Ok Taecyeon

"What the did I just do?" I asked myself as I stared at the closed hotel door that I let Ewon walk out of.

Junho came up behind me, clasping my shoulder "I know this was hard, buddy. I know how much he meant to you. And who knows, once this dies down...you two might be able to get back together." 

I turned from him, shaking my head "Maybe we weren't meant to be together. Maybe I was being selfish in thinking we were. He's out in the open and I'm in the shadows." maybe this was best. At least that was what I was trying to convince myself of. I thought we were playing it safe, but then who in the took those pictures?

"I'm just glad they sent the photos to me instead of some tabloid." Junho said, and I nodded.

"How did they know that you'd be here?"

"I'm trying to figure that out myself. Although, it's not like I was in hiding. I'm wondering if it's some groupie of yours that doesn't want you with a man." Junho speculated, shrugging "Not all stalkers are professional paparazzi."

My mind raced with a million thoughts and every last one of them made me want to puke. I felt sick to my stomach and my head was throbbing. I hated seeing the pain in Ewon's eyes when he looked at me. Oh God, what had I done? My heart felt like it'd been ripped from my chest and stomped on, kicked across the room, then pushed back into my body by the Hulk. I knew Ewon and I were playing a dangerous game, and I think that was part of my excitement. I also felt like I deserved the happiness he brought me and I felt good knowing I brought him happiness.

Jesus, did I just throw all that away?

"Taecyeon, I can see you're stressing, but you need to stick to your guns on this one." Junho said "You need to let him go before you two get in too deep."

I plopped down on the sofa "It's already too late for that. I love him, Junho."

There was a hardness to Junho's expression when I said that. Of course, I wasn't surprised. He'd been against Ewon and me from the beginning, but he always kept it professional and kept our secret.

He sat down on the sofa beside me "I know this hurts, buddy. But this is best. Like you said, you're living on two sides of a coin. He's openly gay, you're not. He can go on dates with guys and no one really gives a . You get caught kissing an openly gay public figure, Shane will go crazy. MMA isn't a sport that will accept you being gay, you know this."

", I know! Damn it, does that mean I have to always be alone?" I shot back. I was angry as hell. Angry at whoever took those ing pictures. Angry at the MMA sports world for forcing me to live in the closet. Angry at a society that wanted to shame two men in love. But most of all, I was angry at myself for being so damned weak!

"You have to choose, then. Once you make your decision, you stick to it. Ewon or your career, because that's what this comes down to, Taecyeon." Junho said. 

I looked at him and he was staring at me with a stern expression. I thought about how happy Ewon made me, how much I loved being in his presence, the scent of him next to me and how intoxicating it all was. I thought about how his smile could brighten my day and the sound of his laughter warmed my heart. I thought about how great it felt to be inside of him, bringing him pleasure and seeing that look of ecstasy on his face when that moment came.

Then I thought about what I'd be giving up if I chose him. Millions of dollars in endorsements. My promotion might not want to promote my fights. Other fighters would have a ton of issues, no doubt. Fans would turn on me and eventually, I might be asked to take a dive just so they could give the belt to someone manlier by their standards. These fears weren't unfounded. I didn't know of one MMA fighter who was openly gay. Also, it wasn't just me I had to think about. Junho, Jinyoung, my whole crew made money through me, too. I couldn't let them down. Maybe it wasn't meant to be, after all. Maybe I was just being selfish in wanting to keep Ewon to myself. I forced him to go back into a closet just to be with me, and for what? A few weekends of shared passion and endless phone calls? That was no life, not for either of us. Junho was right.

I looked at Junho "It’s over." I said.

Junho nodded "Then we can move on from this point." he slapped me on my knee "Let me take care of these photos, buddy. I want you to focus on your career, that's what's most important here." 

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to do my own investigation, see if anyone saw who dropped these off. In the meantime, try to get your head straight." he got up and walked out of my hotel room, leaving me alone with those thoughts I wished I didn't have.

God, I needed a drink.

It had been a week since I let Ewon walk out of my life without so much as a fight. That was seven days of me feeling like I had made the biggest mistake of my ing life. That was one-hundred and sixty-eight hours of me laying in my bed at night, holding on to the pillow Ewon had slept on at the hotel. I couldn't shake the feeling of deep regret and I couldn't help but miss him so damned much.

I sat down on the bench and let Mark, my ju-jitsu coach, tape up my hands. He didn't know I was gay, but he did know I had something on my mind and it wasn't about the MMA world.

"You okay, Taec?" Mark asked me "You don't look like you're all here."

"I've just got on my mind." I said. 

"Yeah, I bet, that break-up with Yeeun was ugly. It was all over the media. es were tripping like you broke up with them personally and ." Mark stated.

I snorted with a smirk "Yeah, I had plenty of hate mail from a few of them."

It was true, women hated that Yeeun and I had broken up. To them, it was a bruiser and Cinderella story. I wondered how many of them put themselves in her thousand dollar shoes I'd paid for. She hadn't talked to me since storming out of my hotel room that day, but her name was synonymous with mine lately. Of course, the amount of feedback I was getting for breaking up with Yeeun I knew paled in comparison for what I'd be getting if those photos were exposed.

"Yeah, well, you did what you needed to do. To be honest...and this is just between us...I felt she was too ing clingy, man. I mean, she was all over you. I like Yeeun, got nothing against her, but I just didn't see you two as a lasting couple. There just wasn't any connection." Mark stated.

