Seulgi opens the door to her apartment. The sight of a darkened room used to be so distant back then but now it feels like second-nature. She remembers the time she used to go home to the smell of freshly cooked food when a certain girl would usually sleepover, but it’s been five months since then. Five months of constantly telling herself to move on. Yet, somehow, it feels like the steps she’d taken didn’t really take her anywhere far from how she felt back then.
She is seated on her couch while sipping from a bottle of beer, the only company that’s been keeping her occupied on some nights. Moving on? She knows it’s not an easy feat especially when she has loved her all her life.
She did it before: to live without her. She knows she can do it again. But to live without loving her? That’s a whole different story.
So, every day she tries hard to keep her heart from peeking on her sleeves.
(And everyday she’s been failing.)
It might take me the rest of my life to forget her. And maybe that’s okay.
What happened didn’t go unnoticed by their friends. Although nobody knew what went down, they probably had a guess or two on what happened but didn’t pry for details. Nobody mentions her name anymore or, at least, not when Seulgi’s around. She would hear murmurs on her whereabouts, but it will die down once her presence is noticed.
On some days, she wished they would talk about her out in the open. Where is she? What is she doing? Is she doing fine? Fine without Seulgi? She thinks hearing the other girl doing well without her would help in her quest to move on. In reality, she wanted to hear anything that would remind her of Joohyun’s existence because she still cares.
And I still care a lot.
“Just create one, Seulgi!” Wendy tries to persuade Seulgi in creating an online dating profile and possibly meeting a few prospective love interests. “I’m not sure if I’m ready yet, Wendy,” The taller girl replies as she types in her laptop inside the new coffee shop they frequent to. They have rekindled their friendship that faded a bit due to their busy entrance to the corporate world. Seungwan was a great friend even from before so it’s no surprise that Seulgi has shared her recent heartbreak to her.
In a span of a few seconds, she finds herself held up by Wendy on both shoulders. “Listen to me, girl. You won’t move on if you won’t try to do anything about it! I’m not telling you to commit to relationships. I’m just telling you to meet other people!” She added with much conviction.
“Okay, fine. Wendy, shut up already. I’ll… I guess I’ll try,” she finishes with a sigh.
The dates went awful if Seulgi was being nice. Most of them are very eager to get into her pants while the rest just do not really click with her as much as she would like. Exhaling her fifth sigh since she entered her car after yet another failed date, she decides she really didn’t want to go home yet so she opted to visit a bar near the restaurant and perhaps drink a glass or two.
Her peaceful bubble was interrupted when a stranger sat beside her, “Let me guess, broke up with your ex?” She is usually not up for conversations but maybe it’s either the alcohol or her ty night talking, “Almost except we’re not really together.”
“Interesting.” With her response, Seulgi turns around to take a good look at the stranger. She has red hair past her shoulders, almond eyes that are alluring, and oh so wonderful face. She didn’t dare look below her shoulders for fear the other girl would think she’s checking her out though she perhaps badly wanted to.
“You? Got tired of your boyfriends?” Seulgi asks before taking another sip. The stranger laughs, “Disgusting! I like girls.” Albeit the reply being unexpected, it wasn’t really anything unusual for her, “Interesting.”
The other girl squinted her eyes, “You didn’t seem shocked?” Seulgi chuckled lightly, “Well, we’re playing for the same team so no judgements here.” The girl raises a brow and smiled showing her pearly white teeth as she extends her hand, “I’m Joy.”
She accepts and flashed a smile of her own, “Seulgi.”
It didn’t come as a surprise that Seulgi went over the one or two glasses she was aiming for especially under the nice company she found with Joy. The way the other girl would constantly throw flirty statements every chance she’d get was also a nice and funny icing on the cake.
“I really like you. And I know you think I just want to get into your pants which is also true but I also really want to genuinely spend time with you,” the red-head says as she looked intensely at Seulgi’s eyes. “I feel we could have something more to this and a bed is not a great place to start so I won’t even dare ask that so would you like to perhaps have dinner with me tomorrow instead?”
The sincerity in her tone made Seulgi smile, “Dinner sounds great.”
