Taehyung

I hadn't expected to be this comfortable with Ewon's family. At first, I hadn't been. My guard had gone up as soon as we'd pulled into their driveway, and it stayed up even while I'd met and chatted with his parents.

Little by little, though, that defense had eroded. I still wasn't entirely sure about touching in front of Ewon's family, but I followed his lead. By the time dinner was ready, I'd relaxed enough that the casual affection with Ewon felt almost as easy and normal as it did when we were alone. Almost. Part of me still expected someone to get on our cases or order us apart.

They never did, and by the time dinner was over, I could breathe and wasn't so edgy. In fact, I felt ridiculous for ever being that edgy.

In fact, I was disappointed when Ewon looked at his phone and sighed heavily "Damn. We'd better get going. I have to get to the airport."

Geri deflated "So soon?" 

"Yeah." he pocketed his phone and grimaced apologetically "My flight's not for a few hours, but I'm flying out of San Diego, so we need—"

"San Diego?" Ewon's dad said "Why in the world would you go that far?"

"It's, um..." I sheepishly said "It's so people don't see us. LAX and even Burbank are crawling with photographers." turning to Ewon, I took his hand "I don't want him getting mobbed just for being with me."

"Oh." his parents both said.

"Like I said—occupational hazard."

Geri scowled "That's terrible that people stalk you like that. I can see why you're keeping things a secret."

"What happens if people find out?" Ilwoo asked.

I shifted uncomfortably, stealing a glance at Ewon "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Ewon shuddered, but didn't say anything.

We could have let the conversation linger, but we really did need to hit the road. SoCal traffic was both predictable and unpredictable—predictably terrible, but could get unpredictably worse. If Ewon was going to make his flight, we had to go.

We tried to help to clear away the dinner dishes first, but his mom herded us out of the kitchen "I can handle the rest of this. You boys go get your shoes on."

We didn't argue, and I followed him into the utility room so we could put on our shoes. Ilwoo came in to say goodbye. He shook my hand and gave Ewon a tight hug. I found myself feeling like an idiot for being so wary of the man earlier. Years of my own father's homophobic bull had left an impression, though, and it had taken the better part of this visit to fully accept that Jung Ilwoo didn't see a damned thing wrong with his son dating me. How surreal.

"You boys drive safely." Ilwoo turned to me, his expression serious but warm "If you get tired on your way home and don't think you can make it all the way to Topanga, you stop back in here, you hear me?"

I nodded, and my voice was thick when I said "Yeah. Thank you."

The seriousness faded, and he smiled as he gave my shoulder a firm squeeze. His smile was all too familiar to me. I see it every time Ewon smiles at me.

A moment later, Geri came in "Here, honey." she pushed a Tupperware dish into my hands "Take this with you."

"I..." I looked down at the dish "Thank you. You don't have to—" 

"Don't argue with her." Ewon said, almost groaning "Or she will sneak it into the car while you're not looking.”

His mom huffed "I will not!"

He shot her a look.

She lifted her chin, almost suppressing a smile "I only do that with my own kids."

"And he's dating me, so..." he rolled his hand like do the math.

She laughed "That's true."

Chuckling, he looked at me "Consider yourself adopted into the fold as long as we're seeing each other."

"Really?" I asked.

Ewon nodded "Really."

"Oh. Well. Thank you." I took the Tupperware from her, and I tried not to let it show that my throat was getting a little tight. There was no way in hell I could ever bring a boyfriend home to meet my parents, and my parents would never have called a boyfriend of mine an honorary family member, least of all after a single afternoon together. And after being estranged from my own family for so long, being so quickly and easily accepted into his like this—as if there was no reason for them not to pull me in—hit some emotional spots that I hadn't realized were this raw. It made me miss...not my toxic family, but the feeling of being part of a family. Of being in the presence of a family who wanted me to be a part of it.

Ewon's mom hugged me and kissed my cheek. Then she stuck a Post-It note to the lid of the dish "You're always welcome here, honey, even if Ewon's not in town. Just give us a call or come to the door."

I looked down and realized she'd handwritten a couple of phone numbers on the note. That lump in my throat was getting harder to hold back, but I managed as I looked her in the eyes and just like Ilwoo's smile, her eyes were all too familiar as well, Ewon looked at me with those eyes, I smiled at her "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." 

With Ilwoo's asian features and smile and with Geri's blue eyes, Ewon had taken all the best parts of his parents inside out.

We headed out into the garage, and Ewon asked "You driving or am I?"

"I can drive. You're the one who has to deal with airport security, so you might as well relax for this part."

"Works for me. It's your car anyway." he tossed me the keys "Next time I want to drive the other one."

I slid into the driver's seat "Yeah, we'll see. Don't think I didn't notice some of those rolling stops."

"I beg your pardon?" he shut the passenger door "Those are called California stops, and we are in California." 

