why is everything i write based on songs
hopefully ill end up finishing this bc ngl i dont have an ending yet lmao
also i have an exam tomorrow and idk anything about the unit oh well!! guess ill die!!

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    “Oh my god,” Sana scoffs, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she takes her seat at the table she, Jihyo and Mina share, “that blind really thought I was smiling at her. Please, honey, never in a million years.”
Mina, who has never really cared for Sana’s irrational distaste for the visually impaired, isn’t really paying attention, but humours her anyway with an absentminded question, “who?”
“Duh,” Sana rolls her eyes as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “Im Nayeon, who else? Maybe you’re the one who needs glasses here, Mina.”
Mina purses her lips, choosing not to respond to Sana.
“Well,” Jihyo says in an attempt at some kind of damage control, “who wouldn’t want a smile from Minatozaki Sana?”
Sana smiles at this, “you’re right. You always know what to say Jihyo.”
Mina has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Instead, she looks over at the other far corner of the cafeteria, where Im Nayeon sits, with her only friend, Hirai Momo. Im Nayeon and Hirai Momo can’t possibly be more different from Mina, Sana, and Jihyo if they tried. The textbook definitions of awkward, Nayeon and Momo are the laughing stock of the school, pranked every other hour (as opposed to every other day), having a whole table to themselves simply because the rest of the school refuses to even breathe the same air as them (which is impossible, so the table thing would have to do). Mina watches as someone strides past their table, making sure that the corner of their lunch tray would dig right into the side of Momo’s head as they went along. Momo simply pouts and rubs her head. Mina wonders what it would be like, to be treated like animals in a zoo or a circus, a spectacle. Then she looks at the empty expanse of their own table, wide enough for fourteen but only seating three, surrounded by schoolmates who are too afraid to even look them in the eye, who deem themselves unworthy of even breathing the same air as them, who whisper and stare and point and swoon. Mina wonders if the three of them and Momo and Nayeon are so different after all.

    If she’s being honest, Mina has no problem with Nayeon and Momo. They look harmless enough, and their only crime seems to be being so debilitatingly awkward that the entire school decided that they were fun targets. She’s sure Jihyo doesn’t mind them either. Sana’s the one with the problem. In the most objective sense, they could easily ignore Nayeon and Momo’s existence completely, because from a social standpoint, in comparison to the three of them, Nayeon and Momo were undeniably insignificant. So Sana’s raging obsession with nitpicking at everything Im Nayeon does is rather uncalled for.
“Do you think she’s ever heard of a brush in her whole life? God, it’s like a bird’s nest, her hair,” Sana scoffs.
Mina only hums impartially.
“And her glasses!” Sana continues, “what are they, cut straight out of aquarium glass? Why are they so thick?”
“Maybe she’s just that blind,” Jihyo shrugs.
“Of course she is—oh my god, there it is,” Sana performs a gagging motion.
Looking over in the direction Sana is squinting at, Mina sees Nayeon and Momo walking side by side, engaged in what seems to be lively conversation, judging by the way Nayeon is gesturing with her head and the way Momo is gripping at the straps of her backpack more tightly than usual.
“Hey watch this,” Sana says mischievously , before veering out of their original path, heading straight for Im Nayeon.
Her shoulder meets with Nayeon’s roughly, causing the stack of thick books that Nayeon is holding to tumble out of her hands, spilling onto the floor.
“Oops!” Sana says, a hand raised to in faux surprise, with that sickly sweet tone she does sometimes that Mina just can’t stand.
Nayeon drops to the ground quickly, trying to pick up her books. It’s a futile effort, as Sana presses her foot to the open leaves of the book she just so happens to be reaching for.
Raising her head up slowly, cautiously even, Nayeon is met with the sight of Minatozaki Sana staring at her with what can only be described as a sickening combination of hatred, disgust, and malice, “I—”
“Where’s my apology, Im Nayeon?” Sana asks, voice dangerously soft.
She shifts her foot ever so slowly, such that the pages begin to tear and the sound of paper slowly ripping fills the tense silence.
“I—I’m sorry,” Nayeon stutters.
“Oh, honey,” Sana simpers, “it’s a little too late for that.”
With one swift movement, Sana twists her foot and rips out at least five pages, which fly out behind her as she kicks the book towards Nayeon.
She looks straight down her nose at the insect kneeling before her, “what good are those glasses if you can’t even watch where you’re going, huh?”
Nayeon stays kneeling, her mind scattered. Sana sweeps away, prompting Jihyo to follow. Mina, who is just as shocked at what has just happened observes the aftermath: Nayeon trying to pick up her books with shaky hands, muttering to herself (something about them being library books), Sana and Jihyo walking away as if nothing had just happened, and Momo looking straight at her with the same shock. No words are exchanged, but as Mina meets Momo’s eyes, she can’t help the way her stomach sinks. Momo’s knuckles are white with the sheer force she is gripping her backpack straps. Mina opens . Maybe she would have said something, apologised even—but she’ll never know, because before she can say anything, the stillness of the scene is interrupted by a shrill “Mina!” from Sana, and then she’s moving to catch up with them.
When she turns her head to look back, Momo is kneeling down next to Nayeon, helping her pick the books. She can’t seem to shake the feeling in the pit of her belly from when she met eyes with Momo. She also can’t seem to shake the fact that she’s never noticed the way Momo’s eyes shine and sparkle behind her glasses.

