Seulgi knows she can’t blame Seungwan for all that’s happened, but it’s difficult to deny that the vocalist hadn’t played a role in all of this, in the giant mess they’d gotten themselves tangled up in.

        Seulgi’s suddenly unsure of where she stands within Red Velvet now that her whole world has gone off kilter. She feels lost without Irene’s smile directed at her, without her affections or her eyes raking over her.

        Her and Irene had always been with each other, in some sense of the word. For the past three years, they’d been together together, but even before that, when they had been trainees struggling to maintain their hope of debuting – Seulgi had been Irene’s and Irene had been Seulgi’s. Now, however, was a different story.

        Now, the older woman was clinging to Seungwan’s arm tightly, smoothing out the robust fabric of the Canadian’s blazer sleeve with her delicate fingers. With her other hand, perfectly manicured nails reflected off of the golden trophy. Seulgi allows her eyes to briefly appraise the older woman, feeling a twinge of disappointment in herself when she realizes that she’s never truly going to hate Irene for what’s become of them.

        How could she hate someone she’s loved for so long?

        How could she hate the epitome of an ethereal being, even if Irene had taken her heart and squandered it as if it meant nothing?

         Irene looks as flawless as usual, with her long black locks tousled elegantly over her slender shoulders, her face awash with a gorgeous smile. The sight reminds Seulgi of the mornings before the breakup, where she’d wake up to find their limbs intertwined and Irene’s tresses fanned out on their sheets.

        She tries to remember the last time she’d woken up with the older woman still beside her, with the shorter woman’s arm thrown across her stomach. Seulgi frowns. It had to have been at least two days since she’d started waking to a cold, empty bed.

        Swallowing hard at the thought of the nights they spent together, of Irene’s lust filled gaze and the smirk she’d always give Seulgi before diving straight in, Seulgi’s gaze flicked away. She accidentally meets Seungwan’s eye in the process, and realizes there’s something like guilt residing in the vocalist’s unreadable gaze.

        Seungwan knows what she’s done, what her role was in the treason towards Seulgi she’s committed. She has to know. It’s not as if Irene and Seulgi had kept their relationship a secret from the other girls, so Seungwan must have known.

        For a moment, Seulgi allows herself to muse over how long Seungwan must’ve been harboring feelings for Irene. She begins internally debating with herself over which one of them it was who had brought forth the dismantling of Irene’s devotion to their relationship. Which one had taken that final step, Seungwan or Irene?

         Seulgi turns away quickly. She tries to focus on the confetti falling around them, the screams of their fans, the brilliant smile Yeri’s shooting her. It’s pathetic, she knows, but she can’t help but be taken aback by how normal Seungwan and Irene are acting despite the circumstances. Then again, Seulgi reasons with herself, neither one of their hearts were broken while sorting out the matter of her own heart.

        The sounds of the cheering crowd fade away until all Seulgi can hear are Irene’s words whispered in her ear, repeating the end of their relationship in the same soft, silky voice she had fallen in love with so many years ago.

        **

        “This sort of thing happens you know,” the older woman said gently, flashing Seulgi a pitying look. Seulgi’s sitting at the foot of her bed, watching Irene pace up and down along the carpet in front of her. The door was shut, locked tightly in fear of any of the members interrupting them, and Seulgi’s heart throbbed in a slow, leaden tempo.

        If there’s one thing about Irene that drew Seulgi in, other than the older woman’s unmatched beauty, it was the sound of her voice. Back when they were trainees, they’d often call each other on the phone if they couldn’t sleep. Irene’s soothing tone would instantly lull her to sleep as they talked about the mundane occurrences in their lives to pass the time.

        Now, the older woman’s tone did anything but comfort Seulgi. But at least the younger woman wasn’t caught completely off guard by the news. She’d known there was something up between Seungwan and Irene for a while now.

        She’d had a silent inkling, a jealous flame that had sparked within her heart and set her veins aflame. But Seulgi hadn’t been sure of its cause until now. And when the time came for the truth to be revealed and she sat staring into Irene’s soulless eyes as she broke the news and there were tears dropping softly on her duvet, Seulgi hadn’t felt mad.

        She’d gazed at the love of her life, trying to decipher if she were simply dreaming or if Irene actually had just broken up with her. Irene hadn’t mentioned Seungwan’s name, but Seulgi knew. She wondered when the red-hot emotion would kick in, or if it ever would.

        To her, it seemed like the sorrowful stage of her heartbreak would never end. With every passing moment, the realization that Irene wasn’t hers became more and more apparent, and she felt as though she were drowning in her tears.

        “Sometimes…feelings change, you know?”

        That was what Irene had said, but even the way she said it made it seem as if she were offering up a deflated, sheepish apology. It made Seulgi’s stomach lurch. Nine years of sticking by each other’s side, through thick and thin, through the greatest hardships of their lives, and this was all Irene had to offer her by way of reassurance.

        Irene had tilted up Seulgi’s lowered head by pressing a lone finger underneath her chin, but instead of pressing a kiss to Seulgi’s mouth like she usually would’ve, Irene merely gave her an empty half smile. “We can still be friends, Seulgi-yah,” Irene murmurs soothingly, though her voice was cracking.

        Seulgi understood that this statement was an empty lie, and she elevated her jaw away from Irene’s gentle touch. They had to remain friends is what Irene should’ve said, but it was implied nonetheless. They had become one of SM’s leading girl groups. Of course they had to pretend to be buddies.

        You can’t go from long time lovers to friends in the blink of an eye, that’s not how emotions or life or humans worked. Friends haven’t been in love with each other for nine years, friends don’t make love to each other or steal kisses from each other before going onstage, friends don’t have the kinds of memories of each other like they had.

        She didn’t want to be just friends with Irene. She’d been looking at rings, had been planning an engagement, had been dreaming of days where she would call Irene her wife. But Seulgi didn’t say any of this. She didn’t bring up the seven year contract binding them to Red Velvet, didn’t mention the fact that there was no way Seulgi could ever escape Irene and Seungwan together.

        Rather, the younger woman studied Irene then, allowing eyes trailing over each perfect feature that made up Irene’s hardened expression, as if she were taking one last look at the person she thought she knew. “You don’t love me anymore?” Seulgi whispered, almost unable to believe it herself, almost not wanting to hear the answer but knowing she had to.

        “No,” Irene answered quickly, quietly. Her words had been full of swift certainty, making the younger woman begin wondering exactly when had Irene fallen out of love with her. Seulgi nodded slowly, still trying to figure out if this were all some sort of prank the older woman was playing on her. “Seungwan, huh?”

        She swallowed thickly when Irene’s expression flickered with surprise, as if the pair hadn’t been overly affectionate towards each other, as if there wasn’t always that doubt lingering in the back of Seulgi’s mind. The younger woman might not have been able to foresee Irene breaking up with her, but she had definitely noticed the way the vocalist and the leader had steadily grown closer and closer together in the past few months.

        “My best friend, and my girlfriend,” Seulgi murmured, shaking her head in disbelief, snorting pitifully to herself. She felt the dip of the bed when Irene cautiously took a seat next to her, felt the warmth of the woman she’d come to love almost more than life itself.

        When had their lives taken a turn towards reality TV show material? Seulgi almost felt like laughing in Irene’s face and asking where the hidden cameras were so they could joke about it together, but Seulgi knew better than to do so.

        The look Irene was giving her told her all she needed to know. “Ex-girlfriend,” Ir