‘hey chanyeol hey chanyeol hey chanyeol are you still up??’

Chanyeol slowly flutters his eyes open to check his phone, confused, attempting to blink the sleep away and process the fact that he was woken by the audacity of Byun ing Baekhyun to text him in the middle of the night. It hasn’t been long since he has fallen asleep because of what happened earlier which keeps repeating in his mind.

Ah, that…

He bits his lower lip and stares at the ceiling, raising his arms to hardly tap the sketchers Baekhyun hanged on it that illuminates his room at night as he tries to prevent the wide smile he feels crawling up on his face. It felt like a dream. Baekhyun has always been within an arm’s reach as Chanyeol never left his side, but it felt like a dream to finally have Baekhyun in his arms. It was something that he never thought would happen. He was never the ideal type. He doesn’t have any talent to show off. He sounds like a 74-year-old man with thick mucus stuck in his throat whenever he sings. He looks like a mess of uncoordinated limbs whenever he dances and he probably steps over his other foot more than he gets the dance steps correctly. Also—oh, no, Chanyeol doesn’t want to admit this—his drawings look like they were drawn by a (blindfolded) middle school student. He isn’t conventionally attractive too. His ears look like they can make him fly and his smile just isn’t… pretty.

Chanyeol slightly winces at the fact that he doesn’t have much to offer. But it’s okay, he thinks, he has Baekhyun now. He probably saw something in him that made him stood out amongst the sea of people wishing to have Baekhyun. He might have made him feel something he has longed so long to feel.

He exhales lightly, finally not hiding the smile drawn on his face. Chanyeol wishes to be the missing piece to complete the impossible puzzle that is Byun Baekhyun.

Now completely awake, Chanyeol directed his eyes back at the text message he received from Baekhyun. He misses Baekhyun.

‘i am now,’ and it’s because of you, he thought as his heart skips a beat, ‘guess why <33’

Chanyeol’s smile can probably rip his face in half as Baekhyun quickly replies.

‘is it because of the blanket?’

His lips slowly positioned themselves in a pursed manner and he blinks. What?

‘you know, ive always wondered,’ Baekhyun sends again even without getting a reply from him, ‘how do u sleep at night when ur blanket cant cover u from ur shoulders to ur toes’

He stares blankly at the timestamp of the text. He knows he wanted Baekhyun with all his heart, but he also knows that he didn’t sign up for this: lying awake at 3 o’clock in the morning, nerves racking with anger as he tries to ask himself why is he awake for a blanket.

‘excuse me what’

‘nothing! hehe i just missed you’

Chanyeol laughs. He laughs because it feels all fuzzy inside, from his stomach to his chest to his nape to the back of his ears. He laughs out loud because the feeling in his chest was overwhelming and he didn’t know how to handle it because the heavy feeling in chest that he gets before when Baekhyun seemed so unreachable now moved to his stomach as it felt like a thousand butterflies lurking around and up to the back of his nape. He laughs because it felt like the butterflies were wanting to get out of his body as he can feel them in sitting in his throat, spreading a warm feeling which painted his cheeks with red.

Chanyeol laughs and it sounded more like a cry. He wants to feel more of this. He wants Baekhyun to miss him more. He wants Baekhyun to want him more. He wants Baekhyun to love him more.

A tear blurs Baekhyun’s recent message as it drops from Chanyeol’s left eye. He is slowly starting to have everything he wants, and he knows that getting the first thing he wanted will make him lose the first thing he had.

‘oink oink are u still there? did u fall asleep? hope u did. stretch ur neck a lot when u wake up bc u’ll be getting everything u deserve tomorrow! congrats, my number one!’

How Chanyeol wishes he had only fallen asleep because it does feel like a dream. It was a moment he didn’t want to end—it was a moment he never wanted to end. He hasn’t even started this new chapter of his life with Baekhyun yet and it already felt like it was nearing to an end and Chanyeol knows why and how he wishes that he didn’t.

Tomorrow will be his first day with Baekhyun.

Tomorrow will also be his last day with Baekhyun.

Chanyeol laughs and it is now accompanied with tears. For the first time in his life, Chanyeol doubted what it is that he really wanted the most.

***

For Baekhyun, today was the only Monday the he finds acceptable.

He has always hated Mondays. For some, Mondays seem to represent beginnings as people see it as the start of a new week. He didn’t understand that positivity, as weeks actually start at Sunday. For him, it kind of represents endings for the lame reason that his Mondays mean that Saturdays and Sundays—his short-lived leisure time—have passed.

