Coffee in the morning

I don't wanna wake you

I just wanna watch you sleep

It's the smell of your hair

And it's the way that we feel

I've never felt comfortable like this

Winter had arrived. This meant layers upon layers of warm clothing. Hanbin rolled his eyes as Bobby wrapped yet another scarf around his neck, this one a bright red color. 

"Seriously, Jiwon? This is totally not necessary. I feel like a five year old toddler being bundled up by his mum. Also, these scarves are suffocating me." 

Bobby huffed, "Bin, I'm just worried about you. I know you get sick easily and now that it's winter, Seoul is cold as . I just want you to be safe." He used his best puppy eyes, "Binnie, please just go out like this. I won't be as anxious if I know how many layers you're wearing." 

Hanbin sighed and without another word, he stepped out of the apartment, wearing exactly what Jiwon wanted him to wear: one turtleneck sleeve, 2 thick knitted sweaters, one long wool coat, and two scarves, along with earmuffs and matching gloves. He was seriously about to start sweating like a pig as soon as he stepped into class. But hey, if it makes Jiwon happy, I'll do it. I'll do anything for that oblivious motherer. 

"Woah! Kim Hanbin, why do you look like a literal snowman? You look like you got eaten by Frosty the Snowman." 

Hanbin rolled his eyes so hard, he thought his eyes were gonna be stuck in the back of oh his head, " off, Junhoe. I'ts cold as outside." 

Koo Junhoe and Kim Jinhwan were laughing their asses off at their ridiculous-looking best friend. Jinhwan quickly regained his composure, "Yeah, it's cold, but it's not like Antartica cold. Why are you wearing two scarves?" 

Two words: Kim Jiwon. 

Sighing, Hanbin looked at his shoes that he could barely see over his thick sweaters and coat, "When I was leaving the apartment, Jiwon started going all mom on me. He basically forced me to layer on more clothing, saying some like how I get sick easily." 

Junhoe and Jinhwan looked at eachother and cooed. Junhoe laughed and said, "Going all mom on you? More like being a caring husband. Seriously Hanbin, I don't get why you can't just grow some balls and confess to him. I mean, you guys have already slept together and you're basically like a married couple. Knowing Jiwon as long as I have, I've never seen him care for a person as much as he cares for you. And the way he looks at you, God, he makes it so obvious." 

Jinhwan nodded his head, agreeing, "Yeah Bin, he's definitely in love with you." 

Hanbin's eyes welled up with tears. You guys don't understand. "I've told you guys this before. Jiwon's only sappy and touchy with me whenever he's -faced drunk. Like seriously, it pisses me off. I remember the first time it happened, I thought my life was a fairy-tale, but when I woke up the next morning, I didn't find Jiwon next to me. My thought, 'Oh maybe he's in the kitchen making coffee,' I still had hope in me. When I wandered out of the bedroom, I couldn't smell a hint of roasted coffee beans. Instead I found a half eaten jelly donut in the midst of an empty apartment. And worse, Jiwon was gone. I swear I've never felt more heartbroken." 

Jinhwan looked at Hanbin with pity in his eyes as he listened to him ramble. "But guys, it became even worse when Jiwon came back and acted so oblivious. If I didn't know him as well as I do, I would've thought he was faking it. But it was real, and he's actually just like that. Jiwon came back and he was so friendly and normal that it made me sick. Did he not remember or was he choosing to forget? You know, I think I would've liked it better if he confronted the situation and told me to just forget about the whole thing. Or if he told me he was disgusted by it, by me. But instead, he's still the same Jiwon, full of sunshine and bright smiles. I just don't get it guys, I love him so much I wonder if he even knows that." 

