I straightened my shirt and smelled the bouquet of flowers in my hand. Taking a deep breath, I readied myself to enter the room where Jinri currently is. She’s getting discharged today and I wanted to surprise her and bring her back to her house. I opened the door and entered the room. Jinri’s standing by her bed, fixing it and she looked up at me, a big smile appeared on her face, “Taemin! What brings you here?” She asked as she placed the folded blanket on top of the pillow. Jiheon ran towards me, looking excited as he crazily wagged his tail. I crouched to pet him then looked at JInri again. “Surprise? I’m bringing you home.” I said, standing up and walked towards her. I extended my hand, giving her the flowers which she happily accepted. “You didn’t have to, Taemin.” She said as she hid her face while smelling the flowers. “But I insist.” I winked at her, making her blush madly. I picked up her duffel bag from the floor and offered my hand which she took and held tightly as we walk out of the room.

We make it to her house and as she opened the door, Jiheon quickly went inside and ran like crazy around the house. “He missed home, huh?” I said, laughing at the dog’s adorableness. We went inside and we removed our shoes and left it by the entrance. She gestured me to the living room saying, “make yourself at home. I’ll just go and put the kettle on the stove. I’ll make us some tea.” I nodded and went to the living room. Pictures of her as a child, with her friends, and with her dogs were displayed in a glass cabinet. I looked at them and smiled at her childhood photos. Such a cutie since birth. There’s also a photo of her in a onesie, blowing bubbles. I smiled to myself as I grabbed my phone so I can take a photo of it. It’s too cute to just ignore. As I put my phone back in my pocket, someone poked my sides, making me jump. I turned around to see Jinri with a big smile on her face. “Looking at my photos, hmm? You like what you see?” she asked, chuckling. “A lot. Especially this photo.” I pointed at that photo and she nodded. “I like that too. Very cute and innocent.” I laughed and pointed at another photo. “This is the complete opposite of that though.”

 The photo was of her laughing and holding two bottles of tequila, one on each hand. She’s wearing a y and tight corset top and what seems like black leather pants. She’s smoking hot in this photo. “What can I say? I’m someone who can do both cute and y. I can get very naughty sometimes, you know?” She laughed and winked at me. She’s gonna play this game with me, huh? “Oh, really?” I asked and I slowly stepped closer, towering over her but she didn’t move an inch and looked straight into my eyes. “How about you show me how naughty you can get, baby girl.” I said in a low voice which I know drives girls crazy but she just smirked and stepped closer to me then played with the collar of my shirt. “Don’t try me, Lee Taemin. You have no idea what you’re getting into.” She bit her lip and traced my collarbone with her fingertip. Oh my ing god, she’s so hot, I’m going crazy.

I was about to lean in for a kiss when her smoke alarm went off.  Panic crossed our faces and we ran towards the kitchen but there was no fire or anything there. The smoke alarm is still blaring and I shouted at Jinri, asking what’s wrong. She looked at me apologetically then cupped my face. I don’t understand. “Thank you, Taemin. Goodbye.” She pulled my face to hers and our lips met. She pulled away and said, “wake up, please.” And I woke up from that dream.

Jinri was still sleeping in front of me but the machine beside me is beeping like crazy and the numbers are blinking. Panicking, I ran out of the room, screaming for a nurse or a doctor to come. Two doctors noticed me and ran back inside with me. They quickly checked what’s wrong with her and two more nurses ran inside with some medical stuff with them. I’m sweating so much, scared of what’s happening. I just watched as the doctors and nurse did their thing. I heard something about the hole in her lung, not healing properly. The inserted a tube through and did some more stuff. I bit my nail, breathing heavily when the machine’s crazy beeping was replaced by a long steady beep. My hand fell to my side, my eyes wide as an owl’s and my jaw on the floor. No, no, no. She can’t die. She just can’t.

“N-no. You can’t let her die!” I yelled and tried to get closer to Jinri but one of the nurses held me back. “We’re trying our best, sir. Please stay back.” She said and I just stood there, helplessly staring at her. I watched one of the doctors kneel beside her on the bed and started pumping on her chest, trying his best to get her heart to beat again. I looked back and forth between the doctor and the screen but nothing’s changing. “No… Nothing’s happening…” I kept whispered, tears threatening to fall. The doctor stopped and got off the bed. “No…” I whispered. “No, you can’t stop! Her heart is still not beating! Get back on there!” I screamed at him but they all just looked at me apologetically. Tears streamed down my face and I dropped on my knees. “We’re so sorry, Taemin-ssi. There’s nothing else we can do.” The other doctor told me. “Please pronounce her death, doctor Park.” She said to the doctor who performed CPR on Jinri. “Ms. Park Jinri died because of a lung failure. Time and date of death: 5:27PM, 10^th of March, 2018.” Doctor Park said then he looked at me and apologized one more time before leaving the room with the two nurses. The other doctor walked towards me and offered her hand. “You might want some time with her before the nurses take her away.” I looked at her and took her hand. She helped me stand and assisted me to her bed before leaving us alone.

I held her hand against my cheek and just bawled. It hurts both emotionally and physically. I can feel my heart breaking into million pieces and it just keeps getting harder and harder to breathe but I just can’t seem to stop crying, not like I want to anyway. I rested my head on the crook of her neck, hugging her close to me. “I’m so sorry, Jinri-ah. I’m so sorry.” I kept apologizing to her, reminiscing about the times when she just smiles at me whenever I apologize to her. “I miss you already.” I whispered, still sobbing. I pulled away to look at her once again pale face, peacefully resting. I sniffed and wiped the tears from my cheek. “Well, at least you’re happy up there now.” My voice broke and I ended up sobbing again. “I’m sorry, Jinri.” I apologized one last time and kissed her now cold lips.

-AFTER A FEW WEEKS-

I grabbed the leash from the coat hanger by the door and crouched down to put it on Jiheon who is bouncing in anticipation. “Stay still! I can’t put your leash on you.” I laughed as I try to put it on him. After a few tries, I successfully put it on and we walked out of the dorm. We walked down the street and stopped by a flower shop to get the bouquet I reserved. I stepped out of the shop after getting the flowers and hailed a cab. “To the cemetery, please.” I said and we drove off.

I placed the flowers beside her gravestone and talked to her. “Hey, Jinri! Jiheon and I miss you so much so we decided to visit you today.” I smiled and looked at Jiheon who’s sitting on her gravestone. I told her how my day went and how Key hyung and Minho hyung are doing these days but after a while I ran out of things to say so I sighed. After a few minutes of just staring at her name, I decided to speak again. “I really miss you, Jinri.” Was all I was able to say.

It started to get dark so I said goodbye to Jinri and promised her that I’ll be back as soon as I can then I walked away with Jiheon trotting beside me. The cold wind, ruffled my hair then a small hat flew towards me. I caught it and looked up to see a little girl running towards me. “My hat! My hat!” she cried and I smiled at her. She stopped in front of me and pointed to the hat in my hand. “Mister, that’s my hat.” She said and pouted. “Really?” I crouched and put it on her head. “Such a pretty hat for a pretty lady.” I smiled at her and she smiled back. “Thank you, Taemin!” she said and skipped back to where she came from. I just looked at her, tears forming in my eyes. “You’re welcome, Jinri.” I whispered, smiling sadly, and a tear rolled down my cheek.