C H O I   Y E N A    X    P A R K   J I H O O N

__________________________________________________

I was trying to hold it in but I’m so frustrated, I’m about to get sick
You’re his girl but I love, no I like you a lot
- Hug Me, 2018

FOR ONE MORE TIME

Knowing that someone you like was already someone else's stings your heart more than you ever thought it could be. Though at first, all you want is to see them happy with a loved one but still... it wasn't easy at all to get rid of your feelings just like that. You require time to sort it out and sometimes without you realized, you tried a little bit too hard that it torments you to the pain you never felt before. 

Jihoon was trying so hard to cope with his feelings towards the girl he has liked for the past five years. Now that she's at present in a relationship with someone else, he had no other choices but to observe her, laughing with another boy, holding hands with another boy, and even worst, kissing with another boy. 

He hates to catch a sight of it but then... there's nothing he could do since it's for the sake of her happiness anyways.

"I don't think I could live without her," Jihoon uttered as soon as he gulped the nth shots of soju for the day. Currently, there's Woojin in front of him, listening to his story on his stupid one-sided love. 

It has been a year since the girl dated someone else and they're already graduated from high school. Woojin never meets the girl mentioned by Jihoon, so he was really wondering how great she could be till the most popular boy in the course reacting to this extent. 

Woojin heaved out a silent sigh, "You told me she was your best friend, and you could never date your best friend," He murmured, "Then, you did inform me, she dates him because she likes him," Woojin continued, "Wasn't that more than enough, though?"

"But I love her, Woojin," Jihoon confessed as he allowed another shot of soju; he was up to now in the fourth bottle at the moment, surpassing his alcohol limit, "I need to go first," He notified the boy as he put his phone and wallet in the pocket; leaving few dollars on the table for the payment. 

The latter startled seeing his friend leave in an unstable state, "Jihoon, where are you going?" Woojin seized his wrist, halting him from moving but Jihoon quickly snapped it as he passed an assurance smile towards him.

"Don't worry, I'm okay," He outstretched his hand up, showing his palm, indicating he's okay though his friend could assuredly guarantee that Jihoon is already in drunkard state. He freaks finished four bottles of soju; alone. There will be no way for him to be okay, "I'm oookay," He insisted, requesting Woojin to stop following him from behind. 

As he was walking, he looked at the familiar road around him. He thinks he knows where the road will lead him to so his lips ended curved upwards, producing a slight smile. He walked down the road, bumping into some people in his way but he was too polite to not say sorry every time he did so there's no incident happened. 

Jihoon ended up standing in front of the door with 0929 displayed on it. He knocked on the door, calling for someone inside the house but never mentioned their name. People might find him annoying so he tried to lower down his voice, though the knock itself were actually loud enough to disturb the residents here. 

The door widened, revealing a girl behind it, "Park Jihoon, what are you doing here?" She quietly asked as she took a look around, afraid if her neighbours wanted to complain about the noise. It's already 15 minutes past 11 in the night, which means it's practically midnight soon.

"Yena," He chuckled upon noting her face, a contented smile formed on his lips as he was genuinely delighted to regard the girl in front of him, "I m--miss youuuuuuuu," Jihoon started to compose an unknown melody as he said those. 

The girl positively felt she's going to get scolded if she didn't do anything about it so Yena decided to drag Jihoon inside her house. She laid down her arms around the boy's shoulders to support him with his wobbly legs, "Why did you drink so much?" Yena complained as she hurled him onto the sofa in the living room.

"Who is that?" A girl came out from the room beside the living room, as she rubbed her eyes, feeling sleepy because she went straight to bed after had done with her part-time job just now, "Oh, Jihoon?" She startled to mark him in the house. 

Yena surprised when she discovered the girl currently looking at the two of them. She escorted the girl towards her room back before warning her on something, "You better to not tell Hyungseop about this," She came out stern with her burning eyes.

"Okay," The girl pouted before her eyes fell on Jihoon back, "He looks so drunk, though. Are you sure you will be okay handling him alone?" She asked concernedly. Yena quickly jerked, "Jihoon, don't trouble Yena too much or I will tell Hyeongseop!"

She managed to receive a death glare from Yena as she declared those, "Okay, Yuri, don't worry," Jihoon flashed a smile towards the little girl and made an okay gesture using his fingers before he laid down his body on the sofa.

"Just go to sleep," Yena pushed her cousin into her room back, presumably forcing her and most importantly she shouldn't know what kind of conversation she will be having with Jihoon later. Because Yena knows, when Jihoon drunk the most unexpected stuff would come out from his lips. 

As soon as Yuri secured her door, the girl darted her attention towards the drunk boy who was currently supporting his back on the sofa, resting his head with a small pillow placed on it, "So, why are you here?" Yena asked as she sits across of him. 

Jihoon stayed quiet, refusing to answer her question as he tried to close his eyes, figuring out the underlying reason why he's here in the first place. To be honest, he didn't know either. He just walked down the road, and he's in this place. Maybe, just maybe, he missed her a little bit too much than he typically did. 

Ever since Yena dated Hyungseop, he could probably count by his fingers on how many times he met Yena. If it's not because they had few classes together, Jihoon wouldn't probably catch a glimpse of her anywhere. She was too engaged with Hyungseop till she forgot that she essentially had a friend named Park Jihoon.

"I--I," He stuttered, tears started to form in his big eyes as he looked at the girl who sitting not too far from him. Yena was quite flustered by the tears but then Jihoon has always been like this whenever he's drunk; though she could count on how many times she witnessed the boy in a drunk state.

