“You’re kidding, right?”

And there it is, the feeling of instant regret. Nothing about this is a joke, and Jungeun would rather die than say the entire thing out loud again…even just thinking about it is already bad enough.

“Does it look like I’m joking?” Jungeun replies as cool as possible.

“Sure, an attitude will help your cause.”

Jungeun feels her irritation increase with each second, and the smirk forming on Sooyoung’s lips only confirms how bad she is at hiding it. “Whatever” She snaps, “Are you gonna do it or not?”

Sooyoung takes a shaky breath and looks thoughtful for such a short moment that Jungeun misses it.

“Sure” She says sounding barely interested in the conversation, “I’ll text you my address.”

Sooyoung walks away and Jungeun is barely able to move as what just happened sinks in on her. Even as she repeats it on her mind the thought sounds ridiculous, so absurd that a dry laugh escapes ; Ha Sooyoung, out of all people, just agreed on helping Jungeun catfish her crush.

*

“That’s a horrible idea” Jiwoo huffs, “And I’m ME! I have horrible ideas all the time.”

“I didn’t tell you this to get a moral lesson in return” Not that Jungeun anticipated any other response from her best friend, she was prepared for this to come, but that doesn’t mean she dislikes it any less.

“What else am I supposed to do? Cheer you on about being a horrible person that’s lying to some boy you’ve never met!?” Jiwoo’s voice is uncharacteristically stern, and Jungeun hates it. She understands the other girl is just worrying and rightfully disagreeing with her actions, but can’t she just ignore her morals this one time?

“It’s not like that!” Jungeun fights the defensive tone that wants to make its way through her voice, “I’ll tell him…eventually...Someday. And I DO know him!”

Jiwoo shoots her an incredulous look before speaking, “Seeing him around town with zero interaction between you two doesn’t count as knowing him.”

“You’d be surprised at how much you can get to know someone through text.”

“Clearly not enough if he thinks you are a whole different person!” This time her words get her a pillow smack from Jungeun which, as Jiwoo giggles, manages to break the serious atmosphere that had formed between the two.

Once the laughter settles Jiwoo speaks again, “I just don’t want you getting hurt. This could all blow up in your face, you know that, right?”

And she does, she knew as soon as Jisung referred to her as “Sooyoung” and she knows every time they speak and the feeling of her heart sinking reappears at the back of her mind. She could have easily corrected him the minute he said the name. Hell, she should have corrected him right when they started texting, but she didn’t want him to lose interest, didn’t want to say bye.

Jisung is nice and sweet and has Jungeun laughing with every conversation they have, on top of that he’s very very cute, and giving up his attention once she had a taste of it had become impossible. So yes, it is her fault to be on this mess but who can blame her…If she has to pretend to be a different person to have more time with him then so be it.

Sure, he pictures Sooyoung while texting Jungeun, but it is Jungeun’s personality the one he is falling for; that has to mean something, right?

Jungeun sighs and puts all her attention back on the girl who’s now looking at her with doey eyes. “I know, Jiwoo. Don’t think I don’t worry too.”

Jiwoo senses her friend starting to get upset and acts immediately, “But hey, it could also have a great happy ending in which he decides that looks and popularity aren’t all and chooses to stay with you and your amazing personality despite everything.”

Before Jungeun could even react Jiwoo shakes her head and begins talking again as she looks regretful, “Not that you don’t have the looks or anything, but who can compete with Ha Sooyoung, you know. She’s like…on model level. She’s probably not even human.”

Jungeun just laughs at the rambling mess that Jiwoo has become all on her own but appreciates the intentions. She falls into the comfort of having mindless conversations with her best friend and pretends Jisung and Sooyoung don’t exist till she’s alone again.

*

The air feels heavy and awkward as they sit on the floor of Sooyoung’s room. It is much smaller than Jungeun had imagined. There is a twin bed that takes up most of the room, what’s left of it is cramped with various objects here and there that barely leave any space to move.

“So,” Jungeun finally breaks the silence, “What should we start with?”

Sooyoung barely shifts her gaze from her own hand as she fiddles with her nails, “Let’s start with why me.”

Jungeun just stares in confusion as a very ungraceful (but honest) “Huh?” leaves her lips.

“Why use my face to catfish your boyfriend.”

Jungeun closes the book on her lap and sighs in exasperation, irritated by everything about the girl in front of her, from the way she refuses to meet Jungeun’s eyes while talking -as if she wasn’t even there- to how she’d use her conceited tone to make questions sound as if they were statements.