One date became two. Two became three. And three became more. Soon, she loses count of how many and only remembers how each day had been fun with the other girl. Soon, they are in Seulgi’s couch kissing like there’s no tomorrow. But each kiss still reminds Seulgi of her; how it’d be nice to kiss her instead, to touch her instead, to be loved by her instead. Soon, she stops kissing Joy.
“Forget about her,” the other girl says as she once again closes their distance.
It’s a simple request but Seulgi doesn’t know how. She has thought about her for all of her life.
She really doesn’t know how.
They’ve decided to remain nothing more than friends after that. It’s better for Seulgi to heal fully before she can commit to a relationship and they are both fine with that conclusion.
Seulgi, instead, always kept herself busy. She had joined dance classes, art workshops, and even tried baking which went rather horribly if you ask Wendy. She tried everything to keep herself preoccupied and meet new people in her life.
The clock continues to click. The days continue to pass. For the first time, in the last nine months, she’s doing well. Every day, she realizes that today’s thoughts of her didn’t hurt as much as yesterday.
As Seulgi tucks herself to bed one night, she thought of Joohyun once again.
I’ve given you most of my life. Maybe that’s enough.
Turns out life has a funny way of saying it isn’t.
She goes home one night to find the love of her life standing outside her door. She hates how the mere view of her makes her lose sight of all that she had worked hard for.
“What are you doing here?” Seulgi says while trying to keep her feelings at bay.
“…Seulgi,” Joohyun stares at her like she’s all she longed for. “…I-I”
She closes her eyes to prevent her them from watering, “You can’t just go back here and take everything away again.” She looks down. As she opened her eyes, the dam began to spill, “You don’t just destroy everything I’ve been trying to build.”
She balls her hands into a fist, “Every day I’ve been doing everything I can just to not love you anymore, to not think about you all the time, to not care for you.”
She wipes away her tears and faces the other girl, “How dare you come and destroy all of that!”
Her piercing scream didn’t make Joohyun flinch at all. She was expecting all the anger. Instead, she walks closer to the fuming girl, “I’m being selfish I know. Going here when I can’t even say I love you but I’m so afraid of losing something I don’t even have in the first place.”
She cups Seulgi’s cheeks, “I’m still a work in progress. I can’t say those words yet. Not when I’m like this. Not when I don’t deserve you yet but please believe me, it has always been you.”
The shorter girl starts to sob as well, “I’m doing my best so I can be worthy of you and give you the love you deserve to have because you deserve the best things in life.”
Seulgi removes Joohyun’s hands on her face. She wipes her tears one more time and scoffs, “Are you asking me to wait? I have waited long enough.” She passes by her and hurriedly went inside her apartment. As soon as she closed the door of her room, her legs gave out and she found herself lying on the floor.
She embraced her knees and cried for a long time.
Seulgi thinks Joohyun is so unfair. How come she’s so impossibly beautiful even with her tear-stricken face. It took so much of her not to surrender to her embrace. She hates how she made her heart flutter even with words she’s not sure of.
A week after the incident, she opens the door to a very drunk Joohyun. The shorter girl immediately smiles and latches her arms around Seulgi’s waist then buries her nose in her neck, “Hey baby.”
Had it been months ago, Seulgi would’ve jumped in utmost glee at the endearment, “You’re drunk.”
The older girl giggles, “Let me. I can only do the things I want when I’m drunk.” Seulgi tries to free herself from her embrace but Joohyun is persistent. She sighs, “Go home.”
Joohyun moves her face away enough to have a look at Seulgi. She smiled with her hazy eyes looking directly at the taller girl like she holds all the secret in the universe, “I’m home.” She proceeds to snuggle again in Seulgi’s neck and with a muffled sound she repeated, “I am home.”
She passes out and the sober girl carries her to the bedroom. She wipes her face and tucks her into bed. Just as she was about to turn off the lamp, the drunk girl woke up and spoke once again, “I wasn’t always afraid you know?” Seulgi turned to look at her, “There was a time when I was so happy.” Joohyun looked back and smiled so faintly, “Because it’s you.” She sighs, ”And back then, there’s nothing better than to love and be possibly loved by you.”
