Seungmin, with utmost care, carefully climbs down the ladder from the bunk bed so that he doesn’t wake Felix up- Felix has the tendency to wake easily- and carefully pulls on a sweater on top of his pajamas. He ditches the tight black pants they’re supposed to wear and settles for a pair of sweat shorts, he steps into his shoes and grabs one of the flashlights they use for going to the bathroom; they’ll just have to feel their way to the toilet.

 

He spares the lump under the covers a quick once-over to see if he’s woken his friend but when Felix makes no move other than the constant up and down of his chest Seungmin sighs in relief and slowly pads out of the room, closing the heavy door behind him and exiting the literal hole in the wall. The stone hallway is cold as ice and Seungmin immediately feels himself begin to shiver, his breath is visible in front of him and he hurriedly throws his arms around himself and begins walking down the long corridor to the stairway leading downwards underground to the training grounds.

 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the staircase because of its lack of railing and steep steps, and because if he were to slip there’s no guarantee that’ll he’ll live, he could fall into the water below and be gone in seconds. Seungmin shudders from more than just the cold this time.

 

He stays as close to the wall as he can and takes careful steps down, breathing a sigh of relief as soon as he hits solid ground, would it really kill them to add a railing? He thinks and drags a hand through his hair before letting out a frustrated puff of air and heading in the direction of the second staircase which is thankfully not anywhere near the water- equally as steep, however, still not as big of a death hazard as the first.

 

He continues down the numerous flights of stairs until he reaches the familiar doors to the training room, he’s only been in Dauntless for three days but when he opens the doors to the training hall he can’t help but feel like he’s been there for months already. His entire body is sore and aching and the blisters on his feet red and irritated, but this is what he signed up for, and Seungmin is everything but a quitter. In fact, he’s always been a bit of an overachiever; it wasn’t a choice he made, to begin with, but it’s become such a big part of him now that he doesn’t know how to quit overworking himself.

 

He heads over to the sand-filled dolls to practice his kicks and punches which he is in dire need of, contrary to Felix, Seungmin has never had to defend himself by bodily force- well, that’s not entirely true, but in Seungmin’s mind it is- and the lack of experience has him hesitating on every move. He easily loses his balance while kicking and his punches are often uncoordinated; it angers him that he never has any trouble in school but can’t land a single punch.

 

He kicks one of the dolls out of frustration with an angry shout and almost instantly pain radiates, almost tickles, through his bones and he collapses onto the floor, holding his shin. Tears of grievance and exasperation begin to accumulate in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks and he wipes with impatience at his cheeks before the tears have even begun to fall. “Stop,” he tells himself harshly and rests his forehead on his knees, “do better,” he mumbles, voice heavy with fatigue and he drags a hand slowly through his hair, feeling a drop of sweat on the side of his face, he laughs to himself at that. He’s so angry that he’s sweating.

 

“What are you doing?” a voice questions and Seungmin looks up in distress at being caught, a boy stands before him, or maybe even a man, clad in black attire like the guards he saw on the first day here, his eyes thin and hooded and his lips full- his eyes look weary and tired, like they belong to someone far older than what he must be- and he’s looking at Seungmin with an incredulous look- not murderous, as Seungmin would have thought.

 

Seungmin hastily stands up from the floor and wipes at his face, trying to make himself look even the least bit presentable, “I-uh, I came here to practice, I’m sorry,” he apologizes with a deep bow, hoping with all of his heart the guard doesn’t arrest him, kill him, or even worse than that, tell Chan about him.

 

When the guard doesn’t say anything Seungmin frowns deeply and continues, “I know I’m not supposed to leave the sleeping hall but I- ” he pauses, unsure of how to continue without sounding like a whining child, but after a few seconds of, admittedly, stiff silence he admits with a heavy sigh “I really need to practice,” the silence that follows is suffocating and Seungmin doesn’t understand why the guard isn’t saying anything, the least he can do is tell him if he’s about to b apprehended or kicked out.

 

“You didn’t seem to be practicing when I got here,” the man finally speaks and Seungmin finds that he quite enjoys his voice, it’s warm and not as deep as he thought it would be, and far calmer than expected. But there’s a tone to his voice that Seungmin can’t ignore, unsurprisingly, Seungmin thinks, since he must have looked quite pathetic on the floor claiming he came here to practice. “Stand up straight,” the man orders and Seungmin follows without a word, he’d like to questions the man, question him about his intentions motives, however, the Candor feels that would most likely not help his case and so he stays silent.

 

“What do you need to practice?” the man asks him without a single hint as to what he's planning on doing after he's received his answer, and contrary to Felix, Seungmin can't read this man, at all. The man awaits his answer patiently and Seungmin figures that out of all the options he has, telling the truth must surely be the easiest way rather than lying and hoping the man won't be able to tell.

 

“Kicks and punches,” the man nods distantly and lets his eyes sweep over Seungmin's form which has Seungmin dying to cover himself up even though there's nothing the man could possibly be seeing, his gaze feels so penetrating and calculating, as if he's seeing more of Seungmin than what Seungmin's showing him.

 

“Kick the doll, let me see what I'm working with,” Seungmin's eyes widen comically and his mouth drops a bit, what he’s working with? The man crosses his arms, similarly to how Chan does it, and raises his head just the tiniest bit as if he’s looking down on Seungmin. “Well?” the single word breaks Seungmin out of whatever funk his mind fell into and he shakes his head, rolls his shoulders, and takes a step back to get into position. He raises his hands closer to his face, takes a deep shaky breath, and kicks the doll, thankfully he manages to actually kick with his foot this time rather than his shin, however, he still loses his balance and falls to his left resulting in him crashing down onto the ground. He bites his lip harshly in frustration and pulls himself back up again, not wanting to appear weak in front of the guard despite not even knowing this man.

 

He raises his gaze to look at the man who’s looking at him with indifferent eyes and if Seungmin’s honest with himself, the indifference comes as a relief. “It’s a start,” the man points out. Then, he starts to his jacket and Seungmin’s gaze quickly falls to the floor, what the hell is he doing?Seungmin really doesn’t mean to look, but when a full course meal is undressing in front of you it takes a certain sort of self-restraint not to look, and that’s a certain self-restraint that Seungmin, unfortunately, doesn’t inhabit.

 

The guard’s turtleneck is obscenely tight and looks like something Jeongin could fit into snugly, Seungmin’s sure that if it wasn’t so dark he’d be able to see the outlines of the man’s abs through his shirt but he’s quite happy that he’s not able to; doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a straight face.

 

He throws his jacket onto the floor and cracks his knuckles dramatically, “you lose your balance because you lean back too much, and you put all your power into your leg instead of focusing on your core muscles, you need to be steady throughout the entirety of the kick and not only when you’re standing in position,” he takes a step forward closer to Seungmin and Seungmin realizes that they’re almost the exact same height, but the older oozes authority that Seungmin can’t even begin to understand and he feels tiny in front of the man, still, he doesn’t feel afraid anymore.

 

“So I’m basically doing everything wrong,” the man’s lips twitch in amusement, “not everything,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, “that’s not very comforting,” he feels his Candor confidence begin to return to him, letting him speak more freely and carelessly, but his confidence in himself remains subdued.

