Chengxiao was happy. Her secret relationship with UNIQ’s Wang Yibo was going smoothly. He was such a sweet guy, and much more dorky than he shows on camera. In addition to that, WJSN was rising in ranks in Korean music charts. Their hard work of two to almost three years were starting to pay off. She could only handle so much thinking about the bright future. Things felt so right. 

One thing she has not noticed, however, was Eunseo and the change in the vitamin member’s behaviors. The other 11 girls in the dorm noticed.

The tall girl talked less and rarely played with anyone anymore. Her routine started to only compose of college, dance and vocal classes, and chilling in her bed. Even her celebrity friends like Gfriend’s SinB and Monsta X’s Minhyuk would mention her on livestreams to say that they needed to catch up. WJSN thought it was weird at first, Eunseo was the actual personification of energy. She’s always out and about. But, after a mini meeting in a group chat excluding Eunseo and Chengxiao, Bona suggested that it was the dating announcement from Xiao that bothered their Juyeon. It made sense to everyone since Eunseo was the closest to Xiao and everyone guessed she was just going through a “stop taking all my best friend’s time” phase. Although, Meiqi made everyone note that if it was a simple issue like that, she would have heard from Eunseo already. The puppy like member chose to go to her for her venting needs. It was just a little strange she has not been approached by the current low-energy Juyeon yet.

What everyone did not know was that Eunseo was going through so much more: continuous heartbreak. The vitamin girl has never felt so down before. She was feeling so much all at once. Every day she would go through thoughts of disappointment, anger, and hopelessness. Who knew Chengxiao would be the source of my greatest pain? She would think to herself every night in different various ways and wordings. 

What she hated was that falling in love with Chengxiao made her question everything. Was she wrong to love a girl? What would her family think, her group? Why can’t she just be happy for the couple? Why did she have to fall in love with Xiao?

But she knew the answer to that last question. She thought about it so much that it ended up in her journal:

How do you stop yourself from loving a girl? A girl who knows your every weakness and who knows your every strength. She’s someone who always sleeps with you at night, and urges you to say your troubles out loud before she nuzzles into you. She understands and she makes effort to cheer you up. How do you stop yourself from loving someone so talented? Someone who you would’ve looked up to if you were still a child pursuing the idol industry. How do you not get lost in her eyes? They’re so beautiful, just like her heart. And her voice, it would bring you back to life whenever she spoke to you. She calls you cute nicknames and shares jokes with you, little things and moments that are just yours two.

How do you stop falling in love? When your heart knows it’s her you should be pursuing.

The truth was and still is that Eunseo has slowly fallen in love with her best friend. Xiao’s dating news was not a surprise to her, she was there to listen to the chinese member’s feelings for the guy. Constantly giving her advice, despite it hurting her. But even though she knew, it hit her the hardest when the couple started officially going out. Chengxiao’s little speech to the group showed how happy she was and Eunseo then realized that there was nothing to be done. She blamed herself because she never attempted to confess or make a move but also a part of her knew that would have not worked out. Xiao is definitely straight, even if she is not did not guarantee her liking the taller girl, and in the end, dating within a group could end messily. Eunseo concludes that she was fated not to do anything with her feelings, therefore explaining her recent “just trying to get through the day” attitude. 

The group could not do much to bring the old Juyeon back. They all missed her noisiness in the dorms. Nowadays, it was quiet and still. Chengxiao started to notice.

...

It was Eunseo’s birthday. Everyone was excited to throw a surprise party for her. This was their chance to cheer the girl up, since  her mood was taking longer than expected to come back to the way it was. WJSN and Eunseo’s invited friends hid in the dark dorm. Waiting for Eunseo to come back from her filming. 

“Said her schedule ends at 8 pm, manager oppa should be driving her back now,” Exy announced the big group who helped decorate and set up the birthday party. 

But time went on and the waiting turned into socializing. The clock now struck 9 pm and everyone started to wonder if everything was alright with the birthday girl. 

Exy, being the leader, called WJSN’s manager who should be with Eunseo. 

The manager picks up. “Hello, Exy-ah.” 

“Hello, oppa, where are you guys? We’ve been waiting for Eunseo to come back, are you stuck in traffic or something?” She asked and now the people in the dorm were listening in. 

“About that...she told me to drop her off somewhere else for tonight. I could not say no because it’s her birthday. I think it’s best you guys just have the party to yourselves. Our Juyeon...she wants to celebrate this one alone.” The young manager replied. Exy is surprised and everyone from the group can see distress in her face. 

“Well where did you drop her off? Is this safe so late in the night?” She was the mother of the group, even if Eunseo wanted privacy for the night, that didn’t mean she could disregard safety. 