Seulgi can see tears forming even under the dim lighting, “But when people found out, they told me it was wrong.”
“What was I supposed to do?” The older girl’s lips are trembling now. She closed her eyes as she continues to recall those painful memories, “I hate how the words of people can turn something wonderful into fear and how I let it get the best of me.”
She reaches out and swipes her thumb over Seulgi’s cheek, “I’m still afraid but now I’m more afraid of losing you.”
“I lost you so many times but you kept coming back. Now, it’s my turn to go to you.”
She sat and leaned closer to replace her thumb with her lips as she pecks her cheek, “Because you’re my home. You’ll always be my home even if I’m no longer yours.”
She places her cup back on the table, her focus undivided as she continues to use her laptop. She’s lounging on her usual coffee shop whenever she wants to work remotely outside the office. She has been drowning herself in work lately taking up commissions even when she doesn’t really need extra money. It’s the distraction that goes along with it that she appreciates.
She hasn’t talked to Joohyun since that night. She left before the older girl could wake up and didn’t go home until she was sure that the smaller girl had left.
She’s back again. But for how long? She’s getting too old for this game that they kept playing. Too tired to keep holding on to the losing end of the stick. Yet, still too in love for her to let go completely.
She got slightly distracted when she heard a familiar voice inside the café. She looked around and found Yongsun talking to what Seulgi assumed to be juniors from her workplace. They are about to go after grabbing their drinks when Yongsun met Seulgi’s eyes. She gestures for the others to go ahead as she moves towards Seulgi.
“Hey,” she flashed a smile she took a seat in front of Seulgi.
“Hello,” Seulgi replies back while hastily gathering her materials to make some space for Yongsun’s coffee on the table.
Yongsun began saying how she didn’t have much time and that she’ll jump straight to the point so she continued, “Please give her a chance.”
She looks at Yongsun like she has grown two heads, she was hesitant to ask, “W-who?”
“Joohyun,” she sighs as she pulls herself closer to the still stunned Seulgi.
“I’ve known her since we met in one of our classes in university. She was so pretty and it was so obvious everyone wanted a piece of her. But she didn’t want anyone. I was quite sure of that. Even when she dated, it all seemed very fake, like she’s putting on a show for everyone to see.”
Yongsun smiled a little, “Then, she met you again.”
“I’ve never seen her smile the way she does when she’s with you. You made her the happiest with the little things you do. I was wrong when I said she looks at you as if you put the stars in the sky because, now that I think about it again, she looks at you like you’re her whole ing universe.”
Seulgi’s eyes continues to blink as she listens to every sentence Yongsun utters, “And I know it’s because you are. She didn’t want anyone but you.”
“Some things happened right? I didn’t hear from her for so long. Then, a few weeks ago she came and met our group of friends again. She was fidgeting. I’ve never seen her look so scared. With trembling lips, she came out to us. Told us about this girl she wants to be strong for.”
Yongsun smiled a bit sadly this time, “Not everyone was accepting. She knows that but did it anyway.” She reaches for Seulgi’s hand and squeezed it, “Imagine the courage she took just to say it. It’s all because of you.”
She looks at Seulgi’s eyes once more, “She’s not the same coward back then.”
Seulgi tosses and turns, unable to get an ounce of sleep. What Joohyun said and what Yongsun added surely made an impact and she’s now very confused. Torn between an uncertain future with someone she loved very dearly and a certain one without her love.
Her phone vibrates and she sees a familiar name once again grazing her inbox. After reading her text, she stood up to get a bottle of beer in her fridge. She sat on the balcony and took a sip while looking at her phone once more.
For a long time, she kept reading and re-reading all the texts a certain girl had sent throughout the day while doing occasional sips from her bottle.
I’m thinking of you
She clutches her head, thinking about her next move. Is she worth the risk? She asks herself over and over like a broken record.
Her heart answers the same thing each time.
Joohyun thinks it’s déjà vu. This has happened before. The scene where Seulgi calls her in the middle of the night and she rushes to her door. That dreadful tone of her voice as she says “Let’s talk” as soon as she opens the door and the oh so soft yet heartbreaking “Joohyun-ah” that comes after.