Baekhyun has always hated endings, whether or not they happen in good terms. He hated it when his favorite music stops playing, when his favorite series is ending, when he is about to finish a game, when he finishes his food, and when he and Chanyeol has to go home when the day ends. He doesn’t want much in life, but he doesn’t want the things he wants to have an end.

Today was the only Monday that he finds acceptable because, although this day marks the end of the school year because today, he started his day with Chanyeol in mind. Today, he started his day with a good morning text from Chanyeol.

Today begins his first day with Chanyeol.

Maybe Mondays were beginnings after all.

Baekhyun chuckles as Chanyeol crosses his mind again this morning. He wouldn’t be able to pick Chanyeol up from their house and go to school together like their usual routine as they will both have to go with their parents today. It has been an hour since Chanyeol last texted him as the latter has to memorize his speech.

“Tsk,” he whispers under his breath, “always the overachiever.”

Baekhyun looks at the swarm of people gathered around the four corners of the small function hall, eyes searching for the tall man with cute ears as he scratches his stomach underneath his graduation gown. Ah, these type of clothes were never comfortable to wear. He wonders if Chanyeol is comfortable with his.

As if sensing his concerns, he receives a text from Chanyeol.

‘backstage, boinky!’

Baekhyun was quick on his feet, taking two steps at a time to see his giant of a baby.

His. He has always thought that possessive pronouns were lovely when used in a different manner than their usual purpose. He realizes now that they are even lovelier when you have the right to say them in the way you have always wanted to.

“Mine…” Baekhyun tries, smiling at the nice roll of the word off his tongue. He likes it. He likes the word so much.

He likes Chanyeol. He likes Chanyeol so much.

Baekhyun felt as if his heart stopped as he spots his man, who is effortlessly being beautiful as he paces back and forth while chewing on his lower lip nervously. Chanyeol seems to be wearing light makeup, accentuating his features even more, making Baekhyun question himself how the did he get so lucky to be chosen by the handsome man standing in front of him.

Chanyeol doesn’t seem to notice the newcomer and sits back in front of the mirror, face illuminated by the light coming from the frame, showing his attempt at practicing what expressions he would wear during his speech later. It isn’t long before he sees Baekhyun’s reflection at the corner of the mirror.

“How long have you been standing there?” Chanyeol’s face instantly lights up, standing up from his chair and walks towards Baekhyun.

Ready to welcome Chanyeol with open arms, Baekhyun answers, “Long enough to see that you have that one smile reserved only for me.”

Chanyeol halts, not knowing which emotion to feel first. His heart stops the same time it skips a beat because it both hurts and feels good to see Baekhyun standing there with his arms wide open as if telling him that his home is right there in front of his eyes; that he doesn’t have to make the place he will pursue his dream at to be his home because his home is right there in front of him built with arms that will make him feel warm and safe and a heartbeat that will calm his restless mind.

It feels so good to see Baekhyun completely opening up to him with an embrace, and it hurts that it may not happen again if he knew that Chanyeol will be choosing a different home later when he chooses his childhood dream than him.

Baekhyun slowly puts his arms down as he notices the expression in Chanyeol’s face. The smile reserved only for him wasn’t there. “Is there something wrong? Do you not want thi—“

Chanyeol runs towards Baekhyun and hugs him as tight as he can, savoring the chance he has that might be his last. He wants this. Of course he wants this, God knows how much he wanted this since the day he saw Baekhyun helping a cat climb down from a tree at the park. He wanted this so much but he couldn’t help his greedy self to ask for more.

He buries his face within Baekhyun’s neck as he whispers, “I want this. I want you. I want you so much.”

Baekhyun chuckles and his embrace loosens, knowing what Chanyeol is about to say next as he gets a peek of the thing poking his left hip from Chanyeol’s graduation gown.

An envelope.

“And you can’t want both…”

With English letters.

“…right?”

Baekhyun removes the hands clawing on his gown and he steps back, releasing a hollow laugh at the thing that went on his mind for a second. How could he possibly compete with a childhood dream?

Chanyeol looked so lost and Baekhyun wanted to pull him in his arms again yet he knew that the moment Chanyeol hesitated to walk towards him was the moment that he lost.

“Congrats, Yeol.”

Chanyeol watches silently as Baekhyun walks away, falling to his knees after seeing the latter close the door behind him, and he wonders if opening the new door he has always dreamed of is worth leaving the home that just had shut its door in front of his eyes.