He shouldn't have done it. He knows it but that fact that his leader hyung is looking at him with something akin to disappointment is doing things to his nerves.

"I didn't teach you to hit a girl Binnie!" 

"Hyung you know...."

"And yet it does not justify you hitting her. There is a little something called conversation. I know she is a sore spot in your life Binnie what was that really necessary?"

It wasn't and yet he doesn't fully regret doing it. That anger had been for a reason. The things she did, she deserved much worse.

But he shouldn't have hit her.

"You know everything and yet you're saying that my anger was not justified?"

It is because Hakyeon knows everything.

But he doesn't say a word, he never did and he regrets it to this day.

 

Again that night he finds refuge on the roof top. She isn't there. 

Had she been would he be able to face her? He showed his cowardice once again. Once again he proved that he would leave her on her own when it came to a fight.

Then what was he doing here? What did he want to achieve? He should be back in his room, brooding and giving Hongbin the cold shoulder yet his feet carried him here, a hope that he would find her here was aflame in his chest.

Obviously she hadn't come.

Had she been, what would have he done?

Asked for forgiveness?

Said that he told her to delay her match. And all of this happened because she didn't.

What exactly?

Maybe it was neither of that. Maybe he just wanted to see her, make sure she was okay because that much he ought to do.

He hadn't done it last time and regrets it till today. He didn't want to nourish that guilt once more.

"That was the only way hyung."

Her voice rings in his ears. Was that?

No there was another way, one that didn't involve her taking all the blame. That didn't involve her running away, that didn't involve him living with this guilt.

But he hadn't stepped up, he crouched down in fear of losing everything. And she hadn't asked him to stand with her, not once. She smiled at him and walked away. Taking all the hatred and all the blame on her own. And she didn't complain either.

She should have, she should have scolded him, slapped him, punched him, accused him but she didn't and it made everything ten times worse.

He ascends the metal ladder once more even though she's still not there and let's the cool wind slap him in the face. He deserves it, only him.

He knows Hongbin can hit quite hard and that worries him. She had been beaten up as it is but him slapping her, on the same side that was punched was her bald opponent could only mean she would be in pain.

Is that why she didn't come? Is that the reason why she's not here?

He's on his feet as that thought crossed his mind and ready to go back down, find her, find where her room is and drag her to a doctor because the girl is stubborn as hell and she wouldn't have gone to a doctor, he's sure of that.

Just as he takes a step towards the ladder a voice disturbs the silence of the night.

"Hyung?" Her face, though half hidden by the dark veil of the night is clear enough to show the bruise forming on her left cheek, an ugly blackish blue bruise.

"Mianhae Zia," it flies out before he could stop. But the words are useless, they are a broken record, eventing his own ears.

"It's ok hyung," she says, still no mirth in her voice, "It was the only way."