 

“Get in back in position,” the man orders and Seungmin feels he has no choice in the matter and so he follows the order, pulls his hands up to his face and takes a step back with his right leg, “good,” the man circles around him like a hunter circling his prey and Seungmin holds back his remark, “now, when you go to kick, instead of pulling your entire body to the right before swinging with your leg, don’t pull in any direction, simply take a step forward and pause there. Seungmin does as he’s told.

 

“Good, now, when you kick you should follow the same principle as you did just now, don’t pull your body to the side, that’ll rub your balance before your leg’s even in the air,” the man stands beside him now, “get back in position,” Seungmin does and so does the man.

 

“Now, when you step forward, instead of putting your foot down, pull your knee up towards you, twist your body to the left, and then extend the rest of the leg to kick. Do it slowly.”

 

Seungmin does it all in slow motion, he slowly pulls his knee up, slowly twists his body to the left, and kicks the doll; without falling down to the ground.

 

His face breaks out into a smile and he turns to the man to see him already looking at him, “good. You did well,” Seungmin flushes and averts his gaze, he doesn't know what it is about the man that has him so flustered and he's not too sure he wants to know.

 

“Most things are easier if you just take it slowly. Don’t rush it,” he tells him and Seungmin nods, of course, that’s nothing new, he’s not stupid. He knows things take time and that no one has ever mastered a skill in three days, but still, it helps to hear it from someone else, to hear that he’s not doing as badly as he thinks he is. “Thanks,” he says, this time looking directly at the man to show that he’s being honest, he really is thankful. The man nods and bends down to grab his jacket from the floor, his arms flex when he does and Seungmin swallows heavily and looks away, trying to calm the heat in his face.

 

“You should go to bed, tomorrow’s gonna be a long day,” Seungmin had completely forgotten about tomorrow, strangely enough, “oh, right,” he mumbles and the man huffs, “go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow,” at this Seungmin almost looks up so quick he gives himself whiplash. “You will? I mean, we’ll see each other?”

 

“You said you needed to practice kicks and punches, I only taught you how to kick today,” the man says as if it’s obvious and Seungmin nods absently, “right,” he mumbles, what should he say now?

 

Thankfully he doesn’t need to strain his brain too much because the man does it all for him, he puts a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and squeezes, “I’ll see you tomorrow, now go get some rest, you’ll need it,” and with that he leaves the halls, the doors slamming shut after him.

 

Goodnight? Whoever you are.

 

___

 

 

“Today will be strikingly different than the last few days have been, today, there’ll be no fighting, and no practice,” instantly the room erupts into cheers and Felix throws his arms around Seungmin, “am I dreaming? Are we actually being given free time four days in? This seems too good to be true,” and unfortunately, it is...

 

“Now, that doesn’t mean you’ll be doing nothing,” Chan continues and the cheers fade away into silence as people begin to realize that they’re not at all being given a free day off, some of the Dauntless-born begin to shift uneasily as if they know what’s coming but the transfers have no clue of what is to come.

 

“Today, you’ll be entering your first fear simulation,” Chan’s words echo throughout the entire hall and the silence that follow is deafening, Eunbin whimpers slightly from right next to Felix and he leans into her and whispers, “what’s a fear simulation?” Eunbin turns to him with wide eyes, “what makes you think I know?” Felix rolls his eyes and nudges her, “you’re a former Erudite, and...you look like you’re about to cry,” Eunbin frowns at him and huffs angrily, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear. However, just as she’s about to answer him Chan begins to speak again.

 

“For those of you unfamiliar with the fear simulations, they’re exactly what they sound like. You’ll enter a simulation of one of your worst fears and try to get out of it, conquer it, defeat it,” he pauses and Felix locks eyes with Changbin just as Chan says, “and I’ll be watching your every move,” and suddenly Felix feels sick to his stomach. Are they supposed to let their deepest and darkest fears be on display for their fearless trainers to see? How will he ever be able to recover from that? But in some odd way, Felix is at least happy that it's isn't Changbin who'll be administering his test, at least he won’t see how weak he can be.

Seungmin’s hand reaches down and squeezes Felix’s hand comfortingly, his hand is cold but Felix doesn’t mind, he squeezes back and turns his head discreetly to look at Seungmin out of the corner of his eye and it’s clear that Seungmin is affected by all of this as well.

 

“Dauntless-born, follow me,” Changbin calls and the Dauntless-born slowly and reluctantly begin to separate from the group, taking as much time as possible to get to Changbin perhaps in hopes of not being the first initiate to do the test. “Transfers, follow me,” Chan says steadily without an ounce of worry visible on his face, it’s certainly not mirrored on his transfers’ faces.

 

With a look around him Felix can tell that no one in the group is very keen on doing the test, a heavy silence has fallen over the group and it feels like they’re walking under a giant grey cloud. Chan leads them down another stone corridor that looks exactly the same as every other stone corridor in the Dauntless compound and Felix has no idea how anyone knows where they are. They stop at a door that looks very similar to the one from where they did the Aptitude test, “only half of you will do the test before lunch and the second half will do it after lunch so,” he pauses and squints, Felix holds his breath, not sure if he wants to get it over with or have some time to prepare himself for it.

 

“Everyone born from August to December will do it before lunch and the ones born during the first half of the year will do it after lunch, so anyone not doing it now is free to go and do whatever they want,” a little more than half of the group leaves and heads down the corridor they came from, and it’s in that moment that Felix, as well as Seungmin, suddenly remembers something. Jeongin.

 

Jeongin’s still standing next to them looking a bit unsure of himself and biting his lip, Seungmin nudges him with his elbow carefully, “you should ask him,” he mumbles and Jeongin nods absently. It’s not really as easy as Seungmin makes it sound, but Seungmin seems to think so because when Jeongin doesn’t make a move to ask Chan he takes it into his own hands. He puts his hand up in the air, “Candor, was something unclear to you?” Chan aks with a pinch of rudeness to him and Jeongin figures he must have, as Felix taught him, woken up on the wrong side of the bed. “Yes,” Seungmin answers without any hesitancy and points to Jeongin to further explain himself, “he’s born 2201 in February, so what’s he supposed to do?” it seems as though Chan hadn’t been briefed on that particular information because his dark eyes widen a bit in surprise before returning to his normal neutral gaze, “well, since you’re already here I don’t see why you can’t stay,” Jeongin’s sighs in relief and turns to Seungmin with a thankful smile, “thanks hyung,” Seungmin seems to startle at the honorific for a second but he’s not complaining; he’s always wanted to be a hyung. He gives Jeongin a small smile of his own.

 

Their smiles are however short lived as Chan scans a card against the side of the door and the door slides open revealing a room eerily alike the waiting room they sat in before the Aptitude test, “take a seat, I’ll call you when it’s your turn,” they all take their seats and glance nervously around at each other. “I have a feeling I’m gonna be longing for a hardcore day full of training after this,” Felix admits and Seungmin hums in agreement, even Jeongin gives a little nod at that. Aching muscles and bruised knuckles sound like a dream come true compared to someone watching his deepest and darkest fears on a screen, he knows Changbin was watching him during the Aptitude test, but that wasn’t his own mind conjuring up scenarios, those scenarios were already premade and he had no say in them, only on how he acted. But this time, it’ll be inside his mind, inside his fears, and he has no idea what kind of private things are lurking deep in his mind.

