Wherever I am, whatever life I live… I am happy as long as I’m with you.

 

-

 

“Okay that was a good run, let’s take a ten minute break.” The dance instructor says and the boys disperse, some taking their phones to check their latest messages.

 

Hyukjae slides down next to Donghae, and they lean against each other. There are cameras filming them but it doesn’t matter.

 

“Here,” Hyukjae whispers, handing him an ice cold bottle of water. “Thanks.” Donghae says, gulping down the water.

 

“You look tired,” Donghae says, tracing the edges of his lover’s face. “Don’t stress yourself out too much, okay?” He adds worriedly.

 

Hyukjae grins and turns to find the camera. He smiles when he sees the camera director busy filming the other members and quickly lands a gentle kiss on Donghae’s cheek. He pulls away, as if nothing had ever happened.

 

Donghae blushes, lightly punching Hyukjae on the arm.

 

-

 

“Hyukjae, I want that flavour!” Donghae exclaims excitedly, peering at the various ice cream options. Hyukjae squeezes his hand tightly, and then lets go.

 

“Choose whatever flavour you want, I’m paying today.” Donghae grins.

 

They walk along the Han river, their ice cream cones. It’s rather dark already and there aren’t many people around. They continue strolling, enjoying the cool breeze. Winter is almost coming, and the temperatures are changing drastically. Yet, they’re eating ice cream in the cold, Hyukjae thinks to himself, amused.

 

Ah, the things he does to satisfy his lover.

 

Just then, Donghae shivers and sneezes. Hyukjae frowns, and quickly buttons Donghae’s jacket up.

 

“I told you ice cream was a bad idea.” He says sternly, but Donghae smiles even wider. “Ice cream is never a bad idea.”

 

Seeing the expression on Hyukjae’s face, Donghae leans closer to press a kiss on the corner of his lover’s lips. He’s glad the park is rather empty, and the darkness helps to hide the blush on his face as well.

 

“Come on, let’s head home.” He nods, and they walk home, hands tightly interlocked.

 

-

 

Donghae giggles while doing his regular live stream, chuckling at all the fan’s comments.

Hyukjae sits quietly next to him, silently holding his hand. Donghae pauses for a moment, but turns his eyes back to the camera again.

 

“Where is Hyukjae? Hyukjae is at his house!” Donghae grins cheekily, and he feels the pressure on his hand tighten. Hyukjae leans over but before he can be shown on the screen, Donghae abruptly ends the live stream. He laughs at the expression on Hyukjae’s face and ruffles his hair.

 

“Having fun, aren’t you?” Hyukjae says, leaning dangerously close to Donghae. The shorter male pulls away, causing Hyukjae to bump his nose against his arm. Hyukjae growls, pushing Donghae back onto the couch.

 

“You shouldn’t have messed with me.” The small apartment is filled with giggles and screams as Donghae tries to push the other man off himself.

 

-

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey you.” Hyukjae chuckles, closing the fridge door while hearing his lover whine over the phone. “Why are you calling me instead of coming over?”

 

“I’m deciding what to wear tomorrow. What are you going to wear?” Donghae asks, poking his head deeper into his cupboard.

 

“Wait, nevermind.” Donghae says abruptly, ending the call. Hyukjae laughs, already used to his actions.

 

Barely five minutes later, he hears the password of his door being punched in and the door swings open.

 

“I’m here to pick my clothes!” Donghae exclaims, wrapping his arms around Hyukjae’s neck. Hyukjae shakes his head, giving the man a brief hug. “My clothes, you mean?”

 

He watches with fondness in his eyes as Donghae proceeds to take his cap from the cupboard, along with a jacket.

 

“Wear the same colours as me tomorrow, okay?” Donghae says cheekily, and Hyukjae merely nods.

 

-

 

“Hyukjae should the cream off Donghae’s nose!” Jungsoo suggests cheekily, and the pair’s eyes open widely. What?

