Jaebum led Jinyoung to the said guest room, it’s been a while since he came here, reflected by its state; dusty and dark with the only light bulb already burnt out. It represented the gaps in time and distance between them, the painful memories tucked away from one’s sight.

It doesn’t resemble a guest room anymore, rather a warehouse with some furniture, unused tools surrounding the boxes that contained Jinyoung’s things, neatly placed in the very middle of the room. Jaebum tightened his hold to the younger’s hand as they navigate their way in the dark, intending to give comfort to the younger but more so to himself. His chest suddenly felt too heavy, he can’t quite put a finger to this sensation, where this pain is coming from. Hate? Longing? Dread?...... At that moment he knows he’s not ready yet. All of these things and the room itself are all painful reminders of the worst time of his life, the pool of longing, sadness, regret, hate and fear. He moved on but he’s not quite ready to willingly present him to be hurt, not this time, not after all this time.

While Jaebum is trying to control what seems like an explosion of vile thoughts that clouding his mind, Jinyoung is already out of his reach, rummaging through the boxes while holding a flashlight in his left. He wanted to stop him, stop him from taking his things out and placed them again beside his and jinx things all over again. However, he can’t tell him that, he just can’t hurt the younger like that, especially they are on the course of fixing their relationship for the better, thus he did what he always does, move away, cover up and don’t hurt the younger even it means letting himself bleed dry.

Jaebum excused himself to grab a glass of water, but in all honesty, it is just to buy time to collect himself. He’s drinking his water when Jinyoung descended down talking animatedly while huffing.

“Hyung I haven’t thought I have tons of things I left in your house, even some of my clothes I’m looking for are here”

Jinyoung keeps on talking by himself and when he realized that the other became uncharacteristically silent he stopped rummaging through the box that contained his clothes.

Jaebum felt a tap on his shoulder and when didn’t look he felt arms embracing his waist. “Hyung are you okay?” Jinyoung’s voice sound so gentle and loving and so he entangled their hands together and moving to sit on the couch.

Jinyoung suddenly cupped his face, thumb soothingly tracing his jaw “what is it? Tell me what’s wrong?”

“No there’s nothing, ah do you need help carrying the other boxes? Come on let’s go I just felt thirsty don’t worry” he used this tone again, this specific one when he wanted to mask the truth- to lie that he’s fine even if he’s not, to offer comfort so that the other won’t worry and to convince himself that the glass shards he felt deep inside are nothing but a passing sensation.

Jinyoung eyed him worriedly even if the older acts nonchalant there’s a tint of sadness on his tone and expression that he wanted to figure out the reason why, thus while Jaebum is leading him back to the guestroom he tugged the former forcefully to have them face to face.

Jaebum raised his eyebrows and is about to question the younger when suddenly a pair of lips stolen the words away, eagerly pressing and tugging on him like he’s been starved and is ready to devour him as a whole. The older doesn’t know what exactly the reason behind this, like the younger wanted him so much, wanted to feel and to prove something. He wanted to respond, he knows he should but his mind is a mess and before he can have a grip on his