“Please, open your heart and let me try to get in. Can we… be closer?”

 

Closer. He was as ambiguous as ever with his words, but that’s how we were then, since that one night I would never forget... closer.

 

Perhaps it was a confession, but he never called it that, and he never pushed me to decide how I felt. We didn’t put any labels between us.

 

We were just closer… We had video calls like we used to. At school, he was back by my side whenever there was a chance, sat next to me during lunch, followed me wherever I went – sometimes with our fingers intertwined together. Oftentimes I found myself acting cute to make him smile, and he would pat my head or pinch my cheeks if I did make him smile. There were times when he didn’t bother holding himself back and just embraced me out of the blue, whether it was an arm around my shoulders or a big hug – all of these witnessed by all our friends.

 

They thought we were officially together, but we were comfortable with what we were having – the intimacy that was slowly growing with baby steps. A status might be something rather big at this early stage, in the beginning of the fourth month we knew each other.

 

Everything with him was new to me. He taught me how to feel like he did, perhaps about love… I didn’t know about him, but I didn’t dare call it love yet. He was surprisingly so patient with me about this thing that I had just begun to learn, he led the way gently and started things first – when I was afraid to open up, he opened up first. We began to share secrets because he trusted me first.

 

I might have not realized it, and this may sound cheesy, but Jinhwan had become another person I needed to be in my life. No one had ever constantly made me happy like he did. He was still the same naughty flirt, a tease, but there was a big difference then; I was the only lucky girl who got to see that side of him.

 

Like, how his naughty side showed up when we had video calls. People didn’t get to see that anymore at school. He would make seductive faces and utter words that might just set my ears on fire, being so sweet and just… too much, all night.

 

“I’ve always wondered how it would be if we were in the same room. Do you know how often I fantasize about this? I even had dreams about it. We’d also be looking at each other, but I would be able to touch you. I mean touch your face, or your hair. You wouldn’t allow me to touch you anywhere else, would you? Ah… Let’s not talk about this. It’s dangerous. What if I can’t sleep tonight thinking about it? I might have to come and kidnap you. So... I’ll just admire your beauty from here. You’re cute when you’re being shy, you know? Just seeing you smile is more than enough for me. But, still… Should we ask your mom if I can have a sleepover? I promise I won’t be naughty. Maybe just a bit...”

 

Once he started, he wouldn’t stop so soon until I couldn’t handle it anymore and had to stop him. I was always a giggling mess because of his cringey, cheesy words. It was funny how his lips often covered the whole screen, but they never really came anywhere close to my face when we were together at school. He’d get too shy when the other boys about kissing – not that I didn’t get shy as well. That’s why I always looked forward to his video calls. No, not because of the smooches… But because he showed his true self on those calls.

 

Despite of us only being that close in private, eventually people could clearly see what was growing between us, and I was glad that they gave us all their support. Even my mother.

 

But, above it all, there was one person who still confused me.

 

Hanbin.

 

At times Hanbin would look happy and even tease us when Jinhwan got a bit clingy on me in front of everyone, but there were also times when I caught him being cold. Sometimes he also did things that gave me a bad feeling, like, looking around suspiciously and then approaching me when Jinhwan was off to the toilet or somewhere without me.

 

One time during a break, he sat in front of me in our half empty classroom, facing me but staring down at my desk with his chin on his folded arms. He stayed in that position and said nothing, just simply looking troubled. I was never sure what was going through his mind. He was so mysterious to me.

 

So it was like this; at first, Hanbin did such random things that confused me to no end. As time went by, his actions leveled up – he began to talk more to me and about me, oftentimes slipping in subtle compliments.

 

“Hi, Hyejoo, good morning.” He began to greet me with a smile every morning. “You look so happy today. That’s nice.”

 

I usually answered with a grin, and he would smile to himself and start tearing any pieces of paper within reach. Tiny shreds of paper on his desk was a normal sight, I had learned that it was his habit.

 

When we and other friends were having lunch together, sometimes he changed the topic and mentioned me randomly. Like, “I went to see the preparation class yesterday. Hyejoo has improved a lot.” Or, “The P.E. class today was fun, wasn’t it? Hyejoo played really well too.” And when Chanwoo joked around with me and messed my hair, he said to Chanwoo, “Ah, how lucky, you can be that carefree with her.” And when I fed Jinhwan during lunch, he mumbled, “I want to be fed too.” Which Jinhwan had jokingly answered, “Feed yourself.”