 

“Hyung, I can’t do that.” Hyukjae whines, pretending to protest against Jungsoo’s words. Donghae’s face is a bright red, but Hyukjae thinks he looks just as adorable with the tiny blob of cream on the tip of his nose.

 

“Come on, don’t be so boring, huh?” The other members continue to tease them, pushing them closer to each other. Their bodies brush against one another and they blush even deeper at the proximity.

 

There is a twinkle in Hyukjae’s eyes and Donghae gulps. As the fans screams fill the stadium, the two lean even closer.

 

Hyukjae swipes his finger across Donghae’s nose and he almost sees a flash of disappointment in the other’s eyes. He feels his own face burning, a deep red tinge forming.

 

“Okay, we’re dating!” Hyukjae announces suddenly and Donghae pushes his shoulder away, widening the gap between them. The other members continue to make a fuss around them and the fans scream even louder.

 

“You guys are really boring.” The members say, but the two of them continue to stare silently at each other.

 

-

 

“Donghae, what do you want to eat today?” Hyukjae asks, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He frowns when he hears no response from his lover who is sitting on his sofa, phone in his hands.

 

“Babe, what are you doing?” He pauses when he sees the expression on the other’s eyes. The expression he thought he would never see again.

 

He takes the phone from the other’s hands, and finds himself sighing.

 

Eunhyuk and Donghae hold “wedding ceremony” at Super Junior’s recent Seoul concert.

 

[+440, -81] Ew, they’re at it again? Tell them to stop, no one cares about their disgusting acts.

 

[+336, -55] Our country is progressing backwards, this shouldn’t be happening.

 

[+103, -44] Attention seekers.

 

“I told you not to read such things again, didn’t I?” Hyukjae frowns disapprovingly. Donghae looks at him almost guiltily.

 

“I know, but I just can’t help it, you know?”

 

“And to think we were only doing this as a joke… Imagine what would happen if one day…” Donghae looks away.

 

“It doesn’t matter, Donghae.” Hyukjae wraps his arms tightly around his lover’s waist, pulling him close. “It doesn’t matter as long as we’re always here for each other. Let them say as they wish.”

 

Donghae only closes his eyes and buries his head into Hyukjae’s chest. The topic is forgotten for the day.

 

-

 

“So, what is the title song for this comeback?” As the other members answer the question, Hyukjae leans slightly closer to the man sitting next to him, placing his hand on his lap. Donghae shrugs away, frowning slightly. He tries to hide his expression, but Hyukjae always notices.

 

He removes his hand, and answers the question the interviewer has just asked him.

 

“What was that?” Hyukjae asks, walking close to Donghae who is packing his bag, getting ready to leave the waiting room.

 

“It’s nothing.” Donghae replies, shrugging the hand placed gently on his shoulder. He doesn’t see the crestfallen expression on the other’s face.

 

“Why are you being like this again?” Hyukjae says accusingly, and a pained expression flashes across Donghae’s face.

 

“That’s enough, Hyukjae. I’m tired.”

 

Hyukjae reaches out, but the other has already left the room, leaving him staring into the empty space in front of him.

 

Hyukjae lies on his bed that night, alone. He thinks about everything that has happened the past few years, before they arrived at where they are today.

 

He remembers the pain.

 

He feels it as if it just happened yesterday.

 

He closes his eyes, letting sleep take him away for now.

 

-

 

Donghae continues ignoring him the next few days, no matter how hard Hyukjae tries to get close. The once lively car ride is filled with silence as their manager drives them to the music show venue.

 

The car comes to a stop, and the manager begins to take their belongings out.

 

“Hey.” Hyukjae reaches over to place a hand on Donghae’s shoulder, but the latter merely pushes the door open.

 

Hyukjae pulls him back, forcefully kissing him on the lips. Donghae pushes him away roughly, and Hyukjae feels his heart drop.

 

He watches as the other leaves the car and as the door shuts close.

