K W O N   E U N B I     X    O N G   S E O N G W O O
 

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If only I could see you on this street
I wouldn’t let go of you like I did that day
- On The Road, 2018

DEPARTURE OF MEMORIES

Break up has never been easy for anyone. The devastated feelings being left by the one you love is worse than any other things in the world. People might regard it as a simple issue as they would constantly say, just move on. But in reality, the word 'move on' itself sounds hard for the people who broke up. Waking up knowing your loved one wasn't going to be by your side anymore, tore you into pieces and there's no way to mend it back.

If we love each other, why would a break up ever exist?

Like any other else, Seongwoo too, in the midst of enduring the pain after the first break up in his life. Never in his expectation, he would imagine that she would leave him, escaping herself from his life as if the boy gave her the most painful life she could ever had. They're happy. Seongwoo sure, they're happy.

So, why? Just why... she needs to make such decision?

Five years have passed, and everything seems so fine to him. Or he actually forced himself to make everything looks okay to him. Because honestly saying, there's none of the moment he would never think about the girl whom possessing his heart five years ago; most likely she still has done until now.

He was walking alone, after he had done with his work today. The bundle of works in the office actually quite helpful for him to occupy himself from thinking about the girl. It helped him; a lot actually. Though sometimes he couldn't deny that she would pop out in his mind in the most unexpected time.

As he made himself towards the bus stop, he recalled the vague memories of him with the girl. Kwon Eunbi, the girl name is Kwon Eunbi. The first girl ever attracted her attention and in fact, she's one of his best friends when they're in high school. 

"I like you, let's date," He confessed the three holy words towards the girl in the most playful manner. Though it wasn't a proper one, but Eunbi was essentially taken aback by the sudden confession. She likely thought it was a joke, so Seongwoo did it like one; even though deep in his heart, he knows he was earnest about his feelings.

For the whole day, things weren't going right between them until finally Seongwoo made up his mind and confessed again. He thought it's already done when Eunbi decided to accept it but he totally went wrong.

All of the good days and memories they went through together, looks like a thorn for him at the moment. Thorns that pricked his broken heart, giving him a tormented pain he could never endure it.

Seongwoo loves Eunbi. He did, and it will always remain that way.

He sat on the bench, taking out the headphone in his bag and set it around his head before connecting it to his smartphone. Seongwoo scrolled over the playlist until he found the right song to listen, compatible with his mood presently. He clicked on it and at that moment the bus arrived, flashing a girl figure in his eyes.

"Eunbi," He uttered alone as he rushed himself towards the bus and rode it. Seongwoo scanned the transport card on the machine and appointed himself to the back just to see there's no one in the bus. The girl... vanished from his vision for the nth times, "What do you expect, Seongwoo? She couldn't be here right," He heaved out a disappointed sigh, occupying the secluded seat at the back of the bus.

The journey seems long to him with no one by his side. Seongwoo allowed himself blankly staring at the outside of the windows, enjoying the night views of Seoul but every single road looks familiar to him as if he used to walk there... with someone... "Eunbi," Her name across his mind again, without failing.

Two students rode the bus at one stop, capturing the seat in front him reminds Seongwoo of the girl. He used to attend the high school, every single day with Eunbi, though. The latter would always be there when he rode it and secured a spot for him to seat. Seongwoo would naturally take the vacant seat and talked to her about his life; a random talk has inevitably been their topic.

Every so often, they would share an earphone and listened to the same song, over and over again. Everything that Eunbi likes, Seongwoo will like it too and vice-versa. They're perfect. So,what exactly went wrong between them?

Though Seongwoo knows, he's the one at fault.

When the couple took off from the bus, he swore to God; he could see Eunbi in his vision. She will never leave him alone, won't she? Sigh. Consequently, he followed them. As if his mind and brain working like a machine, he could imagine the two as himself and Eunbi.

"I'm tired," Eunbi informed him. He looked at Eunbi uninterested as he focused back on his phone, displaying the most recent game he downloaded a week ago, "Ong Seongwoo, I'm talking to you," She started to get annoying and decided to snatch the phone away from the latter.

Seongwoo sighed, levelling his eyes before turning his attention towards the girl in front of him, "What do you want?" He urged with the most annoying expression he could ever make with his attractive face.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked, receiving a frown from him, "You have been avoiding me for the whole week," Eunbi frustratedly uttered, "Do you perhaps gain yourself a new girlfriend?" The question totally made the boy went furious. What the hell she thought about him?

He clamped his lower lips with his stern eyes, staring at the girl, "What the hell are you talking about?" Seongwoo knows he shouldn't treat the girl in this manner, but there's nothing he could do because somehow, this would be the best for them; especially for Eunbi.

"So, why," Eunbi pitched up her voice, obviously showing her true feelings, "Why do you have to ignore me? Why do you have to make me feel like I'm unworthy? Why do you have to torture me as if I'm the only one who wants to be in this relationship? We're fine before this Seongwoo. We're happy, I'm happy to be with you. You make my life better so why... just why you changed?" Tears forming in her eyes, rolling down her cheeks as she gritted her teeth.