But this time she won’t let the same mistakes happen again. She won’t let her utter the same words again, “Please don’t ask me to leave you.” She starts sobbing softly, “And even if you do, I won’t do it again.”
Seulgi chuckles as she pulls the girl on her lap and hugs her, “I have been thinking about you too.” She snuggles in the older’s neck, “I don’t think I ever stopped.” She tightens the hug, “Maybe I called you here just to reply that in person.”
Joohyun blushes and returns the hug, “I prefer this over text. Over anything actually.”
Seulgi pulls her again until they are lying on the couch while facing each other. They stare at each other until the younger girl brushes some strands away from Joohyun’s face, “I heard… I heard you came out to your friends? Did you feel obligated because of me?”
Joohyun shakes her head, “You didn’t. Don’t you ever think of that. I wanted to.” She goes on to tell that though not everyone was supportive, she’s glad she still has some friends that are left.
“My family also… knows.” Seulgi looks at her surprise and worry evident on her face. “It’s not the first time I’ve said it to them,” she began tearing up once more. “I said it years before. I- I-“ her lips began to tremble, “I begged them before to let me… let me love you.” She chokes a whimper, “But… but…” then she shakes her head from side to side as her sobs grew louder.
Seulgi wipes away her tears as she kisses her forehead, nose, and cheeks even if she knows it can’t kiss all the pain away. All this time she thought she’s the only one hurting, the only one loving from afar, the only one trying to mend a broken heart when, in parallel, Joohyun also had her fair share of sacrifices and pain even probably more than hers.
There are always two sides of the same coin. Only now, she’s seeing the other side a little too late.
They have been inseparable since but remained as friends though, clearly, blurred lines separate what’s between love and friendship. It’s like they had a non-spoken agreement to take things slow no matter how much palpable their feelings are. After all, Joohyun’s still not ready and, in a way, so is Seulgi.
When we’re ready, even if the world isn’t, let’s give this love a chance.
Because I know it will be beautiful.
Seulgi had to leave for Busan to visit a client and discuss some designs over the weekend. Upon knowing, Joohyun sulked because it’s the first weekend they were not going to spend with each other since that day. She was hesitant to ask Seulgi if she could come, not sure if she could pry at that level when they are still taking things slow.
It wasn’t until she saw Seulgi packing that she suddenly blurted out her desire which also surprised her, “Can I come with you?” She immediately put a hand over as she mentally cursed herself. She sighed while looking down and playing with the hem of her shirt, “I… I shouldn’t have asked that.”
She saw Seulgi’s feet settle in front of her followed by a hand that lifted her chin. Seulgi smiled at her and asked, “Join me?”
Right after Seulgi met with the client, she picked Joohyun up and headed to Hwangnyeongsan Mountain’s observatory in the afternoon. While waiting for the sun to set, Seulgi has filled her up with stories of her last year of high school in Busan before she went back to Seoul for college.
She had met very open-minded people in Busan and truthfully admitted to even having a fling while trying to move on. She was a friend that was proudly out with her uality which amazed Seulgi very much. The girl pursued her although Seulgi was adamant to not venture in a relationship. She didn’t really like her and didn’t want to give false hope, but the other girl was persistent, so she let her be. She enjoyed their dates but cannot look at her as anything past platonic so Seulgi ended their fling with that conclusion. The girl got drunk, definitely puked, before appearing in Seulgi’s door wherein she kissed her. Seulgi makes a face of disgust as she remembers tasting puke during the kiss.
“And that, folks, is how the story of my first kiss horribly went.”
They both were laughing so hard afterwards. Even after a while, Joohyun would break into a fit of giggle from time to time to which Seulgi asked, “I know it’s so funny but please stop laughing already.”
Joohyun wiped a tear as she answered, “It is but that’s not the entire reason why I’m laughing.”
Seulgi raised a brow, “And why is that?”
The older girl cleared and faced Seulgi, “She is not your first kiss.”
Seulgi squinted, not being able to get what the Joohyun is hinting, “Excuse me?”
“It’s not her.”