 

They’re about ten people in the room and Jeongin’s practically shaking with anticipation, he has no idea who Chan is going to call for first and the not knowing has him nervous down to his fingertips. The second door into the actual test room opens and Chan stands there, looking as calm as ever, “Felix,” he calls and Felix blanches, he’s first? What kind of list is Chan going after? He wants to question the older and tell him to pick someone else despite knowing that he’ll never agree to that. So instead of doing what he desires he pats his thighs and stands up from his seat, “bye kids,” he tells Seungmin and Jeongin, somewhat breaking the icy atmosphere before heading into the room, the door shutting after him with a muted click.

 

“How do you think he’ll do?” Jeongin asks Seungmin quietly to which Seungmin simply shrugs his shoulders with a faraway look, “Felix is strong,” he states blatantly without any emotion and Jeongin assumes that’s all he’s planning on saying on the subject, but then Seungmin turns to him and this time his eyes are filled with an emotion Jeongin can’t even begin to decipher, “but he’s not fearless,” and with that Seungmin turns away from Jeongin once and for all and silence falls between them.

 

Simultaneously, Felix’s gulping down the black liquid he’s been giving in a small metal cup with a grimace, the process is very much the same as for the Aptitude test, but some things are different. The room is no longer built up by mirrors, instead it’s a pale green painted over the rough surface of the stone walls and the chair he’s in isn’t as stiff and metal-y, instead, it’s more like a chair you’d see at the dentist, slightly cushioned but still uncomfortably tilted backward. Chan pulls a large metal cylinder out of one of the draws on his table and presses a button, Felix hears a buzz come from it as it starts up.

 

“You’ll feel a little pressure,” Chan warns him and presses it to his neck. Felix feels a sting in his neck for a second before it’s gone, leaving only a dull and slightly pulsing feeling. “Now close your eyes and just relax,” Chan says and Felix can already feel his head begin to swim and his consciousness fades away, within seconds his vision turns black and passes out.

 

Only to wake up in the...the sleeping hall in his bunk bed, “what the-” he mumbles to himself and sits up slowly, he feels like he’s been asleep for an entire day, his body incredibly lethargic and heavy. He coughs into the crook of his arm as his throat begins to tickle, his eyes sting and his lungs feel full in a weird way. “Seungmin-ah,” his voice is hoarser than usual and his throat hurts, he reaches down onto the floor to try and find the flashlight they keep for going to the bathroom but he can’t find it, and he can’t see anything. It’s pitch black, more black than it usually is and he feels his eyes begin to water and his nose run.

 

“Jeonginie?” he calls out to the best of his ability but he receives no answer and as another wave of coughing takes over his body he realizes the smell that’s in the air, smoke. He falls out of bed onto the ice cold stone floor and crawls towards the doors, he still can’t see anything and he keeps bumping into beds but he needs to get out of here because he can’t breathe . “Minnie!” he tries to shout but just then his throat decides to close up and he feels panic begin to build up inside of him, his hands claw at his throat and his chest and he tries to heave in breaths but no air reaches his lungs.

 

He cries as black spots begin to swim in his vision and he coughs so harshly that he throws up on the floor, his nose is running and his eyes leaking tears as he desperately tries to breathe, but it’s becoming clear to him that he won’t be able to unless he makes his way out of here, but he has no energy to continue to crawl towards the exit and as the black finally claims his vision he can’t help but cry mom, please.

 

And then he wakes up in the dentist chair with Chan by his side, preventing him from falling over as he desperately tries to get away from the chair, “calm down, it wasn’t real,” Chan tells him but it does little to comfort him because it was real, once upon a time. He in a delicious breath of air and revels in the way his aching lungs cool down, they were never aching to begin with, but some of the effects remain even now when he’s out of the simulation.

 

“ing hell, mate,” he breathes out with a heavy sigh and he holds his head in his hands as he breathes, “how long was I in there?” he questions without looking up at his leader and he hears Chan type something into his computer thing, “just under 8 minutes, you did well,” he sounds mildly impressed but Felix couldn’t care less, to him it felt like he was trapped in that smoke-filled room for an eternity.

“Go get some rest,” Chan tells him and presses a button that opens up a door in the back so that he doesn’t have to face the others which he’s very grateful for, he doesn’t think he’d be able to look at Seungmin and not burst into tears. He leaves the room with a heavy feeling in chest and memories he’d worked hard on forgetting, “shut up,” he tells his mind, he doesn’t want to remember anything of his parents nor the years he spent with them, “just shut up,” he repeats as tears begin to leak from his eyes and he’s happy that there’s no one else in the corridor to see himself break down. He heads back to the sleeping hall and hopes that it isn’t too bad for Seungmin or Jeongin.

 

Four people have been called into the room since Felix’s turn and the anticipation and anxiety has built up in Seungmin to the point where his knee is shaking uncontrollably, every name has been called at random it seems, at least, Seungmin’s hasn’t been able to figure out any sort of pattern. Furthermore, no one’s returned from the room to settle any of his worries or give any sort of information as to what he’s getting himself into.

 

Seungmin bites his bottom lip aggressively while he waits, not even the quiet conversation happening right next to him is enough to distract him from his impending doom; granted, he may be blowing this way out of proportion, but Seungmin doesn’t like surprises, he likes to be one step ahead, like to know what to expect.

 

“Seungmin,” he’d been so distracted that he hadn’t noticed the door to the mysterious room opening until now, he tenses in his seat and turns his head to meet Jeongin’s sweet gaze, “you’ll be fine, hyung,” he assures him with a smile that helps some of the tension ease up. His mouth, however, feels like it’s been glued shut, rendering him incapable of answering so he settles for a confident nod that doesn’t make him feel confident at all, but he must, however, be a convincing actor because Jeongin looks quite amazed by the sudden change in him.

 

Without another word, Seungmin leaves the room and enters through the door to where Chan’s waiting for him. Immediately he’s being handed a glass of black goo and being told to sit in the chair in the middle of the room, he chugs the liquid down quickly to avoid tasting it and sits himself in the chair. The room has an uneasy feeling to it and the green walls make him feel slightly sick to his stomach.

 

Chan fixes everything up, gives him some sort of shot in his neck, and tells him to lie back and close his eyes. He does just that and in a matter of seconds he feels his head begin to spin uncomfortably and every sound begin to fade into nothing until-

 

Until he’s suddenly overwhelmed by all the sound coming from around him, he looks around like a wild animal to try and figure out where he is and sees black clothed individuals with multi-colored hair, piercings, and tattoos wherever he lets his eyes land, he also begins to realize, as his senses start to return, that he’s in the dining hall in the Dauntless compound. He’s sitting at a table with people he doesn’t know and neither Felix or Jeongin are anywhere to be seen. He looks down at the table in front of him and sees that there’s a plate with meat and vegetables and mashed potatoes on it and it’s already half eaten; he’s holding a fork in his right hand.

