The absence of the light and the continuous pit-pats of rain welcomed Jaebum as he blearily opened his eyes. The wind is moderately swaying the trees outside but it didn’t scare him but instead the tight grip of an arm in his waist. He was startled for a moment used to his personal space when suddenly the memories of last night, sometime ago flashed before his eyes, careful not to disturb the other he gingerly angled his body to the side and decided to not succumb to unconsciousness yet just to be able to freely admire the beauty in front of him.

It’s been six months since they parted ways and while the longing slowly fades away and he’s getting used to it as time passes, this relief he presently feels as he watches the other sleep peacefully made him smile; it was a long overdue reconciliation but nevertheless worth to wait with the dark skies and rain as their witnesses. He suddenly felt the urge to touch him, to trace his features that haunt his memory in the past but looking at the tell-tale sign of exhaustion on the younger’s face he resisted and decided just to stare and be drunk on his presence as his eyes uncontrollably land to those red plump lips. He suddenly felt the other’s arm tightening their hold on his waist and he can’t help but smile as he mutters ‘clingy’ on his head but with them being pressed so close to each other after so long awakened series of negative feelings he tries to put away. Jaebum knows he still loves the younger but he can’t ease back the worry, the doubt and fear that one day will come and they will lose sight of each other again. He doesn’t want to blame him anymore, fight and complain until he lost the reasons but there’s always this crevice he can’t explain. The I-love-yous were said, I-miss-yous were apparent on their touches Jinyoung said and proved the sincerity of his apologies and Jaebum accepted and reciprocated them but for some reasons he can’t fully trust him, it was a far painful memory to love and trust him simultaneously.

How can you love someone you can’t trust? he asked himself, he can just disentangle his arms and wake him up, tell him to leave since they had manage to continue existing far from each other, he can endure more times and miles away from him and maybe in months or a little more time he can forget him. But telling him to leave means living alone, telling him to go is a fresh wound he cause himself and this will be his fault then.

Maybe because knowing the greater fault of the other party is better than bearing on your own conscience and heart that you are the one at fault. His mind is spinning by pilling up thoughts when he felt the arm was gone from his waist and looked up to see Jinyoung smiling at him. His eyes are still puffy and red from crying but he wore a reassuring smile that spells how grateful he feels.

“Why are you awake?”

“I’m twinning with you” Jinyoung smiles as he moved closer to Jaebum and rest his head on the latter’s chest

“You what now? Jinyoung can’t see him but he’s sure that creases formed on his old yet handsome boyfriend’s forehead and chuckled.

“It means I want to be in-sync with you, I want to be in the same phase....stay with you...again” the last part was murmured the air easily carrying it out if not only its so quiet with the rain just stopped a moment ago.

Jaebum knows Jinyoung is aware of his hesitance, if he’s being honest he wants this uneasiness to vanish, not returning and let him love the boy in his chest with all the love he can give but he can’t he’s still wounded and the scar even if not as painful is still a lingering reminder the sensations of doubt, fear and worry mixed and formed a pool of thoughts and emotions he can’t dispel.

Jinyoung moved his head away from his chest just to lean their foreheads with his hands sneaking to his boyfriend’s nape. He stared at the raven boy and enunciate slowly the words he always meant “I love you.” Jaebum eyes were blank before the mirth shone on them as he smile with his cheeks dusting with pink, he was about to respond when Jinyoung beat him to it.

“I know, I know you love me because you accepted me but you’re still hurt and I understand but I’m sorry if I’ll be selfish again because I don’t want to