I felt miserable.

 

It was already so close to the audition, but such an unfortunate event just had to happen. My nose was most likely alright – since there was only a mild crack, according to the doctor – but the swelling and the dull, throbbing pain just wouldn’t leave. I had never cursed someone so much before. Just mentally, of course... I’d rather stay quiet about the pain than look for another trouble by verbally cursing at Sua. She had broken my nose, she might break my neck next.

 

Also, one more thing that added more to my pain; my mom’s dramatic reaction gave me so much headache.

 

“My daughter is bullied!” She wailed a lot when she found out about my nose. Yoyo who witnessed this also wailed along even though he had no idea what was wrong. When my lovely mother hugged me protectively, I could clearly feel that she was sad and furious at the same time, like an energy that was transferred to me.

 

“Tell me which kid did this to you,” she grabbed a broom nearby and furrowed her eyebrows in anger. You know, at that moment, I thought someday I would be just like her – a small but fierce mother.

 

“Mom, don’t worry. It’s taken care of already.” I calmed her down with a hug and a kiss on her cheek. “I have good friends who take care of me, you don’t have to go all the way down to the battlefield. The queen should just sit at home and drink some tea.”

 

“How can I sit and drink some tea when my one and only daughter gets beaten up like this?” She stomped her foot and hit the broom against the floor as she whined. Old people do get childish, folks.

 

“No worries, mom, I can assure you this is the first and the last time I let someone hurt me. Song Hyejoo is strong after all!” I puffed out my chest and flexed my small arms. The faint creases on my mother’s face became clearer as she smiled softly at me, the trails of tears still on her cheeks. I knew how worried she was. I was the only one she had, like how she was the only one I had – besides Yoyo, that is. We’d be lost without each other.

 

I told myself that this should really be the last time I let people like Sua hurt me. If I let myself get hurt, I also let my mother get hurt, and it wasn’t going to happen.

 

“Mom, you know I love you, right?”

 

“I love you more, my baby.”

 

 

“Five, six, seven, eight... Stop.”

 

The music in the background faded until it halted to a full stop, letting silence take over. I panted into the mask that was covering half of my face as I stared at my personal coach, expectantly waiting for his comment.

 

Jinhwan stepped closer and looked at my face with concern. “Does it hurt?” He lifted his hand to touch my face, but then let it drop to his side, seeming to be afraid to hurt me.

 

“When I moved my head a lot, yes,” I sighed. “It’s alright.” I was rather upset that I wouldn’t be able to show the facial expressions I had practiced. I would have to wear a mask, because a swollen face wasn’t exactly the best look to perform – people’s attention would be on it instead of on my performance.

 

Let me say this once again: the She-Devil had really done me dirty.

 

“Would you do me a favor?” I asked, “Please tell me your honest opinions.”

 

Jinhwan crossed his arms and pursed his lips as he thought. “Even though I couldn’t see your face, your gaze was still strong and fierce. It’s good to look at the judges with that confidence. You’ll still get points for facial expressions. Look at them one by one, focus on one at a time. About the energy, you see... You were a bit more careful,” he paused, “but that’s how it should be. You will hurt yourself if you put too much into it.”

 

“I lacked energy,” I concluded, “especially for head movements.”

 

Jinhwan opened his mouth to deny it, but then shut it when I raised an eyebrow. Instead he said, “We’ll let the judges know about your injury. In fact, one of them knows about it already.”

 

“One of them?” I wondered who it was. It could be a trainer or an alumnus, like the auditions in the previous years. “You told them pretty early.”

 

“We didn’t tell him.” Him. So it was a male judge.

 

“Then how did he know?” I asked.

 

“He found out by himself.” Jinhwan’s lips formed a mysterious smile, and he didn’t go further on that matter. He got me so curious and even more nervous about the judges and the audition. One thing for sure, we weren’t having average dancers pick new members for the prestigious club.

 

“Stop being jittery.” Jinhwan chuckled as he returned to his “coach seat”, a.k.a the long white couch in our practice room. “Come here, Hyejoo.”

