K W O N   E U N B I    X    K I M   J O N G H Y U N ( J R )
 

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I’ll be there, you can come back whenever
I’ll be there, where we first met
I’ll be waiting, when you think of me sometimes
Don’t be sorry, I’ll be there
- I'll Be There, 2017

NOT YOUR FAULT

As terrible time goes on, for sure people will move on with social life, undoubtedly continue living like they always did before. Even someone who typically undergoes an acrimonious breakup would probably find the possible replacement for their old love and naturally tried to enjoy life again. But what if, they never think about willingly letting it go at the first place? Will they ever let a new love come into their life or let themselves drowning in the tragic past and regret the foolish decision they made back then? 

Eunbi allegedly knows, she had to let other people coming into her life as others invariably did. And yes, she practically did. She would go to countless blind dates her friends arranged for her and even replace their position when they couldn't make it to the date. She did earnestly try everything she could but still. 

There's no specific answer for the personal conflict she had in herself. 

We could say she's quite lucky when Jonghyun came into her life, lightened up the dark alley she always walked whenever she needs to find herself. It has never been easy for her ever since the breakup with Seongwoo. She didn't expect their relationship will end up so soon and just like that, they weren't together anymore. 

Eunbi should be grateful Jonghyun was there beside her through thick and thin whenever she wanted to throw all of her bad memories behind, moving on with joyful life; if only she's genuinely happy with it. Though it has been few times since her friends suggested her to date Jonghyun, she just couldn't do so. Eunbi found it unfair if she ever dates Jonghyun when her heart wasn't ready to accept anyone yet. She should try more in opening her heart towards someone else. 

She dearly hopes she would and someday she would be like anyone else in a happy relationship she constantly demanded it to be. 

Even her younger brother already encountered someone whom he profoundly love and Eunbi totally support their relationship since her girlfriend is a nice girl anyway. She looks moderate and also has a lovely face; that's a bonus for her brother who put visual in the first place for finding a girlfriend. Eunbi did meet up with her for few times whenever he invited her to their house for having a dinner together so she kind of acquaintance with the girl though she had no interest to bother about their relationship. She knows her brother would handle it well and he won't end up as she did. 

Being left by someone she loves, and still haunted by the past. 

Eunbi still remembers the first meeting between Jonghyun and her. It wasn't elegant at all and rather it's kind of unpleasant if Eunbi tried to recall it now. They met at the very unexpected place which is the club. Yes, Eunbi wasn't a party girl who loves to drink and have fun on the dance floor. She scarcely has that typical mindset where those girls who endlessly went to the club is in fact a ; allowing all the guys admired their figure. 

But one fine day, when her closest friends organized an event and it has to be at the most well-known club in the Seoul, Eunbi had no other choice than to attend it. So, she ended up being in a club where she loathes it the most. On that particular day, she merely wishes Seongwoo won't turn up as she sure she wouldn't want to regard the man anytime soon. It wasn't too soon when it has at present been two years since they broke up, though. 

Seongwoo rarely join their classmates gathering so Eunbi doesn't have any update on him; though actually she makes an effort by stalking his social medias. 

Okay, back to the Jonghyun's story. 

If we look at Jonghyun, he likely won't be a type to hang out in the club but he really did since most of his friends love to be there and he happened to enjoy drink especially whiskey and cocktail which it could be easily found in the club. If we were about to shorten the story here, Jonghyun would be drunk and Eunbi was right in front of her eyes. 

Typically, he wasn't the type to flirt around anyone but he might drink a little too much on that day, resulting in his action to hit Eunbi up. Eunbi, who was kind of tipsy after drinking few shots of whiskey welcomed him in a wide arm. The two ended up spending time together, talking about life; nothing much other than the fact Eunbi accidentally revealed the man about her past relationship and the man too told something he never tells anyone before. 

Actually, we could say both of them were drunk when that happened so they don't really remember about it the following day. But little thing Eunbi remembers, the two... sure shared a kiss on that day. They were both out of mind and when Jonghyun approached her, his face few inches away from the girl, Eunbi couldn't help but to place her lips on his though she knows she wasn't the type of the girl who will kiss everyone in her vision. Luckily, kiss stayed as a kiss and they didn't cross the boundaries that night or else... 