    She’s known Sana for, well, forever—ever since their first day at preschool, when Sana claimed Mina as her sidekick. She remembers the day Sana pulled her away from the quiet corner she had gotten comfortable in, handing her a dressed up doll.
“You’re the only one here pretty enough to share my dolls with me,” Sana had said, with a pout and her nose upturned.
Her relationship with Sana has always been confusing. She loves Sana like a sister; Sana who tells Mina all her secrets, who protects her from undesirable situations (like that one time Yoo Jeongyeon tried to put a bug down Mina’s shirt, only to end up with a bloody nose from Sana punching her), who’s always there for her. She loves that Sana, but she’s not too sure if she loves the Sana who looks down her nose at everyone, or the Sana who prances around school like she owns it, or the Sana who sees nothing wrong with bullying poor, harmless, Im Nayeon. She supposes it’s not really her place to tell Sana what she should or shouldn’t do, after all, Sana was the leader, and Sana probably knew what she was doing. 

    (Despite telling herself this, she still can’t see anything good about terrorising another living breathing person. But what does she know? She’s nothing without Sana, really.)

    “Myoui Mina and…Hirai Momo.”
Mina finds her eyebrows shooting skywards. Momo is in this class? Sana spins around indignantly.
“What?!” she hisses, “oh my god Minari, I am so sorry you’re stuck with that…that.”
Mina looks around the class, trying to find Momo. She finds her sitting in the back corner of the class, the corner where the light has burnt out, where there may or may not be mould growing. Momo is already looking at her, and their gazes hold for a moment, until Sana scoffs, making Momo drop her head.
“Pathetic,” Sana mutters, loud enough for everyone to hear, even Momo. Pairs continue to be announced, and Sana ends up with Jihyo, as luck would have it.
Mina looks at Momo a little longer, feeling uneasiness grow inside her.
Their literature teacher continues explaining the premise of the group project, which is to be completed over the course of their two weeks of holiday, and involves each pair to analyse a novel in detail, then present their analysis in the first week back.
“Since it’s our last lesson, I want everyone to get into their pairs. I’ll be handing out a list of all the novels you can choose from, and by the end of the lesson, I want you all to have decided what novel you’ll be analysing,” the teacher continues, “it’s one pair per novel, so once you’ve decided, come and write you and your partner’s names on next to the title on this sheet I’ll have on my desk. First come first serve!”
Sana spins around again once the teacher starts talking, and people start getting up and shuffling around the room, “oh my god, she’s going to be sitting here isn’t she? Ugh.”
Mina looks at Momo, who’s clumsily trying to pack up her things, but ending up with more pens out of her pencil case than in it.
She shakes her head, “you don’t have to worry about that, Sana.
When Mina packs up her things swiftly and moves to sit next to Momo, all Sana can do is sputter, while Jihyo watches in amusement.
“Hey, Momo,” Mina says quietly as she stands next to Momo’s desk as Momo stands in and awkward half squat, trying to keep her pens from rolling off the table (rather unsuccessfully, Mina admits).
Momo turns to look at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish as she realises the Myoui Mina is standing before her.
“Can I sit here?” Mina asks, bending down to collect Momo’s stray pens from the floor, then depositing them into her pencil case.
Momo nods dumbly, still in shock as Mina takes a seat at the empty desk next to her.
“Have you looked at the list yet?” Mina asks.
Momo shakes her head.
“Well…how about we go through the titles and circle the ones we like? That way if we have any in common we can narrow it down from them,” she suggests.
There’s no response from Momo, only frantic nodding. Mina finds herself smiling at how flustered she is. She scans the list, searching for titles she’s heard of. Unfortunately she hasn’t heard of any of them, and settles with searching for titles that seem interesting enough. Circling a few on a whim, she looks at Momo’s sheet.