Even in this very crucial moment, Seongwoo wants to act cool and pretending the tears won't give any effect to him, "Stop whining like a child Eunbi," He made a harsh statement without thinking too much. He didn't know the words he uttered would change his life forever as it did now.

"You're the one who approaches me first! You're the one who proposed me to be your girlfriend! You're the one who insisted for us to be more than a friend! You're the one..." Eunbi closed her eyes, letting the tears keep running down, "who start all of this,"

Ever since that day, their relationship getting worst and there's none of the day they would end it with a smile on their face. Everything seems so wrong in Eunbi's eyes. She would complain about everything happened around her and Seongwoo would either apologize or keep himself silent till the end.

It's for the best. That's what Seongwoo thought.

Maybe if ever thought about being honest towards himself and the girl, all of these wouldn't have a bad ending. They have still been happy till now. Just maybe... if he did all of that. He wouldn't end up in this pit of misery.

At the end, it's all his fault.

Walking on the same road alone totally felt different when the girl was beside him. It's loaded with smile and laughter when Eunbi walked with him but now... it's all dull and empty, just like his feelings at the moment. It's hell.

Rightly, he wanted to make things right after that. After he realized, being all jerk and y wouldn't overcome their problems, he decided to take a step further and admit the truth to her on why he did all of that. But maybe the world refused to cooperate with him at all when Eunbi mentioned the words he wanted to avoid the most.

"Let's break up,"

Seongwoo was stunned when she announced it but he still managed to maintain his calm face, "Why so sudden?" He asked the girl in front of him. 

"There's no use for us to stay together if no one going to make an effort for it," Eunbi told her reason and it sounds reasonable to Seongwoo. Why the hell his brain needs to work in the opposite way at that moment? Why...

A sigh escaped his lips and Eunbi thought she still had the chance to make things right between them,  "Okay, let's do that," The fact Seongwoo agreed for them to break up actually swayed her a lot than she ever expected.

He could have held onto her.  He could have said no to it. He could have stopped it from happening. But he didn't. He let her go. He walked away from the latter with no expression on his face, acting as if he's okay with it. Most importantly, he didn't turn his back, looking at the girl. Not even for once.

Seongwoo literally threw the last chance he had away, just like that.

Till now... he still regrets it a lot. He won't do it back then if he knows it will torture him to this extent.

Suddenly, he reminded of the last meeting he had with Eunbi last week. Frankly saying, he consistently made some time for the girl everytime he missed her. Because he thought, he could be delighted when he stayed to being just a friend with her. He genuinely thought he would be fine with that.

But... everything he did, betrayed him. He couldn't deny the fact he still loves the girl and wanted her to be more than a friend. She's the only for him.

After the gathering, Seongwoo walked the girl back to home. The walk was exceptionally quiet, not like usual. Maybe because they're already drunk, or already a bit tipsy due to the amount of beer they drank moments ago. So, he in fact thought it was the exact time to confess his feelings; again.

"Eunbi," Seongwoo called out the girl's name. Eunbi turned the other way and looked at the boy with blush cheeks and his eyes... somehow looks sad to her, "I actually have something to tell..."

Someone managed to halt him from continuing with his words, "Kwon Eunbi!" A voice could be heard calling out for her name. The two of them elevated their head up to see a boy was standing not too far from them, "Are you on your way home?" He approached Eunbi.

Eunbi looked quite surprise to catch a sight of the boy in her housing area, "Oh, Jonghyun," She gnawed with her lips.

"Who is this?" The boy asked as he allowed his eyes on the boy beside Eunbi.

Seongwoo clearly wasn't pleased with his sudden appearance, "I am---,"

"My high school friend," Eunbi responded it on his behalf, "Ong Seongwoo, this is Kim Jonghyun," She introduced them.

Jonghyun offered his hand out, wanting a hand shake with Seongwoo so he did, in the most awkward way. When he naturally laid down his arms around Eunbi's, Seongwoo could feel something was odd with them "Y--Your boyfriend?" Seongwoo urged, but Eunbi neither shake nor nod, "Then I will go first," He walked away from the couple.

"Seongwoo!" When the girl dubbed him... he absolutely thought there would be something for him but, "Take care!" She notified him before resumed her walk with the tall boy beside her.

She's gone... Forever...

With the particular memories, it managed to make the boy burst into tears, as crystal-clear liquid started to escape his eyes, running down his cheeks. He clenched both of his fist, trying to hide all of the pain though he wasn't certain, to whom he wanted to show it all.

He merely did.

Again, Eunbi came across his eyes again but this time, she was looking at him with the same eyes, same stares she always had when she had something she wanted to tell him. Accordingly, Seongwoo was actually waiting for her to say it.

Though he knows, it's all just an imagination made by him.

"Seongwoo," The soothe voice calling out for his name. He didn't realize he had been yearning for it until today, "What are you doing here?" She asked.

Still, the latter remains quiet.

"You don't have to feel sorry, you can go," The vision slowly vanished from his sight, leaving himself like a fool, standing alone in the middle of the road, with tears in his eyes.

It's over. It's really over between them.