That's fundamentally their first meeting and yes, they didn't know each other's existence until her friend couldn't make it to a blind date and Eunbi offered herself to replace her so she did. And guess what? Yes, as expected the man was Kim Jonghyun, the same guy she met few days ago at the club. Expertly, we could say Eunbi retained a vague memory on the moment, but she did remember whom she kissed, though. She wasn't that clueless. 

It was pretty inconvenient between them at first but slowly, Jonghyun showed his gentle side and Eunbi gradually gave in. She becomes more comfortable whenever she's around him and so does Jonghyun. Bet that's how Jonghyun developed his feelings towards the petite girl and started to learn on how to love her. 

Though he knows she's still handling the pain of breaking up with her first love years ago but Jonghyun believes that one fine day, there will be a part of her heart would be given to him. It probably not too soon but Jonghyun is willing to wait for it. Until the day, Eunbi could decisively say she was prepared to have him in her life. 

And for now, the only resort he had is probably to be by her side and showed to her how much he loves her, treasures her and wants her in his life. 

Eunbi didn't know how and why she managed to let Jonghyun came into her life but if she could change the past she would. She would never make a decision to replace her friend's place and let the memories of kissing a stranger stayed as nothing but a mere accident did by her. Because until now, she wasn't sure she could accept the heart has been given to her for years ago. 

Eunbi, too, didn't want to play around his heart for too long. She knows Jonghyun had done a lot for her and she totally appreciated all of it. All of it, without any exception. 

Like how the man always be by her side whenever she needs a shoulder to lean onto when she cried, how everytime she lost her way to go somewhere and Jonghyun would be there to guide her though throughout phone only, how the man inevitably accompanies her to events as she's afraid people would claim her as someone who couldn't move on yet if she didn't bring any partner with him, how the man always displayed a smile though Eunbi was talking about another guy in front of him. 

She knows, those things torture him a lot and that's why she wanted it to stop. She wanted to stop wounding the man because he meant a lot to her. Eunbi hates to admit the man managed to open her heart a little bit and she learns to love him but... it wasn't going to be like she desired it to be.

Ong Seongwoo... he would never leave Eunbi's mind though she attempted it for many times. 

She couldn't lie to herself that she's however longing for the man, wanting to see his face, yearning for his touch... and his radiant smile. 

"You're spacing out again," Eunbi woke up from the long day-dream when someone ruffled her hair. She looked at the culprit and her lips automatically curved upwards as soon as she recognized him, "You must be thinking on how to dump me right?" Jonghyun made a random guess and it caused Eunbi to stun, suddenly looking confused with his words. The boy let out a small chuckle to lift up the mood, "I'm just kidding," He claimed though Eunbi knows he was already expecting for it a long time ago. 

Just he hates to admit the fact Eunbi's heart will never be his in the first place. It has eternally been her first love since the start. 

But Jonghyun kept telling himself, it wasn't hurt to try because who knows what might happen in the future, right? Though he knows it wouldn't be easy at all when Eunbi was the one who holds herself from moving on but still, he wanted to try his best and prove to her that she could move one. But then, after two years of trying, it's about the time for him to give up. 

Somehow, he's, however, a human with feelings. Till when he wanted to hold onto someone who likely didn't need him in their life? It would be such a waste of time though he already did it for the past two years. 

"I--." Eunbi tried to declare something but she just couldn't afford to state it out loud. She was terrified she might hurt Jonghyun a lot more than she ever thought she would. When she saw Jonghyun was looking at her with a smile plastered on his face, Eunbi couldn't help but burst into tears. She let the tears she has been hiding before most of the times and made use of it whenever she misses Seongwoo but today is an exception. 

Eunbi is crying for the man in front of him. 

The man who never tired of entertaining her, making her happy and trying his best to make she smiles. The man who will always be by her side though she requested him to leave, she cursed him and even hit him. Eunbi realized, rather than trying to love the man in front of him, she actually used him. 

Jonghyun represent nothing but a toy for her to release all her regrets and pains she had everytime she reminds of Seongwoo. 

