It’s been a few weeks since the car accident I’ve caused and I’m still feeling so much guilt because the woman I’ve hit is still unconscious. According to the doctors, she doesn’t seem to have any relatives here in Korea and all she has is her dog who was with her in that car during the unfortunate event and is now here in the hospital room with us. Thankfully, the dog wasn’t hurt and is now my hand.

The door opened and I saw Minho hyung walk in with a plastic of take out in his hand and some dog food on the other. The dog happily ran towards him and jumped in joy, asking for his attention… or maybe for food. Smiling widely, Minho hyung put the take out on the table and went on to open the bag of dog food to pour some on the dog bowl at the corner of the room.  “I brought Chinese food. Let’s eat.” He said, standing up and walking towards the table and taking a seat on one of the chairs and I did the same, sitting across him. We unpacked the food and started eating. “How’s your arm?” He asked. I raised my arm to show him and answered, “Still in a cast.” As I shove a dumpling in my mouth, Minho hyung shook his head, glaring at me. I swallowed and cleared my throat. “It’s uh… It’s feeling better than yesterday. It doesn’t hurt at all anymore.” I answered properly and he nodded.

As we ate, he updated me on what’s been happening with the other members and he told me how stressful his day was today. We were laughing about something that Onew hyung did when we heard a small voice from the bed behind Minho hyung. I peeked and saw the woman’s eyes slightly open, looking at our direction which made me and hyung stand up. I hurriedly went to her side and Minho hyung ran out to call a nurse or a doctor.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” I ask her, gently holding her hand. “Pretty . Why am I here?” she weakly said, chuckling. “We were in a… uh… car accident. Do you not remember?” I nervously replied and she shook her head. “I wasn’t looking at the road because I was checking a text message so I wasn’t able to see the red light and it was too late when I saw your car right in front of mine so…” I looked at her apologetically and whispered sorry. She just nodded and sighed. “Where’s Jiheon?” I gave her a puzzled look. “Jiheon?” I ask. “My dog.” She answered and closed her eyes. “Oh. He’s here. My friend bought him food so he’s eating right now.” I answer and she smiled.

The door opened again and Minho hyung was with a nurse and a doctor. They walked towards her and asked her questions and stuff. After a while, they finished checking up on her then I approached the doctor, asking how she is. He told me that although she is conscious, her punctured lungs were still healing so she needs to keep resting but everything else is fine. I thanked them as they leave the room then I went back to the woman’s side. Minho hyung tapped my shoulder and whispered to me that he has to leave because of his schedule and because he wanted to give us some private time to talk about what happened. He said goodbye to us then excused himself from the room.

Looking at her fragile body with different kinds of tubes attached from her nose to her arms, made me feel guiltier and sigh. She gently put her hand on mine, lightly squeezing it, making me look at her. “Is something wrong? Does anything hurt? Want me to call a nurse or a doctor?” I asked her those questions, obviously concerned but she just smiled at me. “No. I just want to know your name.” She said softly. I smiled back at her. “I’m Taemin. And you are?” I reply. “Jinri. I figured you’d probably know my name from the nurses or my chart.” She chuckled. “Oh, I know your name. I just wanted us to have a proper introduction to each other.” I smiled at her, looking at her eyes which are actually really pretty but I can see a hint of sadness and pain in them which made me sigh again.

“I’m really sorry, Jinri-ssi… for putting you in this situation.” I whispered to her then she squeezed my hand again. “Look at me.” She said and I did. “Don’t worry too much about it. I’ve forgiven you and now I want you to forgive yourself too.” She paused and tried to give me a big smile, making her eyes disappear into lines. How cute is that? “Maybe I actually do want to die that time. The thing you should be sorry about is saving me.” She continued, still smiling which made my heart drop. “Hey, don’t talk like that. It’s not a funny joke.” I scolded her then she looked away, her smile turning into a frown. “Who said I was joking?” she whispered but I heard her.

Hearing about her wanting to die, made me sad. How can a beautiful human being like her have such ugly thoughts to herself? I wanted to know why she thinks that way but I don’t know if it’s right for me to ask. I just kept trying to convince her about how good life is and how she should stop thinking like that but she just kept giving me sad smiles. I gave up and just looked at her face as she stares at the ceiling. I removed my hand which was on top of hers to move her bangs away from her beautiful eyes then I rested my hand on her cheek caressing it. I looked at her cute button nose with tubes by her nostrils, then my eyes moved to her pale and dry lips. I sighed and put my hand back on hers. “Jinri-ssi…” I called her and she looked at me. “Just Jinri is fine, Taemin.” Smiling, she drew circles on my hand with her thumb.

“Jinri, I don’t know why you have such dark thoughts but if you let me, I’ll do my best to show you how beautiful life actually is. Let’s get better, okay?” I said, smiling at her and she smiled back at me, slightly nodding her head. “That sounds good. Thank you, Taemin. You seem like a genuinely nice person.” She said and saw her look at the table behind me which made me remember about the food on the table. “Oh! Are you hungry? Do you like Chinese food? There’s soup there.” I asked, standing up and preparing the overbed table so she can stay in bed and eat. “Soup sounds good.” She nodded and I went to the table to get a plastic spoon and the bowl of soup. I placed it on the overbed table then I pressed the button on the side of the bed, making it slowly rise up so she can sit. She thanked me as she grabbed the spoon from the table but her hand was trembling and was too weak that she ended up dropping the spoon. I grabbed the spoon and offered to feed her. She apologized for making me feed her and then told me that the soup tastes good before thanking me.

We talked some more, getting to know each other. I learned that she’s a script writer and that she’s working here in Korea to get away from her family back at her country. She told me how she was molested by her brother-in-law, and that her family blamed her for it. When I heard about it, I was fuming and I finally understood why she thinks life is so bad. She became so depressed because of it that she started ruining her life by drinking, doing drugs and sleeping around and that she eventually got pregnant but had a miscarriage. That was when she realized that she had to get her together so she studied really hard and went to live and work here in Korea. She cried the whole time and I just listened to her pour her heart out to me as I wipe her tears from her cheeks.

After a while, she fell asleep, probably tired from all that crying. I pulled her blanket up to her shoulders and looked at her, peacefully sleeping and I can’t help but think how beautiful she is. I touched her cheek and whispered, “You’re so beautiful yet you have an unpleasant past. I hope I get the chance to change the way you see life.” And that’s when I realized that I want to protect her and make her happy. Maybe I’m starting to like her. I smiled and made my way to my bed just across hers. I looked at her one last time before lying down to sleep.