The bell for class had rung already, but Junhoe and Jinhwan didn't have the heart to stop Hanbin in the middle of his rant. So instead, they listened on, and being Hanbin's best friends, they sympathized with the situtation. Was Bobby really just an oblivious idiot? What was going through his head? Junhoe shook his head. He knew that Bobby was not the type of to lead someone on, especially if that person was Hanbin, the person he cherished the most. Junhoe had seen the way Bobby's eyes light up at even the slightest mention of Hanbin. He saw how proudly Bobby sounded, whenever he talked about Hanbin and the art he created. Bobby would happily claim that Hanbin was the best person he knew, without even thinking about the effect it would leave on the other boy. But at the same time, Junhoe thought about how careless Bobby could be, saying whatever he wanted, without even thinking too much about it. And that, Junhoe thought, was Bobby's problem. He thought too little and said too much. 

As December slowly passed, Hanbin and Jiwon slowly fell into routine. They had been friends since the ripe age of 13 and 14 (Hanbin fell in love with Jiwon when he was 16) , and began living together once they Hanbin became a second year at university. Being a year older, Jiwon started university first, and after living at the dorms his freshman year, he quickly rented a two-room apartment, the second room being for Hanbin whenever he wanted to visit, when the semester ended. He was acustomed to living alone so he bought a small pug, Obang, as a fluffy companion. Hanbin, a freshman, had just moved into his triple dorm, sharing with new friends: Junhoe and Jinhwan.

Now at 19 and 20, Bobby and Hanbin shared the apartment happily with Obang. But of course, this meant that each day spent with Jiwon was a small heartbreak for Hanbin. I seriously don't get it. Why does my heart feel the fullest around him but at the same I feels bits of it shattering? It's so confusing. 

And then in a flash, it was December 20, aka the night before Jiwon's birthday. The two boys were dancing around their apartment, blasting TWICE, drinking hot apple cider and setting up the Christmas tree in their living room. Obang was lazily chewing on a bone under the glass coffee table. As Jiwon set up the tree, Hanbin began pulling out the decorations stored from last year: ornaments, tinsel, sparkling tree lights, and of course a bright star topper. Soon, the tree was ready to be decorated and Hanbin couldn't be more excited. He loved Christmas time and spending moments like this with Jiwon was something he'd never regret. He loved the warm scent of cinnamon wafting throughout the aparment, mixed with vanilla and black cherry. He loved the heat radiating off the fireplace, and most of all he loved Jwon, dressed in a thick turtle neck sweaters and fuzzy socks. 

God, you're so cute. 

Hanbin was a helpless romantic falling into routine of a lost dream. Every moment spent with Jiwon was like a stab to the heart, but God, Hanbin loved the pain. He would still choose Jiwon over any night spent crying over said boy. He believed that each memory made with the love of his life was better than admitting the love felt in his heart when he knew the love was not to be returned. So instead, Hanbin accepted his life for what it was: a confusing one-sided love with an oblivious Jiwon. 

"Hey Bin, do you need help? You look like you're struggling. Here let me help you." 

Hanbin had been trying his best to put an ornament on the upper half of the tree, but he was not quite tall enough. Even on his tippy toes, he couldn't press the decoration onto the thin needles on the pine tree. Oh my god. Suddenly, Hanbin felt the warm body of Jiwon's emcompass his own. Jiwon's chest was pressed against Hanbin's back, as he took his hand in his. Jiwon, still holding Hanbin's hand that was tightly gripping the ornament, took the opportunity to hang it himself. Bobby grinned into Hanbin's hair, whispering, "It looks perfect, Bin. Just like you." 

Surprised, Hanbin sputtered and pushed Bobby off, who looked the slightest bit hurt. 

"T-thanks, Jiwon." Please don't ever do that again. I don't think my heart can take it. 

There was an awkward silence between both boys, but luckily they were saved by the ringing of Hanbin's phone. 

"Uh, I'm gonna get that." 

"Sure, go for it."

And with that, Hanbin grabbed his phone and sighed in relief when it was a real person calling and not a random telemarketer. The person calling was actually a good friend of Hanbin's, Song Mino, another artist that was in one of Hanbin's classes. He was a different type of artist though, Mino was working has a lyricist and composer; he wanted to make music. 

With a cool tone, Hanbin answered the phone, "Hey, Mino. What's up?"

