Chanyeol used to daydream of him and Baekhyun dating.

Since he has never dated anyone before, he imagined it to be like those in the movies; Baekhyun will ask him out first, then he’ll confess that he has also liked him for a long time in return, until they eventually get married preferably after he becomes a licensed surgeon—or whenever Baekhyun wants, because it’s Baekhyun who’ll propose—or maybe on the day after he gets his diploma, but still, it’s up to Baekhyun as Chanyeol imagines him leading their relationship. He knows that it wasn’t that romantic, but what’s important is they are each other’s endgame. Chanyeol’s already satisfied with the idea.

Other times, his imagination gets wild (and a little angsty). He imagined situations wherein their parents disapprove of their relationship because of the rivalry between both companies (which, in real life, does not really exist). Chanyeol will end up confined in his room until Baekhyun, his prince, will climb up on his window and take him. They’ll run away, far, far away from the palace—this is better than Romeo and Juliet, he thinks to himself—and the maddening crowd (must seem like an exaggeration, but the emotion of a story is much more intense if everyone’s against them).

And don’t forget the babies—that’s the most important detail of the story. They’ll have babies. He’s a carrier so there’s nothing to worry about even if Baekhyun isn’t. He will have Baekhyun’s babies. Only he can have Baekhyun’s babies (in this story, he’s the only fertile person in the whole world). And together as a family, they’ll fight against the world until their last breaths.

Chanyeol thought he has imagined every scenario that could possibly happen and has his heart prepared, but his fantasies were nothing like the actual experience of dating Byun Baekhyun.

It has been 3 months after the school year has ended. After what happened that time backstage, Baekhyun chose to act like nothing happened on that day. They cheered for each other at the top of their lungs when one of them goes on stage, took polaroid pictures of themselves that are now taped on his wall, and ate dinner that night with each other’s family.

Chanyeol thought that he could never be more grateful for their families liking each other. However, that night was too perfect for him.

That night, they announced their relationship, hoping to hear nothing but words of disgust and disappointment from both sides as they aren’t really socially conventional. To his surprise, both their families were accepting—dare he would say, delightful, even. It may just be because of their business, Chanyeol did not really care at that point. They would have nothing to hide, and to top that, they were even accepted.

He smiles at the memory. It was like that day was meant for him. Chanyeol got everything he wanted in life with his love by his side.

If he were to describe what their relationship is like through a simile, he’d simply say that dating Byun Baekhyun is like the soothing effect of antihistamines to allergic reactions (because he at literature like that). Although Chanyeol is always full of himself like what others—Baekhyun—say, he is just another human with insecurities. There are also times where he thinks he’s not good enough, or that he doesn’t deserve any of what he has right now. Hell, he’s even insecure with the way he looks from head to toe. Are his ears really that big? Is a double layer of belly disgusting? Is a person weird if he’s bowlegged? Is his smile really creepy?

He became more conscious of how he looks and of the way he acts when he started dating Baekhyun that there came a time where he couldn’t take it anymore and started crying. But Baekhyun was there; he held him close as he peppers tiny kisses onto his face while wiping his tears and to Chanyeol, that was all he ever needed to feel wanted. However, Baekhyun, the angel that holds his heart as if it was something so special, doesn’t stop there.

“These almond-shaped orbs right here are so pretty. They help my love see all the things he loves in the world that he is deserving to have and I am the luckiest man alive to always have them on me.” Baekhyun would say as he wipes the tears that have fallen under Chanyeol’s eyes. “I will always be willing to be pulled in by the vortex of the galaxies within those eyes.”

“This nose that scrunches cutely whenever you feel giddy is so pretty. It helps my love to smell his favorite part of his morning that helps him start the day with a smile: coffee!” Baekhyun would say as he traces from the bridge to the tip of Chanyeol’s nose. “I love kissing it too! My giant bunny, you are so pretty.”

“Ah, who wouldn’t fall in love with these?” Baekhyun would say as he grazes his thumb over Chanyeol’s lips, staring a little—a lot longer than usual. “They help my love taste happiness hidden in the food that he loves.”

Baekhyun would then lean closer and touch his lips with his. “I hope you taste both happiness and love on mine.”

Baekhyun would then continue to praise every part of his body that Chanyeol is too insecure to show the world, kissing them as if he worships Chanyeol until they spend the whole time together with him being filled with love in places he will only show Baekhyun.

Chanyeol vows to do everything he could to be enough for Baekhyun, however, he can’t do that now. But he promises to be the man that Baekhyun can be proud of after all of this. Chanyeol promises to be his Dr. Park.

