May 8 2018

The flight drained all of Krystal’s energy. It was the longest 13 hours of her life. And the moment she stepped out of the airport, people were already swarming around her, making her headache worst. Almost 10 years of being in the spotlight, and she still wasn't used to it.

And to think it’s only 1AM, there were still loads of fans and media waiting for her arrival. She wasn't even gone for months. It was just a few days.

“Are you okay?” Her manager asked her the moment they boarded the van that would drive her back home. Once inside the comfort of the vehicle, she let out a sigh of relief and nodded as an answer.

Finally, she can take a rest.

The drive back home was silent, save for the mellow music being played by her manager. Somehow, it calmed her down. The soft melody making her want to just close her eyes and sleep for days. But she has to wait till they get to her house.

And she didn't even wait long. Her manager was kind enough to leave her alone, not after reminding her to get straight to bed so she could rest. The entire time she was preparing for bed, she was just dragging her tired body. She couldn't wait to be reunited with her bed.

“Ahhh. Finally.” She sighed, her body adjusting to the comfort of her bed. With the temperature set perfectly, the room completely covered in darkness, she wrapped her favorite duvet around her body and was ready to be consumed by sleep.

She had no idea how long has she been out when she was awaken by the loud ringing of her phone. It rang nonstop, waking her from her dreamland. The idea of ignoring it already crossed her mind but hesitated when it didn't stop at all. Whoever it was calling her, the reason might be something urgent.

Why did she even forget to turn it on silent mode?

And imagine her surprise the moment she saw the caller ID flashing on the phone of her screen. Seeing the name as it continuously flashed on the screen, washed away every bit of drowsiness in her body.

‘Jongin calling… ‘

How long has it been since the last time she’d seen that name, calling her? How many months has it passed since they separated ways?

Almost a year now... 

For a while, she hesitated. What would she expect if she answer his call? And why was he even calling at 2:36AM?

Pushing those thoughts away, she gently slid her fingertip along the screen, accepting the call. With trembling hand, she pressed the handset against her ear, and she can feel her heart beating wildly.

As much as she hated it, she was anticipating for him to talk.

‘Soojung-ah.’ His voice was quiet, hushed, from the other line. It didn't sound like the normal Jongin who’d call her in the middle of the night. Nor he didn't sound drunk too.

But she can tell something was wrong.

‘Jongin?’

‘I need you. Soojung-ah.’ Her name slipped from his lips once again, but this time, quiet sobs followed. That panicked her, hearing Jongin sob from the other line. It was quiet, save for his cries.

‘W-What’s going on? Are y-you okay?’ She worriedly asked, already getting up from her comfortable sleeping position.

But there were no responses from him. His sobs continued, and every second she hears it, she can feel her heart breaking even more. The Jongin she’s talking to right that moment sounded so broken; in pain. And that was enough to get her worried.

‘Jongin. Talk to me. What happened?’ She pressed.

‘Hospital. Dad is here. I need you here.’ Jongin pleaded in between his sobs and that was enough to get her up. The moment she heard him say hospital, she already knew it.

‘I’ll be there.’ She hurriedly ended the call, and started preparing.

Not everyone knew about the condition of Jongin’s dad. Only friends who were close to the family knew. It wasn't a condition that can be simply ignored. And she finally understood why Jongin was crying. Something serious might’ve happened. And she can't let Jongin be alone. She knew how much he loved his dad; Mr. Kim was the sole reason why Jongin pushed so hard to be at the top. His dad helped him realize and achieve his dream of becoming a performer.

Ten minutes and she was already speeding through the streets of Seoul; she didn't even bother to dress up anymore. Putting on a hoodie over her sweater, she grabbed her keys and phone, and left her apartment. She wasn't even worried anymore about acquiring herself a violation ticket with her speed. All she was thinking of, was Jongin.

They might have parted ways already but her feelings for him remained. She still cared for him. She loved him still. And she couldn't leave him alone at such time. When he badly needed someone he can hold on to. She can't simply brush him off.

Once inside the hospital, she rushed towards the reception booth, frantically asking for directions where she can locate Mr. Kim’s room. She was lucky the nurse was nice and didn't give her a hard time anymore. She sped up the stairs, not even bothering to take the elevator anymore.

Her heart was racing, her mind in haze, thinking of all possibilities as she ran. There was nowhere else she wanted to be in; but to be with Jongin. She wanted to be there for him when he needed her the most.

For months, she brushed off her feelings. She held on to her pride and avoided him as much as she could. She was hurt and she wanted him to suffer. But she was suffering as he was. How many times have she said that whatever happens, she won't run back to him. That she’s already over him.

Deep inside, she knew herself, she’ll never get over him. Her love for him will always remain.

And there she was, running as if her life depended on her legs, wanting to see him right away.

She was already out of breath when she finally reached the 10th floor. Looking around, she searched every hallway for him. And when she finally found him, as if her world has stopped. Everyone around her seemed to fade to nothing; there was no one else but them.

“Jongin.” She was breathless. And her feet brought him to her; her arms instantly wrapping around him, her knees collapsing on her. If it wasn't for him, she would’ve fall already.

But just like before, he was there to catch her.

“Soojung.” He whispered, his face buried against the crook of her neck. That same moment, she realized he broke into tears once again. His shoulders were shaking, the warm droplet of his tears falling against her skin.

“I’m here.” Hushing him, she gently held on to his shirt, their bodies pressed closely. She wanted him to feel that she was there for him; someone he can hold on to.