"Uh-huh." I turned the key.

"What? It isn't like I speed."

"Much."

"Pfft. Says the guy who was driving like a bat out of hell when we left San Diego."

"Um, yeah?" I started backing out of the garage "The sooner I got you home, the sooner I'd have you ."

"Well, damn. Can't argue with that."

Hopefully oblivious to our conversation, Ewon's parents waved at us from the driveway. We waved back, and then I put the car in drive and headed for the main road. Neither of us said anything for a while. In fact, we were almost to the freeway before Ewon finally spoke.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Today was just a lot to get my head around."

"How so?" he laced our fingers together "Meeting a boyfriend's parents?"

"Meeting a boyfriend's parents who are totally okay with me being their son's boyfriend. It's just so weird. Your parents don't even blink over you being gay or about us being together." I shook my head "Adopting me into the fold? I know you guys were kind of joking about that, but..."

"Not as much as you might think." he said softly.

"That's..." I exhaled "So alien to me." I squeezed his hand "Thanks for taking me to meet them. It was really nice, being around your family. Especially since we didn't have to hide, you know, us." I swallowed "That never would have happened with my family even if I was still talking to them."

"Obviously they don't deserve you, then." he kissed our joined hands "My mom's not kidding, by the way—call her any time."

I smiled and tried to swallow my emotions again. Part of me suddenly wanted to get back in touch with my parents and tell them this was how a family should treat a gay son and his boyfriend. Only a small part of me, though. The rest was all too aware of how toxic those people were, and that it didn't start or end with me being gay. I would never voluntarily subject myself to that crap again, and I sure as hell wouldn't put Ewon in their crosshairs.

As I got on the freeway, Ewon said "I promise they won't tell anyone about us, either. Our secret's safe with them."

At that, my heart sank again.

"What's the matter?" he asked. 

Apparently I wasn't hiding it very well, so I didn't pretend it was nothing "I just hate that we have to keep this so quiet. I want us to be able to go out, tell our friends about us—that kind of thing."

"Me too." he sounded tired all of a sudden "Cameras and being the center of attention—that scares the hell out of me. But keeping everything quiet is...I mean, I've even been avoiding my friends lately because I still don't want to tell them, but I don't want to keep it from them either. It's..." he sighed "To be honest, it's kind of like being in the closet all over again."

I winced "Jesus. I'm sorry."

We exchanged glances, but neither said anything. What was there to say? Secrecy was the name of the game unless we wanted our business all over the internet. Coming out as gay had meant my uality coming up in every single interview for two solid years. Even now, interviewers still asked about it. Sometimes it was about how it felt being an openly gay actor in an industry—and world—that still didn't quite know what to do with me. Sometimes it was about whether I was seeing anyone or if it was true that there was something happening between me and some guy who'd been spotted in my proximity.

Just someone snapping a picture of me with Brian, just catching us in a moment where it looked like we were sharing some more-than-platonic affection, had set the internet on fire. If it ever came out that we really were dating... 

Then people will see what a gorgeous, amazing man I have.

"We don't have to keep this a secret forever." I whispered.

"I know." he patted my thigh "One thing at a time, though."

Assuming someone doesn't find out about us before we're ready to be found out.

But I kept that thought to myself.

"Hey." Jennie nudged my knee "Earth to Tae?"

I shook myself and sat up, my couch creaking with the motion "Sorry, what?"

She studied me. After a moment, she put her tablet on the coffee table "What's wrong? You've been on another planet since I got here. In fact, you've been out of it for a while now." she inclined her head "Talk to me."

Well, if there was anyone I could talk to, it was her. She was paid to be my assistant, but we were also close friends and confidantes. We'd talked through her last breakup and before that, her divorce, and there were few people I could trust like I could Jennie. 

And if I didn't talk to someone about it, I was going to lose my ever-loving mind.

So, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling, I released a long breath "It's this thing with Ewon."

"Yeah?"

I gnawed the inside of my cheek. Where to start? It had been three weeks since Ewon had left LA, and tomorrow I was heading up to Seattle, and while I was excited as hell to see him, I was nervous too "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Of course you don't." she said it like it was the most obvious thing anyone had ever said "You haven't been seeing him all that long."

"True. But I've never had a boyfriend before. This is...okay, at the risk of sounding like a drama queen, this freaks me out."

Jennie nodded, patting my arm "I know it does. For what it's worth, new relationships freak everyone out, no matter how much experience they have. Hell, I think I freak out about them more now than I did when I was younger."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Because now I know how capable I am of screwing them up, and how easily nice guys can turn out to be...well, David." 

I frowned. Her ex-husband had been a piece of work, and I'd been thrilled the day she'd finally kicked his to the curb where he'd belonged. Everyone who'd known the couple in their early days insisted he really had been an awesome guy in the beginning. I'd only ever known him as David the D-bag who needed his kicked.