“What do you m-“ The gears finally seemed to align and Seulgi looked at Joohyun with wide eyes. The older girl blushed so hard, “W-when? How?”
“I may have stolen a kiss while you were asleep,” she replied while shifting her eyes to the ground.
If she could be compared to a food, Joohyun would be a tomato right now, “It was just once. I-I know it’s wrong it’s just that I was so desperate. Kissing you was like the only right in the sea of wrongs. The only way I can be free at that time.” There was evident guilt in her eyes that didn’t go unnoticed.
“My whole life was a lie,” Seulgi jokingly responded after sensing Joohyun’s anxiousness. She went on to complain about how awful she thought her first kiss was and made some disgusted faces once more before they moved on to other topics. In the back of her mind, she kept thinking. Joohyun was her first kiss. She has no memories but it happened. There was regret but there’s also giddiness. She shouldn’t be disheartened because there could be more in the future.
She smiled at the thought.
We could have a future.
The sun had finally begun to set. Vivid shades of oranges and yellows filled the sky. Shiny lights are starting to glow from the city below. It was so breathtaking that Seulgi failed to hold back a gasp. “It’s so pretty!” She says as she turns to Joohyun.
“But you will always be prettier,” Joohyun said as she looks fondly at Seulgi. Tints of pink became evident in the younger’s face. “I’ve been trying to hold back the things I’ve always wanted to say.”
Seulgi smiled at her, “I hope you don’t hold back your feelings as well.”
During times where people would mistake them as a couple, Joohyun would quickly claim they are best friends only like a script she had practiced so many times but they both know they are so much more than that. The older girl has lived all her life listening to people say her feelings were wrong. She has lived for so many years trying to suppress her emotions for Seulgi.
Denial and suppression are routines she’s currently struggling to get out of.
Throughout the car ride, Joohyun was pretty silent. Only soft hums from Seulgi can be heard as she navigates them back to their hotel. Joohyun kept looking outside which left Seulgi wondering what she could be thinking. She didn’t ask and left the silence as it is.
They have arrived in the parking lot of their hotel and Seulgi was about to open the door when Joohyun decided to finally break the silence, “You were my first.”
Seulgi’s head whipped so fast, one would think she broke them, “You mean?”
Joohyun nodded. “H-how? You had boyfriends. Eunwoo? Soo Hyun? Seung Ho? Lots of them.”
“I tried getting intimate. I tried so hard,” Joohyun pulls Seulgi for a hug. She began sobbing but didn’t want Seulgi to see, “But how can I when every kiss I’d think of you? Every touch, I’d wish it was with you instead? I’d feel so guilty whenever I try because it felt like I’m cheating on you. I’d cry each time then I’d call you. It’s funny how the mere thought of you on the other line would calm me so much.”
She closed her eyes as she reminisced which made her smile a little.
“Then that night happened. I was so happy. It was a night I could finally stop pretending.”
She recalls vivid memories of a drunk Joohyun and a drunk Seulgi entwined in a lustful embrace. Their bodies mending together with each movement.
In the heat of that night, she had finally said the words always on her tongue but she never dared to say, “I love you.”
It doesn’t matter that Seulgi will not remember, she will keep it in her heart. She bared it all. Gave her everything in those few hours, the longing, even the lust, but most of all the love.
“I am so in love with you,” she kept saying over and over again as she reached her high.
Then, morning came and the reality and the weight came crashing down again. She fled and she lived with the premise of never letting the memories of that night come to light.
Because that’s all it was.
They were walking down the hallway while holding hands. Both basking in the after thoughts of what Joohyun had revealed. Soon, they arrived in front of the older’s room. They faced each other and Seulgi reluctantly state her departure, “Good… goodnight.”
Midway during a turn, Joohyun grabs her hand. She fidgeted under Seulgi’s gaze but was determined to make her stay, “Do you want to… Do you want to stay the night?”
“I want to!” Seulgi replies too eagerly and they both giggle because of it.
Inside, they move with tentative steps around each other. Always wary of how much lines can be crossed. It wasn’t until Seulgi turned away to face the other side of the bed that Joohyun took the initiative.
Soon, they were burning in each other’s desire. Every touch was a flame. Every kiss a fever.