They stood like that in the middle of the hallway for minutes; Jongin crying around her arms. The sound of his sobs were breaking her heart. The strong Jongin was nowhere to be seen. Right in front of her was a wrecked and vulnerable Kim Jongin; far from the stage persona they created for him. He was no one else but a child weeping for his dad. Her own eyes were starting to sting; her heart was crying along with him. They’ve been together long enough for her to be comfortable and also close with his parents. And knowing how his dad was suffering was also hurting her.

“What happened?” She asked the moment their tears subsided. They were finally seated side by side, her hands on his. They were cold, not the usual warm hands she grew familiar with.

“He was brought here the other day. I thought it was just a regular check up. The doctor said that there were already lots of complications. His medicines weren't working anymore.” He paused, heaving a deep breath. His eyes were red due to his excessive crying; his voice hoarse. “And last night, when the doctors were about to give him his medicine, he’s not responding anymore. He’s alive, but he’s barely holding on.”

The last words were said with so much pain. She can feel the heaviness of his heart. It was hard to imagine the situation they were in last night.

“I can't pretend anymore in front of them. It hurts so bad in here.” He placed a hand against his chest, his eyes tightly shut. Jongin was just trying to act strong in front of his family. It was just him and his dad. He may have older sisters but they were still holding on to him. And she couldn't blame him for breaking down like this.

“It's okay. You don't have to pretend in front of me. I know it’s painful. You can cry all you want. I’ll be here.” She coaxed him, gently squeezing his hand. Jongin needed her there the most.

“Have you slept at all?” Finally voicing out her worries, she asked him. Her ex lover looked so broken; his eyes were red, and bags were underneath them. His clothes and hair were disheveled. If she wasn't mistaken, he had schedules before he headed there.

“I couldn't sleep. I can't.” He whispered, looking down at their clasped hands. “The doctors said, anytime, he can leave.” They were both silenced by his words. She didn't imagine it would be that bad already.

“He will be okay.” And she knew she was lying. If the doctors have already said those, they both knew the outcome of it.

Silence fell upon them. Neither of them spoke. The comfort brought by his presence next to her was more than enough. And even without him saying it, she can tell it was the same for him. Her hand remained clasped in between his. Slowly, she can feel the warmth in them again. They remained quiet; no words were needed to be said.

Even when the doctors came out, with their faces crestfallen.

“Jongin. Let’s get you home first. Just take a quick rest.” Krystal pleaded, holding on to Jongin’s arm. They just finished processing his dad’s papers with the hospital and about to head to the funeral home. But she couldn't look at him anymore. Jongin was obviously tired, yet he’s trying to push himself further. And she knew better.

“I’m okay. I can't leave mom alone.” He quietly told her, even flashing her a forced smile.

“You’re not okay. You haven't slept for days. And you can't deny that.” Her hands automatically reached out to gently brush her fingers against his cheek. “You also need to rest.”

“I’ll be fine. Don't worry.” He assured her. But the more he tells her not to worry, only brings her more reasons to worry about him. “I’ll drop you off at your place. Then I’ll just ask Joonmyeon hyung to pick you up later.”

“I can't let you drive in this condition. Please. Just an hour. You need to rest too.” She wouldn't easily give up. She’d known him for so long. And it doesn't always end up good whenever Jongin pushes himself too hard.

“Soojung’s right, Jongin. You also need to rest. Even for a bit.” They both turned to the one who spoke, who happened to be Jongin’s mom. There were no traces of tears in her face; yet she was sad.

‘He’s already in peace Soojung-ah. And I couldn't ask for more. No more pain for him.’ Those were the very words she heard from the elder earlier when they came in to bid their final goodbyes. She didn't even shed a tear. But she understood why. Mr. Kim has suffered enough, and all she wanted was for it to end. Even if it means him, leaving them for good.

“Eomma-”

“We’ll be fine. Besides, your sisters are coming already. You’ve been here for two straight nights, son. And you haven't had any rest.” The elder woman smiled and turned to her. “Take care of him Soojung-ah.”

Jongin didn't even had the chance to rebut anymore. His mom gave each of them a hug before leaving the both of them.

“You heard your mom. You also need to rest. Come on.” She tightly held on to his hand and guided him out of the place. It was a good thing she parked away from the streets; they were away from prying eyes. If they get caught, media will talk. News will spread like wildfire. She didn't want that to happen; Jongin and his family needed their peace the most.

“I’ll drive. I won't let you drive in that state.” She was firm and Jongin knew he couldn't do anything to change her mind. He didn't argue anymore and silently got inside the car. Their drive back home was silent, the two of them wrapped in their own thoughts.

They reached her apartment, Jongin instantly knowing his way around. Having him back there again brought her memories of the past. Every night, Jongin would sneak inside and spend time with her. Numerous movies were played in the same TV screen sitting in her living room, memories of them just laughing over small things while enjoying the comforts of her couch; they played like an old film in the back of her head. Having him there made her feel nostalgic.

“What’s wrong?” She was brought out of her reverie when he spoke, looking at her with worried eyes. They were inside her room, Jongin sitting on the edge of the bed, while she remained standing by the door.

“Nothing. I just remembered something. Nothing important.” She brushed him off, forcing a smile. “You can take a shower. Your clothes are still in the same drawer.”

He was answered by a nod. Soon enough, she was left alone while Jongin was inside the bathroom. And her mind can't help but picture the numerous possible outcomes of that day. With a simple phone call, she came running back to him. It didn't feel like almost a year has already passed since they last talked; since they separated ways.