A few days passed as you kept to yourself, heading to school you kept to yourself, music constantly playing in your ears while you moved from one class to another, blending in like a shadow on campus. Heading to work, you forced yourself to smile and be happy but once you slid back behind the wheel of your truck after your shift, your tears flooded over your cheeks while you drove home. Locking yourself in your apartment once you arrived, you headed to your bedroom and slipped into comfortable pajamas before laying on your bed. Bringing a pillow against your chest, you muffled your sobs as tears continued for an hour or two. After a while, you sat up and reached over to your bedside table before pulling over your journal. Flipping through the tear dotted pages, you turned to a new page as the black ink slowly slid between the thin printed lines.

This hasn’t been easy, it hasn’t, it has been one of the most painful things I have gone through. I just hope we can make it through this.

–

The same day continued to replay over and over again as you were sitting at your desk, papers were scattered across the wood top, your laptop opened while music played from its speakers. A chime of a new and incoming email caught your attention as you clicked on the notification. Glancing down for a moment to finish the sentence that you were jotting down, your eyes lifted up to see that the message was from your best friend, your guy friend, your now ex boyfriend.

Pressing your hands against your cheeks, your eyes started at the top and moved along the lines of the email that he had sent to you. Nearing the end of the email, your eyes were no longer dry as endless tears had fallen, pooling in the palms of your hands and the excess running between the joints of your fingers and trickling down your arms.

Finishing up the email, you closed the window before rising to your feet to head over to your bed. Running your fingers through your hair, you grabbed the same notebook, opened to a fresh page, sat on the edge of your bed while your shaking hands scribbled down your caged feelings that pounded for released.

I just got the email that you send me… here will be another night in tears… I am sorry for all that I have done to you and for all of the strife that you have gone through for me but I am so hurt… If only you knew…

–

Standing on the edge of a large ballroom, you crossed your arms over yourself as the dark corner enveloped you. Watching your friends jump up and down and move their body amongst the others, you tried to smile and enjoy the invite that your friends had extended to you. However, your mind found its own train of thought as your hand slowly lifted to the necklace that was once always around your neck. With your neck bare of the necklace that he gave you, your chest tightened as your head dropped while your eyes filled with tears. Staying a bit longer, eventually you couldn’t take it any longer and excused yourself from the dance.

With your back turned towards the loud music and the lights scaling the ballroom, you made your leave. Entering into the cool night, you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around yourself as your mind continued to ebb and flow with the thoughts of your once boyfriend.

Twisting the key in the lock, you pushed your front door open and locked the door behind you. A frustrated sigh left your lips, not feeling enough of a release, you let your voice be heard as you screamed into the still air in your apartment. Regret of your choice to take a break from your boyfriend tightened with your chest, a suffocating feeling quickly filled your chest as you reached out and pressed your hands on the back ledge of the couch. Doubling over, you couldn’t help but try and catch your hitched breath through more tears.

Eventually, you made it into your bedroom as you plopped down on the edge of your bed. Exhausted hands slowly reached over for the journal once again. The black pen smeared with tears across the page as you slowly dumped all of your thoughts and emotions down on paper.

I went to a dance tonight. This marks almost 48 hours without sending you a message and checking in with you. It was a social dance, I was happy that I went out and was social but it was like something is missing. I felt out of place and unsure of everything. My mind would wander to you every so often but those moments are coming slowly now because I am so busy.

There are times I just want to be with you and then other times I am okay with being apart from you… this will take more time but I do miss my best friend…