They were still young, but he believes—he knows—that the measure of these feelings they have for each other is not defined and limited by their youth; Chanyeol knows that these feelings they have for each other are beyond the foolishness that comes with their age. He knows that it is something more.

What they have for each other isn’t just a pretty feeling. It is willing to understand and willing to sacrifice.

They were still young, and so Chanyeol asks for Baekhyun’s love to be free. Chanyeol asks for Baekhyun to understand that he would have to sacrifice the time they would share being with each other because he is close to reaching the first part of his dream.

They were still young, but Chanyeol is so sure that what he has with Baekhyun is love.

“Oink oink, is my Chanyeol in there?”

He was brought back from his train of thoughts when he saw slender fingers snap in front of his face. Baekhyun pouts at the confused look on Chanyeol’s face, pointing at the mug placed on the table. “Your coffee’s getting cold.”

“Oh, um, t-thanks.” Smiling shyly at Baekhyun, he takes a sip of his coffee, both hands encircling the mug to warm his hands as he stares out of the coffee shop’s window because he couldn’t meet Baekhyun’s eyes. There weren’t much people outside, which is understandable since it’s too early in the morning for the streets to be busy. He didn’t really know how and why he was sitting at a coffee shop at 4 in the morning, half asleep, with his boyfriend sitting right in front of his yet-to-take-a-shower-but-was-suddenly-pulled-outside-by-a-byun-baekhyun self.

Chanyeol silently laughs at the term. Half asleep? He calls himself half asleep with all those thoughts running in his head?

Boyfriend? Yes, Baekhyun is a boyfriend. A really great one at that.

But is he? Did Chanyeol even do something worthy to be called Baekhyun’s boyfriend?

“I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol was fast to turn his head towards Baekhyun, “Huh?”

“I… really have plans for this day but…” Baekhyun sighs and he felt an aching tug in his chest at the deflated look on the former’s face. “Yeah, this is ridiculous. Want to go home?”

“No.” Chanyeol shakes his head and reaches Baekhyun’s hand that is placed on the table. “If my Boinky wants this day for himself then I’ll be by his side until da—“ Until dawn, was what he wanted to say, “–until this day ends.”

Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol because he knows. He knows that Chanyeol couldn’t stay until dawn even if he actually wanted to. He thinks that the man sitting in front of him is too cruel. Chanyeol was the one who always has more to say.  He was the kind of person who always speaks his mind, especially to Baekhyun, because he was pure-hearted like that. Chanyeol was honest in everything he does that sometimes it has Baekhyun worried that people might want to play with his heart.

Back then when he was still getting used to Chanyeol’s presence, he wanted the boy to stop talking as it hurts his ears. Looking back now, Baekhyun didn’t know that it will hurt this much now that Chanyeol has not even uttered a single word.

When is Chanyeol planning to tell him that he will be leaving tomorrow?

Baekhyun doesn’t know what it is exactly that he’s feeling right now because he doesn’t want to know—because Chanyeol wouldn’t hurt him. Whatever reasons he may have for choosing to hide the fact that this will be his last day with him surely isn’t because Chanyeol wants to leave him with his heart breaking.

Chest aching and heart hurting, Baekhyun wants to trust his Chanyeol today. If he really is leaving tomorrow, then he has to make the best out of this day with Chanyeol. He will make it feel like a thousand dates compressed in one. He will seize the time he has left with Chanyeol.

“You’re mine until this day ends.” Baekhyun tries to lift up the mood.

“And until tomorrow ends.” Chanyeol adds, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.

“And until my life ends.” Baekhyun continues, vision blurry due to reasons he denies to know.

Chanyeol nods. “And until my life ends.”

*

“What in the chaebol Byun Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun grins and Chanyeol can imagine a tail wagging furiously behind his back. “Do you like it?”

Chanyeol blinks his eyes a few more times to completely adjust to the brightness of the neon lights hanged everywhere. Baekhyun insisted on blindfolding him as they drove to their destination because he said he was shy, which was hard to believe for Chanyeol because really? Can you even put the words “Baekhyun” and “shy” in a single sentence? You can’t. Baekhyun is a quiet person, but that’s because he is either judging you from head to toe or murdering you in his mind.

“…do I like it that you did not just rent a mall for the whole day, but decorated it too early for Christmas and Valentine’s day?” Chanyeol answers as if Baekhyun just asked a stupid question, but felt his heart melt at the sight of the pink dusting the smaller’s cheeks. “Of course, you idiot. I like it.”

Baekhyun is still facing his side so he continues, “I like everything you do.”