 

More of those remarks came randomly that even the other boys gave him a questioning look when they heard what he said. I didn’t really mind him that much, though. Not that I intentionally ignored him – I mean, I had become accustomed to witnessing his weird his behavior since middle school that it didn’t really concern me anymore.

 

Not until he did something that I couldn’t just ignore.

 

One day, when I was having the usual practice routine with the class, Hanbin paid us a visit.

 

“Wow, the president is here again!” said our y trainer, named Daeun, making Hanbin laugh bashfully.

 

“Hi, everyone,” he greeted. We all greeted back happily, some even bowing at him. He was a respected leader after all.

 

“As the club president, I thought I should check your progress frequently,” Hanbin said as he went to the corner. “Carry on, I will sit here and watch. Just think I’m not here.”

 

And so, we did ignore him and continued our practice. His presence didn’t have a strong impact on me like it had on the others. Perhaps I should have learned to have more respect for him.

 

However, you know, you can feel it when someone keeps staring at you. I didn’t want to be full of myself and think that he was looking at me only, but the thing is, we did make eye contact many times. Somehow it went from awkward to funny and I couldn’t help but laugh.

 

I went to him and bluntly asked about it. “Why do we keep making eye contact? Stop it, I couldn’t focus,” I laughed, hitting his shoulder with the sleeve of my jacket.

 

“I-I didn’t—I’m sorry.” He grinned awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. “It’s just, um… Y-You’ve improved a lot. W-Why are you not in the core team yet?”

 

“You want her in the core team?” Daeun, who heard what he said, came and asked him. “If our president thinks she’s good enough, then she’s good enough.”

 

I was caught off guard, and so were the other members. Was she serious about it? I kept shifting my gaze back and forth between her and Hanbin.

 

“Ah, about that,” Hanbin looked up at me from his seat and rubbed his chin. “You know everyone’s progress better, noona. The one with biggest improvements should be the first to be in the core team. But based on what I’ve watched just now, I think she stands out the most. I would recommend her.”

 

Wow… That was so nice of him to put me in the spotlight. Come to think of it, with his position, he could actually help me pass the preparation class faster. But would he really do that? Was it because we were friends?

 

This, if he really did this, it wasn’t something I could just ignore.

 

“She has improved, you’re right,” the trainer agreed. “I’ve seen many improvements in this class. Actually, why don’t you get a better look and give some helpful feedback? Like you do with your team, but much gentler.”

 

Much gentler? The meaningful smile on our trainer’s face made me question Hanbin’s method of leading his team.

 

“Very well then.” Hanbin sat cross-legged on the floor, facing us, leaning against the mirrored wall. His aura suddenly changed as he put on a serious face.

 

“Show your best to the president, everyone.” Daeun played the music and we began to dance. It wasn’t as easy to challenge Hanbin’s sharp gaze as it had been at the audition. I found him more intimidating here. Was it the true leader side of him?

 

“Watch the tempo, you guys are a bit offbeat,” he commented over the loud music. “The one at the back, snap out of it, you’re left behind.”

 

His perfectionist side was showing up, and I wanted to look perfect. Getting praised by a perfectionist would be a big boost of pride.

 

As I spun and did a smooth bodyroll, I slid my hand down my body, my lips and narrowed my eyes seductively at him. I had figured out that he had a thing for seductive looks.

 

“Oooh, yes, Hyejoo, nice expression!” Ah, why did he have to react openly though? “Everyone, remember, facial expression is important!”

 

After we had finished the dance, Hanbin evaluated each member one by one. “You were a bit stiff in this part. Hyejoo, come and show how to do it.”

 

“Me?” I went to Hanbin’s side doubtfully.

 

“Do the chorus part, please,” he said, so I did, until he told me to pause on the bodyroll part. “Right, this is how it should look like. Be flexible when you wave your body. Hyejoo, can you do it slowly?”

 

“Alright.” I followed his order, rolling my body slowly. “Like this?”