“Listen, if I’m gonna tutor you, you’re gonna have to start listening to me, cause I distinctly remember telling you that I did not choose to catfish him, I’m not that awful. He just happened to text me with the wrong impression that it was you. Then one thing led to another and suddenly it was too late to tell him that he was texting the wrong number. And, by the way….He is not my boyfriend” Jungeun takes a deep breath after all the unplanned talking. She had never been one with patience to spare, even less when dealing with Sooyoung since they had never been the friendliest with each other, she just couldn’t help herself.

“Well someone’s defensive…” Sooyoung murmurs, but her tone has a hint of playfulness to it.

Messing with Jungeun is easy, it always has been. The girl seems to be on edge all the time and tends to snap without the need of much effort. Sooyoung knows this and uses it to her advantage. It’s not that she is an easy victim or anything, she’s actually quite feisty and always has something to say back, but that’s what makes it so enjoyable. Other students would just lower their gaze and take whatever Sooyoung throws at them, and that got boring quickly.

With Jungeun though, it is different. Sooyoung knows that messing with her will never leave her feeling disappointed, and her theory had proven itself to be correct after years of the other girl falling for her teasing time and time again.

So, when Jungeun offered her this deal, it didn’t take Sooyoung more than a second to know she’d be saying yes. But, of course, she didn’t let Jungeun know that, she couldn’t let her have it that easy. “Why would I want to help you” “Do I look like I care about you” She’d reply so only to see Jungeun explain herself over and over again. There was no way Sooyoung would miss this opportunity, plus she’s in much need of the tutoring sessions Jungeun offered in return of her help. Sooyoung’s grades have been dropping lately and that is something that she can not allow from herself.

*

Later that night, as she’s getting ready for bed, Jungeun’s phone vibrates with the notification of a text message. She knows who it is from (Mainly cause it’s too late during a school night and Jiwoo, the early-sleeper and only other option, gets automatically ruled out by that). She tries to act cool about it and does her best to ignore every muscle in her body that’s telling her to sprint to the other side of the room and check her phone, she really does, but that doesn’t last for more than ten seconds and soon enough she’s laying in bed texting the night away with Jisung once again.

Jisung: wanna Talk?

Jungeun: aren’t we already doing that?

Jisung: no i mean like….talk talk. on the phone

The loudest gasp escapes Jungeun’s mouth after reading that last message that for a second she fears she had woken up the entire neighborhood. Is it normal for her hands to be sweating this much? A phone call shouldn’t be such a big deal but that means revealing her voice and that thought alone is enough to terrify her; what if it gets awkward? What if they have nothing to talk about?

Talking on the phone is already stressing enough for someone as shy as Jungeun but talking on the phone with her crush?! That’s on a whole different level, a level with completely different implications and things to worry about, but also one that means hearing his voice, and maybe that would make it all worth it.

She can feel her heart racing as she hits send.

Jungeun: ah sure! call me :)

It doesn’t take more than five seconds for her phone to start ringing. A bunch of scenarios run through her head while she watches the screen glow with Jisung’s name written across it, she answers just before it goes into voicemail.

“Jisung! H-hi!” The stuttering was not part of the plan….

“Hello- I mean hey- Hi.” Jungeun smiles to herself as she notices he seems to be just as nervous.

It goes on like that for some time, but in between laughing and talking the awkwardness of the situation wears off after a couple of minutes. Just as Jungeun starts to relax and let the conversation flow naturally, Jisung’s words cause her to tense up once again, “Hey, your voice sounds different than what I remembered.”

Of course...how did it not occur to her that this would come up, she had been a fool for thinking that he wouldn’t know what the real Sooyoung’s voice sounds like, “Ah yeah, the phone, you know…It translates sounds differently” She fakes a cough before talking again, “And I’m kinda catching a cold.”

Jungeun never knew she had it in her to be such a natural liar but these last days had proved the contrary, and she knows it is not something to be proud about but maybe just maybe she mentally congratulates herself for it.

Quickly after that she regains her composure and is able to mindlessly talk with him for almost four hours until they need to hang up to sleep but not before he reminds her of their plans to facetime on Friday. Jungeun had previously managed to come up with various excuses to avoid any form of face reveal but recently settled on doing one that Friday after Sooyoung agreed on helping her.

That night Jungeun went to bed ignoring the bad feeling on her stomach

*

“What’s the point of catfishing a man if you’re not getting money from it” Sooyoung’s voice is so serious that it is actually quite concerning for Jungeun.

“I swear that’s even worse…That’s like actually scamming.”