“Don’t worry, it’s safe. One of my friends is a private guy and he’s arrived there now, watching Eunseo. Eunseo knows to just get in his car to be driven home. I don’t know when she’ll decide to go back though, I paid for the private van ‘till morning.” He replied, and Exy heard everything she needed to know. 

After the call, Exy announced to the group that the party was cancelled and told everyone the reason why. Everyone burst in worried remarks, and she fully understood how they felt but she emphasized that Eunseo would probably hate if all 20 of her friends came rushing to her right now. 

An idea comes to her. She looks at the worried Chengxiao. 

...

The sea breeze at night was cold but Eunseo loved feeling so small compared to the massive body of water in front of her. The sea, which is commonly enjoyed during the day, was Eunseo’s place during the night to put her mind to peace. 

She had already called her family early this morning. They’ve greeted her and she knew WJSN would have done something if she came back to the dorm. She was already thankful for them for the thought of it all. Now that she was 21, she felt even more responsibilities climbing on to her shoulders. But she knew it was the only way to grow. 

“You’re not cold?” The sudden voice causes her to jump a little. She turns towards the source and found herself looking at Chengxiao. The sound of the waves crashing seem to stop. 

“Xiao.” Was all the tall girl could mutter.

Chengxiao was relieved seeing Eunseo now, but she was so confused as everything dawned on her. She should have noticed how strange her best friend has been acting the last few months. “Why?” Is all she needed to ask.

Eunseo turns her attention back to the sea. She knew what Chengxiao meant, but she’ll be stubborn until the end. “Why what?” 

Chengxiao sighs. “Why are you out here alone tonight?” 

Eunseo thinks for a minute or two. “Because I couldn’t lie to you guys.” 

Finding the answer vague, Chengxiao waits for her to elaborate. 

“...I wouldn’t be able to pretend that today is my happy 21st. I’m not happy.” Eunseo continues. Her answer saddens Chengxiao. She knew people had their down days, or even down weeks, but this was the most sincere Juyeon ever sounded. How could she have missed that her best friend was going through a rough time? 

“Do you know why?” She continues to question.

Eunseo slowly nods. Now the cold air felt harsh. 

“You know you can tell me everything.” Xiao reminds her. 

Is this when I’m going to lose you? Eunseo’s thoughts start to fill her mind. She just wanted the bottling up to end. Here goes. 

“I’ve fallen for you.” 

Chengxiao is confused for a second, but only for a second until everything starts to make sense. She couldn’t speak. 

“I know that it’s weird and seen wrong here in Korea. But I finally understand what my mom meant when she said that you can’t control your love for someone. I don’t want to love you, but I do because my heart says so. My heart has never lied to me. It hasn’t lied about my passions for performing and being an artist, and it doesn’t lie about the people I care about.” She pauses giving the younger girl time to process this new information. “I love you and worse, I really like you.” She lets out the biggest sigh of relief. Whatever happens now does not matter, she has freed herself by confessing. 

She glances at Chengxiao. The girl doesn’t look too shocked, but the confession has obviously caught her by surprise. 

“For how long?” The chinese member asked, hoping it was only recently. 

“You don’t want to know, trust me.” Eunseo answers, trying to conceal the fact that it’s been almost two years. 

It does not work as the other girl realizes it’s been a long time. She felt sorry, for not catching on. 

“I’m sorry,” Chengxiao says. “For all the time I told you my stupid boy problems not realizing you felt something for me. It must have been a lot of pain.” 

“It’s okay, I didn’t want you to know. I was hiding.” Eunseo reassures her. It’s true, situations like these, the heart was to blame and no one else. 

“But I wish I would have observed you more. Like you do to others, especially to me. You always know what everyone needs, sometimes you forget yourself.” 

Eunseo looks at her for her last statement.

“It’s time you start focusing on your needs too, Eunseo. I don’t feel the same way you do, but I know you would be an amazing girlfriend. I’ll do whatever you want me to do for you to move on properly. If you don’t want to talk to me for a while, I can do that. But I assure you, you’ll fall even harder for the right girl. She’s out there waiting.” Chengxiao gives her a little smile. 

For the first time in months, Eunseo felt a little warm inside. Chengxiao was truly her best friend and for once her feelings did not feel like a burden. She saw it as something to enjoy until it passes. She smiled back. 

“Xiao xiao, thank you. You don’t know how much your words mean to me.” 

They hug it out. 

“Come on, everyone is still back at the dorm. Aish, Son Juyeon always trying to be fashionably late.” Chengxiao jokes. They both laugh on the way to the private .