Minki had spent way too many hours replaying their fight. Thinking back to it, his own words stung and he couldn't imagine how much it all got to Jonghyun.

Whether Minki was going to forgive him or not, he didn't know. But he knew that he had an apology of his own to make, for his own soul at least.

 

“Hello?” Jonghyun’s voice was flat, but perhaps there was a hint of relief in it. Minki hoped so.

“I thought you wouldn’t answer,” Minki said, but he quickly realized that it may not have been the best thing to say.

There was a pause. “Yeah. What’s up?” Jonghyun asked.

“We need to talk. I need to apologize and I’d like to hear your side of the story. It was stupid of me to just go believing everything some had to say,” Minki mumbled.

“Wait, what ? Who could have possibly known?”

“Just... My ex friend Cheolsu,” Minki said with a sigh. “But that’s over, I hope. Turns out he was trying to break us up because he wanted to get into my pants.”

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun asked, concerned.

Minki huffed. “I’m fine. I’m not as helpless as everyone thinks.”

Jonghyun chuckled and that sound alone helped Minki’s heart start healing. “I don’t find that hard to believe. Alright, let’s talk. I can come over or we can meet up somewhere?”

Minki sighed. “Honestly hyung, I think you should come here. I shouldn’t go out for a while because my parents kinda caught me sneaking out...”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“But I have an odd feeling that things won’t stay like that for much longer, so don’t worry.”

“That’s good news,” Jonghyun said softly. “So when will it be okay for me to visit?”

“Now is just fine,” Minki said.

 

They sat on opposite ends of the couch. Minki rested his chin on his knee, looking at Jonghyun, giving him the time to think about what he’d like to say. Although Jonghyun had had a lot of time to think about it, he still wasn’t quite ready.

“I didn’t know who you were when we first met,” he started, trying to keep his voice steady. “I know – I know right now it may seem like it was all some – some evil, carefully plotted plan, but c-come on, I slammed into you on the street, it couldn’t have been intentional.” His tone was rushed and rambly, he was stumbling over his words as he always did when he was nervous.

“I didn’t know who you were when I asked you out either. I asked you out because – because I thought you were – I thought you were cute and I really felt bad about your shirt and—“ He paused to take a breath. “I swear I didn’t know. My friends brought it up later; if you remember they were there when I asked you out.”

Jonghyun bowed his head, fidgeting with something Minki couldn’t see. “And I guess Eunbyul made some points and said some things that made me doubt myself. You were... You were right. I’ve sunk low enough to even consider doing something like that because I didn’t trust myself,” he whispered. He stopped again and Minki could hear his shaky breaths, slowly drawn.

“I went to our first date thinking that in time I might get – something out of it, b-but when I got to talk to you...” He shook his head and clenched his fist around the object he was playing with. “You weren’t what I’d expected. Minki, you...” He was struggling to find the right words to express himself and what he’d felt. In the end he gave up and muttered a simple, “I actually liked you.”

So at least you didn’t have to pretend. Minki didn’t say this out loud. He had promised not to interrupt or jump to conclusions or give out accusations before he heard everything Jonghyun had to say.

But Jonghyun didn’t keep talking. It was a long, tense silence, far too long for Minki’s nerves but he still didn’t interrupt. He could see that Jonghyun was thinking. The struggle was all too evident; the trembling of his hands, his knitted brows, the deep breaths that were supposed to help him calm down, the glistening of tears in his eyes.

“I fell for you,” he said at last. Jonghyun pressed his hand to his mouth and let a few tears fall before he was able to speak again. He forced his gaze up, only because he knew that the sincerity would be taken out of his words if he didn’t hold Minki’s gaze while saying them.

“Minki, nothing I’ve said or done has been false. It wasn’t a part of some – some plot; everything I did, I didn’t do it with a goal in mind, it was all from the heart. I swear it. I’ve given up on my selfish resolve, I could – I could never hurt you like that. And I knew you’d find out eventually, of course I did, I know that I hid it all from you, but only because I knew there was no way for me to explain myself that would make you forgive me—“ That was when his voice broke.