 

I plopped down next to Jinhwan and took off my mask to let myself breathe freely. For a brief moment we only stared at each other in silence. Suddenly I felt so self-conscious having my wounded face fully displayed, and yet, his warm gaze somehow comforted me. The subtle smile on his lips reminded me of our first encounter – the same smile when he had introduced himself and told me not to mind Bobby and Junhoe’s teasing. A mysterious, unreadable smile and a deep gaze that seemed to be pulling me in.

 

“Thank you.” My voice cracked. I mentally cursed at myself for not being able to hide my nervousness.

 

“For training you? You’ve said that countless times.” Jinhwan’s smile grew a bit wider.

 

“”F-For...” There was just too much that I wanted to thank him for, and I couldn’t seem to put them into proper words – for so much time that he had sacrificed to help me, for standing up to his flirtmates when they insulted us, for taking care of me and staying by my side when I got hurt–

 

“...maybe for looking out for me.”

 

No words were uttered as Jinhwan blinked slowly at me. He looked so calm, though it was the complete opposite for his hand; his anxious hand that seemed to be contemplating whether it should come closer to me or stay where it was.

 

“It’s...” He bit his lip, and then decided to hold onto the hem of his shirt instead. “I just... care about you.”

 

I diverted my gaze away in embarrassment. Why were we suddenly awkward all over again? ‘Um... Thank you.” Unconsciously I bit my finger not knowing what else to say.

 

“Please stop saying that. Say something else.” Jinhwan cracked an awkward laugh.

 

Ugh. What’s wrong with me? I breathed in and pulled myself together, looking away as I muttered, “I... care about you too... I guess.”

 

“You guess?” The grin that bloomed across Jinhwan’s face made me want to sink and disappear into the couch.

 

“Hyejoo, look at me.”

 

Hesitantly I glanced at Jinhwan. Apparently this wasn’t enough to satisfy him.

 

And, to my poor heart’s dismay, he chose to follow what his hand wanted – ever so gently, he cupped my cheek and turned my head to face him. I found myself not able to breathe when our eyes were locked on each other.

 

“My Tinker Bell is still so pretty even when beaten up like this.”

 

Oh my. I thought my heart was so close to exploding because of how loudly it was thumping. With that single line and that deepened voice, he really stole all my words and my breath away. I wanted to say that I knew it wasn’t the truth, that he was still a flirt after all, but those words wouldn’t come out.

 

As if he was aware of the mess I had become, Jinhwan had mercy on me and took his hand off my face. I cleared my throat and looked around to change the subject while he remained smiling softly at me.

 

“U-Um— W-Whose guitar is that?” I pointed at the guitar in the corner. It was always lying around whenever I went there, and besides this item, there was nothing else that could save me from the awkward situation.

 

“It’s mine,” Jinhwan said.

 

“Really?” An unexpected answer – I thought it was his sister’s, since I had never seen him touch it once. “Can you play it?”

 

Nice change of topic, Hyejoo. I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.

 

“Of course.” Wow, it had been a month and yet, just then I found out another one of his talents.

 

Jinhwan went to get the guitar and plopped back next to me. He snuggled the guitar in his arm.

 

It must have been nice to be hugged like that.

 

Wait... Nevermind.

 

“Any request?” He strummed the guitar and smirked.

 

“Are you going to sing too?” I laughed. I had never heard him sing before, so I was curious how his singing voice would sound like. Well, from the timbre of his voice, honestly I wasn’t expecting much. “Anything would do. But please don’t hurt my ears.”

 

“Your ears will love it.” Jinhwan winked. A giggle slipped out of my mouth. Was I being too soft on his flirtatious act?

 

Jinhwan’s fingers proceeded to dance on the strings as he began with a soft adlib that caught me off guard. His singing voice really did sound nice – that deep, husky voice was rather y and soothing. His eyes were set on me as he began to sing.

 

“Aren’t you something to admire, ‘cause your shine is something like a mirror

And I can’t help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine...”

 

Oh gosh, an english song. Him smiling while singing those words... I couldn’t hide my embarrassment anymore.