Sooyoung shrugs, “But no one’s catching feelings, think of it more like some sort of business transaction” Jungeun just stares in astonishment as Sooyoung looks absorbed in her thoughts, “But here…you’re playing with emotions.”

Jungeun hates to admit it but the point made by the girl in front of her is somewhat valid, texting with someone in exchange of money has this unspoken agreement on the fact that both parties are using each other, so might as well throw in another lie on top of that. But in this case…both people involved are catching feelings and both of them will inevitably get hurt once the lie comes to an end. Jungeun knows this so why won’t she stop while she can?

Jungeun’s chest suddenly feels constricted, “Okay, but consider this; is it technically still catfishing if the person you’re pretending to be knows about it?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

Jungeun knew the answer, but that didn’t stop her from asking as an attempt to make herself feel better, “That’s awful, I’m awful.”

Sooyoung hums, “Yes, yes you are.”

Jungeun covers her own face with a pillow and makes a muffled sound that resembles an ‘ugh’.

“But hey” Sooyoung grabs Jungeun’s pillow out of her hands, “I’m awful too. At least we can be awful together.”

As Sooyoung jokingly winks at her, Jungeun can’t help the smile that creeps on her face.

*

A loud bang interrupts their studying session, the sudden noise makes Jungeun’s heart stop for a second and she’s sure that one of these days her heart will quit after getting tired of all she’s putting it through lately.

Jungeun’s eyes are wide in surprise as she looks at Sooyoung for an explanation. The other girl just sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose in…frustration? Annoyance? Jungeun couldn’t tell as it was an emotion who Sooyoung, always cool and aloof, had never shown before.

“They’ve arrived” As soon as those cryptic words leave Sooyoung’s mouth the sound of loud banging is heard again. This time it comes from the door of the room which is now wide open as three hectic looking girls, not older than 10, stand in the frame of the door they just kicked open.

It is in less than a flash that the younger girls have strategically spread themselves all over the room, one rushes to jump in the bed, the other one quickly places herself on Sooyoung’s lap as she indiscreetly inspects Jungeun’s presence with curious eyes, and the third one is nowhere to be seen.

The three of them are simultaneously screaming for no apparent reason, and then a fourth voice joins them, “Yeojin get off my bed!” “Yerim you’re heavy! Get off!!” “Stop it, Chaewon!” “Calm down!”.

Sooyoung is not as frantic as any other person in this chaos would be, and the orders she screams seem almost memorized, indicating that this is practically routine for them. Yet, there’s a certain edge to her voice that betrays her assertiveness over the situation.

“JINIE!” Screams exceptionally loud the one in Sooyoung’s lap, “Did you see?! She has a friend!” As she points at Jungeun she fails to obtain the other girl’s attention, who seems too busy jumping on Sooyoung’s bed.

The third girl, finally back on sight, is entertaining herself by rummaging through Sooyoung’s backpack, she can almost fit her entire body in it and Jungeun fears the tiny girl might get lost in there. In what seems like a last-minute decision, she flips over the backpack causing all of its contents to fall on the floor and immediately looks disappointed, “No food in here! Where’s the food!?!”

She looks around for a few seconds and a smug smile appears on her face as she starts to quickly move towards Jungeun’s backpack, however, she’s stopped by Sooyoung just in time, “Don’t even think about it, Chaewon.”

Sooyoung’s eyes soften as she shoots Jungeun an apologetic look, and Jungeun’s heart speeds up a little bit at the kind expression Sooyoung wears, “Sorry about them, school makes them…” She struggles for a few seconds to find the correct word, “…rowdy.”

“And hungry!” Screams the one that apparently can’t have enough of jumping on a bed.

Realization hits Sooyoung’s face and Jungeun sees her face go through a wide range of emotions like never before. During the stage of panic her eyes dart across the younger girls demanding for food, then comes the annoyance accompanied with jaw clenching, and finally, something along the lines of stress as her eyes meet Jungeun’s once again, “I forgot to cook them lunch.”

Three loud gasps fill the room and before any of the girls, Jungeun included, could react, Sooyoung is already standing up and walking towards the door, “I’ll make them something quick, do you mind?”

Jungeun just manages to shake her head and rushes to follow Sooyoung out of the room, the three kids behind them cheering at the promise of food.

*

Jungeun offers her help which is well received but that’s as far as her good intentions take her; the restricted kitchen space and lack of culinary knowledge she has to offer leave her feeling more like a burden than extra assistance.

Sooyoung however, moves like a pro, one could almost say gracefully; but who wouldn’t  after years of doing this almost on a daily basis.