 

-

 

“If you were a girl, would you marry Donghae?”

 

There is an awkward silence and the producer waits for their response. They smile and try to laugh it off.

 

“Why would you say that? It sounds like we’re a couple.” Donghae says, and he refuses to turn his head to the man next to him. He doesn’t want to see his expression.

 

Hyukjae merely smiles. Donghae is sitting next to him, yet he feels so far away.

 

-

 

They finish their performance for the day and head back to their waiting room. Donghae walks into the room to find Hyukjae already waiting for him.

 

“Why are you avoiding me?” Hyukjae murmurs, stepping closer.

 

“I-”

 

“Why haven’t you been talking to me? What’s wrong?” He adds, almost pleadingly.

 

Donghae looks away from the piercing gaze.

 

“Hyukjae… I don’t know. It’s so difficult.” He murmurs, feeling the feelings bubble within him, threatening to burst at the edges.

 

“I want to show the world that you’re my lover, but I know I can’t. It’s so difficult, pretending to be someone I’m not.” Donghae continues, still avoiding the other’s gaze.

 

“Would it be better… Would it be easier, if this stops?”

 

“What?” Hyukjae says, almost choking. “If what stops?”

 

Donghae places a hand on Hyukjae’s own, but he gasps when he feels his hands getting pushed away.

 

“After everything? After all the pain we went through, you want it to end?” Hyukjae mutters painfully. Donghae blinks away the tears that are threatening to cloud his vision.

 

“I’ve tried so hard, Donghae.” Hyukjae says, feeling tears form at the corner of his eyes. “I don’t know what else I can do to make you trust me.”

 

Donghae pauses, unsure of what to say. He grabs onto Hyukjae’s sleeve.

 

“I’m just afraid, Hyukjae.”

 

“What are you afraid of, Donghae?” Hyukjae asks.

 

“I… I’m afraid of what other… what other people will say about us. You know how they gossip, Hyukjae. I-”

 

“You know what?” Hyukjae mutters, fists tightly clenched into balls at his side. “You’re so selfish.”

 

Donghae looks up at those words, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

 

“What about me? What about how I feel? Does none of it matter?”

 

Donghae reaches out to grip the sleeves of Hyukjae’s coat. “Hyukjae, that’s not what I meant-”

 

“Let go Donghae,” Hyukjae whispers.

 

Perhaps, it is truly time to let go.

 

-

 

Donghae had never felt lonelier. He never realised Hyukjae’s presence in his life was this immense. Even though it was his apartment, Hyukjae had left his trace in almost every corner. From the pair of toothbrushes in the bathroom to the neatly placed slippers at the doorstep, Hyukjae was always there.

 

Ever since that day a week ago, they hadn’t contacted each other. Donghae bites his lip, feeling the tears starting to form again. Usually at this time, Hyukjae would already be cuddling in bed with him and they would be chatting about their day’s events. Now, the bed felt so cold and empty. Donghae curls up, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself.

 

Was I wrong, Hyukjae?

 

-

 

From the day they enlisted, to the arduous two years of waiting, and when they finally reunited.

 

Thousands of memories flood Hyukjae’s head, and he scrolls mindlessly through his phone while looking at the pictures of them together.

 

I wonder what he is doing now.

 

At that moment, his phone lights up with a notification.

 

User Lee Donghae just started a live stream.

 

He taps the tiny bubble and he watches as the screen opens to show the face of the man he loves. He looks tired, Hyukjae can tell. Although he is trying to joke with the fans, Hyukjae always knows.

 

He listens to the man blabber on for awhile more, closing his eyes while enjoying the familiar voice. He finds himself almost drifting off to sleep when the live ends. He continues staring at the screen for awhile.

 

Sighing, he turns off his phone and leans back into the pillow.

 

No… It’s not time to let go… Not yet.

 

-

 

“It’s been long since you asked me out for a drink, Hyukjae.” Heechul says, settling down into the seat at the restaurant buzzing with activity. Hyukjae smiles, pouring the alcohol into their glasses.