 

“Yes, nice.” He gulped. What made him gulp though? “The transition to the next part needs to be smoother. Lower your body slightly.” Hanbin placed his hands on my shoulders to lower me down. As he was giving detailed instructions, he began to move me around as an example. We were all so engrossed in it that we didn’t notice a new presence in the room.

 

“Oh, look what we have here, another amazing dancer.” Daeun piped up. “Jinhwan, why are you just standing there? Come in!”

 

I was fast to turn my head towards the door, and Hanbin’s hands were instantly off me. There by the door, Jinhwan was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets and his lips forming a small smile.

 

“Fun practice, isn’t it?” he asked as he went over to us, specifically to Hanbin. “It’s so rare to see you here with the class.”

 

“You too,” Hanbin answered. “I’m checking on everyone’s progress.”

 

“I’m checking on my Tinker Bell.” Jinhwan winked at me. I had to look away to hide my grin.

 

“Anyways.” Hanbin cleared his throat. “Let’s do it one more time, from the beginning. Jinani can watch and give comments too.”

 

So then, we were being judged by two core team members. Hanbin had his arm slung around Jinhwan’s shoulders as they sat and watched us dance. Perhaps he wasn’t even aware when he started playing with Jinhwan’s hair and ear, and when he fiddled with Jinhwan’s fingers. Seunghoon was right, Hanbin was touchy. The fact that Jinhwan didn’t swat that hand away or at least look bothered made me think that he must have been really used to it – they were very close after all.

 

At one y part of our dance, Jinhwan whispered something to Hanbin that made him laugh. The latter whispered something back and then got a punch on his skinny thigh for whatever he said there.

 

Boys. I rolled my eyes.

 

When we were done once again, they cheered and clapped their hands like a pair of seals. “y!” Jinhwan whistled. “Tinker Bell has never been so y before. I love it.”

 

“Are you sure you’ve seen nothing ier?” I slipped a wink at him, catching him – and Hanbin – off guard. Whoa, had Jinhwan’s boldness rubbed off on me?

 

“No, that was y,” Jinhwan smiled bashfully.

 

“Says the y guy,” our trainer giggled. “Everyone, our friend Jinhwan here is the best at y dancing. Shall we see him dance?”

 

“Yes, please!” the girls got so excited because we never got to see anything refreshing during practice.

 

“Ah, only Hyejoo can enjoy my iness. It’s a private thing.” Jinhwan smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me want to tweak his ear and pull him out of the room. My cheeks grew warm in embarrassment. He made things sound so wrong! Some girls were gawking at us, I didn’t even want to know what they were thinking.

 

“A naughty couple, huh? We don’t need to know more than that,” Daeun laughed. She clearly misunderstood the situation. “Well, do a fun y dance with Hanbin then,” she suggested, which Hanbin accepted without second thoughts.

 

“Let’s do it.” He ran to the computer by the stereo to pick a song after getting a nod from his buddy. From the intro, I recognized the song as KARD’s Oh NaNa. Hanbin fast-forwarded it to a part near the chorus and Jinhwan began to twerk his with no shame.

 

“Wait for me, wait for me!” Hanbin ran back to Jinhwan, and they danced together with a cheeky smile plastered on their faces. They were so damn good with body and hip rolls, I couldn’t keep my eyes off their bodies – this reminded me of the “He-can-bodyroll-on-me-and-I-wouldn’t-mind” comment at the audition and that’s exactly what I was thinking then, about Jinhwan, that is – and the other girls had to cover their mouths in order not to squeal. Jinhwan bent down and rolled his , while Hanbin rolled his hips behind him closely, which looked so wrong, goodness… But the sight of these two dumb boys dancing together with their smiles in full bloom was so pleasing. They began to exaggerate the moves – and somehow made things look more ual – and everyone cracked up in laughter. Hanbin pulled Jinhwan close by his hips into a backhug, both cackling at their own antics.

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone passing by saw this and thought they were gay.

 

They weren’t gay, everyone, they were just that close. We all loved their friendship.

 

With their presence, our practice that day just turned into a fun mess. I really wished someday I could dance with them and the other boys.

 

Which might really come true, after Hanbin’s negotiation with the trainer.

 

I didn’t know his reason for helping me. I hoped he did that because he actually found some quality in me.

