sometimes, sometimes i'm scared of everything

her very own sputnik sweetheart

OOPS its been over a year MY BAD
look im not going to lie, this isnt great
but its sOMetHIng I GUESS
but tbh if there are issues w/continuity or characterisation or w/e lmk bc i honestly forget the direction i wanted this to take and idk anymore
anywho

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    The minute Sana is out of sight, Nayeon loses her composure entirely.
“Oh my god, Momo,” she wheezes, “did you see that?”
“Y-yeah,” Momo stutters, not to sure what to make of what had just happened. She looks at Nayeon, who is staring off into the distance, in the direction Sana had walked off in. Her flushed face and bitten lip make Momo’s insides sink.
“She was so close,” Nayeon whispers, subconsciously reaching for her lower lip, tugging on it as her face flushes at the memory, “she was so beautiful.”
It’s at times like these that Momo honestly wonders if Nayeon has a functioning brain. Minatozaki Sana? Beautiful? With that ugly sneer plastered on her face? Maybe one of Nayeon’s contacts fell out.
“Sure,” Momo mutters, desperately wishing for the conversation to end.
Of course, it doesn’t work out that way. Nayeon is simply too transfixed by the thought of Minatozaki Sana.
A sigh escapes her lips, along with a giddy thought, “I could’ve kissed her.”
Momo wishes she never heard that.

    “The nerve—the—the nerve of that—!” Sana seethes, “who does she think she is?”
Mina and Jihyo share a look, each urging the other to say something—anything.
Sana turns to Jihyo with fire in her eyes, and Mina breathes a sigh of relief. As Sana directs the content of her rant to Jihyo, Mina walks alongside them, lost in her own thoughts, replaying the scene from earlier. She isn’t going to deny that she was surprised, after all, who would have thought that Im Nayeon would clean up that nicely? Definitely not Sana. If Mina wasn’t bound by the unspoken code of friendship, she would have laughed at how flustered Sana had become. Angry, empty words tumble out of Sana’s mouth as Jihyo nods absentmindedly, dodging the flecks of spittle that come with her sputtering. Sure, Mina can hear her, but is she listening? No. She’s starting to think that she’s had enough of Sana’s nonsensical hatred.
“Maybe you should try to stop thinking about it,” Mina suggests, mostly for her own benefit.
Sana stares at her, anger still burning in her eyes, “fine. You’re right. I’m just wasting my energy thinking about that piece of trash.”
Jihyo and Mina share a look. Sana has some serious issues.
“Can you two get any slower?” Sana huffs, tossing hair over her shoulders as she struts to class.

    (Sana tries not to think about Im Nayeon. She tries, she really does. It used to be easier, before Nayeon changed; before she straightened her hair, before the soft pink eyeshadow, before the rosy lipstick—before she was close enough for Sana to lean in and kiss her.
“What the ,” Sana whispers aloud, appalled at her own thoughts.)

    Mina wonders if Sana has ever been happy. She feels guilty, almost, that she’s never taken any real interest in Sana as person. Surely there were some underlying issues that made her, well, Sana. But sometimes it was hard to understand. She had become so painfully unbearable lately. Mina is beginning to forget what she used to be like, starting to question how they’ve remained friends for so long. Or were they even friends at all? It would be so easy to remove Sana from her life. And maybe Jihyo too. Everything she knows about the two of them is purely superficial—always talking about people, and vice versa. Their friendship was based purely on proximity and convenience. Nowadays it’s getting less and less convenient, and more and more tiring. And this whole thing going on with Momo (and Nayeon?) just makes things even more confusing for Mina. She wonders what she would have been like if she had never met Sana. Maybe she wouldn’t be so afraid of—of what, exactly? As the days pass, more and more thoughts flood her mind, and she doesn’t know what she wants, doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t know what to do.
“Are…are you okay?” she hears Momo ask.
They’re in the library again, and Momo is sitting right in front of her, but for some reason it sounds like she’s at the bottom of a well, and Momo is at the top, shouting in at her.
“Mina?” Momo tries again.
It’s clearer this time.
Mina blinks, “huh?”
“I…I asked if you were um,” Momo bites her lip, “is everything okay? With you?”
“Oh! I—uh,” Mina feels her face heat up, “yeah!”
Momo isn’t convinced, “are you sure?”
Mina hesitates. She sighs, rubs her eyes that are tired from not blinking. Momo is patient.
“Do you ever feel like…” Mina begins.
“Feel like what?”
“Do you ever feel like just,” she sighs, “I don’t know, throwing yourself into the sea?”
Momo blinks.
Mina sighs again, “I don’t know. I think about it a lot, sometimes. About what it would be like to throw myself into the water and swim to where the sea meets the sky. Drown without dying.”
Momo doesn’t know what to say
Noticing Momo’s confusion, Mina laughs, “not that I would actually do it, I just think about it sometimes.”
A beat.
And then, “do you want to go to the beach?”
Mina blinks, “huh?”
“Do—do you want to go to the beach?”
Mina studies Momo’s expression. The earnestness is written all over her face.
“Like—the beach?” Mina sputters, “right now?”
“Right now.”