 

“Thanks, hyung.”

 

Heechul only stares at the man beside him, before picking up the glass the other hands him.

 

“What have I done wrong, hyung?” Hyukjae says, face tinged red. “Why can’t he trust me after all these years?”

 

Heechul says, watching as the younger fumbles with his glass.

 

“It’s my fault, isn’t it? I shouldn’t force him to do what he doesn’t like, after all.”

 

“Maybe he was right,” Hyukjae rambles. “Maybe ending it is the right thing to do.”

 

Heechul slams his glass on the table at those words, making some heads in the restaurant turn.

 

“Don’t you ever say those words again, Hyukjae.” Heechul murmurs. “Never say those words that hurt you as well. You know you don’t mean what you’re saying, so don’t ever say something you will regret.”

 

-

 

“Hey hyung. Thanks for calling me.” Donghae mumbles sheepishly, trying his best to stand up straight with the slightly taller man leaning heavily against him.

 

“No problem,” Heechul says, sighing. “You’d better fix things, Lee Donghae. You know you messed up this time.”

 

Donghae sighs as well. “I know, hyung. I will.”

 

“Hyukjae?” Donghae mumbles, the two of them sitting by the roadside while waiting for the taxi to arrive.

 

“Hmm?” Hyukjae says blearily, turning only to get a shock when he sees Donghae sitting next to him. “Donghae? Aren’t you mad at me?”

 

Donghae only smiles, brushing the loose strands of hair that are covering Hyukjae’s sticky forehead.

 

“You are mad.” Hyukjae says, and Donghae turns to face him.

 

“I’m not mad, Hyukjae.” The taller man’s eyes shine slightly in the dark. “It was my fault to begin with.”

 

Hyukjae opens his mouth to say something else but the taxi arrives and Donghae holds his waist, helping him to stand up. The ride home is silent, and both of them stare out of the window. It’s odd, Donghae thinks. Usually, they never run out of topics to talk about. But today, it just feels so cold. Donghae sighs.

 

“Donghae,” Hyukjae says, holding Donghae’s hand. “Stay here for tonight?”

 

Donghae shakes his head, turning to leave.

 

“Let’s talk tomorrow when you’re sober, Hyukjae. Have a good rest.”

 

Hyukjae sighs as he watches the door close once again.

 

-

 

Hyukjae wakes up to the smell of food. He groans, massaging his throbbing head. He remembers everything that happened last night and sighs. He sits up when he hears a familiar voice calling his name.

 

“Donghae,” he says, trying to hold a smile back as he sees the other trying to make him pancakes. They’re slightly burnt at the edges, but Hyukjae thinks it’s fine. As long as it is Donghae, everything is fine. He walks over and wraps his arms tightly around the other’s waist.

 

“I missed you.” He says, nuzzling into the other’s neck. Donghae leans back, sighing.

 

“I missed you too, Hyukjae.”

 

“I’m sorr-”

 

“Shh.” Hyukjae says, quickly placing a finger on the other’s lips. “Don’t.” Donghae stares into his eyes, feeling the warmth that he’s been missing for awhile.

 

-

 

The next few days are difficult. Hyukjae seems to not want to talk about the lingering issue, and Donghae feels the uneasiness weighing down on him.

 

That night, as he enters Hyukjae’s apartment, he decides he has to do something.

 

“Hyukjae.” Donghae says, taking the chance while Hyukjae is distracted with the microwave. “Hmm?”

 

“We can’t keep avoiding this forever.” Hyukjae stops fiddling with the switch and looks into his eyes.

 

His eyes are filled with uncertainty and unease and Donghae feels his heart drop at this. I caused this.

 

It is almost as if Hyukjae can read his mind for he finds himself being hugged tightly.

 

“I’m sorry.” Donghae whispers, hugging the other back tightly. “I’m sorry for every doubting you. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have doubted us.”