They let their bodies do the talking and, damn, they talked a lot. Amidst the “oohs” and the “aaahs” and the subtle “faster” and “harder”, nobody said it but they both know.
We are in love. We are so in love with each other.
That’s all Seulgi thought about whenever she would see Joohyun. When she smiles, it’s love. When she laughs, it’s love. Even the sweet nothings that she does, it’s love.
But it was love in the shadows. At least, that’s what it is so far. Joohyun’s still afraid but, this time, Seulgi understands.
So, they kiss in the dark where no one else can see and hold their “I love you’s” at the tip of their tongues, Seulgi hoping she could say it again someday and Joohyun will finally say it back.
The older girl hoped she could say it one day too. But her hope resolves each time.
Seulgi has been promoted in her work and they are currently celebrating, along with Seulgi’s other friends, at a restaurant. Joohyun noticed there’s this girl who very obviously likes Seulgi and would throw flirty lines whenever she could. Seulgi would brush her off each time and give Joohyun’s hand some reassuring squeezes that never really help Joohyun win her inner turmoil. She even asked Joohyun if they want to leave but the older girl didn’t want to keep her from all the fun. It’s her celebration after all.
Later into the night, Seulgi had stated she would go to the toilet but ten minutes in and she still hasn’t gone back. Joohyun got worried and went off to find her only to see her talking to the flirty girl.
“I can do so much better than her,” she heard her say.
“Stop it, Joy,” Seulgi replied in hushed tone.
She grasps Seulgi’s hand and says to her the words Joohyun can’t say, “You know I love you since before, Seulgi. And unlike her, I can say it. I can show it!” She leans closer to kiss Seulgi.
Before their lips met, Joohyun walked away with clenched fists. Beads of tears fill up her eyes and soon she was crying. She was so mad at herself. What’s been taking Joohyun forever to say, Joy had managed to say instantly like it’s a given. She is right. Seulgi could do so much better than Joohyun. She deserves someone who’s not afraid of what the others would think, who could show her love and affection out in the open, and who could say she loves Seulgi every time.
Joohyun was now out with her family and even out with her friends though only select few were accepting, why is she afraid of what other people or, rather, strangers would think?
At first it was a constant war between herself, Seulgi’s her best friend. Is she allowed to love her more than that? And when she overcame that, she found out more urgent matters compared to it. Reality check! It’s not only about her and Seulgi. There are other people involved in the equation- her family, her friends, even more so the people she doesn’t even talk to. Love should be between two people, right? Wrong! Everything else matters. That’s what she had been told. And she believed it for so long.
“Think of what other people would say, Joohyun! What about the people we know. It will be so embarrassing.”
“Hide it! Our classmates would bully you and Seulgi! They won’t be accepting!”
“Homouals are disgusting! That’s how the society will view you!”
She let out a dry laugh. So that’s why.
Seulgi deserves the best like what she said when she came back. And Joohyun’s not the best and can never be the best.
And so, she did what she is great at.
Walking away. Away once more.
A hand hastily grabs hers and twisted her around, she sees a fuming Seulgi looking at her. “That’s it? You’re giving me up just like that?! You couldn’t even ask me if she means half as much as you do to me?!”
“I… I don’t deserve you,” Joohyun sobs harder. “I c-can’t even say I love you,” more tears some out, “Y-you deserve someone who could say it back, show it back, not behind closed doors, or through shush whispers. Not like me.”
Seulgi smiles sadly and wraps her arm around Joohyun, “You don’t get it do you?” She removes Joohyun’s hands that are covering her face, “For me, it’s also always been just you.”
“Did I ever ask for more? Whether we are out in the open or still in the dark, it doesn’t matter to me. You and your love are the only ones that matters.”
She tilted the older girl’s chin and leaned a bit closer, “I love you.” She leaned further and kissed her.
In between their kisses, she can taste Joohyun’s lipstick along with her tears. It’s a subtle reminder that they are not there yet.
Joohyun is still a work in progress. Seulgi is still mending. But they can get there.
We will get there eventually… together.