 

Just then a swarm of people passes by behind him and someone bumps into him, causing him to lose grip on the fork and it clatters loudly onto the plate, “oh, it’s you,” Seungmin immediately recognizes the voice of his best friend and turns around happy to know someone in the room, he expects to see his friend with his mop of light brown hair on his head and a bright smile like usual, instead, he’s met by a boy with blonde- almost white- hair, a piercing in his nose and multiple in his ears, tattoos running up his arms and a sneer etched onto his face.

 

“Felix!” Seungmin can’t believe his eyes, who is this? “Seungmin,” Felix replies stiffly and Seungmin frowns at the sourness tone in his voice, “what do you want?” Felix questions in a bored manner, “uhm, I-” Seungmin’s utterly speechless, what has happened to his friend?

 

“Do you want to sit with me?” he asks, it’s not what he actually wants to ask, but Felix looks like he’s about to run away at any second and Seungmin just wants to keep him in his arms and never let go. Felix scoffs and looks back at a boy standing right behind him and snorts loudly, “is he serious?” the boy asks incredulously like he’s just heard the most shocking thing ever.

 

Felix turns back to him and gives him a look that makes Seungmin feels incredibly small, “sorry, Seungmin-” Seungmin can tell clear as day that he’s not sorry at all, “but I’ve got better things to do,” and then he walks off without sparing poor Seungmin even the shortest of looks, anything would have made Seungmin feel better rather than being completely ignored.

 

“Wait!” he calls out after the two boys, he can’t just let Felix walk away like that without even giving him an explanation, he runs out of the hall to follow them and when he turns a corner he runs straight into Felix, who’s noticeably taller and sturdier than before, and Seungmin falls to the ground with a heavy thump .

 

“Why’d you follow me?” Felix crosses his arms and towers above him, Seungmin swallows a cry. “Why’d you just leave me? And who is that guy?” he points towards the boy from the dining hall, lurking in the shadows behind Felix, “he’s my best friend, what’s it to you?” Seungmin can’t believe what he’s hearing, can’t even begin to fathom what he must have done to be replaced by some meathead like that guy.

 

“But I’m your best friend,” he tells Felix as if he’s stating a fact, and it is, to Seungmin at least. Felix laughs, although it’s not the normally bright laugh that Seungmin’s become so used to throughout his childhood, the laugh he’s become so accustomed to, the laugh he can recognize anywhere- this laugh is mean and plagued with darkness.

 

“You used to be,” Felix states and drags a hand through his hair, his platinum hair, “but you became so boring Seungmin-ah, you weren’t my Minnie anymore,” his words hurt and Seungmin can tell that he’s enjoying hurting Seungmin, and then he lands the final punch.

 

“You’re just like your parents,” and Seungmin feels a tear slip down his cheek and wipes it away angrily, “this isn’t you Felix,” he pleads desperately, however, it’s clear to him that nothing he says will change his best friend’s mind. The old Felix would never treat him like this, not even during one of their big fights.

 

“It wasn’t me before,” Felix agrees with a thoughtful look as he nods his head, but then he shatters Seungmin’s heart with a harsh look, “but it is now,” and that’s how it ends. Everything fades to black and Seungmin wakes up with a gasp.

 

The first breath of air he in hurts and he squeezes his eyes shut again, his heart rate is going crazy and he feels shaky. Out of all the things he thought he would see in the simulation that was not something he’d expected, which made it so much worse. “It’s over now, you’re out of it,” he distantly hears Chan tell him to which Seungmin nods without opening his eyes, he’s scared that if he opens his eyes and walks out the door he’ll walk past the platinum blonde-haired Felix that he so desperately wants to forget.

 

Chan bites his lip and places the clip of Seungmin into his folder before looking over at the boy and frowning, out of all the fears he’s seen so far this one has been the most unconventional, most of them have been the usual, fear of heights, fear of spiders and so on so forth, but this one really stuck with him, the fear of losing his friend in the least expected way; unexpected because no one died in the simulation. Except for maybe Seungmin himself.

 

And although Chan isn’t supposed to dwell on any of his initiates fears -he’s not even supposed to acknowledge them as he’s not allowed to get invested in the kids- he can’t help but wonder why the mention of the boy's parents made him crack. Why that struck such a cord in him.

 

“You’re free to go,” Chan says plainly, averting his gaze from the boy back to his computer, he knows how traumatizing the first fear simulation can be, and usually is, but he can’t have everyone taking a nap after they’re done, he’d have be here for days on end to ever finish.

 

Seungmin finally sits up and opens his eyes to the pale green light of the room, feeling a lot calmer than he did bare minutes ago. With a sigh he heaves himself up and off the chair and straightens his back with an audible crack, he winces from the pain and rolls his neck. He feels a little lost but he welcomes the pain with open arms because you can’t feel pain in your dreams so that must mean he’s awake.

 

He turns to look at Chan who’s staring at his computer completely unbothered by Seungmin’s staring, but unbothered doesn’t mean that he doesn’t notice, “if you have something to say then go ahead?”

“Will we be doing this again? And if so, how often?” Chan’s eyes leave the computer for only a second to study seungmin before returning, “you’ll have to do it once a week until your graduation,” he answers and Seungmin feels sick. It’s one of those rare moments where he almost wishes he didn’t know the beloved truth.

 

Not wanting to bother Chan any further, and also in desperate need of finding Felix, Seungmin exits the room by the back door that magically opens as soon as he turns away from Chan and heads down the corridor to a staircase that he doesn’t know where it’ll lead him but anything’s better than down here. So he heads up, trying to ignore what just transpired. Completely forgetting about Jeongin for a moment.

 

___

 

 

But contrary to Seungmin, Jeongin has not forgotten about him, and he bites his nails- a nasty habit of his- as he awaits his turn, wondering how it went for his hyungs, where they are now, and if they’re okay, he wonders.

 

There are only three people left in the room, him included, and he’s growing more and more anxious as name after name gets called. He’s afraid of what his fear simulation will be, he’s afraid of what Chan will get to see, and he’s afraid of the aftermath. But maybe, if his hyung appears in his simulation, he’ll have a shot at finding him if Chan can recognize him, which Jeongin feels he probably will- Chan seems to know everyone.

 

A boy called Hui gets called into the room and now only two remain, Jeongin and the girl that Felix called Karen on the first day. She’s quite pretty, Jeongin thinks, her hair’s a nice mixture of red and brown and her eyes are big and hazel and she’s extremely pale with freckles covering her entire face and body, but not like Felix’s. These freckles are red-looking and everywhere , Jeongin’s never seen anyone like her before.

 

“It’s rude to stare,” her voice startles him and when he finds her eyes she’s looking directly at him with a fierce gaze and Jeongin feels incredibly embarrassed at being caught, “I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t- I didn’t-” he completely freezes, his brain coming up short with anything clever to say and he’s left a blubbering mess, trying to come up with something, anything that’ll save him.

 

“You’re...pretty,” he finally utters before he can stop himself and his face immediately flushes a bright red, he doesn’t need a mirror to know that. Karen’s eyes widen and Jeongin can see the way her cheeks blush red as well, “oh,” she mumbles and Jeongin wants to hit himself, why’d you say that? Now she’s weirded out.

