It's been a few days her mind’s haunted by a certain pale girl. Really, she did try to shrug off the girl's shadow, she really tried, but what could she do if the smallest things could even trigger her memory to think of the girl?

Just simply by looking at the corner of her room, Joy would remember the memory of her. Just simply by going a restaurant, Joy would remember what that girl's usually ordered. Just simply by looking at the main door of her house, Joy would remember how she disappeared from her life.

These thoughts were also followed by the latest commotion where another girl was now faithfully standing by her side. She would sometimes imagine, she would sometimes ponder about bunch of what if’s,

What if it was her the one to stand by her side? What if it was her the one to cause her genuine smile? What if… she never let her go?

The ironic thing was she got all those chances but she blew it.

This eventually affected her relationship with Gayoung.

Every time Gayoung asked her to go out, Joy's attention was dispersed from her. They were so close yet so far, they were like in two very different worlds. They were together, but not really together. It was just a matter of time till Gayoung figured it out.

Sure enough, right now, when they're going on ‘a date’ at this place –the one Gayoung would call a dim dining but Joy knew better- nevertheless she still agreed to go though she knew the thumping music would eventually get to her nerves and all those s trying to hit on them. She let Gayoung enjoy the time with her who’s more like a fellow drunk buddy –or sometimes a driver to take drunken Gayoung home- than a date. She let it be, Joy no longer cared about label or putting names on their relationship that stuck and never moved.

Seemed that after few nights, Gayoung spotted her change of behavior, aware that something had distracted Joy’s attention from her,

“Come on, Babe. Let’s enjoy the night together.” Gayoung offered her a glass that’s no doubt was alcohol. Sometimes Joy was at lost for words, how could this girl be so addicted to liquor? “Take a sip, take it, take it!”

“No.” Joy brushed her hand away.

“Oh you're no fun! Come on, just one gulp and I promise you’ll feel the beauty of the world!”

“I said no!”

“Okay, what's wrong with you? Come on, just a shot!” Gayoung forced her,

“I think you're the problematic one here. You've been too addicted to these drinks, you should stop.”

“I should stop!? You're the one who should have stopped!” All of a sudden the girl raised her voice, “You think I don’t know what's distracting your mind these days? It’s your ex, isn’t it!? You should just stop thinking about her!”

“Enough, I don’t want to argue in here.” Joy tried to be the better one.

“You don’t have to lie, it's so obvious after we met her that last time, you are such a mess!”

“I said enough.”

“Why? Are you sorry for ending it? Do you miss her now?” Gayoung jeopardized her, “After what you did to her, after you the one who dumped her,” One brow arched in a mocking sign “…do you still think you deserve to be with her?”

“STOP IT, WENDY!!!”

They both fell silent. Joy closed tightly, her lips forming a thin line for her unable to argue again,

Whilst Gayoung nodded her head, her face changed, “I knew it. You're thinking about her.”

Joy just stayed still without wanting to explain anything or trying to persuade Gayoung. ‘Cause that what it really was, she indeed had been distracted. It was true their last encounter had been disturbing her mind, her life and there’s nothing else she could think about but her.

Her silence only worsened the situation, “You don’t even deny it!” Suddenly the girl started hitting her, “You don’t even deny you’re thinking about her! Even when you’re out with me!”

Gayoung's hits were getting wild. There were some Joy could avoid but some that hit her, hurt so bad, strangely the aching swarmed into her heart.

In pain she began to compare, comparing the twos, one to another. She thought of how different they were, Wendy and Gayoung. That time, when she treated Wendy unfairly, wrongly, never once did the girl shout at her, let alone hit her. Never once such harsh words escaped her tiny lips like ones Gayoung thrown at this moment. Upon that time, the time when she forced that pale girl to leave her, the girl’s still saying she loved Joy. Still loving this idiot.

And Joy didn’t feel anything anymore, and Joy couldn’t hear anything anymore when Gayoung slapped her, hard, till she staggered backwards. The girl was still screaming,

“Let’s just end it!”

Her scream thundering, able to make couple of eyes to look at them although the deafening music was still thumping loudly.

Joy didn’t react to that at all, she couldn’t think of anything else. “What do we need to end if we haven’t even started anything?” Her gaze was empty, as if soul had been from it and there’s nothing good left in her, “We barely went on one real date and you already know how it turned out.”

Her reply infuriated Gayoung, “You jerk!”

Punch after punch was back hitting her again, this time she did not try to avoid them. Joy soullessly accepted all of Gayoung’s fuming rage, she deserved it. And with one final blow, Gayoung pushed her hard causing her back to hit the bar stools, a couple of drinks got scattered there. She sank weakly on the floor. What had been just a few pairs of eyes that saw their quarrel earlier, had now become a small circle for sake to watch the live show.

She let Gayoung humiliate her as the girl poured a drink on her face before throwing the glass over to floor. It broke apart, one of its pieces bouncing, crashing onto her temple, so close to her eyes. Fresh blood instantly flowed out without her able to stop that, she endured the pain, alone.

“You're gonna be alone for the rest of your life!”

Then the girl left her.

…just sitting there, on the floor, silently.

Yes, she’s indeed a jerk, she’s a , a very very ty one. She realized how disgusting she was as a human being, how horrible she was as a lover.

How stupid she was to have let go of the only person who really understood her. How stupid she was for refusing her helping hand