Jungeun resorts to only pass her some utensils here and there and maybe slice a vegetable or two.

As lunch is served everyone is too busy eating to talk, Sooyoung is once again multitasking, almost by inertia, as she consumes her food while making sure none of the kids choke on the food they are absorbing at a ridiculously fast pace.

The dinner ends with no casualties, and it almost feels like a miracle.

“I’m sorry about this” Sooyoung speaks as she passes Jungeun a recently washed plate for her to dry, “We lost a lot of time”.

“Don’t worry about that, I understand.”

But she doesn’t, she’s just trying to. She has no idea what taking care of three kids that depend on you for everything would be like. Jungeun can barely manage to prepare herself anything that isn’t instant ramen or cereal with milk, so she can’t even begin to comprehend the idea of having to cook something nutritious every day of the week and convince three young girls to eat it.

She had almost gone crazy in those five minutes that she had to spend with the girls in Sooyoung’s room and after that traumatic experience she could not find any reasonable explanation as to how Sooyoung hadn’t been driven into madness by them yet...Or maybe she had and was just good at hiding it, maybe that would explain her -for lack of a better word- y behavior at school…but Jungeun doesn’t want to speculate.

“I didn’t know you had sisters,” Jungeun says curiously.

“Why would you.”

“Right” Jungeun goes silent after that and then feels Sooyoung’s eyes practically burning the side of her face.

Sooyoung sighs, “What I meant was….I deal with them enough at home to be talking about them on my free time.”

Jungeun hums as a response, “Do you always cook for them?”

Sooyoung nods and Jungeun sees it out from the corner of her eye, “On Sundays I don’t, though. It is my mom’s day off. Lucky for me, I get off school before them, so I have time to cook. Maybe we can find a time in which it doesn’t clash with our studying.”

Jungeun shakes her head fervently, “This schedule’s okay. I can help you with them.”

“You don’t have to, really. I can manage, I have for years.”

“I’m helping.”

This time Jungeun only notices the raised eyebrow on Sooyoung but fails to catch the soft blush that forms in her cheeks and pays no attention to how delicate her “thank you” comes out.

*

“I didn’t think it’d hurt that much” Jiwoo said as she chewed on her food, she took the lack of response as a cue to continue talking, “I think I actually shed a tear and-”

Jungeun doesn’t even seem to notice the halt in Jiwoo’s speech, “Hey, I’m telling you a very tragic story of how I had to uninstall animal crossing from my phone and you don’t seem to be listening at all.”

“What?” Jungeun finally directs her attention to Jiwoo after having a question shot her way.

Jiwoo just squints her eyes, finally understanding the situation, and sighs, “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, I’m just nervous. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I’m facetiming with Jisung later. Well not me but- you get what I mean.”

Jiwoo snorts, but the concern in her voice is clear as she speaks, “And what worries you?”

Jungeun gives her a stare, shouldn’t it be obvious?

“Well,” Jungeun hisses, “Not only the terrifying thought of how bad this could go but also the having to deal with my lies in a more physical and face to face kind of way!”

It sounds overly dramatic but she doesn’t care. Suddenly this feels like too much for Jungeun. Having to go this far to keep up with her lies just makes her feel wrong and like a horrible horrible person. While lost in her thoughts, she finds herself considering that maybe this going wrong would be the right thing, at least that would put an end to this mess without her having to take the initiative.

“You worry too much! Everything will be fine” Jiwoo’s cheerful tone brings Jungeun back to their conversation, “Just ignore your morals. Maybe you can ask Sooyoung some tips on how to do it” She adds as a second thought with a smirk on her lips.

 Jungeun rolls her eyes at her friend’s attempt of distracting her from her thoughts, “Shut up, she’s not that bad.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

*

They’re eating directly from a box of cereal that Sooyoung would feed the kids whenever she felt too tired to cook. It is practically pure sugar compacted into tiny colorful rectangles, but Jungeun and Sooyoung are both in need of the energy kick they’ll get from it.

They had decided to give up studying for that day and opted to just lay on Sooyoung’s bed till the time of the video call came.

“Are you nervous?” Sooyoung’s voice is calm, Jungeun envies it.

She doesn’t even know where to begin with that question, with her lack of patience the anticipation of waiting for today’s event for almost over a week had been eating her alive, especially today. She could barely think about anything that wasn’t this, and how it would go. Lying down with Sooyoung while they waited hadn’t done much to calm down her nerves.