 

Karen tucks some hair behind her left ear and looks at him with calculating eyes like she’s trying to figure out whether he’s pulling her leg or not. But when she sees nothing but (embarrassed) sincerity in his eyes the small smile on her face speaks for itself and Jeongin feels himself begin to relax.

 

“Thanks,” she says steadily, her cheeks red but despite that, there’s no waver in her voice. “That’s nice of you to say,” they fall silent after that, no more words are spoken as the silence swallow them up while they wait for their names to be called. Jeongin glares down at the white floor, so shiny that he can see his own reflection in it, it’s a strange contrast to the rest of the Dauntless compound which is almost entirely made out of rough stone sharp enough to scratch you up with a single light touch.

 

“Kaz,” Jeongin looks up from his reflection and watches as Kare- Kaz disappears into the room without a word; and then there was one. Jeongin sits alone in the room now wishing he was anywhere but here, he hadn’t noticed how much of a calming factor it was to have other people in the room, even people he (apparently) don’t know the names of. But now that he’s all alone he can’t help but wonder if it’s on purpose, has he been singled out? Have they removed everyone from his vicinity to get rid of him quietly without anyone noticing?

 

Has he done something wrong? Granted, he hasn’t been doing as well as the rest of the initiates, he’s been less than stellar at training despite trying his best, however, he thinks, that can’t possibly be a valid reason to kick him out. Or maybe it’s because he’s younger than the rest, maybe his test will be administered differently. His sweaty palms lay on his thighs and his bangs hang down in his eyes as he waits in the clinical room, hunched over, waiting to be called in.

 

 

___

 

 

Meanwhile, Felix is hugging his pillow tightly to his chest, breathing slowly and deeply to make sure that air is, in fact, getting into his lungs and that he isn’t suffocating like he had around two hours ago, at least that’s how long he thinks it’s been. Time doesn’t seem to operate by the same rules when your entire being is consumed by panic. As soon as he returned from the simulation he propped the doors open with two of the plungers for the toilets to make sure that they won’t shut unless he wants them to. There are a few other kids laying in their beds, some of them crying, some of them shaking, a little while back one of them was running laps around the room, and before that, one of the Dauntless-born kept on screaming so badly he had to be sedated by the very same man who fixed up Jeongin’s knee.

 

He stopped by a few of the other kids as well, not doing much from what Felix could tell, but the loud sobs slowly turned into quiet snivels and hiccups so he guesses they too received some sort of sedative. That would have been useful hours ago, Felix had thought bitterly as he stared after Minho’s retreating form.

 

Clutching the pillow even tighter he turns to lie on his back rather than on his side and he stares up at the roof his bed, Seungmin’s bed, and wonders where his best friend is and whether he’s doing okay, though thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait long to find out because just then Seungmin walks in through the doors, white as a sheet.

 

Felix sits up quickly with his pillow still in hand and waits for Seungmin to make his way over to their beds, “hi,” Felix says calmly, if not a little hoarsely. Seungmin stands by the foot of Felix’s bed and just looks at him for a moment without any sort of emotion visible on his face, but after a few seconds of silence, Felix can see the physical change in Seungmin as his shoulders begin to relax and the stoic look begins to soften at the edges. “Hi,” Seungmin finally says back and Felix gives him a small smile and pats the space next to him on the bed, it’s not much and it’s certainly not meant to fit two people but Seungmin crawls in beside him anyway and lies down. Felix places the pillow that he’s been clutching so tightly under his head and replaces it with Seungmin instead, and Seungmin naturally goes with it. He tucks his head under Felix’s chin on top of his chest and hugs his waist tightly.

 

They don’t say anything after that despite them both having something on their minds, but they’re not worth telling. It’s not like any of them would judge the other on their fears, never in a lifetime would they do that, but at the same time, neither of them want to share their fears solely because they share everything else with each other, and some things you’re allowed to keep secret.

 

Seungmin snuggles into Felix and exhales loudly. Felix still has his light brown hair, Felix still has his face free of piercings, his ears free of earings, his arms free of tattoos, Felix is still Felix, his best friend who likes to cuddle and cling to Seungmin. Seungmin can’t even begin to describe how relieved he is. He would have nothing against Felix changing his hair color, or getting any sort of body modification as long as he was still Felix, however, simulation-Felix was another person- and Seungmin can’t let that happen.

 

“We have the rest of the day off,” Felix interrupts Seungmin’s train of thought and Seungmin looks up at Felix through his lashes, their heads incredibly close to each other but neither of them minding, “when Jeonginie gets back we should do something, anything,” it’s clear that Felix is more stressed than usual and anxious to get back onto his feet- he’s never liked feeling weak. Seungmin understands that.

 

“Anything is better than being cooped up in here all day,” Seungmin can’t help but agree with him on that, with all the free time they’ve been given for the day it would be a waste not to make use of it. He snuggles back into Felix’s chest and closes his eyes, finding comfort in the warmth radiating from Felix’s chest, “we could go get tattoos,” he mumbles without really thinking. He knows Felix’s wants them and he also knows that he can’t stop his friend from getting one or a hundred, so he might as well be there and maybe even get one with him, instead of finding out in three years that his best friend’s got one.

 

Felix’s startles and it shakes Seungmin from his comfortable position, “are you serious?” he questions loudly, loud enough to wake the girl sleeping five beds away and she mutters something unintelligible, most likely some insult, before turning away from them. His voice is filled with excitement and joy as he sits up slightly to look down at Seungmin whose cheeks have thankfully gotten some color back in them, “are you kidding me, mate?” Felix exclaims excitedly and shakes Seungmin’s entire body as if he’ll get a faster answer that way, his smile growing so big that Seungmin’s afraid he’s going to split his cheeks open.

 

“ I’m serious,” Seungmin looks up at the bottom of his own bed and thinks for a second about what he’s actually saying right now, it’s not like he’s given himself any time to process this thought, he’s not one to generally do thing on the spur of the moment- he likes to plan, likes to know what’s about happen and likes to know his choice before he’s asked to make it. But this, this isn’t for him. This is for Felix, and he’d do anything for Felix, despite how crazy of an idea it may be- of course this comes with basic limitations such as “don’t eat that mysterious berry we don’t know if it’s poisonous,” or “don’t jump you’re gonna break something,” which Felix actually did.

 

“You’ve always wanted tattoos,” Seungmin says with a shrug and settles down on top of Felix’s chest once again, there’s nothing more to say than that according to Seungmin, and although Felix is curious as to what brought this on he doesn’t push his best friend, instead he hugs him back and settles back onto his pillow wishing that Jeongin would hurry up.

 

___

 

 

Jeongin’s wishing that everything would hurry up as well as he sits with his legs crossed on top of his thin and hard plastic chair, he’s biting his nails anxiously because, while Kaz hasn’t been in there any longer than anyone else he can’t help but feel like he’s been alone for well above an hour now, just staring at anything and everything and nothing all at the same time. After the ten minutes spent in the room he’s seen everything there was to see, not to mention he had Seungmin with him then, and then when Seungmin disappeared he had other people to look at and study. However, now that he’s been alone with nothing but his reflection for a while he’s grown exceptionally tired of looking at the overgrown bangs on his forehead in desperate need of a trim, and the sunburn across his nose and cheeks from days on end working the fields.