His face lights up and Chanyeol swears that the sparkle in Baekhyun’s eyes shines brighter than the artificial lights surrounding them. He would love to see more of it—of Baekhyun being his light.

“I…” Baekhyun sheepishly smiles as he scratches his nape. “you said you have always wanted to go to the mall without your guards following you behind so…”

“I love it, Baek.” He reaches for Baekhyun’s hand, intertwining his fingers with his. I love you. “You don’t have to worry.”

“Do you?” Was what Baekhyun answered. Do you love me too? “Okay.”

Chanyeol understands, and so he pulled Baekhyun close because he doesn’t know how to make it better with his words. He pulled Baekhyun close that his fingers were digging onto the latter’s sides, trying to engrave this feeling on his mind—trying to make it last for a couple of years to help him survive on the road he will take tomorrow.

Baekhyun places a chaste kiss from where his face is buried on Chanyeol’s neck because he also understands, and he will continue to leave his heart out on the road without Chanyeol until the day he decides to come back home and keep it in his hands.

Baekhyun pulls back from the hug and held out his hand, not minding the chorus of cheers from the mall employees that broke out around them. “May I take you out on an adventure, my king?”

“You always may, my prince.”

That was how Chanyeol spent his last day in the country. Baekhyun first took him to his second favorite place in the world, the bookstore (being enclosed within Baekhyun’s arms now goes first). They left colorful notes with words of encouragements and positivity inside random books for the future readers to see; him being the one who writes as he sits inside the cart and Baekhyun being the one who pushes the cart while asking him random questions out of boredom because Baekhyun can only write and draw insults.

“Hey Oinky, what’s your favorite number in the fan?”

“Hey Yeollie, what’s your favorite multiplication number? Mine’s 7 times 7.”

“Hey Chanchan, if cannibals were to eat a clown will it taste funny?”

“Hey Smartpants, why can’t we spell creativity however we want?”

“Hey Chanyeori, would you date me if I was a worm?”

Baekhyun continued blabbering until Chanyeol finished his 20th book and announced that he will die if he doesn’t have a plate of tonkatsu in ten minutes and Baekhyun was fast to push him out of the store without even letting him get down from the cart. Baekhyun fed him his favorites, from meals to desserts while being attentive to every mess he makes until it’s hard for him to breathe.

Baekhyun also brought him to arcades, playing every game in there, wiping his back with a towel when he sees Chanyeol’s sweat seeps on his shirt. They watched a movie as well. Chanyeol came out of the cinema with his eyes puffy and nose running as he can still feel his heart hurting from the movie while Baekhyun came out with his stomach full of tacos and popcorn.

What Chanyeol liked the most was the ice skating rink specifically requested by Baekhyun to be placed inside the mall. He hasn’t tried that in his whole life, and Baekhyun was there to pick him up and guide him (while laughing) until he manages on his own. Chanyeol loves it, seeing that rectangular smile that makes butterflies wreak havoc in his stomach and hearing that laugh that Chanyeol thinks is what dripping honey would sound like if it was a voice.  

If Chanyeol will be asked what his favorite part was, it would be being babied by Baekhyun. Baekhyun looks like he will not bow his head to anyone but he was quick to respond when it comes to Chanyeol’s requests. He likes it. He likes it so much he’s afraid he couldn’t live without it for the next years he’s away from Baekhyun.

They were now both inside Baekhyun’s car, parked outside Chanyeol’s house as he drove him home after their long date. Baekhyun hasn’t unlocked the doors yet and Chanyeol knows that he’s waiting for him to tell him something.

“Chaeyoung told me.” Baekhyun starts, voice sounding so serious that it made Chanyeol uncomfortable because that tone was never directed to him before. “When were you planning to tell me, Yeol? Or am I really supposed to know it just like that? Through your sister?”

“I—“ Chanyeol musters up every ounce of courage he has in his body as he speaks. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t have the heart to.”

That was true, but it wasn’t the real reason. He was waiting for Baekhyun to stop him because he will cancel everything with just one word from Baekhyun. He just needs one reason that will pull him back here.

He still hopes until this time that he wouldn’t have a flight tomorrow.

Stop me, he pleads with his eyes because he knows that Baekhyun will read through him.

Chanyeol wants to think that Baekhyun misunderstands him this time because he answers, “Don’t take too long.”

He feels his heart stop.

Baekhyun was letting him go.

“You have to come back to me, Dr. Park.”

Chanyeol nods and tears fall out of his eyes as he regrets asking Baekhyun’s love to be free.

“I will.”

He leans in and kisses Baekhyun for the last time.

“I will come home.”