It all started few years back when the semester had just begun.

That was the first time Joy had seen her.

A Pale Girl with cute strands of bangs covering her forehead.

Few days ago the news of a beautiful newcomer in their class was spread like a buzzing bees. Joy was used to such a plain commotions, she didn’t even seem to care at all.

A week passed and one morning their homeroom teacher walked in with a petite girl tailing behind. At that time Joy had no idea this girl would be a part of her journey. Embarrassed and a little flustered the girl introduced herself in front of them all.

Wendy.

The first impression Joy got was how pale that girl looked. Joy wondered if she was even eating well. But her secured footsteps made Joy realize that this girl was strong, enough to even beat her. And surely, at their gym class that girl was able to equalize the male students and beat all the girls, including herself.

That's when something funny inside started to affect her. Because without her knowing wherever and whenever the girl was, her eyes unintentionally followed.

Within weeks the girl introduced herself to Joy, a bit stuttering. Joy thought maybe this girl was a bit scared of her. It’s commonly known that Joy would always appear cold and difficult to approach because of her constant flat expression. She couldn’t do anything about it though, she simply didn’t know how.

As time went by, Joy learnt that Wendy wasn’t an introvert like she thought would be. With chirpiness and tenderness Wendy took her to see new things.

The longer she got to know Wendy, something was getting fishy. Just from the way the girl looked at her, the way the girl treated her, even the way the girl gave out her authentic smile. All the things that Wendy did seemed more atypical, felt more intense. Joy let it slip nevertheless.

She’s not a fool who couldn’t recognize hints Wendy always gave. She never missed even a slightly bit of Wendy’s movements and words. How the girl arched a smile as if Joy was the most precious thing when she laugh. How the girl looked frantic when Joy was injured during sports. And the way she looked at her from afar, not knowing that from the corner of Joy's eyes, she was watching her too.

All Joy's suspicions were confirmed when the girl asked her to meet at one late afternoon.

The taller girl lazily tried to get up –cause she didn’t want to look rude-, wearing plain shirt and went to see the girl who had been waiting for her under a tree with fallen leaves flying around. Seeing the scene, for the first time in years Joy said,

“Cute.”

Only enough for herself to hear.

Joy walked over to Wendy who slightly flinched. A small box was shaken in a shuddering embrace of her fingers. The hunch came back to Joy and she became more assure the time Wendy began to speak her lengthy rant while occasionally biting her lips, a sign of her nervousness. And Joy almost pitied the girl when that pale face grew even paler as she uttered what she’d been feeling inside,

“Will you...” Joy could see how that hand was shaking greatly. Then she looked at Wendy's eyes, turned to the box and went back to those eyes again. For a moment she’s scared of what was going to happen,

“...accept this heart that’s full of wishful thinking about you?”

She could no longer hide her fear. Joy’s aware that Wendy obviously saw pile of uncertainties she was facing. She looked back at Wendy's trembling hands, her pale face as if blood had stopped flowing in it. So Joy's heart swelled in pity, maybe right now the feelings wasn’t there yet but loving this girl didn’t seem to be that hard. Seeing those tiny lips losing its rosiness, Joy reached out for that chocolate.

She brushed aside the doubts in her heart, she pushed off her selfishness and she prayed. Hoping that what she did next, what her answer to Wendy would not be a mistake.

“It's bitter” she commented,

Just like my heart

“Ah-uh sorry, I don’t really know how to make it.” The girl confessed, “Uhm, so, does this mean...”

“I already ate your chocolate though.”

I hope everything’s going to be fine

Joy froze as she felt the warmth of pale lips touched her cheek, giving her a kiss,

“Thank you” said Wendy

I hope our hearts are going to be just fine.

***

Joy shot awake as she felt a warm thing touching her forehead. For a moment she gasped and all the beauty in her dream vanished when the first thing she saw was that face.

The pale girl she unfortunately called girlfriend.

“Morning...” Wendy smiled at her

She glanced at tray on the table and breathed heavily. It would always be like this every morning. Joy believed that shortly this pale girl would start baby-ing her in annoying way. And sure enough, at once, a small piece of bread was already in front of her lips with Wendy telling her to open them, “Say aah...”