 

Just as he’s beginning to think he’s never going to be called in the door opens and surely enough there is Chan with a small quirk to his lip and his head cocked to the side, “Jeongin-ah, you’re up,” Jeongin can’t remember the last time he felt such relief and he stands up so quickly he almost trips over his own tangled legs.

 

His left leg hurts a bit from sitting in the crossed leg position for so long and tearing at the stitches so he winces once he’s standing up straight, “leg giving you problems?” Chan questions with a tilt of his head to Jeongin’s knee, Jeongin follows his line of sight despite already knowing what he’s looking at. “It- it’s not too bad, just a little sore,” he mumbles shyly with a look down at his shoes. “Alright,” Chan answers soberly and with that turns around and heads into the room, Jeongin follows him dutifully.

 

Immediately he feels like he’s back in Dauntless, the light in the room not as bright and the colors more subdued, everything’s less shiny and clean and a lot more rugged, he prefers it that way. “Take a seat,” Chan gestures to the chair with a nod and Jeongin sits down quickly, enjoying the feeling of his body sinking into the black, light cushioning, it’s a nice transition from the hard plastic chair

 

“Drink up,” Chan hands him the glass with black goo just like with everyone else and Jeongin downs it and sticks his tongue out in disgust when the glass is all empty, it’s not so much the taste as it is the consistency that disgusts him. Like blended beans, coarse like potato starch and smooth like juice.

 

He hands the glass over to Chan before leaning back in the chair and looks up at the ceiling, his entire is buzzing with trepidation and suspense for the unknown. He’s never been inside his own mind like his, of course, none of the initiates have, but Jeongin isn’t thinking about the others at the moment. He’s thinking of himself- how Dauntless of him.

 

Chan presses a metal cylinder object to his neck and without warning pushes the button on the side. The pressure is immediate but it doesn’t hurt as much as he’d expected of the foreign object.

 

“Close your eyes, it’ll help with the dizziness,” Jeongin does as he’s told when the room begins and within seconds he’s out like a light.

 

It’s a weird feeling, what happens next. His body goes from feeling numb and gooey in the cushioned chair to feeling ice cold and heavy in the black water he lands in. His lithe hands are gripping a floating piece of broken, rough wood and it’s the only thing keeping him from sinking. He gasps heavily and coughs harshly as a wave of salty water sweeps over him and goes into his mouth and down his throat, temporarily suffocating him. He can barely see anything with the raging sea around him and his bangs in his stinging eyes, but the little he can see is the grey sky and the endless black ocean surrounding him, and panic begins to set in. One particularly big wave sweeps over him and drags him down under water without giving him a chance to take in a breath, and whatever he had in his lungs gets knocked out as soon as he ends up under the surface. But he manages to keep his grip on the wood and pulls himself back up again.

 

Red eyes look around in fear at the nothingness around him and he begins to cry in earnest because despite what he wants to believe, he knows he’s not strong enough to hold on to the wood for much longer, and if he lets go- he’s dead.

 

“Hyung!” he calls out to the best of his ability, his voice is scratchy and it hurts to yell but he can’t give up, he can’t. “Hyung!” he calls once more, his voice is swallowed by the waves around him and no reaching anyone’s ears except for his own. “Hyung please!”

 

“Jeonginie?” Jeongin chokes on his breath as the soft, angelic voice calls his name through the waves. He hasn’t heard the voice in years and the last time he heard it it was scratchy from not being used all that often, “mom?”

 

And suddenly she’s right next to him in the water, holding onto the piece of wood with healthy looking hands, not a single band-aid in sight from sticking herself on the needles, and she’s smiling. Her eyes full of light and full of mirth and her smile as bright as the sun and Jeongin freezes, her hair looks healthy and kept, not even wet from the ocean around them, and her skin doesn’t have the grey hue it had last time he saw her- Jeongin knows what this means.

 

And it hurts. God, it hurts so bad. But he knows in his heart that it can’t be, so he takes a shaky breath-spits out some salt water- and whispers, “you’re not real,” and the words feel like they’re physically cutting into him, feel like they’re being carved into his skin to torment him with for the rest of his life.

 

But it’s the truth, she’s not real, she can’t be. And she knows that too, Jeongin can tell, because she reaches out and his cheek with her beautiful hand, but Jeongin can feel the bandages. Can feel the coarse skin, the rough texture of her fingertips, and he hates it.

 

“Go away,” he cries out and tries to get away from her, but she shakes her head and tries to move closer to him, “don’t!” but when she won’t stop, Jeongin does something he would never have expected of himself.

 

He lets go. He lets go of the wood and immediately begins to sink. He doesn’t even take a breath because he knows it’d be fruitless- he can’t swim, so why torture himself longer than necessary.

 

She follows him into the water and swims closer to him, and she looks so beautiful that Jeongin wants her gone, forever. He never wants to see her again. So he opens his mouth to scream at her and the water floods into his mouth and into his lungs, and the pain is unlike anything he’s ever felt before. But thankfully, it’s short-lived. After only three seconds of absolute darkness he comes to, wakes up back in the room with the cushioned chair and the light green walls and he sighs in relief.

 

But then Chan’s grabbing his arm with a bruising grip and pulling him up out of the chair, his expression tight and tense and Jeongin swallows audibly in fear, the taste of salt still present. “Wh-wha-” Chan fixes him with a look that tells him, with no words needed, to shut the hell up if he knows what’s best for him, so Jeongin closes his mouth and stares with wide, scared eyes. With furrowed brows and a tight grip, Chan stares the boy down into the ground until Jeongin’s forced to lower his gaze to his shoes, if he thought something was wrong before he’s certain something is wrong now.

 

“How did you do that?” Jeongin’s eyes fly up to meet Chan’s intense gaze, how did I do what? He thinks and blinks confusedly up at Chan, but somehow his thought must have passed his lips without him noticing because Chan answers him within a heartbeat, “how did you get out? How’d you know it wasn’t real?”

 

Oh, was he not supposed to find that out? Isn’t that how you ‘win’ in the simulation? Jeongin’s more confused than ever as well as apprehensive, he doesn’t want to share the details of how he knew the simulation was indeed a simulation, so he settles for, “I just knew,” he mumbles quietly, hesitantly with dread in his voice, dread for what’s to come.

 

Chan regards him with piercing eyes, his grip still tight on Jeongin’s arm. Eventually, after a few seconds of suffocating silence, he lets go of Jeongin’s arm like he’s been burnt and Jeongin hurriedly backs away from him so that he’s standing firmly pressed against the wall on the opposite side of the room, as far away from Chan as he can get.

 

Chan himself stays rooted in the same spot, still staring at Jeongin with sharp eyes and a critical gaze like he’s trying to determine whether or not to trust Jeongin. Jeongin’s entire body is shaking from fear and the adrenaline pumping in his veins, he feels like this is his ‘make it or break it’ moment and he can’t afford to mess it up- but maybe he already has. He has no way of knowing.