Sooyoung had been able to tell almost immediately, she sensed the anxiety on the girl from miles away. For the entire day, Jungeun had been uneasy and absent-minded towards everything that surrounded her, Sooyoung included. Multiple times she tried -and failed- to establish eye contact with the girl with the intentions of asking her if she was okay.

Sooyoung notices that even now Jungeun struggles to meet her eyes, and instead looks down to her hands or anywhere else.

“Does it show?” Jungeun finally murmurs.

“Mhm” Sooyoung nods, “You kinda at pretending.”

Jungeun awkwardly nudges her on the side, struggling to move well while being surrounded by pillows, “Shut up.”

Sooyoung lifts up her torso and leaves one hand on the bed for support, she shifts towards Jungeun and extends the other hand to her.

She reaches to grab some cereal that had fallen on Jungeun’s hair earlier at some point. Her hand brushes against Jungeun’s face, giving the girl shivers.

“Hey, you like him, right?” She speaks dismissing their recent interaction.

As Jungeun’s eyes finally find Sooyoung’s she thinks about her answer for longer than she anticipated, but finally settles for a simple “Yes.”

Sooyoung gives her a soft smile in return, “Then that’s all that matters now.”

Before Jungeun could even ponder on the meaning of Sooyoung’s words and protest, she feels the vibration of her phone indicating the arrival of the dreadful text she had been half longing for and half wishing it never came.

 Jisung: hey, just finished hw. can i call u now? :D

*

“Sooyoung, hi! You look good.” Jisung’s voice is heard through the room, but Jungeun feels it distant.

For a few seconds everything is quiet and Sooyoung’s stare is expectantly on Jungeun, who sits facing her behind the laptop, hiding away from the camera.

“Sooyoung?” Jisung’s voice comes again.

Sooyoung remains frozen in her position, but this time Jungeun snaps out of her panicking state and reacts, “Hi! Sorry, the Wi-Fi .”

Jungeun watches as Sooyoung proceeds to mouth, a few seconds later, the words she just said. They blame the out of sync audio to lagging and poor internet connection. Their lie seems to work perfectly as Jisung falls for it with no questions asked.

They keep coming back to that lie more than once as Jungeun continues to fail in responding to what Jisung says, leaving poor Sooyoung frozen in place with nothing to reply.

Apparently, attentively staring at Sooyoung’s red lips as they move in silence is more distracting than what Jungeun could have ever anticipated.

Truth be told, Sooyoung also finds it hard to listen and follow what Jungeun is saying cause she too, finds it almost impossible to concentrate. But she, unlike others, remains professional…If professional means not once engaging with the webcam and image of a boy that sit in front of you, and instead giving all your attention to the girl that shyly talks behind them.

Sooyoung had never noticed how pretty Jungeun’s lips and smile are. She decides she likes them. Of course a voice as sweet as hers would come out from them. 

Once again, Sooyoung makes a professional decision and gives up on trying to guess what Jungeun is gonna say next, and instead she moves her eyes away from Jungeun’s lips and towards her eyes. She immediately regrets this, as once their eyes meet she finds herself barely able to contain the unexplainable desire to laugh that takes over her.

Jungeun’s lips quiver and Sooyoung is able to tell she feels the same way, a snort escapes from Jungeun and Sooyoung throws her body towards the other girl in an attempt to hide from the camera and laugh as silently as she can. While doing so Jungeun quickly whispers “hang up” on her ear.

“Sooyoung? I can’t see you well now” Jisung says hesitantly.

And it takes almost half a minute for the girls to regain their composure and only then Sooyoung gets back on the frame, “Ah sorry, I was trying to see if I could get closer to the Wi-Fi.”

 The trace of a smirk remains on her face as Jisung continues speaking, “Is it that bad? Do you wanna try this another time, then?”

Sooyoung chuckles as they get the reply they were hoping for, “Would that be okay?”

“Of course, let’s talk later, okay?”

As soon as they hang up laughter erupts from both girls, they’re both practically squirming on the bed from laughing too much at absolutely nothing. The two of them attempt to speak but pure gibberish comes out from their mouths. They try to catch their breath which only results in more wheezing. Jungeun has tears rolling down her face now which makes Sooyoung lose it even more.

It takes almost five minutes for them to calm down, Sooyoung takes a big breath and is finally able to speak in an intelligible way, “I can’t believe he fell for that.”

“Thank God he did.”

As she speaks, Jungeun gets another text and she mindlessly checks it. Her eyes become wide and any trace of laughter that was left in her face is completely erased.

She looks at Sooyoung who is quick to notice the change in the girl and arches her eyebrows curiously.

Jungeun sighs, “We’re ed.”