 

Hyukjae pulls away slightly, not removing his hands from the shorter’s waist.

 

“It’s not your fault, babe.” At those words, Donghae feels tears stream down his face. Hyukjae has always been so forgiving, even when he has done something wrong. He has never blamed him. And yet he has always only given him pain in return.

 

Donghae wipes away his own tears, cupping Hyukjae’s face. He leans in to press their lips together in a long, gentle kiss. Emotions rush strongly through them as they savour the touch they’ve missed.

 

“I love you, Hyukjae.” He whispers. “I always have, and I always will.”

 

-

 

Donghae fumbles with his phone, trying to turn on his live stream while fiddling with his scarf. He smiles while gently smoothing out the creases in the pink material. The memories of the event a few days ago come flooding back in his mind.

 

“Happy Birthday to Donghae, Happy Birthday to you…”

 

Donghae tries to hold back a grin as he watches his lover waltz into the event hall, laughing cheekily.

 

“What are you doing here?” Donghae whispers silently under his breath. At this moment, Hyukjae turns to face him and smiles with his back facing the audience.

 

I love you. He mouths.

 

Hyukjae turns to face the stage again. “I brought presents for our dear Donghae.” The fans in the background cheer loudly, watching the scene unfold before them.

 

Hyukjae takes out two paper bags, placing them gently on the table, before taking a package out. “Here, this is for you.” He says gently, handing it to the man standing right next to him.

 

“What is that?” Donghae asks, genuinely curious. Hyukjae chuckles gently. “They’re our couple scarves, of course.”

 

A deep red blush rises up the back of Donghae’s neck and he is almost taken aback by his lover’s words. It’s the first time he’s said such things in public and he is almost afraid.

 

He looks up again and this time, he finds those eyes staring right back at him. And at that moment, everything feels right once again. Thousands of eyes watch the two, but it is as if they are the only ones in the giant auditorium.

 

As if it is only the two of them.

 

-

 

“Yes, we are on the way to the airport.” Donghae smiles while waving to the camera. Hyukjae chuckles to himself, listening as his lover continues to ramble about everything under the sun. “Yes, isn’t this scarf pretty?” This catches Hyukjae’s attention quickly.

 

Donghae turns the camera to the man in the front seat. Hyukjae chuckles again, letting him do as he wishes.

 

“Wow, your back view is handsome.” Donghae says. Hyukjae tries to hide a smile at those words. The green scarf is evident, placed on the ledge in front of him.

 

Donghae turns the camera back to himself. “Yes, my scarf is pretty isn’t it?” He adjusts the thick cloth around his neck. “The one I love bought it for me.”

 

There is a brief silence and Donghae merely smiles to the camera.

 

“I’m ending the live now. See you guys soon.” He says, and the screen fades to black.

 

“What was that?” Hyukjae questions cheekily, a slight tint of red on his cheeks. Donghae blushes, but leans forward to intertwine their fingers together. He presses a quick kiss to Hyukjae’s cheek.

 

“Yes, my lover?”

 

-

 

“Hey, Hyukjae.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Will we meet again in our next life?”

 

Hyukjae looks at him, gaze warm and certain. Donghae sighs, leaning his shoulder against Hyukjae’s shoulders, their hands tightly locked together as they sit on the ledge overseeing the river.

 

“Stop worrying about silly things, my love,” Hyukjae says firmly, tilting Donghae’s face gently to face himself.

 

“No matter where we are, no matter where we will be, we will always find ourselves back with each other.”

 

Donghae smiles. “Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Hyukjae whispers, letting the gentle breeze carry his voice away.

 

“But for now,” Hyukjae gently presses their lips together, and he pulls away. “Thank you.”

 

“Thank you, my lover. For loving me in this life.”

 

 

x

 

Just a short continuation of one of my personal favourite works. Thank you for those who leave comments, it really helps me get through the most difficult days… I hope you enjoyed this story.