 

“I didn’t cheat! I promise,” Jeongin exclaims loudly and his voice trembles with fear while his eyes flicker down to his shoes once more and he lowers the top half of his body into a bow, “I don’t know what I did wrong but I promise, I didn’t cheat,” he tells him honestly as he waits for his impending sentence.

 

“What was your aptitude test result?” Jeongin looks up and frowns, he would have thought that information was something that was shared with their trainers, but then when he thinks about it, maybe it does make sense. What are they supposed to do with that information? And also, most of the transfers got Dauntless, which is why they transferred in the first place.

He could say that he got Dauntless, in fact, he could say anything but the truth and the truth, but what good would that do? He’s well aware of the fact that he can’t lie, or at least he’s been told that he isn’t very good at it, but he could try.

 

However, he knows how perceptive Chan is of every and any micro expression, he’s seen it first hand when other initiates have told Chan something that isn’t the truth, or at least not the entire truth, and he doesn’t want to be the victim of his wrath when Chan already seems to be incredibly on edge.

 

“Amity,” he tells him shakily and he sees the way Chan’s nostrils flare, “really?” he retorts, the word laced in sarcasm to which Jeongin nods his head aggressively, “really,” he confirms and for a second he dares to look at Chan. Their eyes meet for a split second but it’s enough for Chan to get a glimpse of the honesty in his eyes. “Really,” this time it’s not a question, it’s a statement.

 

He remembers Changbin telling him about ‘the kid that got Amity’ and he saw no reason to doubt Changbin. However, this test made him question his friend’s loyalty solely because of the way Jeongin got out of the simulation, he essentially killed himself to get away from his mother who he also managed to figure out wasn’t real; there’s nothing Amity about that.

 

But Jeongin’s not lying, and neither is Changbin, so what the hell is going on? Chan levels Jeongin with one last look before turning his gaze away to the table and pressing the button that opens the door, “you’re free to go,” he tells him and he sees the way Jeongin’s eyes widen like he’s afraid it’s a trap. “Really,” he continues, “get out of here,” and Jeongin doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s out before Chan even has the time to blink.

 

When the door closes and Chan’s left all alone in the room he sits in the chair, drags a hand through his hair and tugs at the strands roughly, rough enough for it to hurt. Sighing heavily he sinks into the chair and just sits there for a while, wondering what he’s supposed to do now. He can’t save the video like he’s done with the others, because if the board were to examine Jeongin’s video he would be persecuted for being-

 

Chan can’t even finish the thought. It’s too dangerous of a thought to have in Dauntless in this day and age. Despite knowing there aren’t any cameras set up in this room particularly, he also knows that the Dauntless compound has a lot more surveillance than meets the eye and that one wrong word, action, or thought can be detrimental to his position in Dauntless. To his life.

 

“,” he grunts angrily and lets his head drop into his hands with a deep, heavy, full-body sigh. He needs to talk to Changbin as soon as possible.

 

 

___

 

 

Ch: Changbin, I need to talk to you, now. Meet me in the usual spot.

 

Changbin swallows heavily and looks up from his screen to see Minho and Jisung already looking at him with their own screens in hand, he frowns confusedly, “he sent it in the group,” Jisung explains with a shake of his screen when he sees Changbin’s confusion. “What’d you do?” Changbin glares angrily at Minho and bites his tongue so he doesn’t say something he’ll regret, “I didn’t do anything,” he bites out sassily and his eyes narrow when he sees Minho still looking at him like he doesn’t believe him.

 

“Whatever,” he mumbles angrily and shoots his tray away from himself, “I’m leaving,” Jisung grabs him by the arm as he stands up and says, “I’m coming with you, who knows what’ll happen,” he shoots a worried look at Minho, “Chan brought out the correct punctuations and capital letters,” that is quite concerning, Minho has to agree, however, he still finds it amusing and so he rolls his eyes and snorts, before he too stands up and follows after the two boys.

 

___

 

“Chan hyung?” Changbin calls hesitantly as he slips inside the dimly lit room where Chan is seated on one of the reclining low chairs, he doesn’t even look up as they enter but his eyebrow does twitch when he hears Changbin’s voice. A gun somewhere in the room and only then do they realize they’re not alone, “Hwang-ah,” Minho can’t say he’s surprised to see him, not really. He does have a tendency to show up whenever he so pleases, but when something’s happened- like Chan bringing out the full names and capital letters- he’s almost always there, never one to miss out on the action.

 

“Changbin-ah, have a seat,” Chan gestures to the chair across from him and it’s clear, just by the look of him, that it’s not a suggestion, it’s an order, and Changbin can’t refuse it. So he sits down and crosses his arms over his chest, “what’s this about?”

 

Hwang snorts and continues to clean his gun and Changbin’s eyes snap over to him, “oh don’t pretend like you know what’s going on, dumb doesn’t look good on you,” Hwang scoffs and gives him a coy smile, “thanks.” To which Changbin grumbles something unintelligible that sounds a lot like it wasn’t meant as a compliment.

 

“Look,” Changbin begins and Chan a brow and tilts his head to the side, intrigued. “Whatever you think I did, it wasn’t me, it was Hwang.”

 

“Just-” Chan drags a frustrated hand through his hair and exhales deeply, he needs answers and he needs them as quickly as possible, with that said, it’s not the easiest topic to approach. “Channie?” none of them had even noticed Woojin entering the room until he spoke and immediately all their heads, minus Hwang’s, turn toward him.

“Did something happen today?” he questions while putting his ba down on the floor and taking a seat on the armrest of Chan’s chair, putting an arm around Chan’s shoulders and squeezing him comfortingly. “Yeah, you could say that,” he mumbles dejectedly and leans back into Woojin’s touch, seeking the warmth.

 

“You know that Amity kid, right?” Changbin nods with a frown- the sudden tension in Hwang’s body doesn’t go unnoticed by him-, “yeah what about him?”

 

“He got himself out of the simulation today,” Changbin’s frown deepens and he leans forward into his chair curiously but when their eyes meet the hairs at the back of Changbin’s neck rise as a result of the intensity in Chan’s gaze, “okay…” he comments, not sure of what he’s supposed to say to that. Everyone gets out of the simulation sooner or later, so what’s so special about this kid?

 

“What do you mean, hyung?” Jisung steps in to help Changbin- who seems to have lost the ability to think coherently. Chan clears his throat and sits up straighter, he takes a quick glance at the door to make sure that it is indeed shut, which doesn’t go unnoticed by any of them, “hyung?” Jisung questions further, eager as well as worried that his hyung is being so secretive.

 

“I mean,” gray clothes flash before his eyes, mirrors surrounding him , “I mean that the kid figured out it wasn’t real, when he was inside the simulation,” Woojin’s body tenses around him and he feels the way the air shifts in the room, how the temperature in the room suddenly drops, but at the same time, it feels a lot stuffier than it did before. Like a cold sauna.

 

“So I’m going to ask you this only once, and I want you to be completely honest with me,” his voice drops an octave lower and leaves no room for argument, this isn’t the warm and goofy Chan anymore, this is the Dauntless trainer Chan that will have you on the ground in a second if you cross him.

 

Changbin’s not afraid of him, but he respects him enough to know when to fear him. The skin on his arms prickles as he stares into the eyes of his friend, his hyung, and awaits his question, the question that carries so much weight.