"Hanbin! I just wanted to invite you to a kickback at my place tomorrow night. It's Christmas themed and you're gonna have to wear an ugly Christmas sweater. The person with the ugliest sweater is gonna get a prize." 

Hanbin grinned, "What type of prize?" 

"It's a surprise." Hanbin swore he could hear Mino's smirk over the phone.

"Okay that sounds fun. I'll be there! Thanks Mino."

Bobby, who had been listening to the phone call frowned. Hanbin was going out tomorrow? But it was his birthday tomorrow. Jiwon honestly couldn't stand the thought of not celebrating with Hanbin for his 21st birthday. He was actually a bit hurt that Hanbin forgot. Or did he not forget but instead was choosing to go out on Bobby's special day? Bobby shook the thoughts of out his head. He put on his best puppy eyes. 

"Binnie, you're going out tomorrow?"

Those eyes are gonna be the death of me. Hanbin gulped and nodded, "Yeah, I am. My friend from class invited me to a Christmas kickback." 

Bobby looked as sad as ever, corners of his mouth turned down, "But Bin, tomorrow is my 21st birthday, and I thought we were going to be celebrating together." 

Hanbin's eyes widened in surprise. . I totally forgot. I'm the worst friend ever. Hanbin and Jiwon had celebrated every birthday together ever since they were 15, and this would be the first year they were not going to be with eachother. Something pulled at Hanbin's heart. But after all, he did tell Mino he'd be going and how disappointed would his friend be if he didn't show? But who's disappointment was worse: Jiwon's or Mino's? I would pick Jiwon over anything. 

"Jiwon, I'm sorry. I completely forgot." I have to be strong though. And maybe it is a good idea if I go to Mino's. I already know that Jiwon's gonna get ed up with alcohol tomorrow, and I can feel the heartbreak it's gonna bring me. With his gentle touches and slurred words, I know I'm gonna melt. 

But Bobby looked so sad. He looked like someone just told him there wasn't gonna be any cake at hs birthday. Which was sort of true, because to Jiwon, Hanbin was his cake. There was no celebration without Hanbin. And who the was Mino? Why was he suddenly so important in Hanbin's life? Jiwon and Hanbin had spent almost every moment of their young adult lives together, so who was this Mino guy to interrupt and even steal Hanbin on Jiwon's special day? Bobby's blood boiled at the thought of another guy in Hanbin's life. 

"Tomorrow's my 21st birthday, Bin. You really won't celebrate it with me?" 

Hanbin was torn. He tossed the phone onto the kitchen counter and sighed. I have to be strong. "I'm sorry Jiwon. I promised Mino I would be there. I'll try to come home early to celebrate with you though." 

That was not enough for Jiwon. He wanted to spend the whole day with Hanbin. He wanted Hanbin to be the first thing he saw in the morning. He wanted to wake up against Hanbin's warm body and sniff his strawberry scented hair. But at the same time, Bobby felt a bit ridiculous. Why was he feeling like a jealous boyfriend? He didn't like this feeling. But.. he couldn't help it. Hanbin was Jiwon's and Jiwon was Hanbin's. It was unspoken but Jiwon was sure it was there. 

"Hanbin?"

"Yeah?"

"Since you won't be here with me for my 21st birthday, can I ask you for something?" 

"Anything, Jiwon. I'll give you anything." 

"Kiss me." 

There was no time to feel shocked when Hanbin suddenly felt his back being pushed against the kitchen counter. Jiwon closed in on Hanbin, locking him in with one of his arms. His other hand settled on Hanbin's cheek, and Jiwon leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Hanbin's plump lips. Jiwon sighed in heaven, and he desparately wanted more. He slowly pushed his tongue through Hanbin's soft, pliant lips and explored his mouth. It was so hot and wet, and Jiwon couldn't stop himself. He found Hanbin's tongue and led softly, fighting for dominance. Jiwon never wanted to stop, he wanted to explore every inch of Hanbin. Then he realized something. This was their first kiss without having any drop of alcohol to influence them. And Hanbin loved it. 

And it's the way that we feel