurt, that feeling. So now she has both an (inexplicably) hurting heart and head and she swears she’s gonna die. She can’t even overanalyze and break down Sooyoung’s words one by one to really figure out the girl’s feelings like she usually would cause her head is physically pounding, and doing any thinking in general feels like death but especially thinking regarding her conversation and how she had acted in such a stupid and unreasonable manner.

Somehow Jungeun reaches the conclusion that since she’s already dying soon she might as well risk it all and go see Sooyoung. They were supposed to study that day after school as always, so technically, since it was never officially canceled, she does have an excuse to be there now.

She doesn’t even try calling or texting Sooyoung and starts walking towards her house.

*

Jungeun is barely turning the corner of Sooyoung’s block when she hears screams that sound awfully recognizable. She smiles to herself and feels thankful for having some sense of familiarity and it’s so weird cause she never thought she’d ever be thankful towards the screeches of the three demons that call themselves the youngest members of the Ha family.

Jungeun is now standing at the entrance. The screams immediately halt once she rings the doorbell and are instead replaced by the sound of footsteps running towards the door.

“I’ll answer it.” She hears Yeojin say from the inside.

“You can barely reach the knob, I will.” The voice sounds like Chaewon this time.

“No, I’m the oldest one I got this.”

Jungeun frowns at that because one, how are they managing to make whispering sound so loud and two, that was definitely Yerim talking and Yerim is definitely not the oldest one.

She then hears Chaewon protest while some altercation (which does not sound violent-free at all) goes down and shortly after, Yerim answers the door with the biggest smile plastered across her face.

“Hello there, Kim Jungeun.” She greets sounding exceptionally formal.

“Hello there, Yerim.” Jungeun says back, copying her tone, “Is your sister home?”

“Nope.”

“No?”

“Yep. Gone. Out. She’s not here” Yerim replies in a totally convincing manner as she looks at Jungeun through the open door.

“Ah,” Jungeun is unsure of what to do next, though it’s not like she had a plan in the first place anyway, “Um. Okay.”

“Mhm. Oh, and by the way,” Yerim’s tone continues to be icy and sharp, “I’m mad at you, Kim Jungeun”

Jungeun’s eyes widen, that unexpectedly answers Yerim’s weird behavior but creates a whole new question, “You are?”

“Yes, you made my sister cry.” Yerim frowns and inspects Jungeun’s face for a while before adding something to her previous statement, “And you made yourself cry too.”

This sudden call-out session has Jungeun not only feeling painfully guilty but also likes she’s being picked apart under a microscope and the worst part is that a 10-year-old is doing so.

“You don’t know that.” Jungeun defensively crosses her arms.

Yerim’s stare intensifies and her expression becomes even more determined, “I can see it in your eyes.”

Jungeun stares at Yerim in confusion, is everyone in this family this puzzling?

It took her some time but Jungeun is now used to how weird these kids can get but this…

She’d rather have Yerim go back to screaming nonsense and stop acting so insightful and reading Jungeun far too well for a child.

“And by that, I mean they are puffy.”

Oh….Nevermind.

“So are you gonna tell me, or what?” Yerim insists.

“I don’t think I should be telling you that. It’s…Grown-up st-”

“Don’t you dare say it’s a grown-up thing!” Yerim whines as she stomps one of her feet in protest, “I’m old enough, the oldest one of my sisters!”

“You’re not-”

But before she can finish her idea she is once again interrupted by the younger girl, “Mentally speaking, I mean. I’m very mature. Just tell me.”

Yerin pats her own head proudly while Jungeun remains quiet, trying to think of the best way to proceed with the conversation. She has never been good with kids, let alone nosy ones, so now her brain is not responding as fast as she would like.

Yerim takes a dramatically long sigh, “Fine, want me to tell you what I think?”

“I-” Jungeun is about to deny the suggestion, but decides that it can’t be that bad, “Sure, go for it.”

“I think you’re both being stupid.”

Well…Maybe it can be.

A gasp escapes Jungeun’s mouth, is she supposed to be saying words like that at such a young age? And whatever happened to that whole respect your elders thing.

The gasp and shock in Jungeun’s face are ignored by Yerim who continues speaking.

“Clearly, you both care about each other. From…an-” She pauses for a second to choose her words correctly, “….Inside source I can assure you she does, and a lot. And she doesn’t wanna hurt you. I’m sure you don’t wanna hurt her either, right?”

“Right.”

“So, what’s the problem?!” She says it like it’s almost obvious that there’s none and Jungeun envies her for her simplicity.

“That’s the problem! I care too much.” Jungeun flushes once she realizes what she had just said and to who.

“There’s not such a thing,” Yerim replies, sternly.

Jungeun shakes her head and sighs, “There is this time.”

Yerim shakes her head even harder, making a disapproving sound with , “She cares just as much.”

“I’m not so sure about that one.” This time Jungeun can’t meet Yerim’s eyes, so she just looks down to the ground.

“She does, you .” What is it with this family and calling her names? “I’m telling you.”

Insult and all, Yerim does sound sincere and Jungeun hates that it gives her…Hope?

“Anyway!” Yerim says loudly, breaking the dull atmosphere that was starting to form, “I have a Mario Kart tournament to get back to, so…”

She turns away and starts going into the house, ready to lock the door behind her

“Hey, Yerim?” Jungeun stops her.

Yerim looks back at Jungeun, arching her eyebrows expectantly at the older girl.

“Thank you.”

Yerim says nothing in return, but the smile and not smooth at all wink that she offers are more than enough.

As weird as the interaction and Yerim’s words had been, they help Jungeun start to understand things a little better.