Yena heaved out a silent sigh, "Wait here, I'm going to get you a drink," She abandons the boy behind, heading towards the kitchen. The latter collected a glass from the cupboard above her head before her eyes fell back on Jihoon who was currently having few drops of tears running down his cheeks, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Yena murmured alone before pouring the jug of water she had in her hand in the glass.

The girl passed the glass of water towards the boy and secured the vacant spot beside him, "Are you okay?" Yena concernedly asked and it caused Jihoon to stop consuming the water, diverted his attention to the girl, "Is there anything happened?" She cautiously put her small palm onto his face, wiping the tears left on his cheeks using her thumb.

"I--," Again, Jihoon scarcely couldn't afford to allow the words coming out from his mouth as if there's something clasps him back from doing so. Though he exactly knows it's merely him who couldn't utter those words out loud because he was terrified that things might change once he admits the truth.

He placed his hand on her hand and bore it down, "Hey, Jihoon. You know you could tell me if you have a problem, right?" Yena passed a really concern look as she did not once see Jihoon in this state. Yes, he did cry before but he would usually mention anything across his mind. It's so rare to perceive him, having tears and offering nothing; almost nothing other than stuttering.

"I know," He bobbed, gritting his teeth, holding the pain he felt deep in his heart now. 

How is he supposed to admit that he had like the girl in front of him for five years long but didn't have any guts to confess just for a reason he was afraid things might change between them? How is he supposed to say that he dislikes seeing Yena and Hyungseop especially when she smiles and laughs around him? How is he supposed to do all of that when he knows Yena is genuinely happy to be with someone she likes, and that's not him?

The one that holds Choi Yena's heart wasn't Park Jihoon but it's Ahn Hyungseop. And it will eternally be him. 

Their eyes met, Jihoon's lips managed to curve slightly upwards when he noted the concerned face by Yena. He could feel that Yena was truly worried over him and that's somehow made him feel good. The girl tilted her head, trying to read Jihoon's expression, guessing what has been on his mind all these time, "Are you really okay?" Yena lost count on how many times she tried to make the boy expressed something but he refused till the end. 

But at the very least, his tears were already stopped.

Instead of responding to her question, Jihoon lured the girl into a hug as he placed his arms around the girl's body with his head landed on her shoulders, "Just, let me stay like this," He told the girl before tightened the girl and concealed his face to enjoy her scent. 

It amused Jihoon on how the girl still put on the perfume he bought for the girl on her 18th birthday. He informed her that the smell suited her, so he ended buying it for Yena and ever since that, Yena has been utilizing it whenever she went outside. Even when she had done with the whole bottle, she bought the same one as Jihoon did for a reason she really likes the smell.

"You better tell me what is wrong with you, Park Jihoon," Yena sounds stern as she pulled out from the hug, placed her both hands on his arms and stared right into his eyes, "Tell me," Her soothing voice penetrates Jihoon's ears like a ballad music he used to hear whenever he was feeling down.

Jihoon toss back his head, refusing to declare anything, "Just, I feel like it has been a long time since I confronted you," He smiled, "Do you perhaps miss me?" Jihoon quietly asked, absolutely didn't look out for the response the girl will pronounce him.

"Of course, I am---," When he heard the word, 'of course', Jihoon's expectation rose up, "not missing you," As the girl completed her words, it managed to bring a pout formed on Jihoon's lips, "Why would I miss you, though?" She declared in a teasing manner.

That's accurate. Why would Yena miss Jihoon? She already has Hyungseop beside her, there will be no way for her to care about him anymore, "Right, why would you?" Jihoon tried to laugh it off, in hope it could liften up the mood between them, "I think I'm already sober now. I should go home, right?" He wished Yena would answer he could stay for the night, but it's impossible for her to do that.

"Yes, you should," Yena insisted as she took a peek at the clock hang against the wall behind Jihoon, "Heck, it's already past midnight?" Her eyes widened. Yena grabbed Jihoon's hand, towing him to the front door, "You should go home," She briefed him as soon as they reached.

Jihoon sighed, feeling unfair with the treatment the girl executes him, "Are you really going to consider me like a stranger?" The boy complained as he crossed his arms.

"No, it wasn't like that," Yena felt bad when Jihoon mentioned those. Just, she didn't want her neighbours to think bad about her; as an example, a  who brings a guy into the house till late night, "Just go home,"

The boy put on his shoes and stood right in front Yena, "Are you sure you want me to go?" He cheekily uttered, and the girl lightly punched his arms but before Yena could take her hand down, Jihoon suddenly captured it, forcing their eyes to meet each other.

"W--What is it?" Yena discovered herself stuttering.

Jihoon clamped his lips together producing a slight smile, "Nothing,"  He said before hauling the girl into his embrace. His left hand stayed on the girl's head while the other on her back. Jihoon started to caressed her hair, pulling her closer, "Just let stay like this for 10 seconds more," He whispered into her ears, "Just for 10 seconds, let me hug you,"

"Ji--Jihoon," She startled by his sudden action but then slowly lifted her hand, placing it around his waist, letting the emotions controlled the two of them.

Instead of 10 seconds, they stayed in the position longer than they ever expected until finally a sound of phone ringing distracted their attention and Jihoon excused himself immediately, leaving the girl behind dumbfounded.

"That would be the last time," Jihoon mumbled alone as he made his way down the apartment, clearing his mind from thinking about the girl he once likes and maybe forever will.