That was when Minki realized that Jonghyun had come there that day to apologize, not to ask for forgiveness. There aren’t many people who are capable of that.

“—and because I... I guess I just wanted to be yours for as long as possible before you found out and started hating me,” he’d barely gotten the sentence out. By the end of it, his voice was hardly audible.

Jonghyun turned away and hid his face. He took a minute to calm down before standing up. He bowed. “I’m sorry. You understanding my position doesn't make my actions any less wrong, but... I really am sorry.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

Minki didn’t realize until he moved, but he had been shaking. He wasn’t aware of them until he blinked and the tears rolled down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly and sat up straight, clutching the couch cushions.

Even though he’d heard what he’d wanted to hear, he wasn’t sure about forgiveness just yet. Because yes, Minki’s biggest worry, the thing weighing him down and keeping him awake at night was whether everything Jonghyun had said was a lie. And judging by his shaking alone, not to mention the tears, his voice, the sincerity behind his words, no expectancy of forgiveness – Jonghyun couldn’t have faked all that. In the end, what was the point of deceiving Minki anymore if he’d gotten what he’d wanted?

But Minki was still unsure.

He cleared his throat – he didn’t want his own voice to crack – and asked, “You fell for me? Do you love me?”

Jonghyun was now standing straight, still fidgeting, but the movements stopped when he heard the question. “I do.” It was quietly spoken, in a trembly voice, but the answer held no hesitation.

Minki tilted his head. “You said you’d given up on your... selfish resolve, nicely put. But you still went to the audition. Did you give up when it was too late.” It wasn’t fully a question, but Minki definitely wanted to know the answer.

Jonghyun’s posture dropped from tense to ashamed. “I gave up early on. Nothing I did for you was to get me there, I swear. I still went to the audition because I just – I wasn’t ready to throw away my dream.”

Minki was slowly giving in, crumbling under the weight of Jonghyun’s honest apology, under the weight of his own feelings for the elder. He stayed quiet, thinking, delaying the moment when he’d fully give in.

Jonghyun was ready to leave. He’d said what he had to say and everything else from then on was Minki’s decision.

Before he went, he just said, “You’re more important to me. I know you don’t want to listen to your dad talking about me – although I doubt I’d be as good as to catch his attention – but I dropped out anyway.” He turned to leave.

Suddenly every alarm was blaring in Minki’s head. No longer was he reluctant, fighting his own emotions – that fight was long forgotten as he faced this new, insane information.

“You what?”

The sudden rise of volume in the younger’s voice startled Jonghyun. He turned back around, looking like a deer in headlights. “I... Dropped out. I’m not gonna be a trainee.”

Minki stood up, beginning to pace the room. “When—How—!?”

“I wrote to your dad before I left.”

Minki checked the time on his phone. There was still hope.

He grabbed Jonghyun’s hand and dragged him upstairs. He stopped in front of the door that was on the beginning of the hallway, neat and gray with a key in the lock. The key didn’t usually need to be turned because everyone in the house knew the rule about not going into that room.

Minki went in.

The desk with a computer and two laptops, the two armchairs, the coffee table, the shelf that went along one whole wall and the lack of a bed gave it away as an office

Minki stood in front of the desk and nudged the mouse to wake up the PC.

“He’s still in a meeting, but he checks his email religiously so we have to be quick,” Minki said, pressing the mail button on the keyboard. His dad was always logged in on his PC.

“What are you doing?” Jonghyun asked dumbly.

Minki didn’t answer. He scrolled through the unopened mail and nearly cheered when he found Jonghyun’s message, still unread.

Minki deleted it without so much as reading the title, and then deleted it out of the bin as well. He took Jonghyun’s hand and pulled him out of the room, closing the door behind them.

In the hallway, they stopped. Jonghyun was slightly baffled, still processing what had just happened.

Minki, on the other hand, was distressed. “What were you thinking!?”

Jonghyun blinked. “I... I thought it would make you hate me a bit less... Maybe...” He muttered.

