after infinity: 
Daehyun and Youngjae spend their first New Year together.

∞

                Frost clings to the window pane like little stars, softly glowing with the blur of holiday lights lingering just outside. Youngjae sits alone in bed, a blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders as he blinks blearily at his reflection through the glass. He reaches a hand out, carefully touching the window and feeling its freezing temperature melt under the warmth of his fingers, a sensation that sends brief shivers through his skin. He tugs his blanket closer, shifting to lie back against the pillows, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he quietly stares at the ceiling above.  

                For a moment, he thinks he sees a blue sky. A blue sky dashed with clouds, the light of the morning sun bathing his skin with a haze of white. He reaches a hand up, covering the bright light, feeling its warmth cascade through the spaces between his fingers. Youngjae slowly closes his fingers, wrapping them around the light and feeling its glow diffuse within his skin. When he opens his hand, his eyes follow the lines that trail along his palm, the sight close to the shooting stars that used to streak the night skies above the rooftop from so long ago.

                He used to be so fixated with the sky. Youngjae supposes he still is, but tonight it feels different. He turns his head to glance at the clock on the wall, the second hand ticking, working, pushing forward as time does, as the night deepens and deepens and the world outside gathers to greet the dawn of a new day.

                11:40 PM

                The door opens and Youngjae glances towards it, fingers still tingling with what feels like a wave of nostalgia disguised within the chill of the season as his eyes meet Daehyun’s. Daehyun gives him a small smile in greeting, carefully balancing a steaming mug in his hands as he joins Youngjae on the bed.

                “Here,” Daehyun utters, handing Youngjae the cup as he moves to share Youngjae’s blanket.

                Youngjae sits up and takes the drink with a small thanks, glancing down at the blushing liquid, dusted with crushed herbs in interest. “What is it?” he asks, the scent from the cup filling the room with a relaxing aroma that joins the clouds diffused within the ceiling above.

                Daehyun gently settles a hand on Youngjae’s thigh in an encouraging manner, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles and giving Youngjae a slight nod. “Try it.”

                Youngjae stares back at Daehyun in slight suspicion before bringing the cup to his lips, blowing at the steam and tipping a small sip, feeling its flavor dissolve into the tip of his tongue. He his lips, the surprisingly sweet taste of caramel combined with an earthy hint of saffron dancing across his taste buds. “…Is it some sort of tea?” he asks Daehyun after a moment, watching as Daehyun gives him a little smile.

                “It is,” Daehyun answers, carefully taking the cup from Youngjae’s hands and taking a sip from it himself. “Sunhi just gave me a pack of some blends she and her friends made as a gift. It’s like a new thing she likes to do now.”

                Youngjae blinks down at the cup for a moment, watching as Daehyun sets it aside on the dresser beside the bed before a small smile lifts his lips. “It’s good,” he says. “You think she’d give me some?”

                “We can ask her tomorrow,” Daehyun tells him. “She probably has a box ready anyways. Sunhi loves blending new teas together…she always has something new for me to try when I come to visit. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes.”

                Youngjae lets out a little laugh. “What a cute hobby.” Daehyun only hums in agreement, Youngjae watching him intently. “Sunhi is growing up quite well, isn’t she? Thoughtful and kind…She actually sent me a card for this holiday season…I was a little surprised.”

                Daehyun simpers. “She’s looking forward to seeing you again. Ever since your first visit at the beginning of the year she’s been pestering me about you, to bring her along to see you whenever I have the time to make the trip. Seems she likes seeing you more than she likes seeing me.”

                “Anyone would,” Youngjae jokes, nudging Daehyun with a sly grin, hints of pink dusting his cheeks. “I can’t wait to see her again either. I wish I could have come to visit a little earlier, and for a longer time, too…I could have at least spent Christmas or something with you guys, but…”

                “It’s okay, Youngjae,” Daehyun says in a dismissive manner, waving the subject off as he pulls Youngjae closer. He presses a quick kiss against his temple, smiling as Youngjae gazes back at him. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”

                Youngjae’s gaze falls to his lap, biting lightly on his lip as he reflects on Daehyun’s words. When he peers up again, he briefly catches sight of rusting train tracks, of moving mountains and fields, of the long and tiring trip he has to take just to see Daehyun again in a city so far away. He remembers the nights he’s spent alone in his bedroom, staring silently out the window at the swirling streets below, feeling so lonely without the company of the only person he’s ever loved so deeply, so sincerely, his true home, the little home he’s built in Daehyun’s embrace hours upon hours away. Youngjae’s heart aches a little as the distance reaches an impossible length ahead of him, but no matter how much he tries to shake the images away, he can’t help the way they hurt.

                He lets out a shaky breath. “But it’s frustrating…don’t you think?”

                Daehyun’s eyes soften. “Youngjae…”

                “..Sorry…” Youngjae quietly says, sniffing a little as he looks away, gaze falling on the window by the bed. The colorful lights that illuminate the frost outside tugs at the thin smile that lifts Youngjae’s lips, a smile that tastes bittersweet. “I just wish it wasn’t so hard…I just wish we didn’t have to wait like this…wait to see each other…it’s like we’re always waiting…it’s like we can’t just be together…not like other people…not like the way I want to be with you…” Youngjae