 

“If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find

Just know that I’m always parallel on the other side

 

‘Cause with your hand in my hand, and a pocket full of soul

I can tell you there’s no place we couldn’t go

Just put your hand on the glass, I’m here trying to pull you through

You just gotta be strong...”

 

Was he just good at making faces while singing, or did he really mean those words? How could that gaze seem to be so desperate?

 

“‘Cause I don’t wanna lose you now

I’m looking right at the other half of me

The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold

Show me how to fight for now

And I’ll tell you, baby, it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out

You were right here all along...”

 

I felt goosebumps all over my body as his voice went higher and filled my senses. He closed his eyes and sang his heart out, the veins in his neck slightly bulging out as he hit the notes that seemed to be pretty high for his deep voice – but he nailed them perfectly anyway.

 

“It’s like you’re my mirror

My mirror staring back at me

I couldn’t get any bigger with anyone else beside me

And now it’s clear as this promise that we’re making two reflections into one

‘Cause it’s like you’re my mirror

My mirror staring back at me...”

 

Jinhwan dropped his head and bit his lip as he finished the song, looking as if he was contemplating to say something.

 

“Ah... That was lovely.” I really meant it, I wanted to hear him sing more.

 

And surprisingly, he did continue the song... but much more slowly with a restrained voice.

 

“Now you’re the inspiration of this precious song,

And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on

So now I say goodbye to the old me, it’s already gone...

 

Girl you’re my reflection, and all I see is you...”

 

He stopped and left it hanging there. As his gaze returned to me, his shy smile was then reflected on my own lips.

 

“I mean it.” He put the guitar aside and looked into my eyes. “Like I said once, you reminded me of myself... but I’ve realized you’re not just a reflection. You have what I didn’t have, and somehow, you’ve helped me change.” He placed his hand on his chest. “It was empty here. One girl wasn’t enough to fill it, two wasn’t enough, I kept looking for more... But because of you and Hanbin, now I know I did it wrong.”

 

What did I even do? It was true that Hanbin had helped him realize his mistake, but me?

 

“Now I know one is enough to fill the gap.” He smiled. “It just has to be the right piece of puzzle.”

 

The right piece of puzzle. These words began to haunt me from that moment on. He never explained what they meant.

 

I wanted to know, really, it was killing me...

 

I wanted to know if he meant what I was unknowingly expecting.

 

 

I couldn’t believe it.

 

It was finally the day, and I was right outside the practice room. Not the one at Seiyeon’s cafe, but the dance club’s practice room. That spacious one, where the audition was going to start soon.

 

“Oh my God. Oh my God.”

 

“Stop.” Chanwoo grabbed my shoulders and stopped me from pacing in circles. “You’re wasting your energy.”

 

“I’m nervous.” I jutted out my bottom lip. Seriously, this was even more nerve-racking than I had imagined. Everyone looked so well-prepared in their swaggy outfits, matching their concepts with the club’s style. Some boys were even practicing some high-level acrobatic moves that I would never be able to pull off. Should I run away and forget about all of this? But then all my hard work – and Jinhwan’s – would come to waste.

 

No, no running away, I was going to make him proud.

 

“You’ve practiced a lot with Jinhwan, why should you be nervous?” Chanwoo’s sarcastic tone pricked me, even though he didn’t seem to be serious about it.

 

Right, Jinhwan had actually told Areum about this, and Areum had urged me to tell Chanwoo – because best friends keep no secrets from each other, that’s what she said.

 

Chanwoo had been disappointed when I had told him the truth. “You’ve underestimated yourself,” he had said that time, “even without help, you’d still do well.”

 

Even though technically I cheated, this was what disappointed him – not because I got the help that he didn’t get, but because I believed I wouldn’t make it without help. He had told me to apologize to myself instead of to him, and after I had dejectly said out loud, “I’m sorry for underestimating you, Song Hyejoo,” he had stopped being mad at me right away. The same case with Areum – they even promised not to tell the dance club members so that I wouldn’t get in trouble.

 

I loved my best friends. Sooo much.

 

“Attention, please, everyone.” A smiley lanky boy popped out of the door and gathered everyone’s attention with his loud voice. I recognized him as a member of the core team. On his committee name tag was written, Lee Seunghoon.

