JUNGJUNG

February 2015

"How many times will I tell you to leave that man! You're such a disappointment in this family Jung!"

I cried, not just because I'm hurt, but also because I'm so mad to this world.

How can this world be so cruel?

Nimji and I were having a dinner this Valentine's, until dad harshly pulled me away from the event and sent me home.

I didn't know who told dad about tonight. It is just that I thought he's okay with it. I'm so crazy to think that he's actually not okay with it.

I'm pretty sure Nimji was trying to call me this time but dad slammed my phone on the wall.

"Dad, I-i can't just leave him! I love him so m-"

A loud slap welcomed my face, and it made me cry even harder.

I looked at mom who tries to stop dad while I hold onto my right cheek with unstoppable tears flowing from my eyes.

"Hon, please calm down.", a soft voice of mom said.

Dad looked at her back with furious eyes, "How can you accept our son to be like this!"

"Because I'm openminded about this matter. I didn't love you for your physical characteristics and gender. I married you because of how hardworking and kind you are."

Mom looked at me with teary eyes and back to dad.

My hands are shaking and my face feels numb.

"We should let our son be happy. We should not be one with the world that judges them."

As my next tears fell, it was not anymore because of dad but because of my mom's words. If every person would be like her, this world would be great. 

•

At that end of the night, I thought everything would be alright. I thought there was hope. I was wrong.

 

April 2015

I haven't talked to dad for a month so I decided to bring lunch for him at his office.

As I waited at the door, I suddenly realized that I shouldn't have gotten here.

"Just check your savings, I deposited the money..

Oh by the way, are you sure they won't be able to track the plate number of the car?...

Great"

It was my dad's voice, I know. It made me curious until I heard my phone rang.

I hurriedly took my phone from my back pocket and answered the call from Nimji.

"Hello Nim-"

"Jungjung? T-this is Nimji's sister..", a soft cry was what I heard from her.

I tried to act calm before I ask her, "Oh Minji, why do you sound sad? Did something bad happened? Where is Nimji?"

That's when I started to hear loud cries from her that I wouldn't even know if she can still breathe properly. I don't know this feeling but I actually feel the heaviness in her chest even if she's on the other line.

I know she was trying to speak, and so I waited..

"Nimji is gone."

Tears started to flow; one, two, three, countless tears fell from my eyes. I didn't hear anything after that so I felt unsure.

"Minji, it's not a nice joke, where's your brother?", I asked coldly but all I hear was her cries.

I didn't care about the time. I didn't care where I dropped the lunch bag I was holding. I didnt care what vehicle I rode on. All I care was Nimji.

As soon as I ran to the hospital, his sister and mom who are crying outside the room welcomed me.

"What happened to him?", I asked confusingly.

His mom looked at me and stood up. As I walked towards them, she hugged me tight.

"Nimji was hit by a car, and the car run away. We didn't get to take the plate number of that evil car."

I tried to rub her back as much as I needed it as well. Then I realized how my love was gone at one snap.

"They cannot save him anymore Jung, I can't take losing my son."

It was like just yesterday we were laughing and cuddling. And today, he's gone.

"Are you sure they won't be able to track the plate number?", that voice echoed on my mind. And at that time, I started hating him.

 

July 2016

"Jung dear, you need to eat now.", Mom said with her soft calm voice as she opened the door of my room.

"How many times will I tell you that I don't want to eat?", I said with a glare.

"But dear, you haven't been eating for-"

"I said I don't wanna eat! Leave me alone!"

Mom had no idea why I'm being like this aside from the fact that I lost the love of my life.

She didn't know how about her husband's plan.

It's also funny how my dad pretends like he don't know anything. He even hugged me during the cremation, what an acting.

My friends were trying to visit me but I always ended up locking the door. I started to hate people and loving  the fact that I'm alone..and lonely.

I laughed hard alone in my room, thinking about all the things they took away from me- the happiness, love, and freedom.

I looked at the right, at the mirror. As I looked at myself, I see nothing but the end