The door opens and all Joohyun could see is an apologetic Seulgi, “Sorry, I’m late.” She lets out her sheepish smile and, of course, the older girl couldn’t get mad when she’s looking so adorable with her bear-like grin, “I didn’t really wait too long.”
They are out on their usual weekend date currently walking side by side looking at the rows of shops in Myeongdong. They went inside a store that sells cute items and tried a few of them themselves.
Seulgi found a toy duck and shoved it to Joohyun’s face which caused the older girl to flinch and walk backwards. Afterwards, she gives a jab to Seulgi’s stomach which made them both laugh further. She held Seulgi’s hand to stop her from trying to do it again, removed the duck, then clasped their hands together instead. This made the younger girl blush furiously.
Another customer who was supposed to pass by them but couldn’t because they are kind of blocking the way witnessed the exchange. She let out a small laugh that made the girls turn to face her. “You are such a cute couple,” She added while looking at their entwined hands.
Seulgi expected Joohyun to deny like she always does. It happened so often that her heart has gotten used to the burn. Instead heard a different reply, “Thank you,” the older said with tinted cheeks as she looked at Seulgi lovingly and smiled.
Throughout the day, Joohyun would lean a little bit closer, hold her arms a bit tighter, and hug her a bit longer than what she usually does. Seulgi was apprehensive because she worried about Joohyun. She could see that people would sometimes throw a look at them or whisper behind their backs which would cause Joohyun’s hand to almost lose her grip or tremble a little but she never let go.
As if she could read Seulgi’s mind, she replied, “I won’t let go ever again.”
“I didn’t know you will fetch me,” Seulgi jogs towards Joohyun when she saw her car outside the office. “I want it to be a surprise, baby,” the older girl replies as she opens the door for her beloved.
During the drive, Joohyun held Seulgi’s hand and secretly thanks the person who invented automatic cars. Occasionally, she would place a kiss on it which would make Seulgi swoon in delight. Joohyun has changed. She’s gotten bolder with her affection which is a welcomed transformation by Seulgi.
They went to Han River and enjoyed a peaceful dinner eating those ramyun from the convenience stores. Then, they walked hand in hand while enjoying a peaceful stroll. They talked about how their day went, gossiped about their co-workers and common friends. It wasn’t until Joohyun halted her steps that silence enveloped them. The younger girl looked at her questioningly.
“Have I ever said you’re beautiful?”
Seulgi blushed, “Just once? I think.”
Joohyun brushed the strands of the younger’s hair away, “Then I haven’t told you enough. You are so beautiful, baby.”
She leaned closer, eyes locked on Seulgi’s lips, “Can I kiss you?”
Seulgi was shocked and looked around. There are couples lying on their mats near them, elderly people relaxing on the benches, and even some teens cycling around. They could be seen and she worries for Joohyun, “Are-are you sure? People could see.”
The older girl smiles and pecks her nose, “100%!”
She places her hands at the back of Seulgi’s head and pulled the other girl closer as she leaned their foreheads together, “I want them to know you’re mine, Seulgi. Mine forever. Mine only.”
Then, they kissed in front of all these people.
There’s this exhilarating excitement of finally letting it all out for the world to see. They are two people, both female, yet both in love with each other. Not the conventional love story but still a story of their own, still as wonderful as those fairy tales or romance series. They don’t need Prince Charming, not even Allie’s Noah or Celine’s Jesse. They just need each other.
As they part, Seulgi let out a bright grin along with her wonderful eye crescents.
Joohyun couldn’t keep it to herself anymore. She doesn’t know if she’s worthy now or if she will ever be but she wants to say it. And in the future, she wants to keep saying it. Her heart is swelling with love. God, she has so much love to give. God, she can’t wait to give it all.
“I love you.”
Seulgi cried upon hearing it. The joy of hearing those words are too much for her to bear. Joohyun loves her. Loves her too deeply.
“I love you too.”
She loves her back. Just as much.
They wipe each other’s tears and let out some giggles. Seulgi runs a thumb over Joohyun’s cheek, “Aren’t you afraid?”
Joohyun places her hand over it and pulls it closer.
It was a long journey but we are finally here.
And I’m yours, Joohyun. Yours forever. Yours only.