Jaehwan would call himself a pessimistic person.

Out of all of his friends, he’s probably the most pessimistic one. But that doesn’t stop Minhyun from being so friendly to him. Minhyun always cared for Jaehwan, even when he lacked sleep himself due to assignments, even when it looked like Minhyun was the one that needed some caring himself. Minhyun always held Jaehwan in his arms like he’s something fragile, something so precious to him. He’s always so gentle to Jaehwan, so gentle.

That’s when something bloomed inside of Jaehwan.

At first, he shrugged it off. There’s no way this could be happening. Not after years of shunning his heart away from people, not after years of denying his own feelings.

So, he ignored it. He ignored his nagging heart that’s telling him to admit his feelings, that this isn’t fake. That everything won’t be the same as back then. That this time, Jaehwan will be fine. Because he’s with Minhyun.

But Jaehwan being Jaehwan, he’s too scared to admit it. He’s worried and afraid of everything repeating itself. He’s left with a scar that doesn’t fade even after years of neglect; a scar that constantly reminded him of nothing but pain.

He kept on denying and tried to forget. It worked for the most part, somehow.

Soon after that, it stopped growing. Jaehwan didn’t feel anything anymore inside of him.

He was relieved, but if only he knew the same exact feeling would return again,

much worse than before.

Jaehwan used to sleep a lot.

So much to the point where it seemed unhealthy and Minhyun repeatedly asking him if he’s alright. It’s not that he’s tired or exhausted, that’s probably the second reason, or the third.

It’s because sleeping made him numb, made him forget.

It helped to numb the jealousy that latched onto his heart whenever he saw girls fawning over Minhyun. He knew that these kinds of stuff should be normal, though. Minhyun was the ‘prince’ of the school. Perfect grades, looks, personality, and everything in between. He always received the most letters and gifts during valentines, and the amount he got then is nothing compared to the one he got for his birthday.

But Minhyun being the kind prince, he always offered Jaehwan these treats, knowing fully well that the younger loves sweets more than him. Jaehwan would always kindly reject, although he would end up eating most of them anyways. He knew that Minhyun was too kind to reject them (and even if he did, he would always give them his softest smile that made both Jaehwan and the girls swoon).

So, he slept a lot. It helped him to get over those unnecessary jealous days and helped to numb his heart that would always beat rapidly whenever Minhyun cared for him. His heart would kind of beat irregularly at the fact that Minhyun remembered that he has a sweet tooth.

Sometimes he just sleeps because he’s exhausted.

Exhausted of his own expectations, assignments, and of the glances people throw in his direction because he’s close with Minhyun. He knows that he’s nothing compared to Minhyun. His smile probably looks like a beaver compared to his, his hairstyle probably like a ragged bush, and his voice is not as gentle as the prince’s, especially when he has such an obnoxious laugh.

Minhyun would always discourage Jaehwan for thinking so lowly of himself though.

He’d say that Jaehwan’s smile is as bright as the sun and it always makes him smile too.

He’d say that Jaehwan’s hair looks exactly like a puppy’s, one that he’d want to pet.

He’d say that Jaehwan’s laugh is both adorable and hilarious.

He’d always compliment Jaehwan’s voice.

‘It’s so soothing, I feel like I can sleep while listening to your voice, you know.’

The gentle smile gazed towards him didn’t help to calm down his heart, as a matter of fact, it made it even worse. In a good way.

Sleeping helped him to calm his heart down.

He slept to numb the pain in his heart.

The pain that would always creep into his mind and heart, and whisper things to deceive Jaehwan. Jaehwan knows that Minhyun would never hurt him, but he can’t help but have these constant negative thoughts bloom inside of him. Jaehwan can’t help but overthink on a lot of things.

Why would someone as perfect as Minhyun ever consider Jaehwan, an ordinary and obnoxiously loud guy. Jaehwan’s grades are average, he has a small group of friends (that he’s thankful for), and the only thing he could ever boast about is his loud laugh and his skill for singing (skill, not talent, despite Minhyun disagreeing with this).

He never regarded himself as someone that is worthy for Minhyun, because he’s so sure someone out there is worthier than him. Someone smarter, gentler, more perfect than him. Maybe Minhyun had even found this special ‘someone’.