Eunbi should leave earlier but then... she becomes greedy when someone offered to be by her side. She hasn't perceived it until now, she possessed nothing for him but torturing him; emotionally. 

"I'm sorry," She gritted her teeth as she lowered down her head, wanted to hide the tears flowing out, "I'm really sorry," Presumably the only words she could utter at this very moment. 

Sorry. 

She was sorry for playing with his heart for too long. She was sorry for treating the man as if he's nothing but the place for her to relieve her stress. She was sorry for everything she had done for the man which nothing. When... he did a lot for her. 

"Hey, Eunbi, stop," Jonghyun held onto the clenched fist Eunbi had on the table, "It's okay," He tried to assure the girl but he knows it wouldn't stop her from crying, "Please don't cry, I'm begging you," His voices getting slower, tears started to form in his very own eyes. It severely hurts him. It totally hurts him to witness the woman he loves cries in front of him. 

"I tried, Jonghyun," She claimed, "I really tried but sorry, I can't," The tears running down, forming a river as her shirt was already drenched with her tears, "I don't know why it's so hard for me to love someone else. It has been five years but why... just why," Eunbi continued still sobbing. 

"Hey, Kwon Eunbi, look at me," He slightly shook her hand, forcing her to look into his eyes so she did. Eunbi slowly elevated her head up, her eyes were already swollen due to endless tears, "It's okay," He repeated dully the same words again, "It's about the time for me to let you go too. It wasn't your fault; it's mine. Because I don't want to admit you still love Seongwoo and you might forever will," Jonghyun's lips slightly curved upwards and it tortures Eunbi to witness it when he was currently talking about something he dislikes to. 

If Eunbi could name one of the words, he hates to talk about, it would be, 'Ong Seongwoo', but then Eunbi was too clueless; or she actually pretends to be one when that's the only topic she could think of whenever she's drunk. "I'm sorry," And that's the only word Eunbi could say promptly. Apparently that's the only word could across her mind in this situation. 

Sorry. The sacred sorry word. 

"I actually wait for it," Jonghyun sudden confession startled Eunbi as she was currently allowing her big eyes on the man, "I know how you feel and I was prepared to hear for your answer. But then I don't want to force you so I waited for it instead. I don't want you to give me false hope, but I let myself be in the game till now. So, it's okay. Just find the happiness you want," He continued. 

"But, Jonghyun," She tried to declare something but the latter quickly cut her words. 

"You might think you did nothing for me but to be honest you did a lot, Eunbi. A lot more than I ever have done for you. You teach me how to love you, how to care for you, how to appreciate what's in front of my eyes. And you totally bring the happiness into my life. You lighten up the dark world I used to have before. You fill it with the light, making it easy for me to walk through it. Seriously, you did a lot for me. You changed me to who I am now, Kwon Eunbi," He smiled bitterly, "And I need to thank you for that,"

"But I hurt you, Jonghyun. I shouldn't do this to you. I shouldn't have started all of it," Eunbi gnawed with her lips, "I left you with nothing but pain in your heart,"

The latter bobbed his head, "Both of us were hurting, Eunbi. We just didn't want to admit it. You were hurting because of a break up you never expected it would ever happen but it's opposed with me, Eunbi. I chose this path. I choose to stay by your side although I know your heart belongs to someone else. I'm the one who choose this painful path. It wasn't anyone's fault but mine," Jonghyun revealed, "So, please, don't feel sorry. I don't want you to torture yourself for a guy like me. You had enough, Kwon Eunbi,"

"J--Jonghyun," Eunbi tried to announce something but failed as she could feel the clump on  clasps her from doing so.

Jonghyun smiled, "Just remember that I will consistently be here for you whenever you need me. Maybe I won't be like before but let me stay beside you at least as a friend. That's the least I could do for you," He claimed, "I won't force you to do so, but it's my last wish, to at least be your friend,"

Eunbi stayed quiet, feeling confused with her own feelings. Why does it hurt her to hear those words coming out from Jonghyun? As if she didn't want him to go though she knows she obliged to let him go or she continuously will hurting him.

"Thank you for everything, Kwon Eunbi and goodbye," Jonghyun stood up and leave the cafe in instant, abandon the girl behind with tears remained on her cheeks.