Joy snickered, she’s so uncomfortable with all this thing she received for almost a year. She’s getting tired of it. Thus she brushed off the girl's hand, “I can do it myself.”

Maybe this girl’s just too stupid or else already immunized to her growing rage when what she did instead was kissing Joy's lips that splattered with chocolate and then run off the room, laughing.

Joy threw out her spoon and yelled angrily. She wanted to slam the tray down and tell that pale girl she didn’t like the way she treated her. She wanted to tell her that all this time she was just pretending. She wanted to tell her that it was all just a lie, it was all just a mistake.

Nothing like her earliest hope

But it was already too late ever since she accepted her request to live together. The real disastrous mistake she ever made. She felt imprisoned.

And here they were now,

In a fake closeness,

...that's what Joy thought.

***

“Baby, come on. The movie is at 6.”

A knock came from outside the bathroom. Lazily –not to add, a bit annoyed- she opened it while answering to the pale girl. She refused to even to look at that face for a moment. She kept on walking while Wendy continuously taking down her patience with her lengthy rant,

“I said I know!”

Her face was all red from anger though what happened next was a kiss that landed on her cheek instead. Then the pale girl stiffened as she drool watching that heavenly body. Joy laughed silently, no doubt that she had a perfect-scored-body

“I still can’t believe that you are mine” Wendy said

Her mocking face was obvious but the pale girl seemed unaware. She replied to it injecting sarcasm in her words, “And I can’t believe that I'm yours too.”

As they went on a date, Wendy would always tell her to do this and that. The pale girl would pull her hand to follow her, would tell her to wait while she bought a snack, would choose what movie for them to watch. Joy didn’t even have chance to voice her thoughts when that petite girl pulled her to booths.

They would always, note that, always go to places the pale girl liked and order a melon sorbet. Joy was still upset over the fact Wendy found out her favorite dessert. Favorite didn’t mean to always make it a choice every single time, almost as if forbidden to order her own likings.

So she poured out her stifled anger. She slammed her spoon and raised her displeased voice to the pale girl. In order for the girl to know that she absolutely had no right to manipulate what Joy want or need. Words of apology slid out of the girl but Joy seemed to have shut her heart for she once again slammed the spoon and said,

“Just eat that yourself!”

...and the pale girl obeyed.

***

Being attracted to someone wasn’t really her thing as well as being a conversation starter. All those main beliefs were betraying her nonetheless when a beautiful girl offered to pay for her drink.

Blame her silly lack of memory to bring her wallet until she realized it was nowhere to be found after ordering drinks at a cafe, Joy frantically d her whole body and pulled out unnecessary things from her bag. The impatient look of people who had been queuing for long made her stammering more.

“It's on me.”

A voice’s suddenly caught by her auricular, blown melodiously thorough her meatus. Joy lifted her head to find a girl wearing enormous shades, slightly taller than her, talking to the counter girl while taking out some cash to pay for their drinks. Without a word, the girl went to some table leaving Joy stunned with that drink in her hand.

Like a fool Joy followed her,

“I'll pay you back later” said Joy.

The pretty girl lowered her shades a little, looking at Joy from head to toe as if to judge her. Satisfied with what she saw, she boosted a smile arrogantly that stirred Joy’s heart weirdly at the same time.

“Pay it with your body.”

“Huh!?” Joy thought she had misheard it.

“Come with me tonight then we're even” the girl wrote something down on Joy's coffee cup.

“Hey, I think you mistaken something. I don’t play with the likes of you nor I-”

Suddenly the girl stood up to slip a coffee back in her hand and Joy almost flied when a delicate finger touched her lips to keep her silent thus that amusing smirk reappeared. Her face was close, too close to hers. She could feel the warm breathing was teasing and she was shut off,

“I'll be waiting...”

The girl gracefully walked away before turning back and saying,

“It's Gayoung anyway, the name.”

And she’s gone, leaving Joy in disbelief with the strange encounter. Her brain seemed to respond in its own when she unconsciously spoke, answering the girl,

“Joy...”

Came out as a useless murmur since the pretty girl had disappeared from her, as her consciousness came back, she shook her head then paid attention to an address written on her coffee cup. Her legs went jelly-ish, she placed her hands on both sides of table for support as she breathed –hardly- to release thunderous ecstasy in her chest,

. What just happened?