 

“You can enter now, please make sure to put on your name tags. Thank you!” He opened the door, and the participants entered nervously like a group of robots. Noticing me frozen on my spot, Chanwoo encircled his arm around my shoulders and ushered me in.

 

“You can do it. Good luck, little fairy.” He patted my head.

 

“Good luck, Chanwoo.” I flashed a tensed smile before putting on my black mask and my black cap. At least I could still pull off the cool style even when I had to hide my face.

 

As soon as I walked in, I spotted the dance club boys sitting in a row of seats on the left side of the judges’ table, while on the right side was the female members. The atmosphere was cold and tensed, perhaps because half of the lights were off. Seunghoon divided us participants into two groups – male and female. I was latching onto Chanwoo’s arm and he had to peel me off like a daddy bear getting rid of his clingy baby. Seeing this, the girl member who was helping Seunghoon came to me with a bright friendly smile.

 

“It’s okay, don’t be so nervous,” she laughed and touched my shoulder. I read the name written on her name tag. Kim Jisoo. She actually calmed me down a bit with that little touch.

 

We all stood at the other end of the room facing the empty judges’ table and the members, and I found myself looking at Jinhwan, who was looking back at me from his seat.

 

Fighting, he mouthed and smiled. I wasn’t sure why, but lately I found myself smiling when he was smiling too.

 

Done with arranging the participants, Seunghoon and Jisoo went to the center and exclaimed in unison, “Welcome to Yangsuk Dance Club’s New Member Audition!”

 

Ah, so they were the MCs. We gave a round of awkward cheers and applause in response, while the members were loud with their reactions. I couldn’t focus on anything while the MCs went on with the opening, until they finally said, “Now, let’s meet our judges!”

 

Oh God.

 

Seunghoon continued, “Our first two judges are our alumni who have become our lovely trainers and mentors for the last four years. Please welcome, Kwon Jiyong and Lee Chaerin!”

 

A man and a lady in leather jackets smiled and waved at us before taking the middle seats at the judges’ table. They had such strong and y aura that made me feel like a worthless piece of dust.

 

“Our next judge is one of the best dancers in our core team, from the female category,” Jisoo continued. “Please welcome, Lisa!”

 

The female members cheered loudly as one of them stepped forward to the table. She was a rather skinny yet pretty one.

 

“And the last one,” Seunghoon said, and the male members looked like they were about to launch themselves off their seats. “This person is clumsy and touchy as hell, but his amazing talents and his astounding leadership skills in the practice room have earned him our alumni’s utmost trust! Please welcome, another one of our best main dancers, and our new charismatic president for this year starting next week, Kim Hanbin!”

 

“Whooooop!”

 

WAIT WHAT.

 

“I’m not clumsy and touchy!”

 

WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME?

 

My mouth fell open behind my mask as Hanbin slapped away all the hands touching him and took the last seat at the judges’ table. I looked at Chanwoo, and he seemed surprised as well.

 

The awkward Hanbin was the dance club’s new president? What had I missed here? What had I been underestimating?

 

For a couple of seconds Hanbin and I made an eye contact until he looked down and smiled shyly to himself. I still didn’t see how he could be leading all those amazing dancers.

 

“Also with us today are all members of the core team!” Seunghoon and Jisoo proceeded to introduce the members, and as their names were mentioned, one by one they went to the center while doing some dope dance moves. When it was Jinhwan’s turn, he moonwalked and bodyrolled to the center, flashed a wink and pointed at the participants – no, definitely not at me.

 

“Gosh, Jinhwan sunbaenim is really y.” I caught a faint voice whispering behind me.

 

“I know, right? He can bodyroll on me and I wouldn’t mind,” another voice whispered.

 

But Jinhwan sunbaenim would mind. I rolled my eyes. How could a girl say something so unclassy? I snorted and chose to focus back on the introduction.

 

There were ten male members and six female members; sixteen core team members in total. There had been twenty before, but four of them had graduated. Perhaps they were going to pick four new members to replace them.

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