“You got anything?” she asks.
Momo jerks in her seat, “I—yes!”
Mina leans over for a closer look, “‘Sputnik Sweetheart’. Do you know that one?”
“N-no. I just—thought it was a cute title,” Momo mumbles as she flushes a bright red.
Mina smiles gently, “we can do that, if you want.”
“I—no—it’s okay,” she stutters, “we don’t have to—”
She doesn’t know what makes her do it, but she places her hand on Momo’s, perhaps in an attempt to calm her down (even though all it does is make Momo freak out even more), “do you want to?”
Momo nods shyly.
“Okay then,” Mina laughs, “I’ll go write our names down.”
As Mina walks up to the front of the class, she misses the way Momo stares at her in wonder. On her way back to her new seat, she sees Sana whispering disdainfully to Jihyo, all the while glaring in Momo’s direction. She sighs. Sana will definitely have something to say about this. Well, it’s not important right now, she decides.
“How do you want to do this?” she asks Momo, who almost convulses in shock.
“Um—I—the library?”
Mina mulls this over, “yeah, that sounds good. We still need the book, right?”
Momo’s frantic nodding makes a reappearance.
“Are you free after school?” Mina tries, feeling a little more daring than usual. She’s totally aware of the consequences she’ll face with regards to Sana, but she’s not too fussed about that at the moment.
Momo reels, staring at a Mina with eyes so wide that they’re almost circular, “m-me?”
“Well, who else?” Mina laughs, “wanna go to the bookstore?”
Momo frowns, eyes shifting from Mina to Sana and back, who sits on the other side of the class. Mina sees this and knows now exactly what the feeling she had in the pit of her stomach the first time she looked Momo in the eyes was: guilt. She ignores it (for now).
“Momo?” she asks again.
Momo looks at her, eyes still wide and afraid, and then, the smallest voice Mina has ever heard, “c-can Nayeon come?”
“Of course!” Mina grins, relieved (that is, until she thinks about the nagging she’ll get from Sana if she ever finds out).
Momo’s eyes shift back to Sana again, “is—is S-Sana going to be there?”
Mina’s mouth opens, closes, then she shakes her head, “oh! No, no! Just us. And Nayeon.”
Momo still looks uncertain and Mina begins to feel a little worried, “is—is that okay?”
It’s still shaky and uncertain and afraid, but Momo manages a small “y-yeah” and Mina finds herself smiling again (Sana is still glaring but Mina will deal with that later). So they exchange numbers because:
“Do you have like, facebook or anything?” Mina asks.
Momo looks a little embarrassed and shakes her head.
“That’s okay, what about a phone?”
Momo hands Mina her phone wordlessly, with both hands, and Mina receives it with both hands too. She saves her own number in Momo’s phone, and when it’s back in her own hands, Momo stares at it in awe. Mina then holds her phone out to Momo.
“Wanna put yours in?”
Momo takes it and enters her number with hands that are so unstable Mina thinks she might be having a .
Later, Mina opens her contacts, and smiles when she scrolls to ‘H’ and sees the name ‘hirsi mkmk’.

    “Oh my god, Mina. You truly are the most gracious person in the whole world,” Sana says dramatically, “I mean, to find it in your heart to smile at Hirai Momo?” I could never.”
“Yeah well, I’m just doing it for the grade,” Mina shrugs, convincingly nonchalant, even though the words don’t sit well with her.
“You’re so nice, Mina,” Jihyo agrees.
Mina wants to argue, because she’s just being a Decent Human Being™, but she knows it’s pointless, because Sana and, to a lesser extent, Jihyo are far too caught up in their ridiculous (and frankly, quite pathetic) high school drama bull to ever find sense in Mina’s points.
“Thanks,” she says.
Then Sana starts talking about some new gossip or whatever, and Mina can’t find it in herself to be even the slightest bit interested. So she sighs, then nods and hums where its appropriate. These days, she’s a little tired (of what?).