"Yeah, my brother said the same thing." I replied with a chuckle as I thought about what Minjun had said. Of course, my brother called to give me his support over my break up. He said some comforting things that made me feel worse, because what he didn't know was that I did have a break up, but it wasn't with Yeeun. 

"All right, you're all taped up. Okay, it's time for you to put that in the back of your head now, Taec. I'm going to whoop your out there. I'll teach you for lowering your guard in the ring."

I flexed my fingers, making sure I could move them just fine. I put on my gloves and stood up, ready to follow Mark to the mat "I underestimated Jaxon a little."

"Which is something we've told you time and time not to do. Never underestimate your opponent. Motherers underestimate you all the time and look what happens?" he smiled as he proved his point.

I nodded "It won't happen again." I followed him to the mat and took up my position. Jinyoung sat backwards in the chair, resting his arms on the back of it as he watched us spar. Of course, he understood why I had to break it off with Yeeun and supported my decision. He also got wind of my real break up with Ewon and supported that too, especially after he saw the photos.

It was Jinyoung who urged me to cut off all ties with Ewon. That meant all social media links I had with him, just in case someone hacked my site. They didn't want any incriminating social media trails that could prove those photos real. Ewon was right about one thing, those images were blurry as . Jinyoung pointed out how that worked in our favor. You really couldn't see the faces clearly, but he didn't want to press the issue.

I hated having to cut off all ties to Ewon. I wanted to see his photos in magazines and read his articles. On several occasions, I'd ed to a photo I'd taken of him with my cell phone while he'd slept in my bed. I should have deleted the damn thing, but I couldn't. I tried several times, but could never press the 'delete' button. Ewon had been so beautiful laying on the rumpled covers. We'd shared hours of hot lovemaking and were exhausted. He looked so peaceful as he slept, too. That photo felt like the last thing I had that was ours. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. Instead, I sent it to my Google drive. At least it wouldn't be on my phone anymore.

Mark took me down easily when I didn't see the move he used to sweep my leg out from under me "What the is this, Taec? This is bull, man. Get your head in the ing game. I'm not here to play with you." he snapped as he let me up.

"I know, I'm sorry." I said as I climbed to my feet.

Mark grabbed me by the back of my head, forcing me to look at him "I know you're hurting, Taec. Channel that into your fists, bro. Make that pain work for you." he let me go and punched me in the chest in his motivational way.

I nodded and jumped up and down, trying to work that fire back inside of me. I'd given up the love of my life...quite possibly a love that I may never have again, all for my career. It was my decision and I needed to put myself into it one hundred percent. I needed to let Ewon go if I was going to move forward. The good news was, no more photos came in the past seven days, so I was keeping my fingers crossed. I shoved my pain into the closet I was hiding in and put my focus on Mark and taking him down.

"That was a great training session, bro." Mark said, slapping me on my shoulder as we walked out of the shower room.

"Thanks, man. Loved seeing you on your ." I taunted.

"I had your on the ground more, teaching you that new ." Mark bragged.

"Yeah, yeah." I said, then toweled off. We both got dressed quickly, and I walked out of the locker room, running into Jinyoung.

"We need to talk." Jinyoung said.

"I'm tired, Jinyoung, can this wait?"

"No."

". Fine." I followed him into his office and he shut the door behind me. 

"I've just gotten off the phone with the president of ETC and he's loving you, kid. The fans are loving you, that last fight drove everyone wild. It made a lot of money for the promotion, too. People want to see you fight, they want to see you win. Hell, even the ones who want to see you lose are still paying to see you fight. You're a pay-per-view draw, kid. That means you can get even more sponsorships. I was talking to Junho and he's working on a multi-million dollar deal for you with Hyperion automotive."

"Holy , are you serious?" I asked. Hyperion cars were expensive as .

"Yeah, serious as a heart attack. It's a delicate deal, he's really trying to build you up, so that's why we don't need any scandal going on with you right now. You breaking up with Yeeun isn't that big of a deal since no one knows the reason why. That's all going to blow over soon, especially when you get in the ring with your next opponent. What we need to do is get you an opponent and a feud that's really going to hype up the fans. You've got to do some talking, buddy, really pump it up, and we need to make sure you can back it up. That's why I need your head in the game."

"My head is in the game, Jinyoung."

"Good, because I'm here to make sure you succeed, Taec. I love you like you're my own son." 

"I know." he did support me no matter what. Jinyoung was telling me about an opportunity of a lifetime. I had to take it.

"Dirk Calder's been wanting a shot at you for a while, ever since he won his contender match, and now the opportunity is finally here. He's been talking a lot of , too." Jinyoung laughed.

" that , I'll wipe my with his face." I stated.

Jinyoung laughed harder "Yeah, I know...but watch out, because he has a mean right hook and his ground game is better than your last three opponents'."

"So, I'll beef up my ground game."

"And your aikido."

"That's tomorrow's training. Okay, can I go now? I'm hungry as ."

"Watch those calories, Taecyeon."

"I will." I wanted a steak - rare and spinach salad so damn bad. I gave Jinyoung a hug, then left the gym. My body was a little sore, seeing as Mark hadn't pulled his punches, and Hiko wouldn't be pulling his punches tomorrow during my aikido sparring. I drove to a favorite steakhouse of mine and ordered my food to go. When I got home, I ate and got on Twitter to look at Ewon's account. I needed to stop torturing myself, but I needed to see him.

Damn it, would I ever get over him?