I couldn't see Ewon doing a one-eighty like that, though. Maybe that meant I had blinders on. I had no idea. All I knew was that him turning into a jackass was pretty low on my list of reasons to be scared less about dating him. I was more worried I would do something stupid. Or that some aspect of my lifestyle—probably the aspect involving lenses, flashes, and compromised personal space—would scare him off. All that public attention had almost driven me out of Hollywood a few times, and acting had been my dream career. Ewon wasn't getting anything out of this deal except me, and we both knew he hated the prospect of being in a fishbowl.

Maybe I was just worrying over nothing, but damn it, all this relationship stuff was completely foreign territory for me. It scared the hell out of me. In fact, though I couldn't wait to see him tomorrow, I was still nervous. Really nervous. More than I'd been the first time I'd gone to Seattle or when he'd come to me after that article had broken.

I rubbed a hand over my face and sighed "I'm probably overthinking all this. I'm just worried, you know? Plus I feel like this is already my second chance with Ewon. The stars had to align pretty damn well for us to meet again after I was too stupid to ask him out five years ago. So...I'm just..."

"You're scared that if you do one thing wrong, you won't get a chance to fix it."

I nodded.

She grimaced "Walking on eggshells like that must be miserable."

"It is." I paused, then quickly added "Not miserable like I want to stop seeing him. I just need my brain to calm its ." my shoulders sagged "And goddammit, it would be so much easier if we didn't have the damn press lurking around. Ewon tries to say it's not stressing him out, but I know it is. It's stressing me out."

"Of course it is."

I ran a hand through my hair "Can't the s give me some breathing room so I can figure out how to even be in a relationship? I want to enjoy being with him, not constantly look over my shoulder because I'm terrified someone will find out."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before the paparazzi gives anyone breathing room." she muttered. Gentler, she asked "Have you talked to him about it?" 

Well, that wasn't a simple answer. I couldn't say we hadn't talked about it, but could I really say we had?

In the three weeks since he'd gone back to Seattle, we'd talked almost constantly, even staying up long past when we both should have gone to sleep. We were like a couple of teenagers, stealing every possible chance to connect, even if it was just so we could watch a TV show together from a thousand miles away. He'd tell me about crazy things that happened at work, like the kid who'd super-glued his fingers together or the guy who'd been certain his nosebleed was a brain hemorrhage. I'd tell him about the latest script my agent had me reading or the actor who I was praying didn't get cast in the next movie with me.

And the damn media kept coming up. Every conversation about seeing each other at least brushed against the subject, and every single time, I could feel his apprehension through the phone. Or see it if we were Facetiming.

"I don't know what to do. I can't just make them go away, you know? But it bothers the hell out of Ewon. He said..." I winced "He said it's like being back in the closet. And he's right." I blew out a breath and raked a hand through my hair "It's exhausting."

"Well, maybe you guys need to come out."

My head snapped up and I stared at her in disbelief "What?"

"Why not?" she shrugged. 

"Uh, because then they'll be all over us? Even more than they already are?"

Jennie shook her head "Listen." she twisted a bit so we were facing each other, her jean-clad knee almost brushing mine "The press already has the bug in its ear that the two of you have a thing. Believe me, they haven't forgotten about those pictures from Seattle."

I flinched. I'd suspected as much. Even if things had been pretty quiet for a while now, and even if I'd been too much of a coward to look, that didn't mean reporters had dropped the scent.

Jennie went on "They're already waiting to pounce so they can be the first to tell the world you and Ewon are a couple. The more you guys try to hide it, the juicier it's going to be when someone finally gets proof. And the more stressful it'll be on the two of you."

Swallowing, I avoided her gaze. She...had a point.

"One way or the other..." she continued "...you guys are going to get some attention. You're too high-profile to avoid it forever. There will be a feeding frenzy no matter what once you come out as a couple, but at least if you and Ewon come out on your own terms, you have some control over things."

Nodding, I whispered "Yeah. You're right." I sat up, pushing my shoulders back, and inhaled slowly "I'm heading up to see him tomorrow. I'll, um...I'll talk to him." 

"Good." she studied me for a moment, the intensity of her stare almost making me draw back. Then, speaking softly, she asked "How serious are things with him?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek "I don't know, honestly. Like I said, I've never done this before."

"Okay, but are you guys just..." she hesitated "I mean, you've been distracted as hell ever since you went to Seattle to see him." her voice was even softer as she asked "You're really into him, aren't you?"

Without looking at her, I nodded "Yeah. I am."

"Then I hope it works out. Whether you guys go public or not." she gave my knee a gentle squeeze "You deserve to be as happy as Ewon seems to make you."

I tried to smile, but my stomach was still doing somersaults. Ewon did make me happy, and I really wanted this thing between us to work.

I just couldn't shake this bone-deep fear that it wouldn't.