    And that’s how they end up at the beach. The air is heavy and soupy. It’s salty. Grey clouds blanket the grey water. A storm is brewing. The low rumbling of thunder makes them jump.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” Momo mutters.
“What are you talking about?” Mina grins, dropping her backpack on the sand, “the weather’s great!”
Momo cracks a smile and carefully places her own backpack next to Mina’s. Having already taken off her shoes and socks, she gestures for Momo to do the same.
“We’re—we’re going into the water?”
“Of course!”
Momo looks at the choppy waves and the darkening sky. She swallows. It’s not exactly appealing. And yet she can’t seem to find it in herself to refuse Mina’s outstretched hand and dazzling smile. She reaches out hesitantly and Mina meets her halfway. Momo doesn’t know why she blushes when their hands touch.
Soft and warm. Warm and soft. Mina sure is nice.
Mina pulls her into the water. It’s cold and sends a shudder up her spine. But it’s a nice, welcome contrast to the muggy air of summer turning into autumn and the slight discomfort of her uniform beginning to stick to her back. They stand, hand in hand, staring at the horizon. The waves at her skin gently, just above her knees. She looks at Mina. The bottom edge of her skirt is getting wet, but she doesn’t seem to notice (or if she does, she doesn’t seem to mind). It’s quiet between them. But around the the wind blows and the waves crash and the thunder continues to rumble. Momo closes her eyes and breathes in deeply the briny air. Shuffles her feet to bury them in the sand. And then Mina’s grip on her hand tightens. Momo turns her head to look at the other girl, but Mina is still staring straight ahead. She squeezes Mina’s hand. Sees a lump move in .
“I’m sorry,” Mina says, her voice as tight as her grip on Momo’s hand.
It’s Momo’s turn to swallow a lump, “what for?”
“For…” Mina almost chokes, “a lot of things.”
Something ugly begins bubbling inside. It feels like anger, but it doesn’t burn the same way.
“Are you?” the softness of Momo’s question is unsettling.
Pressure starts to build up behind Mina’s eyes and all of a sudden her chest is tight and her cheeks are wet and warm. Still, she keeps her hold on Momo steady.
“I’m sorry,” she tries again, “I’m sorry for—sorry for Sana. I’m sorry I never did anything to help you—or Nayeon. I mean I tried but it—it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.”
Momo doesn’t say anything, just takes everything in.
Wind, waves, thunder. Wind, waves, thunder.
It’s not anger; it’s different.
It’s Mina.
Soft and warm. Warm and soft. (Mina sure is nice.)

Mina feels Momo’s fingers flex in her grip, but she doesn’t let go or pull away. She waits.
“I remember,” Momo begins, “when you looked at me. When Nayeon dropped her book and Sana ripped the pages out. It was like you were seeing me for the first time.”
“Momo I’m sorry,” Mina manages, barely louder than a whisper. She finally tears her eyes away from the dark line that separates sea from sky and turns her whole body to look at the girl standing beside her, at the hand she holds. At the way quiver of Momo’s bottom lip.
Momo closes her eyes and sighs, “I know. I knew. I knew you were sorry then.”
She lets go of Mina’s hand and looks up at the sky. Thunder. Momo smiles.
“Momo I—”
“D’you think it’ll rain?” Momo stretches a cupped hand out, ready to catch the first drops.
Thunder again. And then it pours. The heavy droplets hammer at the lenses of Momo’s glasses. She laughs. Pulls her glasses off and wipes away the water on her face and smiles.
“I’m sorry too.”
Mina is bewildered, barely able to comprehend the wonder of the girl who stands before her.
“I’m sorry we didn’t meet earlier. That would’ve been nice. You’re nice, Mina.”
At that, Mina bursts into tears. Momo shoves her glasses into an empty pocket and laughs. Mina tries to hide her face as she wipes away tears and rain. She does so even when Momo pulls her gently into a hug and just holds her. And they stand there, knee deep in the ocean, Momo holding Mina, warm rain above and cold waves below. Mina calms down. Still, Momo holds her.

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saltnpaper
yo wtf....this is the same kind of angsty i used to write when i was like 13/14.........this just dont change do she........

Comments

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cosmosis #1
Chapter 5: Oh snaaap
PLAYWRA
#2
Chapter 5: mimooooo im too soft for this
PLAYWRA
#3
Chapter 4: the 'fake and true' sanayeon vibes im-
PLAYWRA
#4
Chapter 3: omg momo is in love with nayeon oopsi
Mondaylandscape #5
Chapter 5: Thank you for continuing writing it! Now I feel like reading that Murakami book
ohmymyoui
1436 streak #6
Chapter 5: That was a really touching moment between Mina and Momo, I'm glad that they finally got that off their chests.
Wivern #7
Chapter 5: Sana in denial mode. XD
Wivern #8
Chapter 4: Kyaaaa!!!
digidogu #9
Chapter 4: gasps