 

 

“Now, assignment for next week. Choose a time period of the Korean history in chapter three, do a further research and make a presentation about it. You can work in pairs. This project is due next Friday, so you have one week to prepare a good presentation. Any questions?”

 

Quiet moans were heard behind me. “Ugh, I hate this.” Hanbin said, not loud enough for the teacher to hear.

 

“Who doesn’t?” Areum turned around and asked the boys, “The usual pairs?” The usual meant Yunhyeong and Donghyuk, Hanbin and Jinhwan, Areum and me – our default combinations.

 

“No, wait. Let’s switch instead. We have intensive practice for the competition next Saturday, so we should take turns to do the project and to practice,” said the dance club leader. Out of these four boys, Yunhyeong and Donghyuk were clearly the more diligent one, while Hanbin and Jinhwan… they cared about dancing more than their study. So, if they were to be put together, the project would most likely be abandoned.

 

After a quick discussion, it was decided that Hanbin teamed up with Yunhyeong, and Jinhwan with Donghyuk. And we all knew well that Yunhyeong and Donghyuk would spend more time in the library than the other two.

 

“Let’s start working today,” Donghyuk said. “Better to get it done quickly.”

 

“Hyejoo and Areum should join us so it won’t be boring. The more the merrier,” Yunhyeong said.

 

And with that, four of us spent the rest of the day in the library, while the rest of the boys in the practice room. Before we separated ways, though, Jinhwan didn’t waste the chance to tease me.

 

“Do a research about history, not about me. Okay?” he said.

 

“Why should I research about you? Did you already exist in the war era?” I stuck out my tongue at him mockingly.

 

And you know what he did? He did something that gave me a mini heart attack – he leaned closer and stole a quick peck on my cheek. My system malfunctioned immediately.

 

I couldn’t breathe for the next few seconds. Yunhyeong and Donghyuk, who happened to witness this from behind us, just stared at us with their eyebrows up high and their mouths forming a big ‘O’. I would have made the same face if I had been in their position.

 

It was the first time his lips actually touched me… I was such a mentally squealing mess.

 

Jinhwan looked back at the two boys and put his finger on his smirking lips, telling them to keep quiet about it. Hanbin and Areum continued to be oblivious of what was happening, as they walked ahead and talked to each other under their breath.

 

Wasn’t it suspicious?

 

Areum would usually throw savage comments at Hanbin, and somehow it was something that had made them friends, but I had never seen them talk about something serious.

 

After parting ways with Jinhwan and Hanbin, four of us went to the back of the library and began to scan through the Korean history section. We got us some thick books and sat together at a round table.

 

“I’m tired already,” Areum said as soon as she flipped the book cover open. “Can’t we, like, erase teachers’ memories of them giving us homework?”

 

“Nice idea, but sadly not possible,” Donghyuk chuckled as he diligently searched for a certain part in his book.

 

“Let’s play to make this fun,” Yunhyeong said. “Truth or dare?”

 

“All of a sudden?” the other boy laughed quietly. “Keep the extras, we need to finish this quickly and get back on practicing.”

 

“Just one round, we can play and work simultaneously,” Yunhyeong said. “I want to know more about Hyejoo and Areum, so I hope you both will choose Truth.”

 

“What do you want to know?” I chuckled. “Alright, let’s do it quickly. Donghyuk is right, you need to focus.”

 

“So damn nosy,” Areum mumbled while pretending to read the book.

 

“I heard that.” Yunhyeong pouted. “We need to know more about each other in order to become closer friends.”

 

“Fine, quickly. Whose turn now? Rock  paper, scissors,” Areum reached her hand out to the middle of the table, and we instantly joined in to decide our turns. Areum rolled her eyes when she got the first turn.

 

“Alright, since Yun’s turn is last, Yun can ask Areum,” I said with an amused smile. This boy wanted to know more about us, so he’d get what he wanted.

 

“Awesome.” Yunhyeong smiled in satisfaction and rubbed his hands together, looking like he had prepared one big question to throw at his prey. “Areum, Truth or Dare?”

 

“Truth,” Areum said nonchalantly, being obviously unamused with her cheek propped up in her hand.

 

Then, with such an innocent – rather dumb – face, Yunhyeong threw a question that no one had seen coming.

 

“So… Do you like boys?”