 

“What was his result on the aptitude test?” everyone must be holding their breath collectively because Changbin can hear everything and nothing, he can hear the cleaning rod scraping the inside of the Hwang’s barrel and the blood in his ears pumping, “Amity,” he answers honestly.

 

Suddenly he’s pushed back in his chair with a gun to his head and shouts coming from everywhere, “Chan!” Woojin yells in distress and tries to pull him back but Chan doesn’t budge, meanwhile Hwang stays completely still, not even bothering to look up from where he’s cleaning his gun. This isn’t the first time Chan and Changbin have gone at it, it is the first time Chan’s ever pulled a gun though, but Hwang knows he won’t pull the trigger. Chan’s got his gun to Changbin’s forehead and a hand placed on his throat, “don’t lie to me,” he states calmly, a stark contrast to the way he’s acting, you’d think he’d yell. But yelling has never been Chan’s style, neither is murdering his friends so Changbin knows he’s safe. The gun’s probably not even loaded.

 

“I’m not lying,” he tells him with only little difficulty, the hand on his throat not really restricting him from talking, only making him slightly uncomfortable.

 

“He got Amity, that’s the truth,” he reaches up with a hand of his own to place on top of Chan’s hand that’s squeezing his throat. “He didn’t get anything but Amity, hyung,” it’s the hyung that does it to Chan, Changbin can tell, because as soon as the word leaves his mouth Chan’s body relaxes and he drops the gun from his forehead, resting it on his own thigh instead and it’s still directed at Changbin but not intentionally.

 

Woojin puts an arm around Chan like he’d done before, but this time he lets his arm travel lower and he places it over Chan’s chest, to comfort him or to hold him back none of them know, but it does seem to settle the man and he climbs off of Changbin and lets Jisung take the gun from his hand who immediately disarms it only to realize it wasn’t even loaded. That’s what I thought, Changbin thinks to himself.

 

“You’re one hell of an interrogator,” Changbin comments with a smile as if he didn’t just have a gun to his head and at least Chan has the decency to look a little bit guilty about his actions. “I’m sorry, I just-” he cuts himself off but Changbin knows what it is he wants to say, I had to be sure , he knows. He understands.

 

Chan falls back in his chair with a heavy thud and just like that the room begins to warm up again, there’s still a lingering tension but it’s not as suffocating as before. “So if he’s not..you know-” Chan’s eyes snap to Minho who’s seated on the floor crossed legged with an intrigued expression on his face, his eyes sparkling with the want for knowledge and Chan almost wants to point it out, however, he knows the younger wouldn’t appreciate it. God knows Chan doesn’t.

 

“How’d he get out?” in all honesty, Chan doesn’t know, which is new. He can’t recall ever having a student that broke out of the simulation the way Jeongin did, and he knows what it should mean, it should mean that Jeongin’s di- that he doesn't belong to solely one factor. But he believes Changbin, and Changbin says he got Amity, so where does that lead them?

 

“I swear to you, hyung. He’s as Amity as they come, all of his results pointed to Amity, not a single time did he ever hesitate in doing what he believed was right or kind,” Hwang scoffs from his seat but doesn’t say anything so Changbin continues, “everything pointed to sunshine land and I have no idea why he’s here,” at this Hwang slams the gun on the small round table next to him and glares at Changbin.

 

“Don’t call it that,” he hisses angrily and Changbin raises a brow, challenging him to say anything else, “why? Is that not what it is? All sunshine and rainbows and-” the hit to his cheek comes unexpectedly and he falls down to the ground with a thud, tasting the blood in his mouth. “What the , Hwang?” he spits out and looks up to where Hwang’s looming over him with Chan and Woojin holding him back, not that he’s struggling against them, he’s simply looking at Changbin.

 

“Don’t talk about that place like you know it,” there’s something heavy in his voice that doesn’t sit right with Changbin, but instead of doing what’s mature which is to leave him alone, he decides to go against the better of his judgement and says, “oh boohoo Hwang, you grow up with a loving family that spoonfed you porridge and read you bedtime stories about fairies in the woods while others were begging to have a life like you, still are,” Changbin’s getting heated to the point where he doesn’t see the way the color drops from Hwang’s face nor the way his fists tighten so that his nails bed themselves into his palms.

 

“You had the dream life that some of us can only dream of, and then you made your choice, you decided to leave that faction to become this fake, angsty dude who doesn’t even know what hard work means-” Hwang backs away from him, to the shock of everyone, and Changbin cuts his rant short. Curious as to why Hwang’s giving up, why he won’t fight him, is it because he’s right?

 

“Can’t even say anything against it, can you?” he mocks and Minho hisses at him to “shut up,” but Changbin ignores him, this is fun, he thinks, seeing Hwang so riled up. But the glee quickly fades away from his eyes when Hwang picks his gun and his bag up, he’s practically shaking by this point. “If I stay here any longer I will kill him,” he tells Chan and there’s a tone to his voice that tells everyone in the room that he’s not kidding. They’ve never seen him this mad before and even Changbin feels like maybe he took it too far, “if I see you again I won’t hesitate to put a bullet between your eyes,” he glares directly at Changbin with so much hatred that Changbin actually feels hurt, and then he’s leaving the room and slamming the door behind him with a bang.

 

“He didn’t mean that, did he?” Changbin wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand while he awaits an answer from someone, but none comes. “Right?” he questions again and this time Chan turns his gaze to him, his eyes filled with disappointment, “I don’t know, Bin-ah, you really outdid yourself this time.”

 

Changbin swallows loudly, and looks down at the ground where a few drops of his blood have accumulated, “I didn’t say anything that isn’t true,” he tries to defend himself but Chan’s having none of it.

 

“How would you know? Where you in Amity with him?” Changbin scoffs and rolls his eyes, “no, but it’s Amity ,” he says as if that’s supposed to mean something but Minho’s having none of it, “and I grew up in Erudite, you’ve heard how nice that is,” Changbin actually pauses at that. Erudite’s supposed to be the faction for the smart ones, the ones that seek knowledge and loves learning, it’s supposed to be free and everything’s supposed to be open for interpretation and some things are meant to not have an answer. That’s what it’s supposed to be, but both Jisung and Minho have shared their experiences from the faction and by the sound of it, that paradise of freedom is only a fraction of what the faction is really like.

 

“Damnit,” Changbin swears at himself, “you need to apologize to him,” Woojin tells him not unkindly, but it’s clear that he’s not happy, and it’s the last thing Changbin wants to do, but he knows it’s necessary because he’s stubborn, not stupid.

 

“Yeah,” he mumbles quietly, “do you know where he’ll be after dinner? I’ll give him until then to cool off,” Minho snorts, “how very thoughtful of you,” he mutters, clearly Changbin’s not meant to hear it, and, he guesses he kind of deserves that, so he lets the snarky remark go.

 

“He’s going on a mission later tonight,” Chan supplies and Changbin curses, “but he should be back next week, you can talk to him then, that'll give you both plenty of time to calm down," Changbin nods and sighs heavily. “Yeah, okay. Next week it is.”

 

If only he knew.