    Sana would have an aneurysm if she ever found out. That’s why Mina keeps it a secret that she’s going book shopping with Momo and Nayeon. She texts Momo to tell her to meet her at the mall after school, so they can make their own ways there, without arousing suspicion. Momo doesn’t reply, but Mina eventually finds her and Nayeon in one of the aisle of the local bookstore’s fiction section.
“Hi,” she says, a little breathlessly, because she had rushed over after convincing Sana that she couldn’t go over to ‘have a little ’.
Momo screams, as does Nayeon, and Mina jumps back in surprise.
“Oh! M-mina! I—you scared me,” Momo stutters.
Mina smiles, “yeah, I can tell.”
Nayeon watches the two of them interact, staring cautiously at Mina, holding the book she had been flipping through in front of her like a shield.
Oh. She must be afraid of me. Because I’m…Sana’s friend.
“Hi, I’m Mina,” she says gently, offering a hand for Nayeon to shake.
Nayeon’s eyes widen, then a hesitant hand meet’s Mina’s, gripping it very, very loosely, “h-hello.”
Mina’s smile widens a little when she sees Nayeon’s growing confusion.
She turns to Momo once their exchange is over, “have you found it yet?”
Momo jumps again, then shakes her head frantically, “n-not yet.”
Mina peers over Momo’s shoulder, scanning the spines of the books that line the shelf.
“Ah, here it is!” she says, absentmindedly placing a hand on Momo’s shoulder, causing her to yelp.
Momo’s heart is racing from the fear she feels. Myoui Mina in such close proximity seems like a terribly dangerous position to be in. She looks to Nayeon for help, but Nayeon’s wide eyes reflect the same fear Momo feels in the pit of her stomach. Momo gapes like a fish out of water. Mina doesn’t even notice as she reaches for two copies of Sputnik Sweetheart and heads over to the counter, looking back to see why Momo and Nayeon are still frozen in their spots.
“Are you two…okay?” she asks.
Momo and Nayeon seem to jerk back to life, stumbling around in their disorientation, bumping into each other as they follow after Mina. Mina stifles a laugh. When they reach the counter, Mina hands Momo a copy of the book, so she can pay for her own.
“U-um, Mina,” Momo stutters.
“Yeah?”
Unable to look Mina in the eyes, Momo settles for staring at the book in her hands, “I…I’m sorry.”
“Huh? What for?”
“I…” Momo winces, readying herself for some kind of violent reaction to her confession, “I don’t have any money on me right now.”
“Oh. Is that it?”
Momo looks up at Mina, who is simply smiling at her, not angry, not scowling. She feels the book being taken out fo her grasp, and Mina hands both copies to the cashier.
“It’s alright, I’ll just pay for both of them.”
Momo is unable to fathom the situation. It’s been a hectic day. The bullying she is used to. But Myoui Mina being assigned as her partner? Myoui Mina smiling at her without malice? Myoui Mina talking to her like she isn’t an abomination? Myoui Mina exchanging phone numbers with her? Myoui Mina going book shopping with her and Nayeon? Myoui Mina offering to pay for her? What in the world is going on? 
But it’s not a dream; not a hallucination. No matter how hard Momo pinches herself, there is no illusion that fades away, and Mina’s smile is as real and gentle as ever.
“Here,” Mina says, handing her the book in a paper bag.
Momo takes it with trembling hands and mutters her thanks. It’s not conventional, she knows. Usually people look each other in the eyes when they talk, but nevertheless, Mina still smiles. Something about the safety of it all is disarming and the unease is inevitable.

    The moment Mina turns her back to leave (after bidding the two of them a pleasant goodbye), Nayeon grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her.
“Momo!” she hisses, “what did you do?!”
Momo panics, “what? I didn’t do anything! What’s going on!”
“I should be asking you that! Why is Myoui Mina being so nice to us? Is this some kind of trap?”
“I—I don’t know!” Momo blubbers.
Nayeon runs her hands through her hair in exasperation, “oh my god. She’s just pretending to be nice, isn't she? There’s no way she wasn’t put up to this—why would anyone be nice to us?”
Why indeed, Momo wonders. She looks at the paper bag in her hands. A part of her desperately hopes that Mina really is as nice as she seems, but from experience, she knows that it’s nothing more than wishful thinking. The fibres of the paper bag start to separate as her palms start sweating. There’s no way out of this, is there?

    “In the spring of her twenty-second year, Sumire fell in love for the first time in her life. An intense love, a veritable tornado sweeping across the plains—flattening everything in its path, tossing things up in the air, ripping them into shreds, crushing them to bits. The tornadoes intensity doesn’t abate for a second as it blasts across the ocean, laying waste to Angkor Wat, incinerating an Indian jungle, tigers and everything, transforming itself into a Persian desert sandstorm, burying an exotic fortress city under a sea of sand. In short, a love of truly monumental proportions”

    That’s how the novel starts. Mina finds herself poring over the opening lines over and over again. A part of her wants to hold onto the words; it’s almost as if she can grasp at them in her hands. Of course, she can’t, but they resonate so deeply with something inside her that they might as well have jumped straight off the page, because she feels the weight of every word as her fingertips trace over them. And she feels them tearing open a hole in her chest that fills up with greed; it’s the same kind of love she’s always dreamed about, a love of truly monumental proportions, she repeats to herself silently. She loses herself in her empty thoughts as she stares and stares. Her heart pounds as if it’s her story, curiosity swallowing her whole, and she reads, devouring every word. She wonders if she’ll ever fall in love like that.