Choi Minki.

An adorable and gorgeous guy (not as gorgeous as Minhyun though, Jaehwan thinks).

He has a smile that curves up to his eyes, almost like a cat’s. He’s clever and witty, he’s talented, he’s everything that Jaehwan’s not. In other words, he’s someone that’s worthy to be with Minhyun.

They weren’t a couple (so Jaehwan’s friends says). They were close though.

And Jaehwan could clearly see that.

Jaehwan doesn’t miss the soft giggles they’d exchange in their seats during lectures. He doesn’t miss how Minki would be gentler to Minhyun compared to the others. He doesn’t miss how Minki looked so infatuated with Minhyun.

It almost seemed like he was in love.

These negative thoughts continued to seep their way into Jaehwan’s weak, fragile heart. They engulfed it, and deep within his heart it seemed like they had planted a seed. Just like before.

Everything started to bloom from then on.

At first, these ‘things’ would bloom slowly, starting out small. They’re usually from unnecessary jealous days, or whenever his heart skipped several beats for a certain prince. But after every single time Jaehwan saw Minhyun together with Minki, they would grow faster than before.

It hurt a little, but its nothing he couldn’t bear.

In a way, it numbed him.

Since then, Jaehwan started to sleep less. He found that this ‘thing’ that’s growing in him was just like a sting. These so-called thoughts were like thorns, and they would prick Jaehwan’s heart from time to time.

He was sort of enjoying it.

He didn’t have to sleep as much. If anything, it made him much more alive. But Jaehwan doesn’t realize the danger in the whole beauty of it. He liked hanging out with his friends more, they made him laugh; they made him happier.

He would casually ignore the occasional sting and prick in his heart. He would occasionally have light coughs or trouble breathing. But he blamed it all on the bad weather or even because he gets less sleep now.

He doesn’t realize that its all because of Minhyun.

Not because of what the older does to him. Its what the younger felt for the older.

Weeks passed by where these feelings for Minhyun started to grow, deeper and faster inside of his heart. The younger is so oblivious to all of these things though. Jaehwan’s not sure if he prefers the occasional stinging pain that made him feel much more awake or sleeping. He thinks he likes being awake more.

He let it bloom inside of him, and although it hurts a little, it helped to numb him. It brought him peace in a way, because it stopped him from feeling things, from feeling weird and giddy whenever Minhyun laughed, whenever Minhyun cared for him,

whenever he’s with Minhyun.

There’d been countless of days where Jaehwan would have countless of sleepless nights where he’d cry himself to sleep. The next morning would always be exhausting because he would be attacked with judgements and assignments left and right. Those nights were rough and unforgiving, but just like a fairytale, someone saved him, comforted him even though he never showed any signs of help.

Whenever he showed up in class with red, puffy eyes, he would always brush it off and say the same old ‘I just had a rough night, that’s all’, and no one questioned further. Except for Minhyun.

On days where he was clearly not eating enough, he would always say ‘Oh I don’t feel like eating yet, maybe later’, but Minhyun knew he hadn’t eaten for the whole day.

On those rough days, unforgiving nights, he could only rely on one person that he’d always trust.

Minhyun.

Minhyun would always respond to his texts and calls, no matter how much he sent. He would always cook Jaehwan’s favorite meals and add a bit too much, just to make sure he eats enough. He would always hug Jaehwan, engulf him in nothing but warmth and comfort, whispering to him soothing words whenever the younger was a sobbing mess.

He thought that this warmth was only something that he could have; something he could cherish.

Until Choi Minki came in.

The younger doesn’t know if what he felt for Minhyun before was what he could call ‘love’, at least not until these ‘thoughts’ had implanted themselves inside Jaehwan’s heart.

These thoughts started to grow much faster, faster than what Jaehwan had ever experienced. The pain was starting to hurt. He felt as if all the air in his body had been knocked out.

He couldn’t breathe; he was suffocating.

He coughed and hacked, his whole body jolted and trembled, it was too much, too much.

With one final cough, there it was.

A small, tiny flower.

And then Jaehwan started to think,

‘Oh’

‘I must be in love.’