Days passed as you were flipping through your pictures during the commercials on one of the shows that you were watching. Stumbling upon pictures of you and your latest boyfriend, your heart tightened as you couldn’t help but choke up with tears. Tossing your phone to the side, you tried to calm yourself as you had lost count at how many times you had cried over the past week.

I look through our pictures remembering your favorite flower, a snapdragon, and then see all of the hardships we have been through and what makes this so different is that this is me. Not my parents or society, this is me and I am struggling… I am so conflicted but I miss you…

Things have been going too wrong since you decided to give me a break, my life has never been the same since I let you go…

–

Watching your journal entries turn from daily to every other day to weekly, you continued on with your life as normal. Sometimes dragging yourself out of bed in the morning, yet you had the hope that these feelings would pass and you would heal.

I wanted to text you today… I typed up a message and decided not to send it. This happened time and time again. All of the guys I am trying to get to know aren’t fitting like you fit me. You are the only one who has seen me, all of me and still loves me. When I imagine coming home to someone I still see your place, coming home to your bed and curling up against your chest.

Things with my family are getting better shockingly… yet things are still rough. I am just not home enough to see all of the holes and cracks like I used to.

–

As time continued on, you got more comfortable with looking back on memories and pictures, however, the tinge of pain that you felt still in the deepest part of your heart never faded, no matter how much time you gave yourself.

I kept reading my little stories today and you kept creeping into my thoughts…

I hope you miss me as much as I miss you… I hope you look at our pictures, our text messages and just smile and wish you could hold me again because I just want to give you a hug.

I miss hearing your voice and calling you…

–

Weeks continued to tick on as a month had passed, still writing in your tear soaked journal occasionally, the thoughts of him never ceased to enter into your mind or your daily thoughts. The hurt turned into longing as the weight of your choice eased itself on your shoulders as you tried to bear the weight of the consequences that you had ensued on yourself.

But we need to take this slow. I just can’t start back on the same page that we left off on. I need some boundaries. I don’t think I can, nor want to, start over with someone else. I just want you, but I need to be sure. I just want to talk with you… I miss it. I miss you and all of the fun times together

–

A little more than a month later, a notification had popped up on your phone about your anniversary. Closing your eyes, you exited the notification as the once beautiful memories held a haunting factor as you recalled what the two of you had been through in what would have been your year and four month anniversary.

Life if fun now but you just made it that much better… you always make things so much better…