Minki shook his head. “You nearly threw away your entire future, your career that hasn’t even started yet – your dream! For—“ Me. Minki wasn’t nearly self indulgent enough to say that out loud. “You need to check your priorities, hyung. I’m not worth that.”

“You are,” Jonghyun shot without thinking.

Minki’s cheeks may have heated up a bit, but he ignored it. “What were you even going to do when I forgave you? Oh, excuse me, I change my mind about changing my mind! I still wanna become a trainee! My dad would have thought you aren’t taking this seriously!”

Jonghyun frowned and crossed his arms. “I-I wasn’t—I mean, I didn’t... I didn’t think that far but I didn’t think you’d forgive me! And anyways, I would have figured something out, I would have... Tried again at another company or...” His shoulders fell and he looked away. “Or I would have finally let it go and focused on my studies so that I don’t scare my family every semester with nearly losing the scholarship for a college I can’t ing afford otherwise. I would have taken their advice and counted my blessings since I’ve gotten lucky to get in on a budget, instead of reaching for the stars.”

Minki then knew that he’d forgiven Jonghyun. It wasn’t pity, nor was it Jonghyun’s grand gesture that made it so; it was knowing that he was willing to go through the trouble and stress of auditioning all over again, after he’d already succeeded; that’s like rescuing a drowning man and immediately throwing him back into the ocean. Even worse, he was willing to give up all together, and all that for the slightest chance of Minki hating him less.

What Jonghyun didn’t know, of course, was that Minki wasn’t even capable of hating him.

“You didn’t get lucky,” Minki said, because Jonghyun clearly needed a reality check. “You got in because you were the best.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to stay the best when you’re juggling being a perfect student and trying to become an idol,” Jonghyun said bitterly.

Minki pursed his lips. “I guess then we’ll have to cut down on coffee shop dates and have more studying dates.”

Jonghyun glanced at him cautiously. He didn’t dare say it out loud, it was too exhilarating of a thought.

And so neither of them said it out loud. Minki just stepped forward, desperate to find himself in Jonghyun’s arms again.

“I have to apologize too,” Minki muttered, before he even settled properly in the embrace. He couldn’t settle while the guilt still weighed him down. “I said some horrible things that night. I didn’t mean any of it, hyung. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Jonghyun immediately said. He had no place in his heart to be upset with Minki right now. “It’s fine...”

Jonghyun didn’t want to pull away, but he had to because there was still something he needed to do. He opened his palm, showing Minki the object he’d been fidgeting with.

It was Minki’s bracelet, the one he’d so dramatically taken off when they’d fought.

Minki smiled apologetically. “Sorry about that too,” he said and let Jonghyun tie the bracelet around his wrist.

 

Later that evening, they were cuddled up on Minki’s bed, on the dark blue sheets with little white stars on them.

Minki allowed Jonghyun to hold him. He was no longer scared to get close. And oddly enough, he didn’t feel like he was going to get hurt.

“You should go before my parents return,” Minki whispered. “We still didn’t figure it all out, about me sneaking out and all.”

Jonghyun was clearly saddened by the news, but he understood. “Okay... Five more minutes.”

Minki smiled. Resting his head on Jonghyun’s chest, Minki could hear the humming of his vocal chords.

Jonghyun kissed his forehead before he stood up from the bed. They didn’t want to let go. They stood by the front door just holding hands. The silence was broken when Jonghyun whispered, “I should go.” He kissed Minki again before he left.

 

It took a while for them to have another “family meeting.” Minki’s dad had started it out as a scolding, so that Minki wouldn’t catch on that he had, in fact, won.

He finally got the pass to go out on his own, with curfews of course, but Minki hoped that that too would soon disappear.

Minhyun was exhilarated.

“Finally, I can take you places, we can do all the stupid best friend —Do you think they’ll let you travel!?”

It was too early for that, but both of them were excited nonetheless.

All three of them, actually. Jonghyun was also looking forward to the time he’d spend with Minki.

They’d have to make time for each other because Jonghyun would be busy with all of his newly obtained responsibilities, but they figured with everything they’d gone through this would be a piece of cake.