 

“Do you want to die?” All of a sudden Areum stood up making Yunhyeong flinch in surprise, and I pulled her back down quickly as shushing sounds came from around us. Geez, what was Yunhyeong thinking though? He initiated that game because he wanted to know about that?

 

Yunhyeong’s hilarious shocked face made me have to muffle my laugh, while the red-faced Donghyuk was already cracking up in a silent cackle. The oblivious boy really hadn’t seen it coming.

 

“Wait– No, it’s just that you don’t seem to be romantically interested in males,” Yunhyeong spluttered his explanation, “I-I mean not in females either, that’s not what I mean… Although you’re a bit touchy towards Joo sometimes– Oh, I wasn’t supposed to say that– I mean, just… answer please.”

 

Yunhyeong put his palms together and ended it with puppy eyes, while Areum was so red like she was about to explode any second. Donghyuk had moved from his seat to the floor.

 

“Of course I do like boys, what do you think I am? A tree hugger?” Areum seethed. It had been a while that I hadn’t seen her so pissed, but the whole scene was so funny with Yunhyeong in it.

 

“Ah, I see.” Yunhyeong nodded to himself. “So, you’ve fallen for a boy before.”

 

“Hey, don’t make it sound like it’s something strange,” Donghyuk said as he put his back in his seat. “You’re really tired of living, aren’t you?”

 

“No, I just wanted to make sure.” Yunhyeong’s sweet smile made Areum roll her eyes and decide to let it slide. At least we wouldn’t be finding a dead body later. Would we?

 

“Areum had a crush on a boy in middle school,” I decided to spill it, making Areum facepalm and Yunhyeong perk up. “That boy also had feelings for her, but he was scared of her, so nothing happened between them.”

 

“That makes sense,” Yunhyeong commented, his chin. “Areum is very pretty but at the same time very scary too.”

 

Wow, he really didn’t know when to shut up, did he?

 

“Let me give you an advice. Stop thinking out loud if you don’t want me to stick this book where the sun doesn’t shine.” With an overly sweet smile and the thick history book in her hand, Areum shut the boy up completely.

 

“Okay, now Areum can ask Donghyuk,” I said.

 

“Truth or Dare?” Areum asked.

 

“Truth.” Donghyuk answered. You know, Donghyuk was very sweet and adorable when he smiled. Maybe that was why Areum wasn’t as harsh on him as she was on Yunhyeong. Or maybe it was because he didn’t say things that might get him killed.

 

“Let me think.” Areum thought while looking at the history book. “You seem innocent, but are you really that innocent?”

 

“What kind of question is that?” I hit Areum’s head with my pen. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong exchanged a meaningful look and a suspicious smile.

 

“I can be a better flirt than Jinhwan if I want to,” Donghyuk answered, smiling at his book. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

 

“He’s not innocent,” Yunhyeong blurted the straight answer. We took the fact into mind and didn’t discuss about it any further. We didn’t have to see that side of him, one flirty Jinhwan was enough.

 

“It’s Joo’s turn, right? Hyejoo, Truth or Dare?” Donghyuk asked.

 

“Truth.” As Yunhyeong wished.

 

“I have a question that I’ve been thinking of lately.” All our eyes were on him then. “What do you think of Hanbin?”

 

“Whoa, this question,” Yunhyeong patted Donghyuk’s back, “you’ve asked we’ve all been questioning.”

 

So I was confused, why were they questioning about what I thought of Hanbin? I mean, why specifically Hanbin? Even Areum was looking at me in anticipation for the answer.

 

“Well, he’s often out of his mind,” I said matter-of-factly. “I find him weird sometimes, but it’s nothing new. He was also weird the first time I met him.”

 

“Oh, we haven’t heard of this before,” Yunhyeong said. “How did you meet him for the first time?”

 

Right, I had never told anyone about my first encounter with Hanbin, except for Chanwoo on the day it had happened. So I told them about how I had accidentally bumped Hanbin on the train, how I had apologized and pointed out the fact that we had gone to the same school, and how he had answered me with a short, cold answer and a blank stare.

 

“I can imagine his face,” Donghyuk chuckled. “It’s so Hanbin-like. He wasn’t that warm either when we first knew each other. But if you get to know him more, you can see that there’s a lot more to him.”

 

“He’s actually very caring, but he couldn